diaperedpup69

“Three months with no outside contact. No friends from school want to call me. I don’t even know if they know the number. I don’t know their numbers”

(Yes...my blood cells were taken out and I was blasted with high dose chemo. When that happened I was in isolation...part of this fantasy is based on some true events) maddie cries while hugged

“This is my first round of intense chemotherepy. I’ve already gone through 3 rounds of chemo 2 rounds of radiation. And a surgery. All with my mom being here.” Starts to sob more “now Alex once again gets all my mom attention”

Shivers. Slowly speaks, “I’m scared.”

Leans on mommy for support. Attempts to drink some water. "I don't want it. I dont want it.: Madddie cries in mommy shoulder. "I dont want it"

Maddie lays down on the ground and closes her eyes. I woke up in middle of night to a poopy diaper and threw up twice. Maddie doesnt have much energy .

The creme and the soft hands on my bum made me feel good inside. I sigh, "The creme feels really good mommy. ooooh no..." before maddie can say another word she moved her head to the right and threw up again. I start crying, "Im sorry. these drugs make me so sick. im sorry." maddie continues to sob

"Thank you, Mommy." I enjoy the wipes on my butt. More I enjoy this attention. most attention i have got from anyone in awhile. "I'm sorry about the dirty diaper. i didnt even know i went while i was in bed."

“I was...um....wondering...since you know I won’t see my mom in awhile...if I could.” I struggle with words on how I want to phrase it but I just say it. “Can I Please If it’s ok with you call you mommy?”

I sigh. Feeling like I can’t even change myself. I am so weak I require everything. But I wanted to be treated like Alex. “Sure. I stink.....um nurse Beth can I ask you a question?”

"yeah. Sarah is 13 and she is having her teenage moments. bring home boys she is dating. i feel it is like one every week. but i feel most jealous of Alex. who gets all the attention." Cleaning me up. a little slience, a sigh. "My mom is probably glad to get rid of me for three months. i know my sliblings are." I start to sob

My mind wants to be in control but my body is weak. "This is day 2 of chemo of 3 months. I don't know if I could do this." Maddie is the middle child. She has a older sister who is 13 and a younger brother who is 2. "My family never has time for me." Maddie wishes she was treated like her younger brother. Out of nowhere as nurse Beth is cleaning the puke off of maddie. she says, "Alex gets all of the attention."

Maddie sitting on them edge of bathtub. Decides she can get up. I get up slowly and I feel dizzy. I prefer sitting. The room is moving. Before I can sit I slip and fall towards nurse beth.

Maddie is shaking and cold. "Im a strong girl. i dont need your help." she tries to say. but everystep she takes. she feels more weak

"I'm sorry. maddie so so sorry." sobs. "I tried. I couldnt helpt. it. maddie too sick." crying. Sometime in middle of night maddie also pooped her diaper and didnt know. She cries even more. "I'm useless. I hate what they have done to me."

Middle of the night, I wake up. Sweaty and coughing. “Im......” before i can say another word I puke. Puke all over me and the blankets. Maddie starts to cry.

"I can try. Continue foot rub?" Maddie closes eyes for much needed rest

Maddie gives a slight giggle. "Mmmmmm. Feels good." She lays down. Repeats to herself. "Maddie love feet. maddie love feet."

"I don't want them. i'm 7 not 2" I start to sob and cry. "I want to be like a normal 7 year old."

"I don't understand why I can't wear big girl underwear."

"They are usualy really mean. Like they have other patients and I seem to annoy them. They must not know about my anxiety or past." After a minute or so maddie stops. Looks at you. "I can't belive im opening up like this. You dont really caree. this is your job." maddie starts to cry again

I'm shocked. This nurse just turned away all the bad people. Diddnt know what to say. After a few small seconds, "Maddie says thank you."

*giggles* at last comment. Just then another nurse comes in to take vitals. "oooh beth please please keep them away." Some of the nurses have been rough taking vitals. Maddie feels they demand too much of her. In truth the nurses are taking vitals like they would any normal patient "please keep them away." maddie cries out

Maddie hugs back. Tears falling. “I’m never gonna be pretty again.”

Smiles. “I’m just very weak.” Having cancer you need not just the drugs but the emotional support as well. “I’m very sick”