Confused23

I am simply interested in what you guys think causes someone to feel like they need to wear diapers. There are a lot of theories as to why someone would feel a need to be treated like a baby etc. but what about people that are just into the diapers and not the baby part?? This seems to be something that most of us have all of our lives so why does it start in the first place? Is it biological or cultural or both? Any ideas? I am a female diaper lover. So I also want to know why DLs are usually always men? Is the cause different in women than it is in men?

I am a young female which probably makes me unusual for this board. I am not an infantilist nor do I have any desires to be a baby or to act younger than I actually am. I simply have a strong desire to wear diapers and to use them instead of the toilet. This has been a lifelong issue for me and I acted on my desires on various occasions as a kid which resulted in my parents finding used poopy diapers in my room that I had used etc. and them thinking that I had a serious problem but they were too embarassed about what I was doing to tell anyone about it and I was also embarassed that I had this need. Suppressing my desire to wear diapers as an adult has been a continuous struggle. Ever since the last time I acted on my desires and bought diapers I have been successful in resisting the temptation. However, my attempts to suppress my need turned to a new habit that led to me developing a serious medical condition. Let me explain: I started sleeping in an odd position in bed with my blanket bunched up or sometimes even a pillow between my legs that I would pretend was a diaper. I would then sleep on my stomach with my neck twisted to one side feeling like I was wearing a diaper but obviously wasn't. For the past 2 1/2 years I have been experiencing a constellation of complex medical symptoms involving my head and ears that my medical doctors could not figure out for the life of them. I had to fly to the other side of the country with my mother to see a doctor that specialized in the strange issues that I was having and just recently got a specific diagnosis: TMJ dysfunction. It turns out that my temporomandibular joints (TMJs) are injured and that the current dysfunction is causing all of the pain and other strange symtpoms that I have been suffering from for nearly 3 years. The worst part about this is the condition is progressive meaning I could permanently damage my joints if I don't get it fixed fast and stop partaking in behaviors such as my pretending I'm wearing a fake diaper and sleeping on my stomach which is what injured my jaw joints in the first place. The problem now though is I cannot stop sleeping in this position even though I know now that I am damaging my body because I can't fight my need to feel like I am in a diaper. I can't tell anyone about this issue either since I know that I will be seen as psychotic even by my medical doctors if I come out and say it. What can I do to stop this? I need serious help or my jaw might end up with permanent damage. Any advice or help at all would mean the world to me. Thanks