Jaine

This is the internal war I've fought inside myself for all my life. I don't know how either side can win. You do make a few good points though about her unwillingness to compromise. I want to have another chat with her after she's had some time to digest. I really wanted her to be somewhat accepting and understanding about what I've gone through in my life that has led me to this point. In an ideal world she'd accept me for who I am even if she didn't want to participate. I was hoping beyond hope that she'd encourage these expressions of my inner self. I don't want to wear diapers or female clothing all the time, but the need is diffinitely there to express this part of the time. Maybe I need to see another therapist and get their opinion. I want this to work, but I want to be allowed at times to express who I am without feeling like I've disappointed or disgusted her. I'm really torn about this.

We are both born and raised members of the Mormon church.

Hello everyone. I'm kind of new to these boards, but I've been visiting DD for quite a while now. I wanted to share my experience with you all and see if you had any suggestions for my situation. Short background since this is my first post. I've been into diapers since I was very little. As a teenager I discovered cross-dressing and both have become a large part of my life. It's a love hate relationship really. Sometimes I love it. Sometimes I despise that I need it. Yet, the desires are always there and they don't show signs of leaving any time soon. I was also raised as a devout Christian. I met a girl several months ago and we hit it off really well. We dated for a few months and then we decided that we wanted to get married. So that's all in process. She is also a devout Christian. I love her very much and I don't want to be alone anymore. I wanted her to know all about me before we married, so I wrote her a lengthy letter that described my desires and their history, as well as some essays from psychologists about those topics. She took it fairly well (she didn't run away screaming). She was confused and questioned why I'd hide something like that and why I wanted to tell her. She was able to figure that out on her own, and in the end, was happy that I'd told her about what she called "my bizarre behaviors". I am pleased that she knows and that she still loves me. However, she doesn't want that to be a part of our lives. She asked me to quit cold turkey and that is something I'm having a really hard time with. I agreed and she said that she would help me. Some of the reason I do this, the diapers especially, is because of childhood trauma. I don't know if diapers ever really helped me deal with that. She really wants to help me get past all of this and I'm willing to give it a try. I really hoped that she would, in some way, accept those as part of who I am. Perhaps it was wishful thinking on my part. Does anyone have any experience with this kind of situation? Should I just wait and see if she becomes curious about those activities? Am I doomed to a life of self repression and psychological torture? Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks in advance everyone, Jaine