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Showing results for tags 'Unloved'.
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I don't know what I'm doing wrong... Nobody likes me... nobody wants to talk... everyone just leaves me or ignore me... what did I do? Noah is suppose to be my brother and is suppose to be there for me like I've been for him... but... he's too busy with his stupid suicidal boyfriend... he cares more about Ehvi than me... I've known Noah for two years... almost three... Ehvi he's known for what? A few months? a year? *sighs* Hassie hates me... I knew it would never work out between us... I can't make her happy, idk how... I try but I guess I'm just not good enough... and Adam... I've only known him for 6 months... and yet... he's my daddy... he cares so much about me... but... I doubt he wants me in his life if I ever were close to him... I really don't know if he really loves me as his baby girl... he says he loves me... but... he's so sad all the time... I hate seeing him sad... So what is it that has made them all sad? it feels like its all my fault cause as soon as I started talking with every one of them... they became sad/depressed... I just want them to be happy... I try so hard each day to make them smile... but then its like it didnt mean anything for them... And in real life, my dad has his new family, me not included, he says I'm welcome there but I don't feel very welcome. His stupid wife is a motha fucking bitch I just wanna rip her fucking head off, and they have a new child dad loves her and gives her everything I never got from him... My mom is really nice and I love her a lot even though I have trouble saying it... but we live in a situation where we barely have enough money for food... I havent bought myself new clothes in over a year... I hate seeing my mom cry almost every day... its really painful... I miss my brother... he and I were so close... he tried to raise me since he realized our dad was a piece of shit... then he died... its been three years and it feels like the pain will never ever go away... I never was allowed to give him any hugs... at all... and after my first rape I started to understand... I cannot count how many times it has happened to me... and the memories are luckily weak but they are still there... making me uncomfortable each day... I hate when people touch me and hug me... I don't trust any guy... I'm always watching... always on my post... I wish I could for once just relax... but I cant, memories haunting me... I cant trust anyone... everyone I've known has betreyed me... stabbed me in the back... I'm so sick of it all... how I can still be alive at this point... my health may be weak... but my soul is strong... maybe thats why... I keep things inside of me... heavy things... things noone need to know about... things that would only hurt people... but sometimes... I need to write... to get it all out... I just want to hide... get away from all this pain... I wish I could die, but after so many suicide attempts that has only failed I've just stopped... whenever it's my time to leave this shitty place we call earth... I'll happily accept it... no wasting time... just take me under the wings and let me go...
