Bones

Cloth Tape. This is just about the stickiest tape you can find. With this stuff you can wear your diaper as tight as you want it. The plastic will tear before the sticky comes unstuck. Generally I try to use just the diaper tapes cos a big couple of bits of black or silver cloth tape kinda marrs the look (and feel) of a diaper, but if I'm wearing one to bed I like to use the tape cos I can get things on real tight and am far less likely to have a wet patch in the morning

Yep

Dude...... you put your Phone number on the net ?! Not the best move I've heard of. I too am a logicaly thinking person. I have known something was different with me since I was about 7 or 8, when I used to go for walks on my grandpa's farm with a huge wad of toilet paper stuck down my pants, which I would later piss into ( with abysmal results) My first thought of actually wanting to wear a diaper was when I was about 4 or 5 or 6. Cant remember exactly. I just remember where we lived and I know that when we lived there I was going to school. Mum said no cos I was too old. So later I went and pinched one and stuffed it down my trackies and pissed into it. After that I didn't know what to do so I put it back in the drawer. Doh! Aaaany way. Sometime around 11-13 I developed a fetish for womens products. Which lasted up untill I found a way to put 2 infant diapers together and tape them on. Obviously the sanitary fetish was simply a replacement for diapers. Think I was about 19 when I brought my first pack of infant nappies. Wasnt untill about 26-27 that I found a place in New Zealand that I could comfortably buy adult sized diapers from. For some reason I just cant bring myself to buy them from a pharmacy. Through that whole time I never have understood what it is that drives me to do this. Yes, I was abused as a child. By my mothers first husband. I only have a couple of fragments of memories of this time available to me which makes it that little bit harder to work things out. My current theory is; As physical abuse can leave cuts and bruises on the outside, so too can it leave cuts and bruises on the psyche. My body has automated repair systems that allow it to recover from such treatment, usually without a trace. My psyche probably has auto repair systems too. But, just like my body, some damage is too severe to heal properly and so I am left with scars. Close as I can figure those "scars" are probably centered around security and how I could not feel safe in my home with my family. The only place I felt sort of secure was squased down in the gap between the end of my bed and the wall. That was a tenuous feeling at best, and so now, when there are things going on that I don't want to deal with, I have a powerful urge to squash myself into a corner behind a door or hide under my desk. Not an acceptable form of dealing with things for someone who manages 15 other people for a living. Lol .... If only they knew.... So, I figure, given all that I have read, that my urges are there to help me overcome what I suffered and regain that which I lost. My sense of security. It's my thought that maybe oneday I'll get to a point where I no longer need this in my life. Right now though, its working wonders. Since I spilled the entirety of my needs to my partner and have had them indulged I am a much more stable person, I haven't had a fit of rage in days. Usually I have at least one a day. Usually when driving. And I just seem to be more at peace with myself. The external acceptance from the person closest to me has helped me to accept myself better and has reduced my internal conflict. I also feel that I look rediculous in all that attire. My solution is don't look As for the website. Contact the admins and let them know about the harrasing phone calls and I'm sure they would take the details off for you. And contact your telecomms provider and see if you cant have those numbers already calling you, blocked. Question for you. When you 'purge' and try and stay away from the diapers, do you have dreams that make you want to wear them again? If i try to ignore it for too long i wind up having the most horriffic nightmares. Which I wont go into now cos thats easily as much writing as these last 2 posts have been. Anyways, hope something up there ^^^^^^ helps in some small way.

I think it's pretty safe to say that most of us that have this need/fetish have felt as you do at some stage in their lives. Probably on more than one occasion. "Why am I here?" Because you need to speak to someone and you wont be ridiculed here "Why did I get into this in the first place?" Who knows? Some people it's a reaction to childhood abuse sexual or physical. Some were disciplined with diapers and found they liked it. Some just like it and have to have it. Some have to for medical reasons. I have read/heard on more than one occasion that certain preferences are formed at a very young age. Approx 2 - 3 years I think. Maybe something happend in this time that caused you to fixate on your diapers a source of security. You're pretty much the only one qualified to figure out what brought you to this point. "Why can i purge it all and then find myself back here?" Because you are who you are and you need what you need. You need to find a way to deal with that because denial of who you are and what you need will get you nowhere. "I feel disgusting and cheap after i wear diapers. I feel perverted. It's so wrong. But, i know i'm not perverted, at least i think i'm not. I dunno, i guess i am just confused." Youre not perverted. Defenately different but not perverted. As to feeling disgusted and cheap. No answers there I am afraid. Still suffer those feelings myself from time to time. Particularly if I happen to catch a glance of myself in a mirror. "Can anyone help me understand this?" Google is your friend. Run some searches on Infantile or infantilism to find links to the more medical side of understanding things. Do some AB DL searches for other sites like this and read about other peoples experiences and writings on what they believe led them to this point. Ive also found it good to read the fantasy sections as well. "Do i need to get some psychological help?" That depends. What do you think a psychologist might do for you? Personaly I dont think they can do anything more for you than what you can do for yourself. In the end. Its up to you to decide if you need that help........ I dont think you do. Think you probably need to read a bit more and then look inside for a while and learn how to accept who you are. The way I see it is this. When I am finally lying on my death bed, the only person that needs to be satisfied with the way I have lived my life, is me. If something makes me happy and harms others none, then why shouldn't I indulge? I'm only going to live once..... or if I do get reincarnated I'm still not going to remember anything from this life so I am still only going to live once. I was recently faced with two options. Run from my life leaving all those I know and love or tell my partner the true extent of my need to wear diapers. Previously all I had told here was that I liked to wear them sometimes and occaisionly wanted to have sex in one. When its more of a case of, If I could wear them all day every day I would. I have also recently discovered I like sucking on a dummy (pacifier), more so than I would have thought. So anyway. I chose to tell my partner. I told her the day I went out and bought the dummy. Fortunately I was blessed with total acceptance. Then later, when we went to bed, my dream finaly came true and my partner put my diaper on for me while I sucked on my dummy. I have to admit, this acceptance from her has gone a long way toward helping me deal with the whole self hate thing. Before it I was having quite a bit of trouble, hence feeling the need to bolt from all those I care about. Havn't felt "disgusted and cheap" since my talk with my partner but it's only been a week so I'm still not sure if my new acceptance of myself is temporary or permanent. I think/hope it is permanent. Having (thus far) found acceptance of myself , I still don't think there is a need to share it with anyone else (family/friends) aside from my partner. I dont tell people what color undies I wear or how often I masturbate so why should I tell them I like to wear diapers and be a bit of a baby sometimes. I still reckon that my needs are a bit wierd but others have worse. I mean, some people feel the need to mutilate their own genitals. Seriously... how fucked up is that? "I'm so horny right now, I'm gonna chop my dick off!" compared to that us diaper wearers are completely normal YOU ARE NOT ALONE