Baby Bethany

I'm Bethany, or at least that's the name I've given myself. My original fem name was Jessica, but I changed it about 6 years ago as Jessica crossdressed as an adult too (Bethany doesn't) and I felt that I had changed as a person......more about this later.

I'm a 39 year old straight male, happily married for many years now. I was born and grew up in London, and have a normal working class background. I discovered a liking for baby things at about the age of 6, I enjoyed wearing my little brothers plastic pants and getting in his cot (crib) I also enjoyed using his dummies (pacis). I don't think I did it that much, but my mum often caught me and told me not to. As I got older I did it in secret, making my own nappies out of cheap towels and plastic carrier bags. I kept these things hidden in my bedroom.

At about the age of 10 or 11 I started liking girls clothing too. I didn't usually connect this with the nappies, but wanted to wear normal girls underwear. I looked at the girls clothing in mail order catalogues and fantasised about wearing them. Eventualy in my early teens I started shopping for girls clothes, including nightwear etc. Again I continued to keep these things hidden in my room, I would sit in school worrying that I hadn't hidden them well enough and that my mum would find them........she never did. By about the age of 13 I was really down with myself, I really wished I could be a girl and not have to hide these things anymore. I would have liked nothing more than being like the girls in my school, I felt I could relate to them better than the boys. by about the age of 15 I was dressing as girl, including make up and doing my hair so much that I gave myself the name Jessica. Strangely, this was totally seperate from my baby side. Up until my early 20s wearing nappies was something I did for sexual reasons, wearing (adult) girls clothes never was.

As I reached the end of my teens I found the two started to blend. I started wearing nappies under my otherwise normal girls clothing, wanting to dress like a baby girl was only a small step from there. Up until I was 19 I thought that I was alone in wanting to wear nappies and baby things. I knew all about TV's and Crossdressing, but I had never heard of adults liking baby things. Then when I was 19 (1988) I saw a tv show one night about AB's. For me it was a bit like those kids in 1955 hearing Rock Around The Clock for the first time. I was astounded, realising I wasn't alone. After this I bought a couple of fetish contact mags, so that I could meet other AB's, it didn't go very well.

After those first poor steps I eventually made contact with the AB scene and by my early twenties was buying my first AB clothes. All of this time I had hidden these thing from my parents and girlfriends. The first real problem arose when I moved in with my long term girlfriend. I continued to hide my things, just as I'd done at my parents, but it was a lot harder. Because of this, and also because she was a bit kinky herself, I decided to tell her the truth. It didn't go well, she said it's disgusting and connected to paedophiles. I tried to explain that I like the baby clothes not the baby itself, but she wouldn't listen. She left that night in 1990 and I haven't seen her since. The following year I met my wife and we soon moved in together. I was so scared to tell her, but at the same time I felt I was living a lie. Eventually after many years I told her the truth, and she was cool with it. She didn't think it was a big deal. By this time I had stopped wearing adult female clothing, and only wore baby things. Because of this I felt that Jessica no longer existed and I wanted a new name.........that's when Bethany was born.

Thanks for reading.

Beth