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Bdsm Mainstream Aversion To Diapers?


Topguy

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I have met a few on a bondage site in the UK, that were interested in bondage and diapers, I just wish I could go there to check this out first hand..... I would love to be tied or caged and tied, and left there diapered for the long term, say a few hours at first, and then for maybe a weekend.

Throw in a little humiliation, and oral sex, and I think it would be a real winner, for me ....

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i've actually known 2 or 3 subs, one guy and two girls, who began to dabble in diaper play after getting to know them from bdsm rooms in yahoo....

but you're right it's not the norm for ab/dl play to be considered acceptable ... usually in my experience Tops and even bottoms are tolerant of age players but it's still pushing the limits for some...

as for subs i'm not sure why it's such a hard limit...though there was a time for me where the idea of anyone elses diaper wearing totally freaked me out....exposure to others has made it more normal...to me, giving someone else control over that part of me is the ultimate extreme level of control

maybe other subs feel the same...........that it's the most extreme level of humiliation and giving over of control...to allow someone to take you to a level one associates with infancy....helplessness....it's the first thing most of us have any control over at all in our lives.........and probably our first feelings of shame.....to submit to that means you've given over at every level...

even for me as a submissive it's hard for my diaper wearing to be controlled by another .......and is why most of my Daddy's and my diaper play isn't too bdsm related.........it's also why it doesn't go to the type of level Top Guy describes..........for me it's very threatening and i would have limits including time limits ..... it would be the most extreme level of submission even though i'm already a dl.......don't get me wrong......in some ways it's very appealing....but i don't really feel it would be a very loving experience and with my Daddy........even though W/we do a lot of bondage and discipline type stuff.......it still has a lot of "love" feel behind it.....

i'd be interested to know if diaper bondage is a loving type of experience for anyone else?

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Most of the girls I was with got into it just to please me.

The ones who got off on it were pretty much towards what I would describe as the slave end of the spectrum. Women who got fired up over the extremes of control. Interestingly enough......I can actually take away control like that and still be a pretty nice guy. But not all women want a "nice guy" as a Dominant-all of the time. There is a time and place for everything jennie. A time to cuddle-and for some, a time to feel a boot on thier neck. Because that is what we both wanted. It didn't feel real if they knew I'd back down.

It's not as if you cannot have both.

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  • 2 weeks later...

For those looking for Segufix gear, try: www.airoliver.de It's called Save Express, from Germany, and prices seem fair. They ship to the US and have lots more than this bondage gear.

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i'd be interested to know if diaper bondage is a loving type of experience for anyone else?

Very funny you mention this, because it touches on something I find very interesting, that being the truly loving sense of domination, without the overtly violent part of the equation so common in Bondage and discipline. I have dated a lot of women and I have dated some kinky ones. One girl was totally into tying guys up and she was definitely a Dom. Since I have always had age play fantasies, and have found myself attracted to very maternal women, I assumed I would like the Dom girls. I could never get into then though, and in fact, never enjoyed that kind of role play. Oh I did it to make the girl happy and please her in bed, but it did nothing for me. My attraction to the Mommy archetype, I realized, was one of a LOVING woman, a nurturing, caring and sensual goddess, not some nasty, mean spirited dominatrix hell bent on taking pleasure from my pain. I suspect the same is true for you jenniebear, in that you want a loving daddy, someone to hold you and tell you everything is alright. Someone who can discipline you without so much as raising his voice. In short, someone who can control you completely with a kiss and with kindness, not with a penchant for causing you pain and suffering. You sound like you want to be reassured even while being disciplined, controlled with a wonderful cajoling and that instead of being "punished" with pain, you are led to your Daddy's will by kind and patient instruction and sensual loving.

I could be way off base here, but does this make any sense?

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I think you've hit it on the head ABWriter. While i enjoy certain aspects of the more physical forms of BDSM, the types of bdsm i enjoy mostly are in the area of Domination/submission or Power Exchange. For those who aren't familiar with this terminology, it basically means, i enjoy being controlled and dominated mentally. It's both loving and tough at the same time, as well as demanding and rewarding. I especially love the little mental games of cat and mouse or hunter and prey. It's that, "who is controlling who" dance of intelligent interaction. That may sound a bit like trying to Top from the bottom, however, when i look for someone to participate in life with, that person must have a level of intelligence that keeps me on my toes and challenges me. It's fun for me to try and playfully trip them up or tease them into my own little game of control. This wouldn't be fun if i was always the winner of course, and doesn't happen often no matter how hard i try, and always respect is a part of all aspects of O/our relationship, including game playing.

In O/our particular case, W/we have a signed agreement (contract) with which W/we have both agreed to certain conditions and expectations. For example some things included are, my Daddy will be the ultimate decision maker. I may make respectful suggestions, however, ultimately i must live with His decisions. As you can imagine there is a huge trust factor here. I, as the slave, could never give over to this type of control or Domination without believing in Him totally. Yes, there have been moments of "what the h*ll is He thinking?! especially in the beginning, but He has not led me astray yet after 4 years together. Also i know that He always puts O/our best interests first, even when His desires may be in contrast to what is best for the two of U/us together. For me, a benefit is that He leads me to accomplish more then i ever dreamed both personally and professionally. He also rewards my devotion by seeing me as the most beautiful, sexy, princess ever. He spoils me like no one ever has. He boosts my confidence and my self-esteem in so many ways.

So yes, if He says "turn off the computer now, it's taking your time away from more important things." I may not agree, i may be frustrated, but i comply, because He inspires me to want to please Him.

I guess basically, my ab/dl side is my more "tender" side. I don't necessarily want to be treated as an infant. I really use the fetish as a pleasurable escape from everyday reality. I'm not one to "regress" because of stress though, that's usually when i put on my big girl panties and muddle through...i want to feel in control when things need to be controlled.

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Very interesting, jenniebear. I also am in agreement with you. It sounds to me like you are more balanced. I have very very very mixed feelings about the so called ABDL community that I will elucidate at another time, but I see where you are coming from here. I do have a question. I went to the site linked to above, a Dom/Sub site and I posted in the AB thread where many people didn't seem receptive to the AB lifestyle. Anyway, I noticed something interesting, so I will ask it here as I did there. What is it with this "no sex" for the AB stuff? A few AB's posted that if you were into this fetish that you could hope to find a mommy/daddy to care for you and even diaper and change you, but no sex. Okay regardless of anything else, that doesn't sound even remotely healthy. Why would a man or woman's fantasy or fetish preclude sex with the partner they love? I don't get it.

Oh and what is the capital and lowercase slash syntax you are using? I don't understant things like W/we or O/our.

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I noticed something interesting, so I will ask it here as I did there. What is it with this "no sex" for the AB stuff? A few AB's posted that if you were into this fetish that you could hope to find a mommy/daddy to care for you and even diaper and change you, but no sex. Okay regardless of anything else, that doesn't sound even remotely healthy. Why would a man or woman's fantasy or fetish preclude sex with the partner they love? I don't get it.

That is a good question ABWriter and one i can't really answer or relate to either. i'd be very curious to see if anyone else would have a response to that question?

My thoughts when a person talks about wanting a non sexual relationship, include wondering "why?" i admit that i often jump to the assumption that there is something in their past that has arrested their sexual development to such an extreme that they have no desire to experience any sort of adult sexual pleasure. This may be a completely wrong assumption, but to me it just seems for an adult to want a relationship that consists of being cared for without sharing sexual intimacy, must mean they have either experienced something which damaged their psyche to such an extreme that they either have no desire to grow towards becoming a sexual adult or they wish to return to a time/age before sexual experiences would have been introduced. It seems they must have an overwhelming need to hide or shun an adult world, with no desire to continue towards adult experiences.

It seems there is a great difference between these individuals and those who have developed a sexual fetish focused on diapers. Everyone is different of course and it's more sexual for some then others, but i still see a difference between those who wear diapers to help themselves relax, destress, and find comfort vs someone who wishes to be a part of a non sexual relationship, in order to escape into a world of infantilism and not take on an adult role in a relationship.

For these true "escapests" i would wish for them to somehow find the help or support they need that would bring about that natural and healthy desire to experience sexual pleasure with their partner.

o...and as for the capital and lowercase slash syntax as in O/our and W/we, this is really what i'd describe as a BDSM internet chat phenomena. While it's been several years since i spent time in bdsm chat rooms, the rooms where i spent chat time had expected protocol, some of these protocol expectations included, capping a Dominants name and title (Sir, Mam, Master, Mistress, Dom, Domme, Lord, Lady), using a lowercase for a submissive, in most rooms "scening" or roleplay of a sexual nature was not allowed in an open chat and greeting Dominants first as they entered a chatroom at the same time as a submissive entered. A submissive in my chat "home" room was expected to greet and welcome each person entering the chatroom, request permission from the rooms Dominant members to leave or be away from their keyboard, and to add letters to one's "nickname" which showed what room or which Dominant was held accountable for you, etc....

Admittedly this may seem a bit silly or extreme to many, but as a newbie to the BDSM lifestyle it did have an impact on me. These experiences gave me a small glimpse into the BDSM world. The protocols also helped to keep things semi controlled in what could have been an overtly sexual chat environment. i learned much from these experiences and the conversations there about the BDSM world. Of course online relationships are never the same as real life but it did allow me to learn about levels and degrees of committment to the lifestyle, and a practice field to learn the expectations of a submissive/slave.

Finally in answer to Your question....the Capital / lowercase would have been used when using pronouns to indicate both Dominants and submissives. i've used it for years, i guess it isn't really necessary, but i've incorporated it as a part of my everyday personal life, and use it whenever writing/typing in lifestyle related formats as a form of respect. Also as pointed out recently by someone in Daily Diapers chat, it may have originated as "Gorean" protocol. Gor, if one is not familiar, is a definite BDSM phenomena which would be hard to describe, lol, especially by someone as wordy as myself. If interested there are many Gorean or Gor related sites, just do a search online. It is all based on the writings of the sci-fi writer, John Norman.

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I read some entrys at collarchat and was surprised at the aversion to diaper play.

For bondage to really be effective I would think diapers would be necessary.

I don't care for #2 because of the smell and cleanup required but I do pee more than once a day and if my freedom was restricted some protection would be required. Bondage gear isn't cheap and I wouldnt want it ruined.

anondl

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  • 3 weeks later...

I could be in danger of getting off topic here.

I am a diaper/nappy lover on the whole.

I like to wear nappies, my limit is really that my wife does not like them.

I don`t need to wear them for sex or foreplay, and whilst I do get aroused in them, most of the time I dont.

I guess what I am trying to say is that for me the sexual element is not the most important. Its the wearing and using them as some sort of stress release.

ric

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You need to understand that the current bdsm protocols came down from gay leathermen who were returning from ww2. I think they both found it fun and useful to use military protocols to structure thier relationships. Useful in the context of defining in common terms who was on top or bottom. And amusingly ironic in have someone calling your "Sir" that you were about to tie up and sodomize. Especially when looking back at the homophobia so common in that era.

For myself, I just like to role play-I don't take that sort of thing seriously as a "lifestyle choice". I see no reason to follow an outmoded gay expression.

I'm not going to take on responsibility for someone else's life just to have some fun.

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You need to understand that the current bdsm protocols came down from gay leathermen who were returning from ww2. I think they both found it fun and useful to use military protocols to structure thier relationships. Useful in the context of defining in common terms who was on top or bottom. And amusingly ironic in have someone calling your "Sir" that you were about to tie up and sodomize. Especially when looking back at the homophobia so common in that era.

For myself, I just like to role play-I don't take that sort of thing seriously as a "lifestyle choice". I see no reason to follow an outmoded gay expression.

I'm not going to take on responsibility for someone else's life just to have some fun.

i don't know anything about gay leathermmen from world war II...

what i know a little about is Doms....not a lot about them...... but as there are a variety of ab/dl's whose interests and kinks are all over the place....so i've found are Doms. i've had 3 relatively serious real time relationships with Doms and each has their own needs and desires when it comes to bdsm...

TopGuy...You've mentioned that you are not the type to take on responsibility for someone elses life just to have fun.........i don't think the Doms i've been involved with did it for "fun" rather it was who they are.....their personality type.......just as i am a submissive by nature...who i am able to let myself be when life/society isn't demanding otherwise.......many people in the world have a Domminant personality but are not necessarily a member of the bdsm lifestyle....but those who have embraced bdsm "wordage"....know that this style of Domination is what's known as "Power Exchange"

wikipedia on Power Exchange - In BDSM, the term power exchange is associated with a submissive exchanging his or her authority to make decisions (whether just for a scene, or for his or her entire life), for the Dominant's agreement to take responsibility for his/her happiness and health.

On a psychological level, much BDSM "play" involves power and dominance, in particular power exchange, with one person willingly handing over personal autonomy. This can range from addressing another person as "master" or "mistress" for a ten-minute scene, to a witnessed, formal collaring with a lifelong agreement which micro-manages the submissive's life.

The latter is often referred to as total power exchange or TPE or 24/7 or 24/7/365.

Now this may seem extreme to some...not realistic to others.......but to those of U/us who live this lifestyle.......it is very much real and desireable...

my Master is the kind of Man who strives all the time for perfection.....He works hard and diligently to ensure that things go as well as they possibly can. He has a need/desire to be in control of all around Him.......

personally i have a pretty demanding job that requires me to be very Dominant during the day..........to give up power to someone i trust completely when i get home is not only a thrill but also a relief.....it's of course demanding in it's own way and even requires a certain amount of control of my emotions and reactions sometimes but i know He will put O/our priorities or mine always before His own... just as i..His slave ...put His before mine..........in this day and age that's a pretty unusual trait in a relationship... ultimately to have found someone who i can trust on such a level is the most intimate and desireous relationship i can imagine.....

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The latter is often referred to as total power exchange or TPE or 24/7 or 24/7/365.

Soooo one day off every leap year??? Thats hardly total now is it. How lax of the people not to do 24/7/365( 366 on leap years). These Dom people are so laxidasical.

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Hi Jennie bear,

Interesting what you say about being dominant at work then finding it a relief to be submissive to releive the stress, I guess thats what I get out of nappies. My interest in bondage, I guess is one of interested curiosity. I particularly like the image in wikipedia, of the woman in bondage, wearing a nappy. In that context, the nappy would then become part of a sexual scenario.

Ric2

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