Mixed Feelings

[babystevie1987]

Hey everyone,

Just wondering if everyone else goes through the same feelings as myself and how you cope.

I have being into abdl for as far back as I can remember and like a lot have binge and purge in the past. I thankfully haven't purged in I think 7 or 8 years. I was away for a year and while away read and listen to some audio books, which helped me understand my abdl side better. 

My question to anyone who read this, is do you still sometimes feel silly and wish you could just stop wanting to wear and have feelings of wanted to be careful for and treated as a baby?

I go through phases where I think I'm done with it all but it never last and I just go back wearing and feeling small again. I do feel happy and a sense of comfort when I wear. But on the other hand can still feel ashamed. What woman would what a relationship with a guy that wants to act like a baby and be treated as one. 😞

As I write this, I am sitting in a double think diaper, in my onesie and enjoying reading short stories on here and what everyone else is up to. But tomorrow might be a different story. 

If you have read this and feel like you are or have gone through the same, please leave a comment and if you have stopped and no longer have that urge again to wear or act as a baby or have no longer have that feeling of ashame. How did you get over either feelings.

Please share. 

[Rachael-Little]

Yes I feel this way at times, I’m single now for 7 plus years and no my divorce was not because of my desire but she was aware of it

But I definitely feel why do I continue buying diapers and wearing every night to bed. Why do I use a pacifier or act babyish like a 2 year old.

 What’s the point and lately I have been thinking of giving it a rest and see if I can just leave this behind me.

Not sure that will happen but it is a though

[babystevie1987]

3 hours ago, Rachael-Little said:

Yes I feel this way at times, I’m single now for 7 plus years and no my divorce was not because of my desire but she was aware of it

But I definitely feel why do I continue buying diapers and wearing every night to bed. Why do I use a pacifier or act babyish like a 2 year old.

 What’s the point and lately I have been thinking of giving it a rest and see if I can just leave this behind me.

Not sure that will happen but it is a though

Thanks for sharing. The thing is I have try to give it a rest. I be lucky if I make it a month without wanting to wear. The one think I do keep telling myself is that it isn't hurting anyone nor me. It does relax me which is a good thing.

[littleFeathers]

23 hours ago, babystevie1987 said:

do you still sometimes feel silly and wish you could just stop wanting to wear and have feelings of wanted to be careful for and treated as a baby?

There were times when I felt that way, and even tried to be "normal". But I realize that the times when I've been unhappiest were times I tried to be something I'm not. And not just about my ABDL interests, there's a lot of ways I'm at the far end of that bell curve (how many people on that bell curve think they're a bird?😄🐦).

Even now, though, there are times I'm more drawn to the diapers than others.

22 hours ago, Freckles said:

If it helps, try to look at ABDL not as something you are, but something you do.

I think that's good advice, and is pretty much where I am.  There are other things that are more "what I am" than ABDL.

[Stroller]

I think most of us go through this. I came out the other side many years ago, and became pretty much reconciled with my little side. It's always there, always a big part of me, but it doesn't define me, and I don't feel guilty or embarrassed about it these days. I just pick what works for me out of the little world.  I'm in nappies full-time because I feel most comfortable that way. My teddies are important to me. But I don't worry about any of it - I just enjoy it. I do plenty of grown-up stuff too.

By the way, I've been married nearly 30 years, have two grown-up kids, and my wife has always known about my little side. She goes along with it quite happily, although she's very much vanilla herself. Being an AB doesn't automatically mean you'll always be on your own.  Good luck!

[tommyneedsdiapers90]

this has been something ive struggled with since i first thought about wearing diapers again when i was 5. first it was a struggle of acceptance- the bing/purge cylces, the guilt of actively fighting my growing while also getting off on it, feel abnormal, etc. then it was a struggle for balance- finding people who accepted ME and then taking things too far or shutting down the second they stopped treating me the way i specifically wanted. 

now i look for peace. i try to be my own "big" while playing and feeling safe as a little as well- keeping it right sized, keeping big me right sized too. there are a TON of times i wish i had a kink that wasnt so linked to such a vulnerable side of myself. im not gonna lie, its a bit of a spiritual journey now at this point. 

my main point is "real life" is complicated and messy. my "little" life is too. and that's ok. there is no perfection. being diapered and acting like a baby isnt gonna "fix me" but neither is getting rid of it altogether. balance. balance. balance. 

[kirababy]

I think we've chatted about this.  I am also factory installed with this, and realized a long time ago that it was not going away.   Definitely experienced all the emotions around it in my late teens and early 20s as I was in school.  

At some point, probably in my late 20's I found some peace with it, and realized that it does not define me any more than any other activity I do.  Skier, cyclist, fisherman, etc.   From this perspective it is easy to accept for me.  Is it weird?  Yeah, for sure, but not harmful, and it pales compared to the overall spectrum of kink.  Realize that everyone has 'something'.

From a practical perspective, if you are going thru a purge cycle, don't throw stuff away.  Pack it into boxes or storage, and put it somewhere sort of inaccessible.   When you later crave it, you don't have the expense of buying it again.

[babystevie1987]

Thanks everyone who have left a comment. I hope this helps others as it has helped me.

[Snugglebear_69]

My Daddy likes when I'm little. I enjoy when I'm little. My Wife thinks it's cute. I still provide for my family and contribute to my community. So, all in all it works for us so no, really desire to stop.

[wellpaddedagain]

It comes and goes for me. Sometimes it’s really strong and I go through periods of almost wearing 24/7 and then a month or two goes by without touching one or even having the desire. C’est la vie. I used to binge purge like crazy because I felt super ashamed. What if my wife found out?! Eventually I came out to her and her response was that she didn’t understand it but “you like what you like”. So she’s pretty understanding and helps facilitate even though she’s pretty vanilla where the whole abdl thing is concerned.  I found that’s really helped curb the feelings of shame and the binge/purge thing. On the whole I came out ahead. Hope things work out for you!

[PassiveRenegade]

Yes though the reason I got into diapers is complicated and my requirements for diapers relies heavly on my state of mind. 

I have OSDD and littles who are helped by diapers, its evolved into more than that. My avoidance times can be when im in denial or simple the littles aren't around so diapers aren't needed. Or im having a bad day so automatically deny myself anything that would inprove my mood and outlook. Sometimes im just so busy I forget. As I said, its complicated.

Though I never purge, I may tidy everything away but I never throw anything like that out, to expensive for a start. 

[Joey_AB_DL]

I've binged and purged so many times I can't count.  I know I have wasted $100's or even $1,000 of dollars doing that.   Similar cycles you mentioned, shame, silliness, guilt, etc.   Even though I have now shared this with my wife, I still have the same mixed feelings.  

Most of us won't go see a "specialist" to cope or engage with others directly in this community, and I believe either would really help with self-acceptance.   Affirmation as it were would help.  For many of us, society or our social networks have said this is taboo and therefore unacceptable.  

Just my $0.02, your mileage may vary.

Joey

[Babyqtboy]

As someone who is in his 40’s and been into diapers since 12, (possibly longer if you count my experiences in diapers between 5 and 9), I can tell you I have done the binge and purge too many times to count. Actually struggling with a possible purge as we speak.  I wish all the time that I was normal, and I struggle with accepting who I am 🤷‍♂️ I wish I could say it gets better but it only does if you truly accept yourself for who and what you are.