Baby Powder

[willnotwill]

Around Dodge City and in the territory out west, there’s just one way to handle the killers and the spoilers, and that’s with a U.S.Marshall and the smell of… BABY POWDER.

BABY POWDER… the story of the violence that went west with young America, and the story of the man who moved with it.

“I’m that man — Matt Dillon, United States Marshall.   The first man they sniff for and the last they want to smell.   It’s a soggy job, and it makes a man watchful…. and a little lonely.”

 

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The door swung open, and a man stepped into the office.  We wore worn but clean clothes.   He looked around and found me sitting on the desk.   “Marshall Dillon,” he said out of breath.

“Calm down, Chester.   What is it?”

“You'd better come over to the Long Branch.”

“What is it?”

“One of the ranchhands from the Double-D has got all liquored up, and he’s waving his gun around, and I’m afraid he might shoot it at something or somebody.”

“OK, I’m on my way.”

I was thinking I was due for a diaper change, but given the urgency, I hustled across the street, the weight of my sodden diaper dragging on my hips.    I pushed through the swinging doors of the saloon to find Jed Grant standing on a table, shouting with his gun in his hand.   He wasn’t being too coherent.  I walked over.

“Jed,” I said with no reaction, “Jed,” I shouted.   He looked down at me.   “Come on down from there so I can talk to you.”

“What is it you wanna talk to me about?” he said.

“I want to find out what you’re yellin’ about.”

He thought about that for a second, then stepped down to a chair and then to the floor.   He almost lost his balance in the process, and I took action.   With one hand, I reached around him and kept him from falling.   With the other, I snatched the revolver out of his hand.   He was a bit surprised by the quick action, but decided to plop down in the chair.

“You gonna give me my gun back?” he asked.

“As soon as we’re done talking.   What are you all worked up about?”

“I was just trying to get myself a drink, but the bartender wouldn’t give me none,” he said, slurring his speech.

“I think you’ve had enough, don’t you think? You can barely stand up.   How are you gonna get home?”

“I don’t care,   I’m thirsty.”

I puzzled through it.   “I tell you what.   You get a room here and stay the night, and I’ll make sure you get another drink.” 

“Oh, OK.”

I walked over to Chester, who was standing at the bar.   I noticed a bottle with just about one drink left in it.  “Help him book into a room.   Once he’s in there, give him this.    You'd better put a diaper on him, too.   Let the innkeeper have his gun and tell him to give it back to him when he’s dried out.”

“Yes, Mr. Dillon.”   Chester tucked the gun in his pants, took the bottle, and went over to Jed.   He helped him to his feet and led him away.

Kitty came over, “That was really slick how you handled that, Matt.”

“Just all in a day’s work.   Let me pay you for that bottle.”

“Oh, no problem, Matt.   Just glad to be rid of him.   What’s up with you?”

“Oh, nothing.   I was in sore need of a change when this all came down,” I admitted.

“Well, let me help you with that.”

Kitty led me into the back, and I got up on the changing table.   Kitty yanked my pants down and set about changing me.   “Seriously, Matt.   You should change earlier so you don’t get caught like this.”

“Yeah, Kitty, it just doesn’t work out, though.”   She was shaking the powder on my groin, and the smell of it filled the air.   Seconds later, she was doing up the new diaper. 

“There you go, Matt.  All clean and fresh.”

Thank you, Kitty.

“Oh, by the way, Matt.   The doctor came by looking for you.”

“OK, I’ll go and see him.