A History Of Wetting Myself.

[fairfaxdl]

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about why I like to wear diapers. Partly its because I’ve had the sessions with the therapist but also for myself. I will be sharing this with my therapist and my wife before hand.

It has made me take a look at how I got to were I am now. As I look back, it is amazing how strong those invisible bonds of potty training and social condition are. Even as I strained at those bonds for many years, the idea to just break them never occurred to me.

I’ve never been punished with diapers. I think I may have been potty trained very quickly without much difficulty.

So in summary, it isn’t about the diapers, but about wetting myself.

Sometime when I was little, I started to wet myself a small bit. Not much, just a tiny bit when I would have to go. Just enough to get a spot on my underwear. Never enough to show through my pants. I would also stop peeing before I was done so the last bit could be done in my pants. As I grew older I would eventually do this every day. Pretty much all the time. I’m not sure why I started this. I don’t remember any ‘accidents’ or of getting caught. And while I would feel the thrill when I did these little acts of rebellion, I would also feel the sting of doing something wrong or weird.

When I was younger, before I started taking showers, I would take a bath. I would always lie back and watch as I peed myself.

I remember the times when I was around 12 when I would intentionally wet the bed. I was never caught or found out. I just liked the excitement of peeing in bed. But afterwards I wanted to get caught and punished. Once I even wore wet underwear around but no one noticed.

As I was a teenager, I would often have the house to myself when my parents would visit neighbors and friends. A couple if times I made a make diaper out of old towels and rags and pee and mess in them. I would hide the evidence in the woods. A lot of times, I would go out in the woods so I could walk around naked and just pee as I ran through the woods. I would lie back and pee on my stomach and chest. I really liked it when I would pee on my own legs. Funny thing is, smell was never an issue. We had a pool and during the summer I would swim in the pool or clean up in the creek. I also liked being naked in the woods. Sometimes I would also just mess myself standing up and not worry about how dirty I was. I didn’t do that much, just a few times when I was camping out in the woods. The thrill was always tempered with the thoughts that it was over too quickly, that I had to stop playing in a short while and that I could be caught at any time. I would do much of this near dusk and at night so no one could see me. I would lie naked in the wet and chilly grass starring at the stars and just completely let myself go. Before I would fall asleep, I would put an old blanket over myself. I would wake up a little before sunrise and wet and mess myself if I needed to. I would have an hour or so where I could walk around myself before I would clean off in the icy cold creek.

I remember wetting myself whenever I wanted a secret thrill. I did it at school a lot. I would pretty much do it every day. I did it on a date, on job interviews. Eventually it was normal that whenever I had to pee, I would always just let a little squirt out in my pants, bed, bath towel, or nothing if I could. Not much, just a tiny little bit.

Many times, I would completely dampen my underwear without having it show though my pants. I really got a kick doing this when out in public. I was doing this even up to the point where I decided to just wear diapers 24/7.

Ideally, I would be able to wet myself without a diaper. But that isn’t practical. I really can’t tell how wild and exciting it felt to just pee my pants in my truck in March. Looking back, I wish I didn’t fake being incontinent. But I’m also glad I was able to get started. It was soooo cool. It just hit me that I could do it. As I was driving, and I started, I was on top of the World. It took a bit to get started. I would go a little and stop, go a little and stop. But finally, I started to really pee. In the back of my mind I’m thinking “dude, why pee in your truck when you can do it at home” but I just HAD to do it right away. As soon as I realized I could do it, I just found myself doing it. It was GREAT!

The thrill of being in a place like a grocery store or a bookstore and suddenly realizing that I’m peeing in the store is awesome. I get such a kick out it if.

I don’t know why I feel this way. It has been a part of me my entire life and now that I can live the way I want, I feel like different person.

When I was home alone this weekend, I put on normal underwear and sweat pants and thoroughly soaked them. It was great.

Now that I’ve been wearing for 6 months, its even more fun. I never know when I’ll pee. Like now, I’m typing this and suddenly find myself peeing a little bit. I’ve been doing that about every 10-20 minutes and sometimes within just a couple of minutes.

It is very hard for me to describe how wonderful it feels to pee when I wet myself. I’m hesitant to compare it to sex because it isn’t sexual. But to me it is more satisfying than sex. It just feels so nice as it leaks out all on its own. It’s a wonderful little tickle that I can’t get enough of.

Sometimes, when I’m along, (like right now) I’ll open up my diaper just watch myself pee. Its so fun to watch the little spurts and small flows come out as I feel them. Watch the way my penis contracts and hides at times, watch as my scrotum moves on its own. I like seeing and feeling the trickles flow out, down and around.

Words can’t describe the simple enjoyment I get from this. Hopefully, there are people here who understand what I mean.

It seems that the therapist has given me some things to ponder after all.

[tris]

I feel you. That's almost an exact description of how I came to be, as well. Did you ever have bowel trouble around 8 or 10? I did - it started under the premise of not wanting to use a bathroom other than my own for twosies. Later, I found it a strangely pleasant feeling of holding it, although not well, because for a period of time I had more than just skid-marks in my undies. It was at that time I can recall being threatened with diapers --the only time mom ever threatened me with them. I briefly contemplated just flat out pooping my pants, and getting rewarded with diapers, but, the social stigma (and my mother's punishment) mattered too much at that time. Looking back, I could have done just that and things probably would have been just as I wanted them to be, but I wasn't emotionally strong enough to endure the mental abuse that would likely go with it.

What did your wife and therapist have to say about all this?

[DavidMW]

I'm late to diapers, but like you I've also long done the intentional pants-wetting. Don't really know why, but it's just a need to do so. Could I do it with low risk of getting caught and the chance to change into something dry if needed? Then I'd give it a go. And if it's been a while, I'll wet myself in the shower before showering.

No diaper training problems or punishments as a kid. No accidental wettings back then, certainly no thrill from any accidents from that age. No humiliations. The urge to wet myself began pretty much with the onset of puberty.

I stumbled on Daily Diapers last winter, and found it interesting, intriguing. And it seemed like something that would increase my wetting options. So I got some, tried them out, and found I just plain like them. I like the way they feel. Wet or dry.

I can't say I expected that. And as with the need to wet myself, I don't know why I found I like them as much as I do, especially since I can't say I'd given them much thought in the previous 40+ years.

So now I wear them when I want. Wet them when I want. Wet without them when I want. Well, a bit more discretely with that last one.

[Bliss]

I continue to be amazed by this site. There is so much similarity to my life story in this thread - it's uncanny.

I didn't have any problems with potty training or bed-wetting. But as early as I can remember I've had these Utopian fantasies. I've had fantasies about being naked in nature, floating in viscous liquids (returning to the womb?), wetting whatever I'm wearing. The fantasy is about feelings of innocence - returning to the bliss and naivety of the Eden legend. Growing up in CT, I explored the fantasy in the woods at the end of our street. After puberty in Fairfax, VA, in the 70s, I would streak in the cool of the late summer night around my cul-de-sac. Speaking of naivety, I didn't figure out how to masturbate to climax until my late teens. What helped my education was being in the Ball State U library (my high school was lab for teaching college) looking for a book and an anonymous guy wearing a raincoat was jerking himself off while watching me from other side of stacks.

During that time and after, I would experiment with relieving myself in nature, in my pants or in my bed without getting my bed wet.

Lately, I've found that my khakis smell like urine by the end of the work week. It appears to be getting it both ways: from my lack of control at the urinal - splashing back at me; and from the following trickle of urine in my briefs afterwards. I'm unable to squeeze or shake it out completely. My urethra is rather sensitive to too much force. When I was 11, I went into Fairfax hospital with a urinary infection that doctors couldn't understand or treat. They kept desiring the retrieval of a more and more sterile sample of urine. Eventually they wanted it straight from the bladder - meaning a catheter. That is my definition of torture: pushing a plastic catheter up an infected and inflamed urethra of an 11-year-old. After a couple weeks, I seemed to heal myself and left.

I just started wearing diapers in the past month. So far, I've only been wearing a variety of Depends. I started wearing the pull-up disposable underwear that you see in my photo. I really got off on wearing those and feeling the warm wetness between my legs.

I tried the day/night Depends diapers and agree with the consensus that they are bad. I can't trust them during the day not to leak - let alone at night. I bought a pad to lay over the sheet. I had wet the mattress after wearing the pull-up and having a bottle of wine before bed and sleeping on my side. Since then, I really don't wet my diaper when sleeping on my stomach. The pressure seems to seal the valve shut. I don't have the feeling that I really get off on wearing wet diapers at night. The dryness is automatic. I don't struggle with a full bladder while I'm horizontal.

When I started wearing the pull-ups in the evening at first, I had such a strong feeling of security and nurturing from that warm wetness. On blue-jean-Friday at work, I wore a pair. It felt so freeing to wear them and relieve myself at any time. I felt much more relaxed. Work has been very stressful lately and my sense of humor and laissez-faire attitude was returning. It also enhanced the "naughty boy" feeling that a wet diaper gives me.

The following Monday, I went to work without any diapers of any kind - just my briefs. When I got there, I had such strong feelings of insecurity, I had to go to the nearby CVS at the first chance I got. I bought the Depends Guards to wear inside my briefs. I find that they are the next best thing to diapers for someone like me who wears diapers for the naughty boy feeling of sitting in wetness. But allows me to be discreet in business casual clothing.

The Guards kind of have the opposite effect for those who desire incontinence. I'm probably exercising my sphincter muscle more than ever. I have to make sure I don't flood the guard. But it is also more relaxing and secure in that I don't have to struggle against the inevitable trickle in my briefs. I can let it happen with no worries. I'm making no more than one trip to the men's room per day. My slacks are smelling much nicer - unless I can smell something aromatic (cloves last night from Indian food) in my wet guard.

I've just got one Depends diaper left. Do the Tena diapers at CVS work better? I want to eventually get cloth diapers and plastic pants and experience that feeling. But I haven't figured what I want to get in that category yet.

I used to think my fantasies were just that - my fantasies. More sensual than sexual - but still sexually stimulating. I need to return to innocence. I don't need to act like a baby, though. I have shut out those fantasies all those years. I had given up on them as childish.

Since I've been separated and have passed (or am I still in it?) the mid-life "crisis" phase, I've been exploring what makes me tick. What turns me on. What do I need to be a happier, more fulfilled person.

It is so great to see that I am not alone in my deep-seated feelings. I have so much in common here. Now I'm wondering why it took me so long to find this site. I guess it's my naivety and trusting nature and believing the lie that innocence and diapers are childish.

Well, I've rambled on enough. Thank you for inviting me into your fraternity.

All the best,

Bliss

[tris]

Easy on calling our community a 'fraternity' --the girls get a lil testy. *giggle*

Glad to hear you're on the road to discovering more about yourself. I promise, the more you know about YOU, the happier YOU will be.

The Tena brand diapers are great, I wear them WITH PLEASURE everyday, 24/7, and have been for about a 6 mos. (been 247 for about 2 years) However, the ones you get at walmart or any other dept/drugstore are NOT good. They'll leak on you.

www.tena.us and hit 'dealer locator' to find the shop nearest you that sells them. Also, securepersonalcare (DD sponsor) has FREE shipping on all orders since their grand re-opening, or something, and the prices on a case of X-plus are just slightly above what you could expect to pay for a case of Tenas. So I'd check both out, especially if you think you want to be in diapers more often, if not everyday.

Again, welcome, and I hope you can learn something from all of us!

tris

[love diapers]

hey thats pretty cool story i liked it a lot thats sounds really exciteing peeing ur self and watching u said u were married i hope ur wife dont mind me commenting u on ur story i love doing that same thing when i was young i used to stand up in bed and see how much i could piss it it was fun i loved it my mom never knew it lol i was gld cuz i just wanted to do it and i still do i have a plastic mattriss cover on it and when im by my self i do it and piss some in my under wear like u feels good and right now i have a diaper on feels good its wet so message me back soon later

[Aleia]

Sometimes, when I’m along, (like right now) I’ll open up my diaper just watch myself pee. Its so fun to watch the little spurts and small flows come out as I feel them. Watch the way my penis contracts and hides at times, watch as my scrotum moves on its own. I like seeing and feeling the trickles flow out, down and around.

Sadly, some of us can't watch that show without using a mirror.