Struggling mind over body

[lovesregression]

I am really frustrated and defeated. I really love the idea of a total loss of control and releasing the last big hurdle. you all make it sound liberating and freeing. 
 

over the past 7 years, I have tried it multiple times. It never works for me. My body just refuses to let go. I tried it this evening and it resulted in 4 hours of cramping with minimal release. Waves of discomfort that if I pushed, I felt like I became nauseated. 
 

after 4 hours, and trying to sit on the toilet in the diaper. Plus nearly vomiting 3 times, I relented. The release was still horrendous but it was quick. 
 

my question is: does it or can it actually get better? Or should I just relent and understand that it’s just not something my body is prepared to do. 
 

I just feel like a failure at the moment 

[fillemup]

Try using a glycerin enema. Fleets makes them. Wait until you have to poop and squirt the glycerin enema in your bottom and diaper up very quickly because within a minute you will be uncontrollably filling your diaper with poop. Your body will be pushing the poop out weather you want to or not.