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George Takei reposts a reddit AITA diaper thread


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@willnotwill

Reading this posting that you linked to, I doubt that this guy really understands what incontinence is like for his girlfriend, and it sounds like there were plenty of people who gave him good advice.  However, Incontinence is nothing to worry about, you just have to be patient with it.  Incontinence and wet beds could be a a sign of something wrong, and even if his GF has issues, it is up to her to decide what she wants to do with this, and how she wants to handle her problem.  In my view, it is up to the SO (The guy) to support her in her struggle, and be there to help her.  There are many ways to deal with incontinence, and one thing I would do is be THERE for her, and be supportive - Wearing a diaper is not considered "infantilizing."   This is a "stigma" and a belief that anyone wearing diapers is a "baby"  - There are many people who suffer incontinence, and if a person wants to wear a diaper/brief, that is their business.

In the article, it is rightly stated that wetting yourself is a natural thing that happens - You HAVE to pee/poop - If you are pregnant, or you have a condition that weakens the ability to maintain control, I would agree with the article:  Wearing Protection is far BETTER than worrying about WET clothing, wet sheets, or rashes due to contact with urine or fecal matter:  It can be more comfortable than having to deal with the constant reminder that you have wet or messed yourself.\

There is NOTHING wrong with being incontinent: its just that you have to have a positive attitude and outlook on how you want to deal with it.  :)

Brian

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I can empathize with the girlfriend. Incontinence can be an emotionally hard condition to tackle because of the social stigma. There is nothing wrong with being incontinent- it's a medical condition. There should be no shame in it- society needs to change! But I can emapthize with the boyfriend, too. According to the article, it's been affecting him too- she's wet the bed 3 times, peed on the car seats twice and once at the movie. The movie doesn't affect him much, but the wet bed and car seats (who cleaned those up? If he did- volunteered or wanted to- it was his decision.) But he wasn't out of line for wanting to discuss it with her. She blew up at him- we dont' know her side/ all the info. perhaps he could've used more tact. Perhaps she's really embarrassed and needs more time to cope or needs to talk to a therapist. He's not the asshole though for wanting to help her deal with her medical issue. Ultimately, the decision is hers. All he can do is control his own actions and decisions. If she does not want to wear more absorbent incontinence products, that is her decision. But decisions have consequences. In that case, the guy can either learn to deal/ cope with his girlfriend pissing everywhere, or he can leave.  (Though that should *not* be used as emotional blackmail "either you wear diapers or we're through!".  That's not cool.  But a "hey, babe. We need to talk. You've made your decisions, and I support that. However, those decisions also affect me. This isn't working for me, and we need to go our seperate ways. I can't/ won't be part of this." ) Both partners have valid feelings and needs and both need respected. If they can't come to a compromise/ solution that both can agree to...they might end up having to part ways. 

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It's unfortunate that there's such a stigma to medical incontinence. It's still treated like a punchline. I'm fortunate to have never suffered from this issue, but I can imagine how awful it must be. It's weird how society has developed super-sensitivity to certain issues, but stuff like this is mercilessly made fun of.

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@OddlyEnough

2 hours ago, OddlyEnough said:

It's unfortunate that there's such a stigma to medical incontinence. It's still treated like a punchline. I'm fortunate to have never suffered from this issue, but I can imagine how awful it must be. It's weird how society has developed super-sensitivity to certain issues, but stuff like this is mercilessly made fun of.

Yes it is:  incontinence takes several forms, and there are different ways to treat them.  I don't know why incontinence and diapers are such sore subjects in society, but I have my beliefs - It may be due to the fact that it is more of a privacy thing for older adults - young kids are EXPECTED to be incontinent when they are little, and are trained later in life to be able to use the potty without help - But there are STILL those that have to deal with the problem, the "stigma" and the "norms" that say, "lets keep this a secret, because we would be shunned/made fun of."

If we were talking about adults, in a healthcare setting, using Incontinence products: They are called "briefs" rather than "diapers", to maintain dignity and respect, which I think is cool, but the way that you deal with incontinence and the way it is seen in society should CHANGE - It is NOT the fault of someone for having incontinence, and they should not be shunned or chastised for having to deal with it - All a "Brief/Diaper/Nappy" is in reality is "absorbent underwear that you can pee/poop in" and that is IT!

Yes, it is EMBARRASSING to be in a position where you have to decide to make a change to your bladder/bowel management habits - I KNOW - I DID IT - and I was scared as hell, and shaking for a while - but had to come to terms with whether I wanted to be able to handle a small problem, or let it get away from me - I chose diapers, because that is the easiest and cleanest way to deal with it - I am NOT ashamed, or embarrassed about my decision for 24/7 use - It s a fact of life, and with Cerebral Palsy, and using a wheelchair, and for my safety, diapers help me to live a more active life :)

Brian

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