Need Advice - Found my BF Stash and He Doesn’t Know.

[Alpaca8]

I’m in a great relationship with a wonderful guy and have been for over a year. Quite a few months ago, I found his stash. At first, I wasn’t sure why he needed diapers and pads but in digging further I have come to the conclusion that he is either an AB, DL or both.  I would never leave him because he wants to be one but I also need to have him talk to me about it because it’s affecting our relationship. 

He’s been closed emotionally for the past couple of months and won’t let me get close to him. There are other issues and I know they stem from this secret. I think he feels that if I get close to him and he tells me, one or both of us will end up getting hurt.

I’ve written and re-written letters about him opening up to me without mentioning it to him because I can’t imagine how hard it just be for him to keep this secret. He’s supposed to be viewed manly man who has a very opposite fetish that I’m sure, makes him most likely think If he tells me I won’t want to be with him anymore. Not the case. I would rather he tell me everything so we can have a very honest relationship that lasts. 

This is where I need help. I’ve read multiple articles on how to approach it and they contradict each other. Some say to tell him and others say to wait. What do I do? What would you want me to do if I was your girlfriend? I just want my boyfriend back to who he was when he didn’t have to worry about hiding the real him from me. 

[Little Baby Becca]

Go buy some diapers, don't take his. Set up a "date night" Have him go take a shower and tell him you want to try something a little different. Then set everything up for a changing after he gets out. Maybe even join him in the shower after getting everything ready. Be ready to see his expression when he get out and sees what you have planned. You will know where you stand and let him take the lead from there...

[Cute_Kitten]

Unfortunately, there is no easy "one size fits all" solution/ answer.  You two definitely need to talk. If he's having trouble opening up to you/ you or he are both very uncomfortable with such a sensitive/ intimate discussion, having a third party to mediate (aka a therapist) might be helpful. They have tools, techniques, etc that can help you/ him/ both cope with the emotions or expressing emotions, feelings, etc. 

Some things to think about, to help you two talk and get on the same page/ figure things out: 

How comfortable are you both with this? 

How involved do you want to be with his diapers?  Do you want to jump in feet first and be very involved- diapering/ changing him, etc? Or just casual but not very involved- like, it's okay if he wears diapers around you, but you don't want to change him, diaper him, etc or even talk about it?  Or not involved at all- you accept his diapers, but you don't want to know about it/ don't want him wearing around you, he can have his diaper fun time on his own time, etc.   (And all this stuff isn't set in stone- you can go from one end and slowly become more involed/ less involved as you feel comfortable. It's all up to you and him, there is no right or wrong here. Just how you feel and what you're comfortable with.) 

How involved does he want you to be? 

I hope you're both able to work this out so that you're both happy, comfortable with the solution!  

[Alpaca8]

12 minutes ago, Cute_Kitten said:

Unfortunately, there is no easy "one size fits all" solution/ answer.  You two definitely need to talk. If he's having trouble opening up to you/ you or he are both very uncomfortable with such a sensitive/ intimate discussion, having a third party to mediate (aka a therapist) might be helpful. They have tools, techniques, etc that can help you/ him/ both cope with the emotions or expressing emotions, feelings, etc. 

Some things to think about, to help you two talk and get on the same page/ figure things out: 

How comfortable are you both with this? 

How involved do you want to be with his diapers?  Do you want to jump in feet first and be very involved- diapering/ changing him, etc? Or just casual but not very involved- like, it's okay if he wears diapers around you, but you don't want to change him, diaper him, etc or even talk about it?  Or not involved at all- you accept his diapers, but you don't want to know about it/ don't want him wearing around you, he can have his diaper fun time on his own time, etc.   (And all this stuff isn't set in stone- you can go from one end and slowly become more involed/ less involved as you feel comfortable. It's all up to you and him, there is no right or wrong here. Just how you feel and what you're comfortable with.) 

How involved does he want you to be? 

I hope you're both able to work this out so that you're both happy, comfortable with the solution!  

This is very helpful. I’m very comfortable with the conversation since I’ve done a lot of research and know more about the topic. I just don’t know if he is. I’m sure he feels embarrassed or ashamed (which he shouldn’t). 
I would want to be as involved as both he and I are comfortable with as well as set up boundaries so it doesn’t affect our sexual life. 
 

20 minutes ago, Little Baby Becca said:

Go buy some diapers, don't take his. Set up a "date night" Have him go take a shower and tell him you want to try something a little different. Then set everything up for a changing after he gets out. Maybe even join him in the shower after getting everything ready. Be ready to see his expression when he get out and sees what you have planned. You will know where you stand and let him take the lead from there...

Thank you for this. I’m still learning what I’m comfortable with doing but I hope one day I could do this for him if he is comfortable as well. 

[~Brian~]

24 minutes ago, Alpaca8 said:

I’m in a great relationship with a wonderful guy and have been for over a year. Quite a few months ago, I found his stash. At first, I wasn’t sure why he needed diapers and pads but in digging further I have come to the conclusion that he is either an AB, DL or both.  I would never leave him because he wants to be one but I also need to have him talk to me about it because it’s affecting our relationship. 

He’s been closed emotionally for the past couple of months and won’t let me get close to him. There are other issues and I know they stem from this secret. I think he feels that if I get close to him and he tells me, one or both of us will end up getting hurt.

I’ve written and re-written letters about him opening up to me without mentioning it to him because I can’t imagine how hard it just be for him to keep this secret. He’s supposed to be viewed manly man who has a very opposite fetish that I’m sure, makes him most likely think If he tells me I won’t want to be with him anymore. Not the case. I would rather he tell me everything so we can have a very honest relationship that lasts. 

This is where I need help. I’ve read multiple articles on how to approach it and they contradict each other. Some say to tell him and others say to wait. What do I do? What would you want me to do if I was your girlfriend? I just want my boyfriend back to who he was when he didn’t have to worry about hiding the real him from me. 

@Alpaca8

First off, Welcome to Daily Diapers!  There are many people who wear diapers for medical, psychological, emotional, security or other reasons.  I am incontinent, and have been on and off all my life, and have been lurking here for a LONG time, I'd say about 24 years.  Sometimes, when you find out that someone you love has a fetish, or a quirk, or something you may not understand, you may think that "This is crazy, weird, wrong, strange, yucky, etc."   I can assure you that there is NOTHING wrong with having a fetish, or liking diapers, as there are LOTS of us here, and each wears and/or uses for specific reasons.

32 minutes ago, Alpaca8 said:

I’m in a great relationship with a wonderful guy and have been for over a year. Quite a few months ago, I found his stash. At first, I wasn’t sure why he needed diapers and pads but in digging further I have come to the conclusion that he is either an AB, DL or both.  I would never leave him because he wants to be one but I also need to have him talk to me about it because it’s affecting our relationship. 

He’s been closed emotionally for the past couple of months and won’t let me get close to him. There are other issues and I know they stem from this secret. I think he feels that if I get close to him and he tells me, one or both of us will end up getting hurt.

It is awesome that you seem to have a great relationship with your boyfriend.  The main thing to remember is that you should NOT panic, and try to do some research and do not be afraid to ask any questions about the fetish or anything that you do not understand.  From what I have seen in several situations, you could have someone who is OK with it, and allows him to embrace it, or that you are nervous about it, or you just think that it is way out of possibility.  The fact that you are here now, and that you are willing to talk to him about it, and NOT leave him because you found his stash is a step in the right direction.  There are a lot of different people that are here, and each has their own stories and experiences, so you can rest assured that you will be able to get different opinions and prospective - 

It sounds like what is happening is your boyfriend is distant or closed for whatever reason.  It may be due to the fact that he has to figure out things, or that he does NOT know how to tell you that he likes/uses diapers, or is an Adult Baby, Diaper Lover, Furry or whatever - He may be nervous about revealing it to you, because he thinks that you will leave him, or he may think that he is strange, or that you may think his fetish is "gross" or something worse, so he may be reluctant to reveal it to you.  He also may be Embarrassed to reveal it.

I would suggest that you continue your journey by visiting HERE:  https://www.dailydiapers.com/board/index.php?/topic/74289-partner-is-dl-i-need-advice/&tab=comments#comment-1829281 and also the site:  http://www.abdiscovery.com.au   This site is owned by Michael and Rosalie Bent (who is a member here [@rosalie.bent] I have found her and Michael's Books informative, and Rosalie will sometimes respond on the forums as well - It could be that your boyfriend is not ready to tell you, or he is afraid, but fear not:  We will be happy to answer any questions you have, and Daily Diapers has also helped ME to accept the need for diapers, as well as the feelings about diapers - because of their books, I was able to not ONLY IDENTIFY the feelings I was having, but also figure out that they have been "hard wired" in me since I was about 8 - I also learned that there is NO SHAME in wanting to wear. use or play in diapers, and you can be an Adult Baby, a Diaper Lover, a Adult Baby/Diaper Lover, a Furry, a Mommy, a Daddy, or a mixture. 

My advice to you is:  If you feel that you can wait, I would probably do so:  Maybe he will come out with it, and when he is READY, just be there for him, listen to what he says/feels/wants, and when he is finished, assure him that you are NOT going anywhere, regardless of what he says:  That may be what he is afraid of, and let me tell you, from experience, I was nervous when I had Girlfriends and they would say "I need to talk to you....." because I figured that she was gonna leave ME, so I understand that fear.

Maybe others on the forums can give you further advice:  But right now, I would try to be supportive of him, and when the time is right, you could broach the subject and see what happens.  He may reveal it in time, or you may have to approach him -   You may find that you like diapers, that you don't like them, but if you continue to research this, you may be able to get a sense of what it is like to wear them, and in that regard, this could help you in the long run - but remember, he may be reluctant, because he feels embarrassed or shamed, so just be supportive and keep asking questions, and learn all you can!

If I can be of any further assistance, please don't hesitate to follow me, message me, or tag me, and I will try to help you!

Good Luck!

Brian

[Alpaca8]

25 minutes ago, ~Brian~ said:

@Alpaca8

First off, Welcome to Daily Diapers!  There are many people who wear diapers for medical, psychological, emotional, security or other reasons.  I am incontinent, and have been on and off all my life, and have been lurking here for a LONG time, I'd say about 24 years.  Sometimes, when you find out that someone you love has a fetish, or a quirk, or something you may not understand, you may think that "This is crazy, weird, wrong, strange, yucky, etc."   I can assure you that there is NOTHING wrong with having a fetish, or liking diapers, as there are LOTS of us here, and each wears and/or uses for specific reasons.

It is awesome that you seem to have a great relationship with your boyfriend.  The main thing to remember is that you should NOT panic, and try to do some research and do not be afraid to ask any questions about the fetish or anything that you do not understand.  From what I have seen in several situations, you could have someone who is OK with it, and allows him to embrace it, or that you are nervous about it, or you just think that it is way out of possibility.  The fact that you are here now, and that you are willing to talk to him about it, and NOT leave him because you found his stash is a step in the right direction.  There are a lot of different people that are here, and each has their own stories and experiences, so you can rest assured that you will be able to get different opinions and prospective - 

It sounds like what is happening is your boyfriend is distant or closed for whatever reason.  It may be due to the fact that he has to figure out things, or that he does NOT know how to tell you that he likes/uses diapers, or is an Adult Baby, Diaper Lover, Furry or whatever - He may be nervous about revealing it to you, because he thinks that you will leave him, or he may think that he is strange, or that you may think his fetish is "gross" or something worse, so he may be reluctant to reveal it to you.  He also may be Embarrassed to reveal it.

I would suggest that you continue your journey by visiting HERE:  https://www.dailydiapers.com/board/index.php?/topic/74289-partner-is-dl-i-need-advice/&tab=comments#comment-1829281 and also the site:  http://www.abdiscovery.com.au   This site is owned by Michael and Rosalie Bent (who is a member here [@rosalie.bent] I have found her and Michael's Books informative, and Rosalie will sometimes respond on the forums as well - It could be that your boyfriend is not ready to tell you, or he is afraid, but fear not:  We will be happy to answer any questions you have, and Daily Diapers has also helped ME to accept the need for diapers, as well as the feelings about diapers - because of their books, I was able to not ONLY IDENTIFY the feelings I was having, but also figure out that they have been "hard wired" in me since I was about 8 - I also learned that there is NO SHAME in wanting to wear. use or play in diapers, and you can be an Adult Baby, a Diaper Lover, a Adult Baby/Diaper Lover, a Furry, a Mommy, a Daddy, or a mixture. 

My advice to you is:  If you feel that you can wait, I would probably do so:  Maybe he will come out with it, and when he is READY, just be there for him, listen to what he says/feels/wants, and when he is finished, assure him that you are NOT going anywhere, regardless of what he says:  That may be what he is afraid of, and let me tell you, from experience, I was nervous when I had Girlfriends and they would say "I need to talk to you....." because I figured that she was gonna leave ME, so I understand that fear.

Maybe others on the forums can give you further advice:  But right now, I would try to be supportive of him, and when the time is right, you could broach the subject and see what happens.  He may reveal it in time, or you may have to approach him -   You may find that you like diapers, that you don't like them, but if you continue to research this, you may be able to get a sense of what it is like to wear them, and in that regard, this could help you in the long run - but remember, he may be reluctant, because he feels embarrassed or shamed, so just be supportive and keep asking questions, and learn all you can!

If I can be of any further assistance, please don't hesitate to follow me, message me, or tag me, and I will try to help you!

Good Luck!

Brian

@~Brian~

This is so helpful and actually brought tears to my eyes because I want so bad for him to know I’m ok with it. 
Your advice on waiting is probably what I should do and in the meantime keep doing research so when the time comes to have conversations; I will be able to ask the questions that I need answers to so I can make sure he feels comfortable as well. 

I’m guessing it’s especially difficult because I don’t think he has ever told a soul about it which means its even that much scarier to tell anyone, even if you are in a committed relationship with them. 

Again, thank you for your reply and advice.

[AbabeBill]

Hi and welcome. Boy, you sound like a keeper, and I think your boyfriend is lucky to have you. None of this is really simple, not when you’re unsure of how he will react, or how you need to best proceed. 
I thought maybe you can use, a beat him to the punch kind of tact. Wait till you both are in a good private place, like after dinner relaxing, or whenever is a good time you to talk without interruptions. Then tell him, you have something to tell him about yourself. Tell him you are a bit embarrassed, and a little scared to let him know what it is. I’m sure he’ll tell you, whatever it is, you can tell him, and it will be fine. Then tell him, how you like diapers! There might be some long silence, while he processes. It could take the pressure off him, and let him then tell you, he likes diapers. Once it’s out there in the open, you both can take it from there. 
Maybe you might be lying a bit at first, but it’s for the common good. And you can always come completely clean later. 
It’s just a thought, and maybe it can be the key? Good luck, whatever you decide. 
I hope you can keep us informed? 

[Alpaca8]

16 minutes ago, AbabeBill said:

Hi and welcome. Boy, you sound like a keeper, and I think your boyfriend is lucky to have you. None of this is really simple, not when you’re unsure of how he will react, or how you need to best proceed. 
I thought maybe you can use, a beat him to the punch kind of tact. Wait till you both are in a good private place, like after dinner relaxing, or whenever is a good time you to talk without interruptions. Then tell him, you have something to tell him about yourself. Tell him you are a bit embarrassed, and a little scared to let him know what it is. I’m sure he’ll tell you, whatever it is, you can tell him, and it will be fine. Then tell him, how you like diapers! There might be some long silence, while he processes. It could take the pressure off him, and let him then tell you, he likes diapers. Once it’s out there in the open, you both can take it from there. 
Maybe you might be lying a bit at first, but it’s for the common good. And you can always come completely clean later. 
It’s just a thought, and maybe it can be the key? Good luck, whatever you decide. 
I hope you can keep us informed? 

@AbabeBill

Thank you for the comment, Bill! Trust me, he’s a keeper as well. 

I have thought a lot about what you proposed before coming to this community for help. As much as I knowIt would start the conversation, I would never want to lie to him about this. 

I’m putting it out there, as well, that I wanted to see why he likes it... So I took one of his, put it on and might have even tried it out to see if I could get something out of it. I get the comfort aspect and am not opposed if that is something he would want me to do but we’re not there yet. I’m not there yet. 

I will absolutely keep you informed. 

[~Brian~]

10 minutes ago, Alpaca8 said:

@~Brian~

This is so helpful and actually brought tears to my eyes because I want so bad for him to know I’m ok with it. 
Your advice on waiting is probably what I should do and in the meantime keep doing research so when the time comes to have conversations; I will be able to ask the questions that I need answers to so I can make sure he feels comfortable as well. 

I’m guessing it’s especially difficult because I don’t think he has ever told a soul about it which means its even that much scarier to tell anyone, even if you are in a committed relationship with them. 

Again, thank you for your reply and advice.

@Alpaca8

53 minutes ago, Alpaca8 said:

Your advice on waiting is probably what I should do and in the meantime keep doing research so when the time comes to have conversations; I will be able to ask the questions that I need answers to so I can make sure he feels comfortable as well. 

Yes, I would wait:  DO NOT REVEAL that you know of or FOUND his Diaper Stash, or anything else you find right now - Let HIM come to you and when he does, or if he is going through other issues, assure him that you love him NO MATTER WHAT!  Researching and asking questions should be helpful to you: As you continue this journey, you will be able to understand more and more, and be able to deal with it when it comes up:  You may even want to experience it with him, as curiosity is something that you can experience, and you would get an idea of what it may feel like.

I think my situation may be helpful to you as well:  As I said, I've had incontinence on and off all through my life, and I was drawn to diapers myself at age 8 - Mom caught me, asked me if I liked it, if it felt good, and when I said "yes" I was told "You shouldn't do this."  She then took the diapers away, and we didn't really speak about it again, and for YEARS I was attracted to diapers, but I had to downplay it, because I did NOT understand WHY I was attracted to them.  I have been following Daily Diapers for 24 years, and last August, I was having problems with Diverticulitis and Incontinence, and accidents.  After having 5-6 bad accidents (BM's) because of this, I finally decided to speak to the doctor regarding this:  He said that he was proud of me for coming to him and asking for help:  The diapers I have are North Shore Megamaxs.  They are Incontinence diapers, while most of the ones out there are for LIGHT to moderate incontinence, and they are all cloth backed, and didn't work. These are Plastic Backed as well!

One thing I finally realized was that I was nervous about telling those closest to me, for fear they would be mad, not understand, or think I was being "lazy" because I decided to use diapers to deal with the problems - Speaking to the doctor, he agreed that it would be a good idea, and that he would support that decision.  I just don't want to worry about it anymore, and lets face it, I am a DL (Diaper Lover) as well, but there is nothing wrong with this, as a diaper is just "a different kind of underwear, that can be used to pee/poop in" and because I have Cerebral Palsy, use a Wheelchair and a Walker, and I'm getting older, it is a foregone conclusion that I may have to use diapers later in life, so why wait and have to fight, and not have what I need.

It is EXTREMELY hard to come out to someone that you love and either admit that you want to use diapers, want to wear diapers, have feelings about diapers, OR being a AB/DL or anything like that:  It could also be hard for someone to ADMIT that they NEED diapers as well - when we were kids, our parents used to want to try to get us out of diapers as soon as possible, so that they don't have to change diapers or deal with diapers anymore.  They train us, and may tell us that diapers are bad, yucky, etc, and if you wear diapers past a certain age, you could be, and most likely are SHUNNED or embarrassed because of it.  I have had friends that are disabled, or NEED diapers, and I always used to tell them that "diapers are NOT just for babies": They can help you deal with the issue(s) of incontinence.  My Brother was disabled, so he wore diapers all his life, and as I said, there is NO SHAME in wearing or wanting to wear/use diapers.

Your Boyfriend may think that if he tells you or anyone else about his "secret" that you or whomever he tells will "blab" to someone else, and divulge the information to the wrong people, who would then shun HIM for revealing it - The fact that you want to understand what is going on, and that you want him to know that you are OK with it will help you, as I am sure he's probably dealing with other issues too - He may be "sweating bullets" and worried:  Revealing a secret like this is NOT easy, and could also backfire, so being that you want to understand and be there for him is IMPORTANT - Give the Man a HUG, tell him you LOVE him, and KEEP doing it - using diapers should NOT be a BIG deal, and if he uses them, so be it - if you already can deal with that, when he tells you, it will be easier, because once he tells you, you can ASSURE him that his secret is SAFE with you!

1 hour ago, Alpaca8 said:

I need answers to so I can make sure he feels comfortable as well. 

This is a Good place to find those answers, and with the number of members here, it should be pretty easy to be able to get a wide variety of opinions as to what you should do - I am sure that you will find the answers you need, even if you may not quite understand the fetish and his reasons yet:  This is something that does NOT happen over niight, and if he has had this fetish or need, it has probably been with him a LONG time, as I have discovered myself!

1 hour ago, Alpaca8 said:

Again, thank you for your reply and advice.

You are SO WELCOME!!

Good Luck - and remember, we are here for you

Brian

[Alpaca8]

1 hour ago, ~Brian~ said:

@Alpaca8

Yes, I would wait:  DO NOT REVEAL that you know of or FOUND his Diaper Stash, or anything else you find right now - Let HIM come to you and when he does, or if he is going through other issues, assure him that you love him NO MATTER WHAT!  Researching and asking questions should be helpful to you: As you continue this journey, you will be able to understand more and more, and be able to deal with it when it comes up:  You may even want to experience it with him, as curiosity is something that you can experience, and you would get an idea of what it may feel like.

I think my situation may be helpful to you as well:  As I said, I've had incontinence on and off all through my life, and I was drawn to diapers myself at age 8 - Mom caught me, asked me if I liked it, if it felt good, and when I said "yes" I was told "You shouldn't do this."  She then took the diapers away, and we didn't really speak about it again, and for YEARS I was attracted to diapers, but I had to downplay it, because I did NOT understand WHY I was attracted to them.  I have been following Daily Diapers for 24 years, and last August, I was having problems with Diverticulitis and Incontinence, and accidents.  After having 5-6 bad accidents (BM's) because of this, I finally decided to speak to the doctor regarding this:  He said that he was proud of me for coming to him and asking for help:  The diapers I have are North Shore Megamaxs.  They are Incontinence diapers, while most of the ones out there are for LIGHT to moderate incontinence, and they are all cloth backed, and didn't work. These are Plastic Backed as well!

One thing I finally realized was that I was nervous about telling those closest to me, for fear they would be mad, not understand, or think I was being "lazy" because I decided to use diapers to deal with the problems - Speaking to the doctor, he agreed that it would be a good idea, and that he would support that decision.  I just don't want to worry about it anymore, and lets face it, I am a DL (Diaper Lover) as well, but there is nothing wrong with this, as a diaper is just "a different kind of underwear, that can be used to pee/poop in" and because I have Cerebral Palsy, use a Wheelchair and a Walker, and I'm getting older, it is a foregone conclusion that I may have to use diapers later in life, so why wait and have to fight, and not have what I need.

It is EXTREMELY hard to come out to someone that you love and either admit that you want to use diapers, want to wear diapers, have feelings about diapers, OR being a AB/DL or anything like that:  It could also be hard for someone to ADMIT that they NEED diapers as well - when we were kids, our parents used to want to try to get us out of diapers as soon as possible, so that they don't have to change diapers or deal with diapers anymore.  They train us, and may tell us that diapers are bad, yucky, etc, and if you wear diapers past a certain age, you could be, and most likely are SHUNNED or embarrassed because of it.  I have had friends that are disabled, or NEED diapers, and I always used to tell them that "diapers are NOT just for babies": They can help you deal with the issue(s) of incontinence.  My Brother was disabled, so he wore diapers all his life, and as I said, there is NO SHAME in wearing or wanting to wear/use diapers.

Your Boyfriend may think that if he tells you or anyone else about his "secret" that you or whomever he tells will "blab" to someone else, and divulge the information to the wrong people, who would then shun HIM for revealing it - The fact that you want to understand what is going on, and that you want him to know that you are OK with it will help you, as I am sure he's probably dealing with other issues too - He may be "sweating bullets" and worried:  Revealing a secret like this is NOT easy, and could also backfire, so being that you want to understand and be there for him is IMPORTANT - Give the Man a HUG, tell him you LOVE him, and KEEP doing it - using diapers should NOT be a BIG deal, and if he uses them, so be it - if you already can deal with that, when he tells you, it will be easier, because once he tells you, you can ASSURE him that his secret is SAFE with you!

This is a Good place to find those answers, and with the number of members here, it should be pretty easy to be able to get a wide variety of opinions as to what you should do - I am sure that you will find the answers you need, even if you may not quite understand the fetish and his reasons yet:  This is something that does NOT happen over niight, and if he has had this fetish or need, it has probably been with him a LONG time, as I have discovered myself!

You are SO WELCOME!!

Good Luck - and remember, we are here for you

Brian

@~Brian~

Thank you very much for helping me with this. You have a lot of great information and have helped me feel like there can be hope for us since I know his secret has put a strain on our relationship. I feel confident in the choices I have made thus far.

I hope that day is sooner than later but I will continue to love him for who he is and who I know him to be.

[~Brian~]

3 hours ago, Alpaca8 said:

@~Brian~

Thank you very much for helping me with this. You have a lot of great information and have helped me feel like there can be hope for us since I know his secret has put a strain on our relationship. I feel confident in the choices I have made thus far.

I hope that day is sooner than later but I will continue to love him for who he is and who I know him to be.

@Alpaca8

You are welcome - I am sure that he will reveal it at some point, but remember, WHATEVER HAPPENS, make sure he KNOWS that you are NOT going anywhere!  This will give HIM confidence, and allow him to be honest and open with you when he is ready

Good Luck!

Brian

Edited July 14, 2020 by ~Brian~
corrected use of a word/sentence

[littleTomás]

Hello and welcome! I'm sure you've seen first hand how awesome the community here is and the other people who've posted here have given some fantastic advise. Everyone has a different connection to being ABDL, so I cannot speak for your boyfriend, but I can speak to my own experience telling another human being about being ABDL for the first time. I hope that by sharing this you may catch a small glimpse of what he may be felling right now.

 

During my first year of collage I made my new best friend during class. We talked about anything and everything together: especially hot button political and social issues. We were both former Speech and Debate kids, so we had plenty of opinions and plenty to share. I wagered that if I could discuss religious, political, social, and personal issues with this person in a frank way that I'd never been able to do with anyone else, then if I couldn't tell them about my kink, I'd probably never have been able to tell anyone. I approached it like a serious "this is the end of the world" discussion and frankly scared the shit out of them. They legitimately thought I may have committed murder when we sat down to eat lunch. I couldn't say the words out loud so I gave a letter to them. That piece of paper held the one thing I'd never uttered to another soul before; the thing I'd known my entire life, but couldn't say to anyone out of fear. They looked into my eyes after reading the letter and still saw me as human. Their opinion of me was unchanged even thought I'd just shared the thing I thought I could never tell anyone. The next words from their mouth were, "So what? You're into S&M, what's the big deal? You planned this whole lunch to tell me this?" The response was a little rougher around the edges than I'd advise, but the result was all I needed. I just needed to know that I someone could know my deepest held secret and still be ok with me. That was all I needed.

 

I wish all the best of luck to you.

Welcome Again,

Little Tomás

[Little Sherri]

This is an interesting conundrum. My perspective is that of someone who was married, and wearing diapers in secret - at first, it was when I had the house to myself, or when I went on business trips. Then, I started wearing diapers to bed at night, but I always waited until my wife fell asleep, and then I would sneak into the bathroom and put one one, put shorts on over it, and sneak back into bed (as an aside, there were some heart-stopping moments when the dog started throwing up in the middle of the night, or one of the kids had a nightmare, or a smoke detector started chirping that the battery was low, always at 3 AM...). Next, I transitioned to wearing diapers 24/7 most of the time... STILL without telling my wife. This required some James Bond-level sneaking around. 

Eventually I grew tired of it, because the secrecy, fear and shame reminded me of what, I suspect, caused my fascination with diapers in the first place: having to wear them to bed for roughly the first 10 years of my life. With the help of some people here, I mustered the courage to tell my wife; that moment felt like jumping off of a cliff, and not knowing what I would land on. Would she be disgusted? Want a divorce? Want me to see a therapist? A doctor? All of the above? To my surprise and delight, she was pretty accepting - not interested in participating, but, non-judgmental. Admittedly, I soft-peddled at the beginning - I started out by saying that I was wearing diapers to bed, and then I started "openly" wearing them increasingly earlier in the evening, and wearing them until later in the mornings, until the ends of the circle started meeting, and I no longer hid that I was wearing a diaper from her, regardless of the time of day.

My point in retelling this is to get to what it feels like now that I no longer have this secret from her: it feels fantastic. I can order diapers online - no more secretive purchases. I have a diaper drawer in my dresser, and more diapers in my closet. I've eliminated underwear from my rotation, except for when I run, but I treat them like athletic equipment - I have a couple of pairs in a box next to the treadmill, with my shoes; I have none in our room. The answer to the question of what I am going to wear always starts with a diaper. And sometimes, it ends with a diaper as well - once the kids are in bed, I can openly wear a diaper if I want to, which feels great - my favourite outfit is a diaper and a t-shirt. 

So, while it may be scary for him to cross that divide, once it has been crossed, the world opens up. My suggestion: either tell him, or show him - say, by taking out a diaper - that you are "in the know", and then simply say "I want to be part of this, whatever that means for you." And let him lead the way, as far as you are comfortable. Ultimately, it's a negotiation that can strengthen your relationship. 

[secret_life]

Hello,

i am a DL/AB as my name implies this is a secret life. What you need to be asking yourself, how far am i willing to go?  If i bring this up, how mush support can i give him? Im i willing to participate or just let him do what he wants but don't involve me. I do not know what his "thing" is with diapers, but i can tell you, if my wife at the time when she saw my stash had been more open to them and was willing to participate rather then humiliate and belittle me because of my fetish, i would have been very happy. If you love him and can be the type of person that can explore this kinky side of his then do not be afraid to bring it up. he will be embarrassed at first but after he sees that you want to share this with him and experience what it is about he will be very happy and love you even more. How you go about it is up to you.

 

[babypb]

...my wife wants nothing to do with my diapers and that's actually the way I'd rather have it. She doesn't care for it and I'm not going to force my fetish on her. There was a short period where she's make little snide comments about my diapers and then I'd say something about her weight. She's very obese for her height. One day I told her let's make a deal, you keep your comments about "my" diapers to yourself AND I'll keep your weight comments to "myself". Deal? Been a few months, but so far so good. I openly wear them around her and she chooses to look the other way. I told her this is my house too and I'm going to do what I want to do in it!!! I told her that if she is not cool with that, she's MORE than welcome to go find someone better without a diaper fetish if that is what the deal breaker is. She said in no way shape or form does she want a divorce, we'd have way too much to lose between the two of us. I agreed and said that it is entirely up to you to want to get along with me & my fetish. At the present, it's working out very well for the both of us.