My journey to 24x7

[sparklezBear]

Hello future me, and everyone else.

I'm writing this thread with the hope of using it as a log of my journey. It's going to be a long one, and it might be something which may entertain or help others.

For the last two years I have been again grappling with the desire to wear and use nappies. Prior to this, there was about a 7 year gap where I didn't think about them at all. At that time, I was not really in a position to regularly wear nappies, and so I pushed it away with all my might. I had thought the desire had left me entirely, but this didn't happen. Now I'm faced with a massive desire to wear nappies again, larger than at any time previous in my life, and I'm in a position where I'm going to listen and put together a planned cave-in into 24x7 wearing.

To begin, I might do a Q&A.

Questions:

Q: Why 24x7? 

A: This is a long one. I mean, I like to wear and use nappes (only #1). By extension, I think I would love to wear 24x7. But this isn't the whole answer, and want is not the same as need. Rather, past experiences suggest that I cannot only wear part time and remain fully continent. When I choose to wear, I'm lucky in that I have no problem relaxing my muscles. While wearing, I tend to just dribble a little every few mins. Combined with this, my pelvic floor and urinary sphincters aren't great, and unless regularly exercised, I develop stress IC. Combine that with urge that I tend to experience from time to time, and I can be quite accident prone on occasion. I've had accidents at home before (during breaks between wearing), and one while at work (although was wearing a skirt so no foul). Also, it only took about a month (near on 20 years ago) to develop a degree of incontinence at night, although at that stage I was trying to be a bedwetter. That actually scared me, and put an end to my wearing for a while, dispite a couple of accidents after. So, why 24x7 now? Because if I wear part time, the chances are that I'm going to be very accident prone. Just recently, after wearing for only 48 hours, my bladder started urging badly. As such, I'm going to be staying mostly unpadded for now; the writing seems to be on the wall.

Q: Why did being incontinent at night scary?

A: At the time, I was relatively young and I was living alone. While alone, I was open to having a partner. I also enjoyed spending nights out with friends, staying with other people as I pleased. Being incontinent at night necessitated wearing nappies at night, yet my younger mind didn't connect that eventuality with my social engagments or desire for a relationship (I really wasn't bright when younger). As such, I really wasn't ready for that degree of comittment, and so I quickly tried to re-train myself to stay dry.

Q: What do I like about nappies?

A: I love the way nappies feel. I love the feeling of utter relaxation while wearing them. I love that spreading sensation of warmth while I slowly trickle and them. I love the bulk, and the feeling of security (ignoring the leaks). I love the smell of baby powder, and the smell of bed linen that wearing nappies (that don't leak) seem to cause. 

Q: Am I worried about developing incontinence:

A: Yes is the short answer, but again, this isn't simple. When wearing, part of the comfort is letting go. I consider that allowing my sphincters to relax is part of wearing for me. As such, there's little interest in wearing a nappy if I'm only intentionally holding and voiding as I do into a toilet. It detracts from my wearing, and thus doesn't really meet my desire. So, filling the desire to wear and use nappies as noted, I guess I also have to accept any incontinence that develops.

Q:  When did I start?

A: My earliest memories of diapering myself are from about the age of 4. I wore whenever I could, and since I couldn't buy any nappies, I stole them from family and friends. I was prepubescent at that time, and really couldn't tell you why I wanted to wear or use them other than it being for comfort. Whenever I wore, I felt safe and comfortable. As I got older, babies nappies wouldn't fit, so I would save my pocket money to buy larger ones, although that was hard. Once I left home and started working, I would buy and wear nappies on and off. The last gap of 7 years is about the longest.
 

The situation

Moving on, I want to talk about thoughts for achieving my 24x7 goal. This has been occupying a large amount of my mind currently, and has been invading my sleep too. I tend to be the type of person that thinks about problems until a solution is found :(.

The largest impediment I have right now is work. I work in health care environment, and tend to be on my feet for most of my day. Shifts vary between 4 and 12 hours, and I work with a lot of different people. I'm also tend to move around a bit, working closely with others, and will continue to do so this year. Next year will be more settled, and I will have the chance to work in one particular area, which will lend itself to more discretion and a more refined routine for any changing required. If possible, I would like to wait until next year to go 24x7, but I don't know if I can hold the proverbial flood gates back until then.

Regardless of when this happens, I've a few worries currently. The first is visibility. I expect that initially the thinner pullup style pads (tena discreet) will be no problem to conceal, although they will be unsutable quickly if incontinence develops as I expect. Stepping up from there (eg abri flex m1/2/3 as needed), nappies may start to be visible, particularly when wet, although I don't currently have any to test with my uniform. If they do become visible, I'm probably going to become very self concious about it. I can't explain why, but I've always been pretty self consious of my appearance. Even when I brute-force myself through it, it's uncomfortable as hell. I'm also very perceptive of others. Perhaps that goes hand in hand with being self consious? I really can't predict how I will react at all, except to say that I would be embarassed. Having said that, perhaps embarassment is good. Maybe a person wearing nappies would be expected to be a little embarassed? Maybe this will result in a more genuine or understanding kind of response? Perhaps this is better as a bridge to cross when it comes. 

Onto the topic of changing,  I expect that once I develop incontinence, I'll only get 4-6 hours from a pull-up depending on intake and capacity. Depending on my location for the day, I expect entering the bathroom with my bag will be increasingly noticed as some bathrooms are centrally located, although they are all single-stall. This is probably going to trigger the same embarassed feeling, it will be obvious to the observant what I'm about to do. Again, I'm not sure how I will react with this. With respect to the act of changing, I don't really foresee many problems here. I'll bring zip-lock bags for used pads, wipes and cream as needed. 

Finally, my last current worry is telling my boss. I actually don't really anticipate any great issue telling my boss that I'm struggling with incontinence, and using pads to help with this. But working in health, I feel there's an expectation that I'll have sought help, which I won't have. If asked, I'm not sure what I'd say. I really hate lying, and much prefer to tell the truth (that of course doesn't mean I volunteer sensitive information). I could approach my doctor and explain the situation, but I'm not sure how that conversation would go, and not sure they would be supportive either.

Outside of work, I'm much less worried. I will start to modify my wardrobe. Currently my go-to bottoms are skinny jeans. I will probably just trade this in for a more relaxed fit, and use longer shirts to cover my butt generally. I will also aquire a range of onesies to support and help conceal my to-be padded butt. I tend to be a real home-bod, I don't work out at the gym or go swimming, so I'm not really in danger of exposing myself in public much.

There are a few things I've not yet started to consider, such as leaks. I know that I will need to keep a spare change of clothing with me, but assuming I don't notice a leak immediately, it will likely be very embarassing. Otherwise, luckily I don't live with anyone, and I rarely have visitors stay with me. So while at home, I'm free to wear the crinkliest of ABDL style nappies.

Next steps

My next goal is to start aquiring clothing and nappies to test with.

I've purchased some tena discreet pads, and some onesies to test the initial fit. I will also purchase some abri-flex in various capacities and test them out with respect to capacity, fit and visibiity. Once I have all of that worked out, I'll be able to get a better idea of my likely progression into nappies that are more visible. 

Going forward I intend to update this thread with my lessons learned, trials and tribulations. 

[TinyBunny]

Hi SparklezBear,

It's great that you're going into this cautiously after considering a lot of the potential issues.

I understand why you see that carrying incontinence supplies with you would be embarrassing.  I do that a lot and I'm obviously very careful to not flaunt what I'm carrying.  I don't know if anybody has ever noticed but I have been using daytime and nightime nappies for nine months and if people have spotted the supplies in my bag or spotted a nappy bulge nobody has ever challenged me.  To be fair though I am also a house bunny and I only have to travel to work on one day each weekend.

Your problem is that there are too many narrow-minded people knocking around who think that having to wear nappies is silly.  But those people might regret their prejudices one day when their pelvic floors begin to slacken.  Fundamentally nappies are only underwear, like all of the other styles of underwear and therefore there's no reason for us to elevate nappy-related topics to a higher level of tabooness than their non-absorbent equivalents.

I think that it's wise to get some onesies.  I have four therefore there's always at least one that isn't being laundered.

I think that you should only tell your boss or colleagues about your bladder weakness if they challenge you.  If they start being unkind to you after that confession is given then you will know that they too are prejudice and you will have to be strong and resist that.

I really do hope that things work out for you SparklezBear.  It's up to you when (or if) you want to start but I hope that the turmoil is purged from your mind if you decide to commit.

Feel free to send any questions or concerns to the TinyBunny inbox and I might be able to use my nine-months experience to help you.

Take Care, TB.

[nappylover78]

3 hours ago, TinyBunny said:

Your problem is that there are too many narrow-minded people knocking around who think that having to wear nappies is silly.  But those people might regret their prejudices one day when their pelvic floors begin to slacken.  Fundamentally nappies are only underwear, like all of the other styles of underwear and therefore there's no reason for us to elevate nappy-related topics to a higher level of tabooness than their non-absorbent equivalents.

Exactly, and the pelvic floor point is a good one... the journey towards nappies for a woman over 40 seems like a common and natural one!

[oznl]

I've been playing around 24/7 on and off for about 18 months, currently 15 months uninterrupted.  There's a long thread about it on DD (you name the mistake, I've made it and documented it!) and loads of advice around.

I'd be cautious before panicking too much about visual discretion.  My experience is that grown-up nappies are a lot harder to spot then we might think they are (because we know exactly what we are looking for).  Also, back when I had an office to work at (pre-plague), I rapidly found it more practical and discreet to wear heavier, longer-range nappies and plastic pants instead of trying to orchestrate office changes.  Minor leakage is inevitable.  The effects can be mitigated with plastic pants and dark "one size up" clothing.  I've also found that high performance nappies are cheaper in the long run as you simply use less of them.  I've been running on only two nappies per day successfully for about 3 months now.

I'd also suggest caution about informing your employer.  It's really none of their business and the dominant paradigm for 24/7 users is that they don't persist with it.  That could make for an awkward "miracle cure" conversation a few weeks down the track.  I'd only share this if I was somehow backed into it and even then it would be "I have to wear nappies, I deal with it, that's all you need to know".

My experience (which seems to be borne out by others) is that it SEEMS like you are catapulting towards incontinence within weeks of going 24/7 but it's more likely that unfamiliar with the terrain, we are hyper-aware of minor changes.  For me, genuine symptoms of dependency (and I am NOT fully dependent today) emerge only after several months and may only be clearly visible in retrospect.

You haven't said much about your domestic affairs but are you likely to have support on the home front?  That's a big consideration here.

[TinyBunny]

Excellent advice oznl! I agree that more heavy-duty nappies might be better because of the cost and endurance factors that you mentioned.

[sparklezBear]

4 hours ago, oznl said:

You haven't said much about your domestic affairs but are you likely to have support on the home front?  That's a big consideration here.

I guess in retrospect, I didn't write much about my home situation as there isn't really much to say. At home, I'm single and live alone. I'm separated from my toxic family, and live a long way from them. I do have friends drop by on occasion, but they tend not to stay the night. Even if they did, I choose my friends carefully and wouldn't care about sharing my nappy use with them. Ofcourse I woudn't go out of my way to mention it either.

4 hours ago, oznl said:

I'd also suggest caution about informing your employer.  It's really none of their business and the dominant paradigm for 24/7 users is that they don't persist with it.  That could make for an awkward "miracle cure" conversation a few weeks down the track.  I'd only share this if I was somehow backed into it and even then it would be "I have to wear nappies, I deal with it, that's all you need to know".

That's a really good point actually. I don't imagine that I will want to stop, but it's possible. I guess I'm confident because of previous life events. I've felt this need for something else previously, and grappled with it greatly for years before finally giving in, which in retrospect was the best decision I've made. 

Note, I may delete this later so please don't quote this, but I'm MtF trans, and transitioned many years ago, including surgery. Frankly, transitioning is the only reason I'm alive today. Now days, my past isn't known by my friends or employer, and I live without any connection to my past except for my doctor.  Like my love of nappies, my knowledge that I was a girl inside goes back to my earliest memories. I knew who I was early, but couldn't tell anyone. I burried it deep out of a need to survive. As I grew, depression grew while motivation dropped, and I was being very destructive before the proverbial fork was in front of me back in the 00's. I either enacted my plan and killed myself, or had a go at being me. So I planned, took time to get things in line, and opted for the hard road. Transitioning while working and living in a city was the worst experience of my life. I was met with hate, laughter and discrimination. This alone nearly drove me to end it. Then there was the surgery and recovery which nearly killed me. This is also why my bladder is weak. But then I reached the end and recovered. My voice, body and life had changed, and I was no longer seen as a trans person by the public, rather just me, a woman, no more than that. Since then, I've been off antidepressants and overwhelmingly happy without any trace of my past. Now days, I'm more or less invisible, even to trans people.

It's that previous experience, feeling that need to do something that very closely resembles what I'm feeling again now. Having said that, I acknowledge that the options and gravity aren't the same. I will take your advice and not mention to my employer unless asked, and while I don't particularly want to go 24x7 for the point of work, I'm quite sure that I won't have the option. 

 

4 hours ago, oznl said:

I'd be cautious before panicking too much about visual discretion.  My experience is that grown-up nappies are a lot harder to spot then we might think they are (because we know exactly what we are looking for).  Also, back when I had an office to work at (pre-plague), I rapidly found it more practical and discreet to wear heavier, longer-range nappies and plastic pants instead of trying to orchestrate office changes.  Minor leakage is inevitable.  The effects can be mitigated with plastic pants and dark "one size up" clothing.

Thinking about this, it may indeed be the case that some of the pullups would be more visible. Mostly being that they (eg abri-flex) don't really extend to the sides the way most slips do. When wet, they may actually result in that bulge-in-the-middle-of-your-buttocks type thing look? Maybe? Perhaps the only way to get a real representation is to get some myself and test them out. I'll be looking to purchase some soon.

I also take on board what you're saying about plastic pants. From my reading this morning, lined pants might be the gold standard. It looks like there are a few brands, but my options might be limited in the southern hemisphere. 

4 hours ago, oznl said:

I've been playing around 24/7 on and off for about 18 months, currently 15 months uninterrupted.  There's a long thread about it on DD (you name the mistake, I've made it and documented it!) and loads of advice around.

I will take a look

Thank you again for the response and thought provoking comments. I appreciate it!.

[oznl]

To clarify a little without quoting:

Pull ups: My experience has been over-price and under-capacity rather than being visually obvious.  Even the so called "L10" Molicare pullups, despite obscenely expensive unit costs, have proved to be no good for me outside of brief, tactical use.  I've not found a pull-up yet that could deal with 100% adult urinary usage during the day without disaster or frequent changes.  A high quality tape-on disposable such as the BetterDry can managed an 8 - 12 hour shift without too much drama.  A compression garment can further suppress noise and visual cues if you are worried - details on the "Strange Days" thread of how I eventually stumbled into this setup.  Economy is a thing.  It's one thing to pay for your favorite ABDL mega-diaper but when you wear 24/7 and burn through 2 - 3 per day, a few choices here will save a LOT of money over a year.  Here I'm spending about A$200 per month on nappies and related gear.

Plastic pants:  Yes, the terry-lined ones would be the gold standard but they do add to bulk.  I usually only use those in bed at night (assuming I'm not in cloth) but made exceptions for flights (back when planes were a thing!).  During the day when out and about, I would either wear just vinyl (usually Babykins or sometimes Gary Activewear) or PUL waterproofs (Gary Activewear).  The PUL pants can breath a little, are quieter and VERY hard wearing.  Not sure of your geography but my part of the Southern Hemisphere (South East Queensland, Australia) has a few supply options.  You can also order from the USA but right now, shipping takes months.  I suspect with the collapse in aviation, shipping to Australia these days means "ship"...  I know from friends it's tougher in NZ.  Not sure what the landscape looks like in case you're in one of the "other" southern hemisphere countries.

You have MANY like-minded folk around here and it's a very non-judgmental place (mostly) which is why I'm here (I'm a little bit on Fetlife as well).  I leached a LOT of information from a lot of people before diving into 24/7 so now I try to return the favour to the community by sharing everything I can.

[sparklezBear]

12 minutes ago, oznl said:

You have MANY like-minded folk around here and it's a very non-judgmental place (mostly) which is why I'm here (I'm a little bit on Fetlife as well).  I leached a LOT of information from a lot of people before diving into 24/7 so now I try to return the favour to the community by sharing everything I can.

I really appreciate your honest and detailed story and thread oznl!. I'm hooked, so far about half way through currently, so please no spoilers ;).

I've also spent some more time reading other resources. I think you're right, the pull-ups are a no go. For day time use, I might initially start out with the Abena abri-form L2/3 with a change half way through my shift. If I end up using them more than expected, I'll just move to a higher capacity. I have scheduled breaks and will have the opportunity to visit a disabled toilet to freshen up, change and attend to any aberrant #2s. I like the idea of the Gary PUL pants with shapewear too. My shopping list just keeps growing! I've also found some higher-waisted pants which should thwarte any nappy-peeks when bending, or at least I hope. I've also been anticipating a monthly spend of about $200, assuming I can stick to 2 higher capacity nappies on my days off.

I've also been trying to work out a more sensible timeframe. In that regard, I have one additional road block which I've been hesitant to talk about thus far. It's been a real headache and relates to my reassignment surgery many years ago. Unfortunately a complication developed last year which necessitates further surgery. It has been causing me quite a bit of stress since last year, and thanks to the plague, this surgery has been delayed. Further, nappy usage following may also be a problem, delaying healing and placing my health at risk again. Without a current date for that, I'm feeling a little lost.

Unitl I'm medically cleared, I will keep aquiring knowledge, clothing and supplies while hoping this can start sooner rather than later.

[sparklezBear]

In my current holding pattern sitation, I've been trying to place myself in the position of my soon-to-be-padded self. I've been trying to identify issues and situations that may represent an issue of some kind. For example, when sitting, I sometimes sit leaned back with my butt forward, half reclined, and I also cross my legs from times to times. Sitting in such a way will only emphasise padding in the front and crotch, and, I'm not able to comfortably cross my legs while wearing anyway, particularly when wet. So there are definitely some posture changes I will need to make, ignoring all of the other wardrobe changes needed. Of course, I don't yet have my intended nappies, PUL pants, shapewear or other professional attire to test all of this properly. At this stage, I will be hopefully ordering most items next week ?. I'll also spend some time shopping for some more appropriate clothing.

I've also been considering nappy changing locations, as I'd still prefer reduced nappy bulk at the cost of a change mid way through the shift. There are two bathrooms in my immediate area. One is small and near workers, not really suitable. The other is more suitable, although still near a major throughfare, not super ideal. There is also one other bathroom further away though, and being further away also provides a reasonable explaination for me having a bag with me, although it is multi-stall. Regarding a nappy bag, my aim is to find a split-compartment bag or backpack that can house a couple of nappies, wipes, cream and a change of pants if required. I'll plan to keep used nappies with me until they can be disposed of off site.

With respect to going 24x7, I'm finding the desire difficult to curtail, even if this creates some issue later. While perhaps not particularly convenient, I'm thinking that once I've acquired most of what's needed and have a basic working wardrobe, I might take a couple of weeks holiday to test the 24x7 waters. If everything works well from there (with intentional nappy changes in public restrooms), then I will likely make the leap at work too without waiting any further.

In the mean time, I've received my ABU package, and have some tena discreet to test on the job prior to unrestrained 24x7 demands. 

[oznl]

I didn't go straight into indefinite 24/7 if it's of any help.  I had a few days here, a week there.  The periods got longer and longer and I think the last "big" thing I did before making the switch was doing a whole interstate business trip in nappies (and packing no conventional underwear with me).  I think it helps to test the logistics and find out if it's really what you want to do.

People do often seem tie themselves up with commitments, milestones success and failure criteria for 24/7 which I've never really understood considering this is a practice that's meant to relieve stress, not provide it ?

 

[sparklezBear]

50 minutes ago, oznl said:

I didn't go straight into indefinite 24/7 if it's of any help.  I had a few days here, a week there.  The periods got longer and longer and I think the last "big" thing I did before making the switch was doing a whole interstate business trip in nappies (and packing no conventional underwear with me).  I think it helps to test the logistics and find out if it's really what you want to do.

People do often seem tie themselves up with commitments, milestones success and failure criteria for 24/7 which I've never really understood considering this is a practice that's meant to relieve stress, not provide it ?

 

Finally this afternoon I've put some time in and finished reading your thread oznl. Also looking forward to updates.

Perhaps to be expected, I've been thinking about menthods of reaching my goal frequently. It has felt like there are so many moving pieces, making it hard to make some kind of plan (which I would much prefer). But alas, the path of life is never straight. To try and at least find some relief from the constant urge, I've decided to wear at night, every night, as I have for the past few nights. This is not without risk. For example, my bladder is getting progressively unhappier with this arrangement and the changing conditions, constantly requesting to empty during the day. So far though, no accidents. I would have worn protection (Tena discreet), but they're truly aweful. The smell, fit, rear leg ruffles that show through clothing and lack of anything resembling a leak guide or guard makes them rather useless. As such, I'll just use regular pads during the day for now just in case, they're just as effective. 

I also had a decent chat with the proverbial voices on my shoulders today while driving some ways this morning (note, not actual voices, I'm not psychotic). The against-voice started with the statement that I really don't want to put in all of this effort, suggesting that I'll probably make some kind of mistake or wardrobe malfunction that outs me, only to return to non-absorbant underwear while cowering in fear. Cost was also mentioned in there somewhere. They're fairly compelling arguments, and possibly partially accurate. Who in their right mind would want to wear, use and manage nappies? Then the for-voice rebuked that it didn't matter, reminding me that If I was ever offered the choice between a nappy and non-absorbant underware, I would almost always choose the nappy. And, I've always been that way. Obviously that doesn't apply in my workplace just yet, but it's true outside of there. I came across a similar remark by you oznl, that the desire to wear nappies is an inate part of you. I feel exactly the same way. It's not a part of me that I can remove, and I can no longer ignore it.

I wanted to ask something else too, those Abena you're using, are they the Comfort or Premium type? Have you tried both? I'm a little worried about leaks developing from the Premium (cloth backed) type.

[Rob110]

Dealing with diapers 24/7 gets easier over time as you accept and adjust your daily life to being diapered, as you wear and change more often in public and at work the the embarrassing feelings will subside as you stop worrying if people may notice your diaper.  I carry a skip-hop  sling bag its light weight and can carry 3 premium better dry diapers or 2 diapers and a pack of wipes its a small bag and is a cammo design so no one can tell its a diaper bag.  

I would recommend getting a few onesies (Tykables plain colour are my favourite) and switching to a premium diaper you can trust like Betterdry or other premium diapers, taped diapers will give you better protection and are quick and easy to change. 

 Being diapered 24/7 has not changed my life that much other then making traveling a bit more challenging

 

 

[oznl]

3 hours ago, sparklezBear said:

Finally this afternoon I've put some time in and finished reading your thread oznl. Also looking forward to updates.

Perhaps to be expected, I've been thinking about menthods of reaching my goal frequently. It has felt like there are so many moving pieces, making it hard to make some kind of plan (which I would much prefer). But alas, the path of life is never straight. To try and at least find some relief from the constant urge, I've decided to wear at night, every night, as I have for the past few nights. This is not without risk. For example, my bladder is getting progressively unhappier with this arrangement and the changing conditions, constantly requesting to empty during the day. So far though, no accidents. I would have worn protection (Tena discreet), but they're truly aweful. The smell, fit, rear leg ruffles that show through clothing and lack of anything resembling a leak guide or guard makes them rather useless. As such, I'll just use regular pads during the day for now just in case, they're just as effective. 

I also had a decent chat with the proverbial voices on my shoulders today while driving some ways this morning (note, not actual voices, I'm not psychotic). The against-voice started with the statement that I really don't want to put in all of this effort, suggesting that I'll probably make some kind of mistake or wardrobe malfunction that outs me, only to return to non-absorbant underwear while cowering in fear. Cost was also mentioned in there somewhere. They're fairly compelling arguments, and possibly partially accurate. Who in their right mind would want to wear, use and manage nappies? Then the for-voice rebuked that it didn't matter, reminding me that If I was ever offered the choice between a nappy and non-absorbant underware, I would almost always choose the nappy. And, I've always been that way. Obviously that doesn't apply in my workplace just yet, but it's true outside of there. I came across a similar remark by you oznl, that the desire to wear nappies is an inate part of you. I feel exactly the same way. It's not a part of me that I can remove, and I can no longer ignore it.

I wanted to ask something else too, those Abena you're using, are they the Comfort or Premium type? Have you tried both? I'm a little worried about leaks developing from the Premium (cloth backed) type.

Abriform "premium" although for day use, I wear them beneath Gary PUL pants.  They are very, very good.  Not as good as a BetterDry but BetterDry swell dramatically.  An Abena L4 + Abrilet booster is practically the equal of a BetterDry at fractionally lower expense but with a lower visual profile.  Remember also that I wear "Shapewear" over them during the day.  This massively helps.

Seriously though, I think you might be over-thinking the "OMG - people will be able to TELL!" thing.  People are not gazing at your nether regions that analytically (well, they SHOULDN'T be anyway and if they are, they are probably going to be too embarrassed by their own secrets).

 

 

[sparklezBear]

17 hours ago, oznl said:

Seriously though, I think you might be over-thinking the "OMG - people will be able to TELL!" thing.  People are not gazing at your nether regions that analytically (well, they SHOULDN'T be anyway and if they are, they are probably going to be too embarrassed by their own secrets).

In my line of work, I can work very close to people (shoulder to shoulder sometimes), with other staff or otherwise. So odour control and discrete form are really important. From just trapsing around the house with a Barebum and sweatpants, there's a noticeable front bulge when sitting, or at least there is when you're used to that typically female creviced groin. It may be better with shapwear, a thinner Abena M3 and sturdier pant material though. Once supplies arrive, I will test this all out.

Judging from today, I will also need more bathroom contingencies too, at least if I want to go un-noticed. Otherwise people may notice me collecting my bag and making a b-line for the disabled bathroom which is in the same area. I did however manage to find an ideal dual-compartment bag (upper and lower compartments) which will let me carry my nappy supplies and all of my work bits and bobs. Once I receive it to confirm, I'll share a link for everyone else.

 

20 hours ago, Rob110 said:

I would recommend getting a few onesies (Tykables plain colour are my favourite) and switching to a premium diaper you can trust like Betterdry or other premium diapers, taped diapers will give you better protection and are quick and easy to change. 

I've a few Rearz onesies already, althogh they're not really work appropriate  . I do have some that are work appropriate, although they're not designed for diapers. I'm not yet sure what the narrow crotch will do. Perhaps with shapewear, I won't even need a onesie. For a nappy, I'll be aiming to favour discretion, opting for an Abena M2/3 most likely, changing during my work day.

 

[sparklezBear]

In the last couple of days, I've started to realise just how inconvenient secretly wearing nappies at work may be. The bathroom I had earmarked for changing I've learned is entirely audible from the adjoining room. It's not really viable. I do have other options, but it's trickier. Also, as part of my role, I'm expected to partake in physical job training in close quarters with others annually, the kind where you would typically wear activewear. I really can't secretly wear a nappy in such a situation, and a caution-to-the-wind approach likely to be received poorly. These impediments suggest a change to my approach. I'm thinking about a more natural approach.

Over the next month as I collect more supplies and clothing, I'm going to try and expand my nappy wearing from night-only to everything except work. My hope is that this will go a long way in fulfilling my need to wear nappies while also slowly resulting in worsening stress and urge incontinence. If successful, I have no quarms in talking to my doctor, asking for medical confirmation while sharing my preference to wear nappies for management. At least this is how I'm thinking at the moment.

More immediately, I've some more online shopping to attend to.

[oznl]

I'm often amused by the excited and the enthusiastic opining about the freedom and convenience that will be conferred by wearing nappies.

One of the first lessons I learned is that as an adult, using my pants as a toilet (and getting away with it) on an ongoing basis requires considerable supplies, infrastructure, time and planning.  The concept of storing wee in your bladder until you can simply empty it out into a toilet and walk away never looked so simple and convenient until after I'd spent a few weeks living in nappies ?

I say do what you're doing:  move forward as you are comfortable and stop when you get too uncomfortable.  This is supposed to make you feel better, not worse.

 

 

[BlakeJordan]

I'm often amused by the excited and the enthusiastic opining about the freedom and convenience that will be conferred by wearing nappies.
One of the first lessons I learned is that as an adult, using my pants as a toilet (and getting away with it) on an ongoing basis requires considerable supplies, infrastructure, time and planning.  The concept of storing wee in your bladder until you can simply empty it out into a toilet and walk away never looked so simple and convenient until after I'd spent a few weeks living in nappies [emoji846]
I say do what you're doing:  move forward as you are comfortable and stop when you get too uncomfortable.  This is supposed to make you feel better, not worse.
 
 

Well said... and yet I think the convenience factor is often at least one degree of separation removed from the true or primal motivation. Whatever that may be.

I will say that once that infrastructure, planning, practice, trial and error, troubleshooting, anxiety, personal growth and acceptance is out of the way...there is certainly some convenience to be had, at least in the moment to moment. Sure you can still end up in the “I have to get out of this situation now!” Moments, but I also have never slept so well in my adult life, or been able to get completely absorbed in a project for work, a hobby, or whatnot.

In my experience it’s that really long in between that is hellish. If you can manage to traverse that valley great rewards wait for you at the other side.

I think that same valley is not one to be discounted or cheated. It is one of the great, and needed barriers to entry. If you’re determined enough, and able enough to make it work and actually get through that barrier, you know what you’re getting yourself into with ample opportunity to turn around. It weeds out most people that don’t need to be incontinent to feel complete, and those that are left have found a way to make it work in their life, hopefully to a healthy extent. If you’re not in a place, mentally, physically, socially, or financially (perhaps especially financially) than you’re unlikely to stick with it, despite the need. I’m convinced that some people that need to be incontinent to feel complete don’t actually make it, but if I had to choose, I’d rather choose an unfulfilled need, rather than a lifelong regret. The former at least can become a goal to work towards.

I also think that the person that emerges on the other side of the valley has undergone significant change, perhaps most noticeable in self understanding, and self acceptance. The first time I went through the journey it felt damn near identical to my gender transition. High stakes in terms of lifelong impact, social, opportunity, family, friends, new jobs, tons of out of pocket expenses, learning curves, etc. there is a reason standards of care require 12 months of real life experience before a surgery.

I don’t regret either, but it is remarkable how closely they both felt.

[sparklezBear]

On 7/1/2020 at 1:34 PM, oznl said:

I say do what you're doing:  move forward as you are comfortable and stop when you get too uncomfortable.  This is supposed to make you feel better, not worse.

Wise words oznl.

One day and problem at a time. Next up, I have to figure out how to hide my front-bulge in jeans! ?

On 7/1/2020 at 2:49 PM, BlakeJordan said:

I also think that the person that emerges on the other side of the valley has undergone significant change, perhaps most noticeable in self understanding, and self acceptance. The first time I went through the journey it felt damn near identical to my gender transition. High stakes in terms of lifelong impact, social, opportunity, family, friends, new jobs, tons of out of pocket expenses, learning curves, etc. there is a reason standards of care require 12 months of real life experience before a surgery.

I don’t regret either, but it is remarkable how closely they both felt.

That's a little concerning, given that transition is an unparalleled leisurly stroll through hell.

Still, I'm reminded by myself to be authentic. To be myself even in the face of ridicule, judgement and adversity. We only get to live once. So while I'm near certain about this at my this stage in life, sure, it may not be for me, and that is okay too. 

[oznl]

3 hours ago, sparklezBear said:

Still, I'm reminded by myself to be authentic. To be myself even in the face of ridicule, judgement and adversity.

Well that's kind of the nub of it really isn't it?  Maybe that's the nexus between trans and ABDL and why we so often wind up in the same social "naughty corner" looking at each other wondering how we got here ?

 

[sparklezBear]

Today marks the 5 day of consecutive wearing near 24h/day, with the exception of a work function. This included wearing in public while tending to errands, which was uneventful. Unfortunately this spate ends tomorrow as I resume normal work hours.

Beginning this 5 day stretch, I was curious if my want for nappies (24/7) would change. It was to be the largest stretch in more than a decade. Sitting here now, I've found this to be wonderful, and my desire to wear nappies as much as possible is as resolute as ever.

Wearing in public wasn't exactly planned in advance, but was easy with appropriate clothing by way of a skirt. I was also about 8 hours into a fairly wet nappy at that point, so some PUL pants helped to keep odours contained, although I still caught a momentary whiff of myself. Speaking of, I'm not sure what that particular smell is. It's not the smell of urine, rather maybe the smell of the nappy's material? It's a mild half-chemical smell that most disposables seem to have when wet with urine, although it's not a totally unpleasant smell. It actually seems familiar. It also tends to get onto any clothing in contact with the nappy, such as my onesies or compression briefs. Does anyone know more about this smell? I'd like to be able to control it for the workplace.

Something else I have noticed is my sleep. For as long as I can remember, I've been a side or front sleeper. I've tried to sleep on my back so many times unsuccessfully. After hours of laying awake, I invariably roll over to sleep. When wearing a nappy, it's not very comfortable to sleep on my side, and I'm finding sleeping on my front less comfortable too. Rather, I've found it comfortable and possible to sleep on my back. I've no idea why the presence of a nappy allows me to sleep on my back, but it does. It's also beneficial for wetting during the night, I can just release without having to move. Something else of interest too, I've found myself wanting a binkie while going to sleep. While I have a couple of AB-like preferences such as cute onesies, I've never considered myself an adult baby. And while I have tried a binkie more than a decade ago, it was more a test to see if I liked it. I don't recall keeping it for long, so this new found desire was unexpected and caught me a little off guard. Regardless, I will try it and see how it feels. I suspect that I'll end up sleeping even more soundly.

A new challenge I have is disposal. Living in a suburb unit, I share a landfill bin with a neighbour. They're also only emptied fortnightly, and are smaller than the recycling bin. I'm finding that my nappies are using an increasing amount of space. Prior to my recent instillment of nappies, I used only a small portion of the landfill bin. I'm certain that my neighbour has noticed my inrease in waste, although she's likely unaware of what lays hiding in those garbage bags. Thankfully ABDL nappies also do surprisingly well at odour control, and in these winter months, they don't really develop a big smell when laying in the garbage for more than a week. Still, I'll need to find some alternatives suitable for periods of increasing nappy usage, or for when the bin gets missed for whatever reason. In the long run, this may be less an issue. When I'm in my own property without shared laundry facilities, I will likely invest in some cloth nappies. 

I've also been able to test out a range of nappies. I've been lucky enough so far to have experienced no leaks with the exception of a small pin-hole sized hold in the front of a NRU Playdayz which left two-drops worth of liquid on a compression pant. It was right at the end of the nappy's use too, so I don't really consider this a failure just yet. In terms of discreet wear, both the ABU preschool and NRU playdayz fit the bill, and I could even almost conceal them under jeans. For daytime use in public, cloth backed Preschools or Playdayz seem to be good for ABDL nappies, and ABU Barebums are okay for private-only daytime nappy given the noise. The Abena M4 is pretty good (good with odour control too), but about as discreet as other higher capacity ABDL nappies. I'm going to get some M2s & M3s (cloth backed) to try out for more discreet daytime wear. For night time wear, there are so many good options. I was absolutely blown away with the Rearz Rebels, they're so thick and absorbant! ❤️.

As I return to work with non-absorbant underwear (except for a small pad), it will be interesting to how my bladder handles those I-need-to-go-right-now urges that it gets. They're obviously no problem while in a nappy, and I've been letting my bladder have free reign. If I were to place a bet, I'd say it will probably be relatively fine without any incontinence. Although if it isn't fine, at least I won't be complaining .

[oznl]

19 hours ago, sparklezBear said:

Beginning this 5 day stretch, I was curious if my want for nappies (24/7) would change. It was to be the largest stretch in more than a decade. Sitting here now, I've found this to be wonderful, and my desire to wear nappies as much as possible is as resolute as ever..

Yes.  I thought I might last a week or so and then get sick of it.  That was in December 2018...

19 hours ago, sparklezBear said:

 I still caught a momentary whiff of myself. Speaking of, I'm not sure what that particular smell is. It's not the smell of urine, rather maybe the smell of the nappy's material? It's a mild half-chemical smell that most disposables seem to have when wet with urine, although it's not a totally unpleasant smell. It actually seems familiar. It also tends to get onto any clothing in contact with the nappy, such as my onesies or compression briefs. Does anyone know more about this smell? I'd like to be able to control it for the workplace.

Yes.  I’ve noticed this.  I believe a weak acid is added to the absorbent to neutralise ammonia formation.

Exacerbating factors seem to be the brand of nappy, the time and extent of its wetness and sudden air exchange (eg sitting down suddenly in plastic pants and thusly expelling trapped air).  BetterDrys seem prone to this but on the other hand, because of their sheer capacity, a BetterDry is more likely to have been on me and wet for 8 hours or more.

PUL waterproofs do it less in my experience (presumably allowing a low level of ongoing air exchange rather than a bolus dose) and compression pants also seem to help (presumably by reducing air trapping inside the plastic pants and therefore subsequent air exchange).

I’ve wondered if the addition of plastic pants is actually contributing to the problem by trapping air however the other benefits (leak management) are overwhelming.

I’ve found it to be intermittent (if it wasn’t, olfactory habituation would stop US from noticing it), fairly subtle and apparently inoffensive.  My partner, who has grabbed any opportunity for complaint, hasn’t even apparently noticed it at all.  In contrast, I had a series of complaints about malodorous cloth night nappies in the morning, a phenomenon that I’ve mitigated a lot by periodic high temperature “strip washing”.

As a kind of in-post update, with the house to myself this morning I’m just in a t-shirt, my rather well-used night nappy and Babykins terry-lined vinyl (nothing covering my nappy as nobody to see it).  I just walked back into my study and sat down and immediately got a whiff of what you described (definitely air being forced out of my waterproofs) but it’s a completely neutral odour that doesn’t hint at pee.

19 hours ago, sparklezBear said:

Something else I have noticed is my sleep. For as long as I can remember, I've been a side or front sleeper. I've tried to sleep on my back so many times unsuccessfully. After hours of laying awake, I invariably roll over to sleep. When wearing a nappy, it's not very comfortable to sleep on my side, and I'm finding sleeping on my front less comfortable too. Rather, I've found it comfortable and possible to sleep on my back. I've no idea why the presence of a nappy allows me to sleep on my back, but it does. It's also beneficial for wetting during the night, I can just release without having to move.

I am a side sleeper although since nappies at night became a thing, I have also been increasingly waking up to find myself on my back.  I don't find my nappy uncomfortable on my side but I have taken to sleeping with a knee pillow (this was more about dealing with hip pain that I'm in denial about). I think sleeping on my back also removed one of the psychological barriers between me and bedwetting (leak risk) and so eventually, bedwetting became a thing: something to watch out for if this bothers you.

19 hours ago, sparklezBear said:

A new challenge I have is disposal. Living in a suburb unit, I share a landfill bin with a neighbour. They're also only emptied fortnightly, and are smaller than the recycling bin. I'm finding that my nappies are using an increasing amount of space. Prior to my recent instillment of nappies, I used only a small portion of the landfill bin. I'm certain that my neighbour has noticed my inrease in waste, although she's likely unaware of what lays hiding in those garbage bags. Thankfully ABDL nappies also do surprisingly well at odour control, and in these winter months, they don't really develop a big smell when laying in the garbage for more than a week. Still, I'll need to find some alternatives suitable for periods of increasing nappy usage, or for when the bin gets missed for whatever reason. In the long run, this may be less an issue. When I'm in my own property without shared laundry facilities, I will likely invest in some cloth nappies.

Yes.  Disposal IS a thing.  It will get worse when the weather warms up sorry to say.  I’ve noticed that in some of the trendier municipalities, the in-thing to do is to give people these kind of micro-bins instead of a full sized rubbish bin and call it “environmental”.  THAT will be a problem for me if it happens.  I am personally responsible for 30% of our wheelie bin volume week in, week out and that’s after using cloth for at least 2 days per week.

19 hours ago, sparklezBear said:

As I return to work with non-absorbant underwear (except for a small pad), it will be interesting to how my bladder handles those I-need-to-go-right-now urges that it gets. They're obviously no problem while in a nappy, and I've been letting my bladder have free reign. If I were to place a bet, I'd say it will probably be relatively fine without any incontinence. Although if it isn't fine, at least I won't be complaining .

If you’re like me it will be fine.  It took months before anything serious started to happen although tiny changes got magnified in my mind by over-focus early on.

  A cautionary note however would be that if you let this run on for months/years and you are like me, you may find yourself somewhat dependent without realising until you try to go nappy-free for some reason.  I'm not incontinent during the day but I don't have very much range at all and so it would not be practical to do without a nappy for many things.  At night, I am for practical purposes a bed wetter.  I might be able to re-train but I've not yet been inclined to try.

 

[nappylover78]

On 7/5/2020 at 4:40 AM, sparklezBear said:

Wearing in public wasn't exactly planned in advance, but was easy with appropriate clothing by way of a skirt. I was also about 8 hours into a fairly wet nappy at that point, so some PUL pants helped to keep odours contained, although I still caught a momentary whiff of myself. Speaking of, I'm not sure what that particular smell is. It's not the smell of urine, rather maybe the smell of the nappy's material? It's a mild half-chemical smell that most disposables seem to have when wet with urine, although it's not a totally unpleasant smell. It actually seems familiar. It also tends to get onto any clothing in contact with the nappy, such as my onesies or compression briefs. Does anyone know more about this smell? I'd like to be able to control it for the workplace.

I actually think it's a nice smell... if I noticed it from a woman at work I think I'd get quite excited!

[DL-Boy]

On 7/4/2020 at 10:40 PM, sparklezBear said:

Wearing in public wasn't exactly planned in advance, but was easy with appropriate clothing by way of a skirt. I was also about 8 hours into a fairly wet nappy at that point, so some PUL pants helped to keep odours contained, although I still caught a momentary whiff of myself. Speaking of, I'm not sure what that particular smell is. It's not the smell of urine, rather maybe the smell of the nappy's material? It's a mild half-chemical smell that most disposables seem to have when wet with urine, although it's not a totally unpleasant smell. It actually seems familiar. It also tends to get onto any clothing in contact with the nappy, such as my onesies or compression briefs. Does anyone know more about this smell? I'd like to be able to control it for the workplace.

I think the smell to which you refer is what I call a "petroleum" smell although that's not exactly accurate either.  I believe it's the Ph balancing chemicals or the odor neutralizers that give that pungent crude-oil like odor that I can detect in wet (and sometimes DRY) disposables.  The smell is more noticeable with certain brands than with others.  Maybe it's the SAP (Super-Absorbent Polymer) - the powder that turns to a thick gel when it comes in contact with water.

[sparklezBear]

At the end of another week, I've continued to wear overnight and during the day outside of work. With my night time wearing, I'm getting better at keeping sphincters relaxed while horizontal, something which has been a struggle at times previously. The net result is a more reasonable pace of wetting with slow dribbling rather than those large deluge type events, which on one occasion resulted in a leak! Thank the stars I put on a waterproof mattress protector a few days prior. I'm continuing to sleep on my back without difficulty, sometimes with a binkie insitu if my mood goes that way. One downside of slow dribbles while sleeping on my back is that urine is getting into my vagina . In the morning, things are whiffy, and it's possibly unhealthy for my particular variety of non-self-cleaning vagina. For now I'm increasing my cleaning efforts to counter. I'm not sure what else to do, as urine also enters my vagina while laying on my tummy unless legs are further apart. Do other women with aftermarket installations experience this problem and or have any recommendations?

During the work day, I also experience one powerful episode of urge, the kind that results in wet pants if I don't make it to the loo in time. Luckily, this one occured when I was just meters from the loo, and I was able to hold on until reaching it. Until this episode, I've actually had none in the last few weeks. I was wondering if the increased fluid intake to avoid smelly urine had somehow resolved my episodes of urge incontinentce, but apparently (and thankfully) not. This one also felt stronger and more sudden than usual. I'm curious if this might be relatred to my increasing nappy wearing and use. Truthfully, if I had any input on the matter, I'd prefer it to be worse and occur more frequently, as it's a perfectly reasonable medical rationale for wearing 24/7. Nonetheless, I'll continue to monitor the situation for developments.

Since my last update, I've also encountered the big brother of that familiar inner voice that tells me that I'm crazy for wanting to be in nappies. Based on previous experiences, I've mostly been expecting it to show up sooner or later. Such occasions have also been responsilble for purges previously. Now, at this point in my life, I really have to acknowledge and agree that wanting to wear nappies around the clock, something that costs $200+ per month while problematically influencing all corners of my life is at best a significant interference. Regardless, I still want it, and everything tells me that this isn't going to go away. Made superfluous by this knowledge, that inner voice has left again, for now.

In summary, onwards at about 14/7 on average.

[sparklezBear]

Over this last week, I've started to feel a little down with respect to my initial 24/7 plans. It's seeming further and further away.

Sadly, my urge incontinence has all but vanished except for the single near-miss last week. Similarly, there's been no sign of stress incontinence when not wearing a nappy. I was really hoping that these problems were going to worsen with the introduction of regular nappy use, and it initially appeared they might with increasing urges to pee when not wearing. I aimed to exploit this, using the sought after accidents as a form of medical-esque rationale to wear nappies while working, something that could be professionally acceptable. Rather, my bladder and bits have adjusted and improved with increased fluid intake, almost conspiring against my wishes. This being the case, I'm in the same boat as anyone else looking to wear 24/7. I'm just not sure how to approach this.

Otherwise not much has changed. It's certainly not all doom and gloom either. My outside-of-work nappy wearing and use is pretty well normalised. I've no problems wetting in any position, and generally I pee freely while padded while maintaining a relaxed sphincter. Also, if I dare to cough or laugh, the flow can start before I know it, unless I'm empty. I'm also trying out hypnosis resources to see if I can achieve some bedwetting sooner rather than later. I'm skeptical, although trying to be open minded and hopeful. I can't imagine anything nicer at the moment than waking to a wet nappy that I don't recall waking for. Until I figure out next steps with wearing at work, this will have to do as my next goal.