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A brief History


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I started writing this in a private conversation with a friend on this website, and I thought that it might be interesting to other people here.

 

 

I'll just tell you my history with my wife and maybe there will be something in it that will be relatable to you.  I told her about my compulsion to wear and use diapers about 3-6 months into our relationship.  We were both in our early 20's and pretty naive about love and relationships in general at that time.  I did not fully  understand myself and my needs and wants as it pertains to diapers and being treated like a baby.  Initially I only told myself it was sexual and that I was not an adult baby, I also told her that.  I was very scared when I told her and she knew it.  As I said before she was uncomfortable with it, but she loved me and saw it was something deep within me that I could not change.  I described to her all my shame and terrible thoughts about myself, why me? Why this? Why could I not control my desires?  She ultimately understood my position, which is to say "I have these compulsions, I don't know why I have them, but I cant get rid of them. I'm deeply ashamed of it, but I love you and I need to be honest with you before we go any further."  

It started out with me occasionally wearing diapers around her or to bed, I got her to put one on me the first night, it was very awkward, for both of us.  I got her to wear and wet diapers with me, and incorporated lots of sex and more of a BDSM atmosphere for the sex time when we used diapers.  There was no baby play, or Mommy/Baby talk.  Sometimes I'd be dominant for her or she would diaper me, but honestly it was not too often.  One pack of diapers would last me 4-5 months.

I ended up with some pretty terrible mental health issues brought on by many factors, including active reg force military service for 14 years.  Part of my dissatisfaction with myself was my compulsion to wear and use diapers, and my growing interest in calling my wife Mommy and being treated like a baby.  As I was exploring the diaper side of myself with my Wife I started to open up more about it and I was scared of the things that I liked.  I was frightened I would be just like many of the other folks I'd read about online that I considered to be "extremists" in this lifestyle and with often offensive (to me) points of views on many subjects.  I spent a lot of time in therapy and in hospitals when I was at my worst moments.  

As I started the long road of therapy, I began to discuss my diaper compulsions (among many other things) with my Dr's.  I was attempting to provide an understanding for my situation to them.  I wanted them to know I was tormented with desires that filled me with shame and guilt even though I knew I shouldnt feel those things.  After many years of therapy I finally understood MY personal life history that led me to these compulsions.  For me, it stems from a long history of abuse and deception.  

While going down this long road of recovery, my wife was ever supportive and could see the inner struggle in me and she too understood the why and how I came to have my diaper and baby compulsions.  She and my Dr's were actually the first people who suggested I start wearing diapers 24/7 to achieve some relief.  A little over 2 years ago I took that plunge, I still remember the day I sat in my Dr's office and told her I had decided to wear the diapers and keep moving forward.  She gave me a hug and was very proud of me.  At no point did I ever act sexual or perverted while receiving therapy.  There was no baby play or anything like that, strictly deep conversations. That was the first of only two times my Dr ever hugged me too.  The second was when I left the military and her care as a civilian military medical practitioner.  I only mention these things, because I don't want to make the impression that this is a fantasy.

2 years further down the road and with new Dr's and therapy, my wife likes my new attitude and outlook on life so much she insists I remain diapered 24/7 and doesn't want me using the potty anymore.  I am still very much a normal husband, Father and man, but I wear diapers under my clothes all the time and in private my wife treats me like a baby.

That is a brief overview of how my marriage has become the Mommy/Baby dynamic that it has.  I still am an equal partner in financial and personal decisions in our life, but Mommy is now in charge of my toileting.   That does sound a bit extreme, but the fact that even typing that makes me smile, I know I am doing right by me, because I don't need to be ashamed of it.

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Thanks for sharing your story Brudda! I am happy that you were able to come to some resolution and peace with your past. You are very lucky to have the wife you have....but you don't need me to tell you that ?

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20 hours ago, puffy_bottom said:

So happy for you to have sought out support and received it in so many ways. The diapers are almost a footnote to the care and support you've received from others!

Thank you. The support my wife and my Drs and my closest friends have given me has been monumental.  

Its the reason why I suggest to any of us here who are suffering with mental illness and depression, to seek medical professional help.  Even if some people might be tired of me parroting that message. There do seem to be a lot of us suffering with mental health issues.

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10 hours ago, Brudda Voodu said:

 

Its the reason why I suggest to any of us here who are suffering with mental illness and depression, to seek medical professional help.  Even if some people might be tired of me parroting that message. There do seem to be a lot of us suffering with mental health issues.

Keep parroting it! So many people could really benefit from professional help.for mental health issues. I'm happy to hear you are finding it helpful and are brave enough to share that.

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17 minutes ago, Mr. Sea Otter said:

Keep parroting it! So many people could really benefit from professional help.for mental health issues. I'm happy to hear you are finding it helpful and are brave enough to share that.

Ditto.

Maly.

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Brudda, thank you for sharing that personal story.  I think your message can't be said enough, especially since it's something you've dealt with personally- others who are in the same boat you once were can read your story and find hope/ encouragement to seek mental health care.  Some of the regulars might hear you say that a lot, but for a newbie to the board it would be their first time hearing it- and it might be just the thing they need to hear! ?

11 hours ago, Brudda Voodu said:

 

Its the reason why I suggest to any of us here who are suffering with mental illness and depression, to seek medical professional help.  Even if some people might be tired of me parroting that message. There do seem to be a lot of us suffering with mental health issues.

 

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