Finding the right parent for me

[Newbaby2013]

I am looking for a long term relationship with a parent who understands the type of baby I am. I know the key to any relationship is communication, but when I explain the aspects of being a baby that my disability has rendered non negotiable like being diapered 24/7, it doesn’t go well usually. 
 

most are surprised that I have caregivers through medicaid that work with me everyday to keep me clean and fed.. What I am looking for in a mommy is companion who acts as a leader of the care team who work together to care for me and help me forget adulthood. I currently have 5 caregivers who collectively work 85 hours a week (when no one calls in)

 

Ao how do I find that?

[Snugglebear_69]

Finding the right partner can be a long process at the best of times. As you add more specific desires for what you are looking for in a partner it limits the pool of possible partners.

You're looking for something VERY specific which definitely limits the pool of possible partners. This isn't to say that person isn't there but finding a woman who wants a partner in diapers 24/7, will act as a leader of your care team and help you forget adulthood, well that wont be easy.

You've been clear what you want so maybe the next step is ask yourself what you will give that potential partner, what will they get out of it. Once you've done that then it might help you figure out where to start looking.

Best of luck.

[~Brian~]

@Newbaby2013

On 1/28/2020 at 2:15 PM, Newbaby2013 said:

I am looking for a long term relationship with a parent who understands the type of baby I am. I know the key to any relationship is communication, but when I explain the aspects of being a baby that my disability has rendered non negotiable like being diapered 24/7, it doesn’t go well usually. 
 

most are surprised that I have caregivers through medicaid that work with me everyday to keep me clean and fed.. What I am looking for in a mommy is companion who acts as a leader of the care team who work together to care for me and help me forget adulthood. I currently have 5 caregivers who collectively work 85 hours a week (when no one calls in)

 

Ao how do I find that?

How do you find that? 

ANSWER:  Very CAREFULLY and SLOWLY!

I have a Disability myself, and have Homemaker Services in Once a Month, and additional Services in Weekly to help me with organizational tasks at home, so  I also have experiences with the Medicaid and State Systems.

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most are surprised that I have caregivers through medicaid that work with me everyday to keep me clean and fed..

This does NOT surprise me at all:  I have found that a lot of people who are incontinent for whatever reason and use diapers embrace their disability, because it is normal for them.  Some people already use diapers, so they may add aspects of the AB/DL lifestyle depending on how they feel about the situation.  I have heard that people accept their situation (using diapers for example) so they add facets of the lifestyle to make themselves feel happy and let's be real - if it makes you HAPPY to be an AB or DL, then AWESOME - However, you have to be CAREFUL here:

Most people who have a Disability that use services such as Nurses, PCA's LNA's, etc, use these services because they cannot perform Activities of Daily Living (ADL's) without assistance from a caregiver. These are  PROFESSIONALS, and they deal with all aspects of care: this can be Feeding, Toileting, Showering, Dressing, Meal Prep, Shopping, Medication Setup and dispensing, and other important daily life activities.  People who care for you, Change your diapers, help you shower, etc, are doing this as PROFESSIONALS, and do it without batting an eyelash, and they keep these actions confidential, meaning that people who do NOT need to know what is going on outside of your care team, won't know unless you tell them, or unless they are mandated reporters under your state/county laws - Remember that a mandated reporter can report, and is REQUIRED to report situations that they think put you or a member of your team at risk, this is why a professional relationship needs to be a professional relationship - BELIEVE ME when I tell You, the WRONG actions CAN cause YOU a myrad of TROUBLE, so professional relationships NEED to remain that way for your SANITY as well as for your safety - One WRONG or MISCONSTRUED ACTION and it could Backfire on you, with disasterous results!

In a PROFESSIONAL Relationship, you have a higher standard because the pros are taking care of you, and there is a lot of oversight.  In a PERSONAL Relationship,  there is no such protections, and you are on your own.  It is NOT UNCOMMON for someone helping you to have some sort of relationship, but it is PROFESSIONAL, and should stay that way. 

Communication is KEY:  However, just because you have a disability, that should NOT be a TURN OFF to the "right" individual.  Being Diapered is NOT a big deal, as for you, it is a normal thing, and your disability makes you a special and unique individual.  However, your APPROACH should be truthful and straight forward.  You don't want to "spill the beans to" the first lady that you meet, but you don't want to LIE either - If you want a relationship, start SLOW, and don't expect that you will be able to get your "parental relationship" right away - It takes time, and the right individual that feels the same way, and with any relationship, it takes time and patience, and the most important thing TRUST!

 

On 2/25/2020 at 8:11 PM, Snugglebear_69 said:

Finding the right partner can be a long process at the best of times. As you add more specific desires for what you are looking for in a partner it limits the pool of possible partners.

You're looking for something VERY specific which definitely limits the pool of possible partners. This isn't to say that person isn't there but finding a woman who wants a partner in diapers 24/7, will act as a leader of your care team and help you forget adulthood, well that wont be easy.

You've been clear what you want so maybe the next step is ask yourself what you will give that potential partner, what will they get out of it. Once you've done that then it might help you figure out where to start looking.

Best of luck.

I agree with @Snugglebear_69

You are looking for a specific situation - However, you should try NOT to mix a professional relationship with a personal one - This can backfire on you, and can lead to disaster.  a "Care Team" is a team that is trained to help you, and can train a significant other to help YOU, but a "Mommy" Type Person in a Relationship is Personal, and between YOU and the Mommy - It should NOT involve your Care Team, even though your disability requires 24/7 support form your Team. This is because if a PERSONAL relationship develops, you don't want the hassle and stigma associated with having everyone know of your "personal business" or relationships

SnuggleBear_69 is correct that You are being VERY Specific, which could limit your possible partners.  Just remember that they need support from YOU as well, so if you are looking for a specific type of relationship, that You make sure that your partner knows what you want, and is COMFORTABLE with it, and that YOU know what your partner wants:  A relationship is a 2-way street, and a "Mommy/Baby" Relationship is a special dynamic requires special guidelines and commitments from BOTH Partners.  This type of a relationship is a type that is NOT a professional level relationship, because of the fact that you want a Mommy to "baby" you - This is why the "pros" should do ONLY those things that they are doing now.  Anything else other than that could jeopardize your team, and could cause problems for you and the team if the word got out that something is out of the ordinary.

I think that you will find a match if you are open, honest and are able to articulate what you are looking for in a Mommy/Baby Relationship.  However, you ALSO have to understand that the Mommy will most likely have expectations too, so be open and receptive to her needs as well.

Good Luck!

Brian