The Consequences of being found out

[Little BabyDoll Christine]

The point is not the "subltle" but the "hint"

"Hint", no matter how suble or blatant, covert or overt, has two main properties. 1. It is DELIBERATE; done freely, knowingly and willingly with intent. 2. It interntionally POINTS somewhere at something. If done as a chronic practice, it is at least manipulative. If it is subtle then it is only playing psychological games, what we used to call "hide the weenie". People do not like being the victims of someone's manipulation or drawn into someone's games because they feel like they are being used for the manipulator's/game-playerr's benefit or amusement without their consent. Needless to say, it gets old FAST (unless one is too busy looking in the mirror to notice that). An alternative is that you are taken as "some kind of a nut", a perv or a creep. And if you are pointing at what is taken to be a sexual fetish with perceived overtones of Pedophelia (yes, we know it is not, but we are not co-workers, HR or in the majority and imaginations are fertile, especially when the manure is in the 24/7 media), you have bought a ticket to a world of hurt.. This is almost a form of passive=aggressive exhibitionism or "run it up the flagpole and see if anyone salutes" at a low level. As a sexually charged matter, this can have many consequences, none of them any good, ranging form being shunned at some level to the police coming and taking your computer (embarrassing your family), to becoming emmeshed in the mental health puzzle palace and horror factory (I do not know if they have learned anything from Rojas' "Being Sane in Insane Places"; required reading for Psych majors in the 1970's). It is playing with fire; and as to how subtle, hot coals can still burn you good and proper. It is nothing I would do. I would be much too scared

[DL-Boy]

@Little Christine, your opinion has been noted and rejected, thanks for playing. Better luck next time. ?

[Nat]

Let's see what can happen if you were outed as ABDL:

 

Lose your job

Lose custody to your ex 

Humiliation and losing your partner

Being disowned by family

Being kicked out

Being forced into therapy by your parents thinking you can get over this 

 

 

It all due to ignorance of ABDL. 

[Little BabyDoll Christine]

I do not think the last is releere, but the legal system may get you. When you get involved with that, by being accused of Pedophilia, you may not be brought to trial because they know they cannot win at that, but, from what I have heard in other cases, this relating to being discovered in the workplace, they can find some pettifogging way to get you ensnared in the mental health system via some obscure "social welfare" clause in some dust-covered document that nobody has read since its writing and interpreted to cover a really tortured definition of mental illness. Just understand this, In the workplace you are on someone else's time because it's their dime. Know the golden rule: He who has the gold makes the rules. The same goes when you are in someone else's property. Even IC persons have told stories of that here (I have been here for a month shy of a decade). Just today, I had to change into something very plain and make sure my underthings were not showing, to go to the store across the sreet

And do not confuse acquiescence with tolerance or support. In your extended family you are sure to be considered the "funny uncle". Even if not by members, there are spouses to consider and how they would feel about having you around their children

[MellowYellow]

I really appreciate everyone's answers so far and I'm learning from them all!

I never faced ostrocization for my fetish. Both my mom and dad never treated me any lesser when I typed up what abdl was on a word document and gave it to them in the living room to read. 

Now that I'm on a college campus I cant imagine if someone saw me chucking my oversized baby print clothes in the washer that they would see me as a pedophile or degenerate (when 1/4 of the poeple here have blue hair and look like hipsters it's hard to be more weird than that)

I guess I understand why poeple have to fight through shame and guilt aswell if you weren't surrounded by poeple who support you as a person.

Lol it's just diapers and big baby clothes yet some poeple can't accept it.

[Little BabyDoll Christine]

6 hours ago, MellowYellow said:

I really appreciate everyone's answers so far and I'm learning from them all!

I never faced ostrocization for my fetish. Both my mom and dad never treated me any lesser when I typed up what abdl was on a word document and gave it to them in the living room to read. 

Now that I'm on a college campus I cant imagine if someone saw me chucking my oversized baby print clothes in the washer that they would see me as a pedophile or degenerate (when 1/4 of the poeple here have blue hair and look like hipsters it's hard to be more weird than that)

I guess I understand why poeple have to fight through shame and guilt aswell if you weren't surrounded by poeple who support you as a person.

Lol it's just diapers and big baby clothes yet some poeple can't accept it.

The college campus is like an alien planet to the real worlders. Just wait until the blue-heared hippies go on a job interview in a drugged stupor with their body-piercings and other accoutrements of the self-absorbed, the wake-up call phone will ring REALLY loud. As to being "accepted", the point of keeping public spaces vanilla is not that 99% of persons do not have fetishes,: It is that they do. It's to keep people from having things they do not like forced down their throats. The anti drunk driving ad that I keep quoting (out of necessity) goes "Your lifestyle is your business but if you take it on the road, it's everybody's business". Since all have an equal right to use public space; i.e. "the road", none should need to be inconvenienced by others and thus "community standards" became the rule. You are free to indulge in idiosyncratic practices on your own time and among the willing. The uptights of 1968 constantly predicted that "those 'preverts' will foist it on you by flaunting it [whatever 'it' was]", so the general agreement was that, like ANY intimate practice, one of which fetish is, it was to be kept "behind closed doors"

[MellowYellow]

7 hours ago, Little Christine said:

The anti drunk driving ad that I keep quoting (out of necessity) goes "Your lifestyle is your business but if you take it on the road, it's everybody's business". Since all have an equal right to use public space; i.e. "the road", none should need to be inconvenienced by others and thus "community standards" became the rule. 

Would the community standards protect you if you were found out? Would your private business in your bedroom not become everyone's business? (if the answer is no did you consent to the publicity of your fetish?). By the way, the anti-drunk driving ad is an ineffective piece to level with since the context is people can die if you drink and drive. People won't die from seeing your fetish.

From what I know of community standards (personally), these standards are not there to limit inconvenience in fact I believe inconvenience is being maximized when people are labeled a pedophile for wearing a diaper and baby clothes, labeled inhuman for being gay or labeled a hateful racist for voting for trump in 2016. These labels have no context in reality and are denying the unique diversity of each individual that these community standards are apparently meant to convenience.

7 hours ago, Little Christine said:

As to being "accepted", the point of keeping public spaces vanilla is not that 99% of persons do not have fetishes,: It is that they do. It's to keep people from having things they do not like forced down their throats. 

Wearing specific clothing, preaching a specific message or practicing a specific religion in public isn't "forcing ideas down someone's throats". That would insinuate that these people you are talking about are incapable of holding consistent values themselves and are easy to sway and corrupt. This would also insinuate that the forced values are bad and there values are good. 

If your more concerned with the "Forcing" than the values then wouldn't it be forcing if you told that preacher on the side of the road to stop preaching? Wouldn't it be forcing to stop me from wearing a red tee-shirt on a Sunday? Sure these analogies are not ABDL, but I find them as arbitrary as wearing a red tee-shirt or preaching because of the unwarranted stigma built off of ignorance. ABDL doesn't = Pedophilia and it never will because these are 2 separate concepts. (may make your bank account break though =3)

I have seen a lot of weird things both on campus and in "the real world". Doesn't mean I believe people are forcing there life choices down my throat they are simply practicing there right to free expression. 

In fact, forcing ideas down people's throats and free speech and expression are also separate concepts and In many ways, these two concepts are mutually exclusive. Now if I walk up to you in my little baby getup and tell you to feed me this bottle to me and cuddle me that is me forcing my ideas but if I was walking down the road and you run to my employer to fire me that is you forcing your ideas. 

By the way, this isn't about acceptance it is about tolerance. I believe it is unusual to lose your job or connections to your family because of a sexual fetish because I think it is unusual for the same thing to happen because you are gay or having a political view society doesn't like, which isn't society supporting anything. My dad doesn't necessarily "support" ABDL and simply tolerates that is me and when I said in a previous post he is "supporting me", that is what I ment. He is looking past my fetish and seeing his son and he understands what ABDL is.

I guess you can say society supports free speech then, but I'm biased in that aspect. I would be like "why wouldn't you support free speech"?

[Little BabyDoll Christine]

What goes on in your bedroom is "behind closed doors" if someone who is not authorized gets in there and tries to wreak havoc. A privacy-respecting culture would say "MYOB" or even prosecute said person for breaking and entry or false entry. I am talking about making a public spectacle of oneself

Making a public spectacle of oneself is considered force by occupation and being bizarre. It only matters if someone is offended by that bizarre behaviour. That would come under "nuisance" ordinances or laws. Preaching comes under freedom of speech, though if people do not like your message, they may shun you with impunity. In fact, acting out is no longer speech because you are no longer saying something, you are doing something; therefore it is no longer just talk

BTW what's your major

[Kaliborio]

I'm a teacher, and even outside of my formal teaching jobs, I do a lot of work with teenagers due to the nature of my industry.

I'm incontinent and wear for need, but I'm also AB/DL; I was wearing 24/7 for fun before I needed diapers, and it's evolved into wearing for need over time. I'm worried that if I'm found out, my diapers (which I cannot get rid of) will be perceived as an entirely sexual fetish that I'm indulging around children.

[LittlePeanut16]

It really depends on a lot. If I and my girlfriend land the careers we want, it could mean the end of them, and substantial benefits that come with them. I wish I was exaggerating when I say that the organization we would like to work for could and would fire us for that lifestyle choice.

Its a bad situation all the way around, and I’ve been burned by my family before, my mother found out, told my father, and the pair made me tell my grandparents. My grandparents kinda just didn’t say anything about it, almost like it wasn’t true, or was just a phase and something they wanted me to get over, which, was more respectful than the way my parents handled the situation. They almost forced me to talk to a therapist about it, but I didn’t talk, I was too pissed, ashamed and embarrassed to talk about it anyways, so eventually my parents dropped it, I guess, also trying to see it as a phase that I would outgrow. 
 

Didn’t keep them from making fun of me in front of my younger sisters though (who didn’t and I don’t think know). Needless to say, though “out” to my family, if I were exposed to the world at large it would heavily negatively effect me and my love. We would both lose any chance at succeeding in our careers, if they would even let us keep them. Her family would most likely disown us, as would my immediate family if they knew I continued in this behavior. It’s a nightmare, an absolute, terrifying nightmare that I hope to never have to experience. 
 

Telling people about my fetishes and age regression was never fun, but it especially wasn’t when I was forced to talk about it, so I don’t think it would be fun to replicate that situation.

[Little BabyDoll Christine]

I do not know if the company could do anything if you kept your activities private. Just the negative publicity of being outed as being THAT intrusive and the hassles they would get from the press (as "lifestyle 'nazis'; I could just see the comedy skit on SNL or the like that would rival "NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition". No civilized entity would deal with them. learn the use of a 'pearl harbor file) advocacy groups and lawyers would be FAR more than it was worth. It would only become relevant if it happened on their property or/and on the job. That would be crossing a line

As for your family. I'd put them on my "blicked" list

[LittlePeanut16]

2 hours ago, Little Christine said:

I do not know if the company could do anything if you kept your activities private. Just the negative publicity of being outed as being THAT intrusive and the hassles they would get from the press (as "lifestyle 'nazis'; I could just see the comedy skit on SNL or the like that would rival "NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition". No civilized entity would deal with them. learn the use of a 'pearl harbor file) advocacy groups and lawyers would be FAR more than it was worth. It would only become relevant if it happened on their property or/and on the job. That would be crossing a line

As for your family. I'd put them on my "blicked" list

It’s not a private company, and the organization has been known to fire people for being homosexual and transgender until extremely recently. Within their procedures they have a policy that plainly says they can and will discharge someone from employment if they find that something they did off-hours that “discredits” them. By discredit, well, that’s up for interpretation for the lawyers to figure out. I mean, they can and will fire someone for adultery, even if it didn’t happen on their property or time. So I assume having someone like me being “outed” would be grounds for at least a demotion.

[Little BabyDoll Christine]

Unless they are a religious organization. That policy if this is in the US, UK or Europe, is flat out illegal. Even the US military had to abandon their ban on homosexuals

[LittlePeanut16]

2 hours ago, Little Christine said:

Unless they are a religious organization. That policy if this is in the US, UK or Europe, is flat out illegal. Even the US military had to abandon their ban on homosexuals

Article 134 of the UCMJ

Article 134: General Article

This article of the Uniform Code of Military Justice is a catch-all for offenses that are not spelled out elsewhere. It covers all conduct that could bring discredit upon the armed forces that are not capital offenses. It allows them to be brought to court-martial.

Maximum punishment under Article 134 is a Dishonorable Discharge.

To be fair, I indeed might be reading too deeply into it, but even so, if I was in the military and was outed as an ABDL, I doubt it would do anything to help me promote and maintain my career.

[Little BabyDoll Christine]

Look up "don't ask, don't tell" and its successor

[Baby Jess]

So it's a personal preference I suppose. I don't hide anything from anyone and I know my best friend knows and she has even been cool with it and used to get me my tippy cup and binky for me at night. I have been very adamant about letting people find out on there own or flat out telling them. I find amusement when some people think that they know they have something the an hang over me it makes me laugh? cuz I don't care who knows or what happens it's my life and I love it. I'm pretty sure my boss knows and his wife cuz again someone I allowed to know I think sent photos of me or something which whatever it's nothing to me. I let people know so they let people know so I can be comfortable with it being public knowledge. People need to stop worrying about others opinions and I stop fearing yourself cuz that's what it really boils down too. I know everyone knows but they all wait for me to open up to them and I don't I wait for them to ask. Which isn't always the correct way to be but hey I don't care. I think most people can comprehend that abdl is definitely not pedophilia. At least most people I've known but it sometimes is misunderstood as that. I work and pay my bills And my lifestyle doesn't effect my responsibilities as a adult so f**k what anyone say. I've never had anyone worry about me with kids or anything cuz everyone knows me knows that it's nothing like that and I believe it's becoming more accepted nowadays. Just some food for thought.???

[Babyqtboy]

On 2/25/2020 at 11:50 AM, LittlePeanut16 said:

Article 134 of the UCMJ

Article 134: General Article

This article of the Uniform Code of Military Justice is a catch-all for offenses that are not spelled out elsewhere. It covers all conduct that could bring discredit upon the armed forces that are not capital offenses. It allows them to be brought to court-martial.

Maximum punishment under Article 134 is a Dishonorable Discharge.

To be fair, I indeed might be reading too deeply into it, but even so, if I was in the military and was outed as an ABDL, I doubt it would do anything to help me promote and maintain my career.

As a long standing member of the armed forces I can assure you that “don’t ask don’t tell” or any policy before or after is meant only to protect the institution, not the member. However, if you keep your private life separate from your military life, you can in fact have a long, satisfying career as well as a happy personal life. I am less than 5 years from retiring now from the military and can attest that no one in my chain of command has ever shown an interest in my personal life or my sexual life outside of the overall welfare and well being of myself and my family. Article 134 is really more aimed at criminal or offensive behavior that makes the armed services look bad, such as cult activity, prostitution, sex rings, public drunkenness, or really any negative behavior that can be thrown at you and tied to your military service. Don’t flaunt it and you should be fine 

[rusty pins]

18 hours ago, Baby Jess said:

So it's a personal preference I suppose. I don't hide anything from anyone and I know my best friend knows and she has even been cool with it and used to get me my tippy cup and binky for me at night. I have been very adamant about letting people find out on there own or flat out telling them. I find amusement when some people think that they know they have something the an hang over me it makes me laugh? cuz I don't care who knows or what happens it's my life and I love it. I'm pretty sure my boss knows and his wife cuz again someone I allowed to know I think sent photos of me or something which whatever it's nothing to me. I let people know so they let people know so I can be comfortable with it being public knowledge. People need to stop worrying about others opinions and I stop fearing yourself cuz that's what it really boils down too. I know everyone knows but they all wait for me to open up to them and I don't I wait for them to ask. Which isn't always the correct way to be but hey I don't care. I think most people can comprehend that abdl is definitely not pedophilia. At least most people I've known but it sometimes is misunderstood as that. I work and pay my bills And my lifestyle doesn't effect my responsibilities as a adult so f**k what anyone say. I've never had anyone worry about me with kids or anything cuz everyone knows me knows that it's nothing like that and I believe it's becoming more accepted nowadays. Just some food for thought.???

That is all good for some people but for others we are in the closet for a number of reasons.  Some know their friends and family will not take the news very well and why stir things up if it's not necessary?  There are also people in public life, some celebrities and politicians.  Don't forget teachers and people who work with children.  If the news gets out that they are AB and like to wear diapers, it could not only end their career but cause them to be ostracized in their community.  Sometimes it's safer to keep your personal fetishes to yourself or confined to your home or privet life.  I see no need to bring up my underwear to my friends, family and coworkers or any of my fetishes.  I don't want to hear my boss telling me about dressing up in a skimpy french maid outfit in front of her boyfriend or about him getting out the whips, chains, handcuffs and dildos for their kinky sex night.

[Littledarling00]

No one knows about me being an ABDL but in high school my boyfriends friend found pee pads under his bed cuz he would pee on me sometimes and he lost all his friends except one and me too. We know those friends we kept really love us though! I really do think it would be a lot worse if I was exposed as an AB but that’s high school ya know. 

[Wowpally]

Article 134 is pretty much the catch all in ucmj. Safe thing goes for me. Being military, i keep my life seperate. As much as i like wearing diaper, Never will i allow the 2 to cross paths. I also dont flaunt while out. 

[marinus18]

On 6/4/2020 at 9:39 PM, rusty pins said:

That is all good for some people but for others we are in the closet for a number of reasons.  Some know their friends and family will not take the news very well and why stir things up if it's not necessary?  There are also people in public life, some celebrities and politicians.  Don't forget teachers and people who work with children.  If the news gets out that they are AB and like to wear diapers, it could not only end their career but cause them to be ostracized in their community.  Sometimes it's safer to keep your personal fetishes to yourself or confined to your home or privet life.  I see no need to bring up my underwear to my friends, family and coworkers or any of my fetishes.  I don't want to hear my boss telling me about dressing up in a skimpy french maid outfit in front of her boyfriend or about him getting out the whips, chains, handcuffs and dildos for their kinky sex night.

Sometimes it's also a question if they need to know. Sometimes you just don't tell someone because they don't need to know it. Your boss from work really has no business knowing your private life and I would think most bosses wouldn't really care.

In many stories I've read it's always a big dramatic thing when the ABDL is revealed but in my experience indifference is the thing I see most. As long as you don't wear stinky diapers around them they really just don't care.