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Learning to let go


lebeau13

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I don’t get to wear diapers but a couple times a month. I find when I do get to have a day to myself that I can’t seem to pee in my diapers like I dream about. I drink lots during the day, but I have gone up to 6 hours without peeing (and my bladder hurting) to no success. As soon as I take them off my bladder explodes into the toilet. It’s like I have a spell on me that doesn’t allow me to relax enough to go.  So my question is, when you started wearing how did you get yourself to relax enough to let loose?

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What worked for me was setting up a timer for every 10 minutes, and try to pee at least a little bit when it buzzes.   Chances are are you can't do very much, which is fine.  After about the third time- it becomes almost automatic and I'm not keeping track of the time.   Ideally- set the timer in your mind and occasionally try to let the urine go.   The key is to get past the mental barrier that is telling you that you need to hold it.

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Another technique that I know works is the breath hold one.  Although as a lifelong DL I'm pretty good at wetting my pants, when I first went 24/7 there were certain situations where I might get "stuck" (in meeting rooms with people was one of them).  My aim was to pee frequently in small amounts to minimise the chances of public nappy leaks so I really wanted to be letting go at least every 10m or so.

Exhale about 75% of the air in your lungs and stop breathing.  Within 10 - 30 seconds or so, you should feel your pelvic floor drop and you will most likely start to pee.

I just tried it again on myself sitting here.  I wet myself a bit even though I would have thought there was nothing in my bladder.  Apparently it's a parauresis trick and related to the mammalian diving reflex.

 

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Remind yourself you’re wearing a diaper and that is what diapers are for. Then close your eyes and visualize the muscles of your pelvic floor relaxing and your sphincter opening. It’s all about that relaxation.

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basically your body, brain and muscles have been potty trained- the muscles and nerves don't let go unless they are stimulated in the way they were trained to. think pavlov and his dogs, but with your anatomy. your brain and body have been trained for nearly 30 years to only release in the bathroom (and perhaps outside by a tree or shrub). the act of going to the bathroom, the feeling of cool air, etc etc are the triggers that rings for your bladder and sphincters to release and pass urine. it sucks, but you're going to have to go against all that training and muscle memory. 

when i started wearing, i could only easily go in the bathroom. i read somewhere (i honestly forget where, sorry, it was so long ago) that you just have to train yourself to be comfortable to wet anywhere. i remember the article said to (obviously) start by going in the bathroom and wetting there infront of the toilet. then when you're good with that, go to the bathroom door and wet there. then other places (if possible), i recommend with where you spend the most of your time (couch, bedroom, hobbie table, computer desk, etc). you won't be able to easily wet sitting or laying down, but in time. once i was able to wet anywhere besides the bathroom, i still had to stand up to wet. eventually, i worked past that block and was easily able to wet sitting and eventually laying down, but that one got difficult again since i didn't wear often to bed (and still don't). 

also you just have to let go of control and have complete trust in your equipment. and by that, i mean your diapers, and possibly plastic pants. PP's have saved me from some good leaks on the couch and bed in the past, and i recommend them. if you just have some lesser quality diapers, odds are you'll leak. and leaks will set you back mentally. the more you trust your diapers, the easier it'll be to go. 

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On 1/19/2020 at 4:58 PM, diaperguy85 said:

basically your body, brain and muscles have been potty trained- the muscles and nerves don't let go unless they are stimulated in the way they were trained to. think pavlov and his dogs, but with your anatomy. your brain and body have been trained for nearly 30 years to only release in the bathroom (and perhaps outside by a tree or shrub). the act of going to the bathroom, the feeling of cool air, etc etc are the triggers that rings for your bladder and sphincters to release and pass urine. it sucks, but you're going to have to go against all that training and muscle memory. 

when i started wearing, i could only easily go in the bathroom. i read somewhere (i honestly forget where, sorry, it was so long ago) that you just have to train yourself to be comfortable to wet anywhere. i remember the article said to (obviously) start by going in the bathroom and wetting there infront of the toilet. then when you're good with that, go to the bathroom door and wet there. then other places (if possible), i recommend with where you spend the most of your time (couch, bedroom, hobbie table, computer desk, etc). you won't be able to easily wet sitting or laying down, but in time. once i was able to wet anywhere besides the bathroom, i still had to stand up to wet. eventually, i worked past that block and was easily able to wet sitting and eventually laying down, but that one got difficult again since i didn't wear often to bed (and still don't). 

also you just have to let go of control and have complete trust in your equipment. and by that, i mean your diapers, and possibly plastic pants. PP's have saved me from some good leaks on the couch and bed in the past, and i recommend them. if you just have some lesser quality diapers, odds are you'll leak. and leaks will set you back mentally. the more you trust your diapers, the easier it'll be to go. 

That was literally what I did when I first went back to diapers.  It was so hard to let myself pee in a diaper that I had to visualize standing in front of the toilet.    The 10-minute rule really helped, because I got use to peeing in a diaper.  

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My diapered life goes back to early adolescence as I was just beginning to develop sexual feelings.  I remember that it was difficult at about age 13 or 14 to wet my pants/diapers and more difficult to mess.  The feelings of guilt, questioning my sanity, the neurological over-ride of sphincter control, the fear that my parents or sister would discover my interests and pleasure, and even fear that friends might find out.  All of these factors entered into the difficulties of wetting or soiling.  Now, however, I can wet and mess without any difficulty.  In fact, I could be engaged in a conversation and no one would know what I am doing...except for maybe a slight glassy stare for a few seconds.

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I think the first time was the hardest. As others above have said, the mental block and conditioning is pretty big. I drank a whole bunch. Waited until I really needed to go, went to the bathroom but not to the toilet. I busied myself in the bathroom cleaning, organising and once my brain was otherwise occupied and not focusing on my desire to pee in my diaper, it eventually started to flow. It did become a bit easier each time. I don't know how it works for guys but this is what worked for me. Being fit to burst, distracting my brain and the physical moving and lifting seemed to do the trick. It also meant that I had faith in the diaper. 

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8 hours ago, Ames said:

I think the first time was the hardest. As others above have said, the mental block and conditioning is pretty big. I drank a whole bunch. Waited until I really needed to go, went to the bathroom but not to the toilet. I busied myself in the bathroom cleaning, organising and once my brain was otherwise occupied and not focusing on my desire to pee in my diaper, it eventually started to flow. It did become a bit easier each time. I don't know how it works for guys but this is what worked for me. Being fit to burst, distracting my brain and the physical moving and lifting seemed to do the trick. It also meant that I had faith in the diaper. 

For me waiting to burst didn't work, and made it tougher.   I tried to wait until I peed my pants, but it made it harder to begin to pee..   I also realized diapers work so much better it the total leak would be barely big enough to fill up a table spoon.  Leaks are so much more prevalent when you leak out enough to fill up a soda bottle.

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24 minutes ago, spark said:

For me waiting to burst didn't work, and made it tougher.   I tried to wait until I peed my pants, but it made it harder to begin to pee.. 

That's the thing, we are all different but starting was the toughest for me. I found I was too far in my own head and way over thinking the whole process

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1 hour ago, Ames said:

That's the thing, we are all different but starting was the toughest for me. I found I was too far in my own head and way over thinking the whole process

I still have problems peeing in a diaper when I'm doing something active, especially driving.   If I'm sitting- I make sure to occasionally pee- or it becomes almost impossible to empty my bladder.   It's much easier if my diaper is already slightly wet

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1 hour ago, spark said:

I still have problems peeing in a diaper when I'm doing something active, especially driving

Getting going was the problem I had and have sometimes now. Once it gets going then there is no stopping it. It's funny how an already wet diaper helps the process though. I am on day 4 of using a diaper and I have found that I can pee most places now. I get the occasional trouble but not often and it tends not to last for very long 

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On 1/18/2020 at 2:22 PM, lebeau13 said:

I don’t get to wear diapers but a couple times a month. I find when I do get to have a day to myself that I can’t seem to pee in my diapers like I dream about. I drink lots during the day, but I have gone up to 6 hours without peeing (and my bladder hurting) to no success. As soon as I take them off my bladder explodes into the toilet. It’s like I have a spell on me that doesn’t allow me to relax enough to go.  So my question is, when you started wearing how did you get yourself to relax enough to let loose?

Sometimes I find if I wait too long to go in my diaper, my bladder and brain go on lockdown demanding the sensations associated with peeing in the porcelain monster.  This happens sometimes when I wake up at night with a screaming bladder.  In those occasions I have found that reaching into the legs of the diaper to pull the front away from my pee pee, and then touching my pee pee lightly in various ways with my fingers (as I would while standing at the bowl), instigates a release.  It may not be total release but once started, I can focus on the feeling and restart it several times until the lockdown is lifted and I can completely void.

On 1/21/2020 at 3:05 PM, spark said:

I still have problems peeing in a diaper when I'm doing something active, especially driving.   If I'm sitting- I make sure to occasionally pee- or it becomes almost impossible to empty my bladder.   It's much easier if my diaper is already slightly wet

 My biggest obstacle to peeing while driving or sitting is pressure on my perineum (area between anus and scrotum).  I've had some success, though limited, peeing while driving and the car moving, by using the footrest in the floor to lift my butt off the seat slightly.  Sitting down it's sort of similar, I have to shift to one hip or the other, usually by sitting on either ankle, after which I can release.  I have found that either RUNNING water (as in filling my drinking mug at work) or drinking something, whether it be from aforementioned mug or from a sippie or baba, will tend to start the water works if I'm padded.  Fortunately I've not had that happen (yet) when I'm in big-boy underwear or there could be some embarrassment at work.  ?

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23 hours ago, DL-Boy said:

Sometimes I find if I wait too long to go in my diaper, my bladder and brain go on lockdown demanding the sensations associated with peeing in the porcelain monster.  This happens sometimes when I wake up at night with a screaming bladder.  In those occasions I have found that reaching into the legs of the diaper to pull the front away from my pee pee, and then touching my pee pee lightly in various ways with my fingers (as I would while standing at the bowl), instigates a release.  It may not be total release but once started, I can focus on the feeling and restart it several times until the lockdown is lifted and I can completely void.

I’m biologically a female so I never touch my pee pee when I need to pee. 

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6 minutes ago, lebeau13 said:

I’m biologically a female so I never touch my pee pee when I need to pee. 

In that case maybe there's another mannerism or position that could help you break the inhibitions that were ingrained in you for the past 30-odd years.

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On 1/25/2020 at 2:12 PM, DL-Boy said:

Sometimes I find if I wait too long to go in my diaper, my bladder and brain go on lockdown demanding the sensations associated with peeing in the porcelain monster.  This happens sometimes when I wake up at night with a screaming bladder.  In those occasions I have found that reaching into the legs of the diaper to pull the front away from my pee pee, and then touching my pee pee lightly in various ways with my fingers (as I would while standing at the bowl), instigates a release.  It may not be total release but once started, I can focus on the feeling and restart it several times until the lockdown is lifted and I can completely void.

 My biggest obstacle to peeing while driving or sitting is pressure on my perineum (area between anus and scrotum).  I've had some success, though limited, peeing while driving and the car moving, by using the footrest in the floor to lift my butt off the seat slightly.  Sitting down it's sort of similar, I have to shift to one hip or the other, usually by sitting on either ankle, after which I can release.  I have found that either RUNNING water (as in filling my drinking mug at work) or drinking something, whether it be from aforementioned mug or from a sippie or baba, will tend to start the water works if I'm padded.  Fortunately I've not had that happen (yet) when I'm in big-boy underwear or there could be some embarrassment at work.  ?

The way you describe wetting while driving is pretty much my experience.  I usually will push up with my left foot and manage to get the flow going.   I typically make sure to pee a little when I get out of the car.

I do 'cheat' a little if I get too much pressure in my bladder and void in the potty.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I think I figured out my issue, well part of it anyways. I can’t feel when I release and use the sound of the water hitting the toilet to know when I’ve started and to know when I’m empty. The empty feeling never comes and the only time I feel like I have to pee is when I haven’t gone in three hours and the muscles around my bladder are painful.

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