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I Thought This Was A Safe Space


dlsafrica

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So... clinical psych here, since this profession is brought up. (LMFT 5 years experience, not currently practicing.) ABDL is called two things in clinical circles: autonepiophilia, and Paraphilic infantilism

While the strict definition of a philia, aka fetish, does frequently reference sexual response, but often times the public does not understand what a sexual response is. A sexual response is to stimulation of glands that trigger the production of specific hormones at levels we would expect during sexual stimulation. The one in particular that we look for is oxytocin. This is the hormone that actually makes fetishes difficult to control, and how they have a spiral effect on "need" over time.

Oxytocin facilitates bonding and connections in your brain, and so even if you put a diaper on and never orgasm, or touch yourself, if the feel of it, joy of wearing it, etc... causes the release of high levels oxytocin, you are dealing with fetish behavior. A fetish does NOT REQUIRE sexual activity, only a sexual response in the endocrine system which you may not even be overtly aware has occurred. This is the exact reason asexual people report high romantic feelings but low sexual desire, because something triggers the sexual response, but sex itself does not. Women in particular are more prone to asexual stimulation of a sexual response, although traditionally women develop fetish behavior less often. (Recent studies are shedding light on this that this may not be true, but fetish communities actively silence female agency which results in less reporting of behaviors, elevated abuse of women, and the such. This is why the most common nature of female fetish reporting is that of "Doms" due to the typical reversed nature of the male female relationship--Although emotional abuse is often reported by women as male partners will often engage in gaslighting and other behaviors to encourage the dom to move into spaces with which they are uncomfortable. A sadly common occurrence towards women in nearly all fetish communities--).

So is what we do a diaper fetish? Yes. 100% Yes. Now, is it a bad thing? Can be. That is why we have multiple terms for it, and there is no separate clinical term of DLs. autonepiophilia is what we would use to describe the average ABDL. It is just a thing they do in their life. It does not occupy most of their thoughts, they are able of maintaining healthy relationships, or at least this is not the barrier to those relationships. They are capable of setting it aside within reason to meet the needs of a situation, etc... IE They have a healthy balance between the fetish and the rest of their lives. Unless you want to change the behavior, there is no real reason to be concerned about seeking therapy at this level as it is effectively harmless. (However, as with all people who have developed fetishes, your likelihood of having a childhood trauma is very high, and that may be something you want to address. Understand, trauma is not just sexual abuse etc... This quick self-assessment can help you see where you might fall: https://acestoohigh.com/got-your-ace-score/)

Paraphilic infantlism, as with all the paraphilias, is where it has gone a bit to far. It may still be in healthy territories, but it is leaning towards unhealthy. This is the area where the object of the fetish HAS to be involved at least most of the time in order for a sexual response of any kind, thoughts of the fetish activity dominate daily thoughts, healthy relationships are impossible as any relationship needs to center around the fetish activity. Physical sex, or sexual activity, does not need to be a part of this extreme. A lot of the posts here, if taken 100% accurate to fall into this territory, and the original post in the Diaper Lovers forum would concern me as a therapist, however it is a red flag, not a definitive conclusion as the internet often times muddies meaning, intent, and I have not met the individual and done an assessment, so it remains as a mere red flag.

As to safe spaces... as a LGBTQ+ specialist, and activists for creating spaces for safe expression, part of a Safe Space, is a space where unhealthy behaviors and red flags can be identified and presented to you before they become problematic or worse. Safe Spaces are about support and love, not about unquestioning acceptance.

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5 hours ago, LaFleurSauvage said:

Oxytocin facilitates bonding and connections in your brain, and so even if you put a diaper on and never orgasm, or touch yourself, if the feel of it, joy of wearing it, etc... causes the release of high levels oxytocin, you are dealing with fetish behavior.

So by that line of thinking, would not a chocolate addiction also be considered a "FETISH" because of its affect in releasing oxytocin into the bloodstream?

Sounds like someone who enjoys the pleasant feelings related to their consumption of chocolate or cacao, would be experiencing FETISH behavior from that particular belief.

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1 hour ago, DL-Boy said:

So by that line of thinking, would not a chocolate addiction also be considered a "FETISH" because of its affect in releasing oxytocin into the bloodstream?

Sounds like someone who enjoys the pleasant feelings related to their consumption of chocolate or cacao, would be experiencing FETISH behavior from that particular belief.

Addiction and fetish are not always the same thing, but they do dove tail. Aphrodisiacs are often foods or beverages that can trick your mind into thinking you have been kissed, or touched in areas that stimulate sexual response. It is why they are easy to get addicted too. Note however that I stated that there are a suite of hormones released, oxytocin is just the most prevalent for the means of fetish formation. You need vasopressin, dopamine, and endorphins plus a few trace responses, as well as oxytocin, which again is released in much smaller amounts in men than women due to the lack of developed mammary glands in men. 

Consuming chocolate stimulates production of endorphins and in women oxytocin. (It can stimulate it in men, but to almost negligible amounts.) Before it gets brought up though, there are a lot of other activities that release oxytocin and other hormones listed here, breast feeding even without lactation, can as well, so on so forth. There are other endocrine responses that are a result of a sexual response. The opening up of blood vessels in and around sexual organs, a slight spike in adrenaline, etc... 

As you can already tell, this is all an extremely nuanced process. However, at the end of the day, how chocolate is used determines if it is an addiction or not. Most people addicted to chocolate have become addicted to the dependence caffeine can cause, combined with the endorphin release triggered by sugar.

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At risk of being accused of being "in denial" (another popular psychological term), we will just have to agree to disagree as I will not admit, accept, agree or acquiesce to the suggestion that my wearing diapers on occasion is sexual, even if only at a brain chemical level and therefore I maintain that this is not a sexual (or otherwise) fetish for me.

I also acknowledge that despite your diagnosis of sexual fetish that you also are "afflicted" by the same condition, apparently to a greater degree than I because I have always changed myself.  I will also acknowledge that upon a bit of soul searching, that if I were to be changed by another party that I have any emotional relationship with (not a medical clinician), I would probably become sexually aroused (due to the intimate contact or exposure), but since that has not happened and will likely not happen as long as I remain able-bodied, it is still not sexual.

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2 hours ago, DL-Boy said:

At risk of being accused of being "in denial" (another popular psychological term), we will just have to agree to disagree as I will not admit, accept, agree or acquiesce to the suggestion that my wearing diapers on occasion is sexual, even if only at a brain chemical level and therefore I maintain that this is not a sexual (or otherwise) fetish for me.

I also acknowledge that despite your diagnosis of sexual fetish that you also are "afflicted" by the same condition, apparently to a greater degree than I because I have always changed myself.  I will also acknowledge that upon a bit of soul searching, that if I were to be changed by another party that I have any emotional relationship with (not a medical clinician), I would probably become sexually aroused (due to the intimate contact or exposure), but since that has not happened and will likely not happen as long as I remain able-bodied, it is still not sexual.

I get the fear out of being associated with a term normally used to degrade and demean. I am not going to push you on it. Like I said in my post, I am not currently practicing, so I am not here to analyze you. I merely stepped in to provide the psychological professional view as there was discussion regarding it in this board. 

Out of curiosity though, what was the point of your second paragraph?

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4 hours ago, LaFleurSauvage said:

I get the fear out of being associated with a term normally used to degrade and demean. I am not going to push you on it. Like I said in my post, I am not currently practicing, so I am not here to analyze you. I merely stepped in to provide the psychological professional view as there was discussion regarding it in this board. 

Out of curiosity though, what was the point of your second paragraph?

Let's see if I can break it into separate sections:

  1. IF having "Diaper Desires" is a sexual fetish (or affliction) as indicated in your citations above, and I am so afflicted, by your admission you too are "afflicted" but to a greater degree due to being changed by someone to which you have an emotional attachment. (Meaning:  "IF you were analyzing us, you were also analyzing yourself")
  2. My acknowledgement that IF I too were to be changed by someone I had an emotional bond with, I would probably be sexually aroused by it, although if the person was in a service position such as a CNA or similar, and there was no emotional bond, it would be just "one of those things" (like the female nurse removing my catheter a few weeks ago).
  3. My statement that since I have no expectation that I will ever  be changed by someone I'm emotionally attached to as long as I'm still able-bodied, #2 would not come into play.

I think the psychological assessment of my second paragraph would be that I was defensively lashing out.  No offense intended toward you personally.  It was a defensive rant against my perception of an attack against my long-held beliefs about my diaper attraction.

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13 hours ago, DL-Boy said:

Let's see if I can break it into separate sections:

  1. IF having "Diaper Desires" is a sexual fetish (or affliction) as indicated in your citations above, and I am so afflicted, by your admission you too are "afflicted" but to a greater degree due to being changed by someone to which you have an emotional attachment. (Meaning:  "IF you were analyzing us, you were also analyzing yourself")
  2. My acknowledgement that IF I too were to be changed by someone I had an emotional bond with, I would probably be sexually aroused by it, although if the person was in a service position such as a CNA or similar, and there was no emotional bond, it would be just "one of those things" (like the female nurse removing my catheter a few weeks ago).
  3. My statement that since I have no expectation that I will ever  be changed by someone I'm emotionally attached to as long as I'm still able-bodied, #2 would not come into play.

I think the psychological assessment of my second paragraph would be that I was defensively lashing out.  No offense intended toward you personally.  It was a defensive rant against my perception of an attack against my long-held beliefs about my diaper attraction.

For clarity.... a Fetish is not an Affliction. It is a behavior that triggers a sexual response based around an external object. They CAN be indicators of early childhood trauma, but do not mean you were traumatized. They only become a problem when an unhealthy amount of time or energy is placed into the fetish at the expense of relationships, social responsibilities, and to function as an adult.

So the wearing in public thread for a great example of it taken to an unhealthy level.

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  • 7 months later...
  • 1 month later...

No matter where you go there will never be such a thing as a 100% " safe space". There will always be criticism and discrimination. I can use the term "different strokes for different folks" and the first thing that comes to ones mind is a sexual innuendo pertaining to masturbation. If I was a painter or a writer or even a machinist I might construe that phrase in a very different light. I have written my share of stories here and I know there will always be someone to criticize or to judge. That is the risk we all take. Diaper lovers and adult babies alike get thrown in with a bad mixture. Society sees us as monsters, pedophiles rapists and things of the sort. Imagine what we must think of each other. One may like diapers for comfort, or regression, or even a sexual fetish. The main thing is we all enjoy diapers and that is what we are here to talk about and be safe about. Not pertaining to those that have to wear for medical incontinence. There still are many incontinent persons that do learn to love or enjoy their diapers. If one is to enjoy this site as a safe space we must all learn to not be judgmental and besmirch each other. I have seen many responses to my stories where I have been called a pig, or a nasty woman, and names I can't even mention, because words do hurt. I take it with a grain of salt though. I have enjoyed diapers more years than some of you have been alive. We must all try to be more supportive of each other. I may be wrong, but maybe we can all do this as one people. Life is too short for the bickering, and making each other feel insecure. Love each other and lets make it a safe space for all to enjoy ...

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