Need some advice please

[Firefly 35]

A friend of mine is having trouble with his roommate situation (his money for rent/groceries/etc is being used irresponsibly and he has not been able to get through to his roommates thus far)  It is likely that he may end up homeless soon.  I do have a spare room at my place and am considering offering for him to stay there temporarily but I would need approval from my landlord first.  He's quite open minded about things like abdl so I doubt that would be an issue.  

I don't want my friend to go homeless but I also want to avoid a super awkward situation if possible.  Anyone have advice on how to proceed?

[Wannatripbaby]

I would say it's definitely cool to offer your friend a place to stay if he loses his apartment. That might give him the courage and safety net he needs to, say, confront his roommate and give an ultimatum? Or at the very least it'll take a lot of pressure off knowing he has a place to go.

[ppdude]

40 minutes ago, Firefly 35 said:

I don't want my friend to go homeless but I also want to avoid a super awkward situation if possible.  Anyone have advice on how to proceed?

 

The hard truth will set you free -- it may be a necessary lesson on responsibility and fiscal management. If he takes responsibility and gets serious about it, then and only then allow him back. No promises, no plans -- results. It's hard but works best and causes positive change.

[beallucanb]

I think you should help him out, its not his fault they are squandering his rent contribution.

Its not his fault his roomies are irresponsible, a roof over your head and a place to sleep, are way more important than blowing the money on ( blank).

 

[Elfy]

I think if you have room and you would want him to stay with you then offering the room is probably a good idea.

Regarding the ABDL stuff... You might want to make it clear that he is staying with you and that it is your place so there might be some stuff he finds weird going on. I don't know how open you would want to be about it but I guess that depends on how far you want to push it.

[Glennie]

i have been down this road a few too many times.. i short stay turns into a 3 years and you hate one another by the time its over.. I hate to sound like debby downer.. but a lot of times.. the person becoming homeless has done most of whats going on to themselves..you are probably adopting someone else's problems. I'm sure you feel sorry for him right now.. Let me know how you feel in three years. I had a very good friend do this and my very own daughter.. All i got out of it was anger. At first I felt I was helping them get a footing back in life. You learn in a very short time. The reasons why no one else is willing to help them. Its starts off with hey I can't pay you anything this month to DON'T EVEN THING ABOUT ASKING ME FOR MONEY THIS MONTH. I know you think I am being a jerk but remember this subject when you are saying to yourself.. why am I in this mess.. DON'T DO IT!!!!

[Firefly 35]

Thanks everyone for the quick replies.

5 hours ago, ppdude said:

The hard truth will set you free -- it may be a necessary lesson on responsibility and fiscal management. If he takes responsibility and gets serious about it, then and only then allow him back. No promises, no plans -- results. It's hard but works best and causes positive change.

He's actually the responsible one in the household.  He pays his share of the bills but his roommates then turn around and spend the money on other things leaving the bills unpaid.  

5 hours ago, Elfy said:

Regarding the ABDL stuff... You might want to make it clear that he is staying with you and that it is your place so there might be some stuff he finds weird going on

My friend is the kind of person who would probably walk into a BDSM party and say "Cool.  This is interesting."  It's very unlikely that he would be bothered by abdl stuff.

3 hours ago, Glennie said:

I hate to sound like debby downer.. but a lot of times.. the person becoming homeless has done most of whats going on to themselves..you are probably adopting someone else's problems. I'm sure you feel sorry for him right now..

Do you think he's lying about the situation?  

[Huggybutt]

I'm with Glennie on this one. But that begs the question: what if it was you in this situation? Wouldn't you want someone to help you out when there is nowhere else to turn? Have you talked with them about what they have already done to help themselves? This can be a good indicator of if they are ever going to get back in their feet.

If you were to say yes to helping this friend, set expectations up front, get a commitment from them and make it clear that this is temporary. Check in periodically and ask them how it's going on progress. Don't let someone's problem become yours but there's nothing wrong with being a good friend while being a humanitarian ?

[ppdude]

13 hours ago, Firefly 35 said:

Thanks everyone for the quick replies.

He's actually the responsible one in the household.  He pays his share of the bills but his roommates then turn around and spend the money on other things leaving the bills unpaid.  

My friend is the kind of person who would probably walk into a BDSM party and say "Cool.  This is interesting."  It's very unlikely that he would be bothered by abdl stuff.

Do you think he's lying about the situation?  

Ooops! Sorry, I misconstrued or didn't fully understand cause I didn't read it close enogh. As a correction, I'd probably have to agree with Elfy and attempt to put him up short-term. If you do, spell out the conditions clearly and that he can abide by them. Hope it all works out.

[Firefly 35]

Thanks