How many other Aces are there here?

[canuckistan.who]

As the years go on, I learn more and more about myself. The more recent realization, in the last couple of years, is that I am ace (asexual). This was no small part of why my marriage fell apart, and the biggest reason I've never tried to meet anyone new (I'm romantic, just asexual, a frustrating combination I must admit).

I've not been able to figure out yet if whatever makes me like to wear diapers ties into this, or if they're totally separate issues. I was curious if there are other aces here, and if so, how you find the two sides coexist in you.

[DailyDi]

Proud Ace (never heard that slang for it, like it.) Spent years trying to fit myself into stereotypical sexual boxes before learning and accepting that my sexual orientation is "no thank you."

[canuckistan.who]

Nice to meet you!! I've found the ace community is very, very female dominated. So it's nice to see guy representing.

Have you any insight or thoughts on how the diaper side of things might influence or be influenced by being ace?

[Wannatripbaby]

I'm not Ace, but I am Demisexual (which I've heard is on the Ace Specrum?) Basically I place a higher priority on Emotional Intimacy than Physical Intimacy.

It took me until this year to learn this. Before that I thought there must be something wrong with me because, to be frank, I wasn't turned on by the mere sight of beautiful/naked women. Until my sister-by-choice Autumn introduced me to the idea that I might be Demi and I was like "damn, that describes me to a T!"

[canuckistan.who]

I love how much more information is out there these days. I couldn't imagine how much easier things would have been had I learned about ace in my early 20s. Very happy that you figured yourself out!

And fwiw, I think that ya, demi is on the spectrum.

[Lena]

Hi, another ace here :3

[canuckistan.who]

Nice to meet you!

[Cute_Kitten]

An ace here. Beyond that, I honestly haven't got a clue. I'm not much of a romantic (never was), which is probably one reason why my relationships never worked out, and why I was always happier when they ended LOL! I've got 0 interest in dating and tend to prioritize many things over my love life (or lack there of)  so I guess that's aromantic? I don't know, I never really questioned it. I just always chalked it up to "eh, this combined with liking to wear diapers= I'm a weirdo, a freak, whatever" and never gave it much thought beyond "there's something wrong with me, but would fixing it really make me happy? …..I'll work on that later. Maybe."  And just never got around to that "maybe" part. 

Every once in a blue moon I think it might be nice to be in an emotional relationship, if the guy was also asexual and didn't crowd/smother me. If the right relationship ever came along and it fit, cool, but if nothing does, I won't be loosing any sleep over it. 

[canuckistan.who]

heh, so part of me felt bad about my husband leaving me, and I mostly felt relief. I liked my life with him, but the constant stress of knowing he wanted sex was ... oppressive. When he left me, a part of me was really relieved knowing I wouldn't have to feel guilty anymore. So to that extent, I hear you, I'd say I'm "meh-romantic"... I'd like to have someone in my life, but as a diaper-wearing, fiercely independent woman, I've more or less settles into the idea that I'm going to be single, probably for life. And that's OK, I've been learning to really enjoy life on my terms, ya know?

Thanks for replying, cute_kitten. It's really nice to not feel like the only person who feels a certain way.

[Cute_Kitten]

There's nothing wrong with being single, as long as you're happy! I'm much happier single (I haven't dated in over a decade, much less been in a relationship. I actively avoid them lol!)  Reading you say your ex wanting sex felt oppressive, that really resonated with me.  That's how I always felt in a relationship. 

[Octavian]

I'm 100% aromantic and 99% asexual. Definitely don't see myself finding a lasting relationship with those stats lol. Aromantic doesn't mean it wouldn't be nice to have a good friend to tackle life together with though.

[Glennie]

I am married and have been for 30 years this oct.. I consider myself to be ace. I do occasionally have sex, but I really only do it for my wife's benefit. If I was told tomorrow I had to give up sex for good. I would be perfectly fine with that. I really don't get much out of sex. I actually view it as a husbandly duty. I know she is not like me on this subject. I have bought her all kinds of toys so that she will just leave me out of it. lol It that wrong or what? My mother was, and still is, to this very day extremely sexually active. I know this because she talks about it constantly.. ewwwww.. I think this is part of the reason I find sex so revolting. My mother has destroyed 4 marriages over her uncontrollable sexual appetite. I have only had sex with two women my entire life and i married both of them. I find it very refreshing to not be like most guys that get pulled around the world by their penis. i am allowed to make my own decisions without my penis getting involved..lol My best friend I have had most of my life, is the polar opposite of me and he constantly mentions just how sexual dead I am. He is constantly pointing out women to me. I am like oh, that's nice..

[Babyboyd]

I too have come to the realization in the past few years , the lack of sex in all my past relationships has been a very well let’s say sore point with all the women I’ve been with , I also not sure how the diapers fit in all this as well but I’m in then most evenings and weekends 

[hungsmall]

ACE because I'm impotent. I still get sexual arousal (for example, from wearing my trainers, reading postings here) but no orgasms. It is a life of sexual tension without release so it that respect not unsexual. Still interested in sex, just not interested (or able) in ejaculation.

Can still perform orally but less interested in that because it usually invokes pressure to perform genitally, which I cannot do. 

[ValentinesStuff]

Been one my whole life. Never understood why others were interested in sex. 

[kasarberang]

I'm not completely asexual, though standard sex doesn't interest me. I simply can't perform because it doesn't keep me aroused long enough to actually perform. This is probably an issue with low testosterone, but I've never really been interested in standard P in V sex. I'll probably discuss is with a doctor more once this whole COVID thing is done, but it's not a priority.

I'm married and my wife and I do things together, just not standard P in V sex. We also both use masturbators and things like that. We have a very happy marriage despite not having P in V sex.

[rubbersheetmike]

21 hours ago, kasarberang said:

I'm not completely asexual, though standard sex doesn't interest me. I simply can't perform because it doesn't keep me aroused long enough to actually perform.

 

Different things turn different people on. I'm bi but now mainly view myself as asexual. My fetishes always aroused me more than standard sex which I did mainly to keep relationship going when I was younger. I'm older now and dont need other people to get me aroused.

[abrera]

It's getting on for close to a decade now since the last time I even thought about "it"... :3

I'm not sure if I'd class myself as asexual or abstinent. The person I'm with is asexual and I understood that prior to entering into a relationship with her ^^

Thing is, if I never think on "it" again, I'm totally OK with that ~ I'm very much of the opinion that when "it" doesn't form part of the dynamic of a relationship, the emotional bond becomes that much stronger, at least my experience bears that

[lily~nyan]

I wondered if I was or wasn't ace for a long time after coming out as trans until I finally settled on demisexual. Ironically it took meeting someone who made it past the "demi barrier" who I did wind up becoming sexually attracted to before I realized that I could experience physical attraction if the conditions were right. ❤️

Romantically I identify as bi but I'm like 95% attracted to women and femmes. ❤️

[Pamperbum_uk]

It's not exactly clear what I am. 

I don't get turned on visually.

If I imagine myself as a women with a man.... That can be effective, but it's hard work.

With rare exceptions, any erections I get are of an inferior quality.

When I do get an erection, at a socially awkward time I find I can get rid of it by imagining women naked.

Nappies used to turn me on when I was younger, but not so much now. They're something I mainly fall back on as an escape. 

I go through sexual fads. For a few months the idea of giving someone a blow job was deeping arousing, but then it stopped. Also the idea of a man's erect cock with a condom on was a turn on as, but  only for a short while. 

My sexuality is like punching smoke.....

[LiterallyBabey]

I'm an asexual! Although I may be a bit more of a Grey-Ace since the only thing that ever turns me on are diapers ?‍♂️

[Elbs]

On 8/24/2020 at 9:53 PM, LiterallyBabey said:

I'm an asexual! Although I may be a bit more of a Grey-Ace since the only thing that ever turns me on are diapers ?‍♂️

Sounds a lot like me. I have a few kinks, including diapers, and they're the only thing that turns me on.

 

I do feel attracted to people who I've seen in kink scenarios. It's kind of like demisexual, but with kink as the catalyst instead of emotional bonding.

[kishi]

I'm not really sure about it all , I identified as gay since I was 15 , but a few month ago (at 26 ) I realized that sex and dating were not things I was interested in . I began searching on the internet a few month ago and found out about asexual and aromantic .  I was confused because I enjoy seing boys in diaper and sometimes gay porn but the thing is I don't desire to have sex , or date .  I'd like to have a partner but more like a friend with whom I can be emotionally close but without living full time with them . So I guess I'm  aegosexual/ autochorissexual  and on the aromantic spectrum .

[Rachael-Little]

I’ve never considered myself asexual but I know that for me in a relationship sex is secondary to intimacy that doesn’t involve sex. I was a late bloomer as it were discovering my sexuality and to be honest it scared me a little.

I was in a marriage that while yes we engaged in sex my wife was the one who most of the time  initiated our time.

I enjoyed many kinks to arouse me and well that turned her off.

I think if I ever find another person they would need to not have a strong need for sex 

[Evelyn Dellcerro]

On 10/9/2019 at 10:55 PM, Glennie said:

I am married and have been for 30 years this oct.. I consider myself to be ace. I do occasionally have sex, but I really only do it for my wife's benefit. If I was told tomorrow I had to give up sex for good. I would be perfectly fine with that. I really don't get much out of sex. I actually view it as a husbandly duty. I know she is not like me on this subject. I have bought her all kinds of toys so that she will just leave me out of it. lol It that wrong or what? My mother was, and still is, to this very day extremely sexually active. I know this because she talks about it constantly.. ewwwww.. I think this is part of the reason I find sex so revolting. My mother has destroyed 4 marriages over her uncontrollable sexual appetite. I have only had sex with two women my entire life and i married both of them. I find it very refreshing to not be like most guys that get pulled around the world by their penis. i am allowed to make my own decisions without my penis getting involved..lol My best friend I have had most of my life, is the polar opposite of me and he constantly mentions just how sexual dead I am. He is constantly pointing out women to me. I am like oh, that's nice..

@Glennie My dearest Glennie my level of respect for you has tripled after reading this post. Me and Elle are reading this post together and we both love you so much as a friend and as a person of knowledge. You are a great man and a have a marvelous sense of humor. I was married to a man that didn't like diapers and I did my wifely duties and kept our marriage rock solid till his passing. Diapers are and have always been my love and now being married to Elle, sex is not a chore but more of an emancipation. What you say is so so very true that many men are led around by their penis and do very little thinking with the big head. Maybe Elle woke up my sexual drive at age fifty two. Intimacy and sex are two very different things and many people don't or can't tell the difference. We love you and respect you sweetie and I still think you are the cutest thing in your jammies !! Love you and we will chat soon.