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Speaking to strangers in public who are incontinent


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I can count about 5 times that I have talked to other strangers who are incontinent while buying diapers. This has mostly happenend at the grocery store and it happenend once at the Goodwill. 

I was looking at the depends diapers and an elderly lady started looking too. We started talking and she told me that she wears the tabbed depends due to diarrhea from ibs.

More recently I was at the goodwill and I saw some adult diapers. I started to pickup the package and look at the contents and the size. An elderly lady came by with her cart and looked at me holding the bag of diapers. I told her it was for me and that I wear them all the time. She said that she wears something similar (generic tabbed diapers) but only for nightime. 

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My my my. In the 90's, diapers came from Walgreens and later Walmart when they were pretty decent. I never saw or interacted with anyone else buying them; the store staff never said anything either. I've been getting them delivered since 2006 and drivers make no comment (except for the heavy weight). I wished there ware others.

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Not that I would initiate a conversation in public with a stranger about mine or their incontinence or happening to notice a diaper bulge and asking them if they wore diapers, but if we were both looking at adult diapers in the incontinence aisle and comparing the brands, the subject might come up casually.

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1 hour ago, rusty pins said:

Not that I would initiate a conversation in public with a stranger about mine or their incontinence or happening to notice a diaper bulge and asking them if they wore diapers, but if we were both looking at adult diapers in the incontinence aisle and comparing the brands, the subject might come up casually.

Unfortunately, that never happened either. Darn.

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In work at Wal-Mart, so every once in a great while a customer will need to find the incontinence products. And on an even rarer occasion, they'll need some product knowledge which I just so happen to have on tap. 

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Even when I was a young child my mother Alice and her mom Granny Vi were friends with other women who were incontinent and/or who had kids who were. My older sister Penny needed just-in-case diapers more often than me. Penny was encouraged to make friends with other kids with bladder problems. As I got older I made friends with incontinent kids, as did both of our younger sisters.

Of course I have spent a lot of time in the waiting rooms of urologists. Therefore I have met a lot of other incontinent women. Back in the old days prior to 1992 the only reason a woman would be waiting for a urologist was because she had bladder problems. That is still not so true for men, because more men see urologists about fertility than incontinence. My husband tell me he has never struck up a conversation with any stranger at a doctor's office.

The first time I ever bought disposables in a supermarket was just before I left home for university. Mom had to drive me because although I was 17 I did not drive. The supermarket only sold medium and larger Attends, which in 1981 were the only brand sold in stores. I bought my first Attends Small from a medical supply store where I met no other customers. At university the campus general store sold all sizes of Attends from Junior (about the same as a modern Size 6) to 2XL. In our pre-law dorm a lot of men and women wore just-in-case disposables to parties as well as long classes. My roommate and I were hardly the only students who needed diapers in bed. I did my best to become friends with them.

When I moved to law school in 1985 Depend was the leading brand sold in stores, but they did not make Adult Small. I bought my Attends by mail. Since then I have hardly ever bought adult diapers in a store. I do buy baby disposables in stores but I have never talked to strangers about those. Nobody has ever asked me if I have a child.

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  • 2 months later...

The same thing happened to me when I was at Goodwill. I had noticed an older lady carrying two bags of Prevail Diapers when I made my way to the back of the store to see if there were any more bags. There were a few tucked away on a shelf, but two older men were standing in that part of the aisle kind of blocking the shelf. I managed to squeeze by them and grab the bags (I had never tried those diapers before so I wanted to grab some). The older men said their goodbyes when one of them tapped me on the shoulder and said that that is the first thing he looks for when he goes to Goodwill since he has prostate issues. He said he only wears them at night because his bladder is like a running faucet. I told him I've got my issues too (I have urge incontinence and excessive sweating so I wear 24/7). I told him if he wanted them I would only grab one bag and he could grab the rest, but he said his wife had already grabbed two bags and he was set. That had never really happened to me before, kind of caught me off guard. It's funny though because only until recently I have become comfortable talking about my leaky bladder and having to wear diapers.

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Seems that Prevail are the diapers I see most at Goodwill stores.  Sure, I find Attends and McKesson which I also get but I pass on Wings whenever I see them at Goodwill and thrift stores.  To date I have never had anyone really talk to me about incontinence and diapers when I';m buying them except for one time last month.  I had stopped at a Goodwill store and bought 2 packages of McKesson diapers and two packages of tranquility boosters.  i asked for my senior discount and the woman at the check out told me of a place about 12 miles away that has lots of adult diapers that they usually give away for free.  It seems it's a charity store where people come in and buy for super cheap prices cloths, household goods, even food.  This cashier at Goodwill says they have so many adult diapers they just give them away at no cost. Naturally I couldn't pass up a deal like that!  I got directions and drove there.  Yes, they had lots of adult diapers, even cases of them!  SIZE SMALL!  There were some that were size medium but none large!  Wasted trip!  I did stop back at that Goodwill on the way home and the cashier asked if I was able to get diapers.  I said that they had a lot but none in the size I wear.  Then she said I should have asked because they usually have lots of them in the back area that they don't put out due to tight store space!  Hmmmmm!  Might have been useful information before I went there!  Who knows.  I may stop there next time I'm in the area and see what they have.  It was an extra 24 miles out of my way, but who knows?

I would not bring up the subject of diaper wearing myself with any stranger, but if they brought it up to me I would be open to talking with them about it if out of town and no one I knew was around.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Honestly, there shouldn't need to be some sort of "protocol" for engaging someone who is interested in the same product you are. If you were buying a TV or a Hi-Fi, would you have any trouble discussing the pros and cons of different products with them?

Those who are medically incontinent are generally very thick skinned about their problem, and usually if you're looking at them, it's likely you either share a need for them, or are doing so for fun. Neither of those will create hostility. I don't know of anyone who has no interest in Adult Diapers just randomly sauntering up to the isle where they're located and taking a good look for no reason. Just like any other product, the feedback of others who've either used them or are considering using them is invaluable.

Just be polite, discrete and understanding. Exactly like you would want others to treat you.

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