diaper dimension Done Adulting, Vol. 2 (Final chapter posted 12/21/20)

[Alex Bridges]

15 hours ago, SGTbaby said:

Yeah bath toys! And Mel and potty success. I feel like the potty thing will slip out more than anything and I love that thought 

I bet someone has called you a shit disturber in your past ?

[Alex Bridges]

Chapter 86

 

Amanda did put Jamie down for a short nap despite his protest that he wasn’t really tired. He kept yawning and and insisting he felt fine. It wasn’t a long nap, and she let him keep his pull-up on for it, adding a diaper cover just in case. She used her time alone to sit outside in the grass next to her patio. A chair would’ve been a good idea but was another of those expenses that didn’t need to get made then. She wondered if her mother would let her borrow one the chairs from her backyard. Becky couldn’t sit in two chairs at once, after all.

It made Amanda reflect on how soon summer would be over. Just another week and change for her mom, two more weeks for her. She could get some patio chairs at the end of summer sales, and maybe she could score some other cheap items at the back-to-school dorm sales. Regardless, she knew her apartment was comfortable relative to the places her friends lived in during college. She’d made the choice to go to graduate school instead of straight to work, and it would just take longer for her standard of living to catch up. Her mother had reminded her that no one moves into their first apartment with all the creature comforts of the home they left; they accumulate those over time. Her phone dinged to tell her Mel was nearby.

“Manda,” she heard from inside. She’d closed the sliding screen door to let some air in and had turned on the ceiling fan that morning. She was about to turn into their bedroom when she saw just the toes of Jamie’s left foot past the door frame of the bathroom.

“Feeling any better,” she asked.

“I feel fine. I peed, too.”

“You did? Good for you!” She picked up his cover and pull-up from the floor separating the two. “And you stayed dry through your nap. All done?”

He nodded and stood up, and she wiped his peepee before helping him back into the pull-up. He had woken up and dashed straight into the bathroom, assuming that if his pull-up was dry then he had a bladder in need of emptying. It felt a little like it. He once more had to sit there for a few minutes before he could make anything happen, and he wondered what that meant as he sat there. His muscles weren’t strong enough to hold it in, but neither could he push it out. Muscle strength, muscle memory - something wasn’t working like it was supposed to down there. This felt like superficial success, this being able to go after waking when he knew he needed to but didn’t exactly feel it. He didn’t say so to Manda, though. She’d only say it was just Day Two and not to feel negative yet, and she’d be right.

“Mel’s almost here. Wanna come lay in the sun?”

“Sure ... Good thing I took a nap so I’d have the energy to lay in the sun.”

“Smartaleck.”

“Nap narc.”

“I don’t even know what that means.”

“It means you love me very much,” he answered. He didn’t really mind being made to take a morning nap, and neither Manda nor Becky (well, maybe Becky a little) ever chastised him for having a smart mouth so long as he wasn’t a jerk about it. Manda unlocked her front door and texted Mel to come in, and she grabbed Jamie’s sunglasses off the counter for him. That was another thing they needed - more flat surfaces. Surely a small table to put next to the door for keys and sunglasses and change and other miscellaneous stuff wouldn’t be too expensive if she got it at Bullseye. She’d already laid out Jamie’s towel.

She sat down on her towel, and Jamie sat in front of her. Instead of spreading lotion on his back like he expected, she wrapped both arms around him and pulled him backward, her chin resting on top his head. Jamie felt his whole body relax. How he loved to be hugged. He wondered, though, why the sudden affection.

Manda sighed; Jamie felt her exhale blow through his hair. “I’m glad you moved in with me,” she told him. “And I wanted to say that you’ve really been a champ about it, the way you’ve handled it. I’m proud of you.”

Jamie reached up and put one of hands on her forearm. “I’m proud of us.”

“You’re a narc, too,” she said sweetly.

Jamie bit his lip and held his breath to stop himself laughing. Shaking his head without moving it, he thought how funny it was that bigs could pick up on some of his sarcasm - Amanda was pretty good at it - and totally miss it other times.

“So handsome, too.” Watching him walk in front of her, his tan body and impossibly soft skin, the hug was impulsive. Too cute and soft and warm not to. She rocked him side to side once each way and let him go with a kiss on the back of his head. It made Jamie feel a swell of warm happiness inside. He sat up straight in front of her.

“Hello,” Mel said as she came in the door. 

“We’re out here. Do you mind locking it behind you?” Mel did and joined them on the patio. “I was just about to sun-proof this little boy.”

“If he were sunproofed, he wouldn’t be so brown,” Mel said as she sat down. “You’re gonna be tan in your Christmas pictures this year.”

“We use strong stuff,” Manda replied. “He just tans easily.”

“Fades fast, too,” Jamie said.

“Here,” Manda said after she poured some lotion into her hand and held the bottle out for Mel, “Would you get his front?”

Jamie had four soft, firm hands on him a moment later, working a heavy suntan lotion into him from his neck to his feet. He couldn’t help sighing forcefully several times as those hands were in so maybe places and felt so good all at once. He wished that Lucas guy could see him now, just so Jamie could look him the eye and tell him with his stare, I don’t even hafta try. Jamie shuddered as they finished.

“Feel good,” Mel asked him.

“In a dermatologic, self-care sorta way.”

Yeah, Manda thought as she rolled her eyes, ‘never learned how to flirt’ my ass. “You can change in our bedroom,” Manda told Mel.

When Mel came back you, Jamie was laying on his stomach facing away from her, and she recognized Jamie’s undies as the pull-ups Manda had shown her. She tapped Amanda with her toe and nodded toward Jamie’s butt. Manda nodded enthusiastically as Mel sat down on the third towel Manda had laid out. At least they had plenty of beach towels she could take from home.

“Hey Jamie, wanna tell Mel what you did this morning?”

“Took a nap,” he said.

“Not that, stilly.”

Jamie realized what she was referring to and grew embarrassed. “Manda,” he whined.

“It’s okay,” she told Jamie. “Mel knows what we’re trying to do and is gonna help when she’s over. Right, Mel?”

“She filled me in,” Mel assured Jamie. She still didn’t think it was possible, but it was obvious what Manda was implying Jamie had done. Maybe Mel was wrong, though a day didn’t mean much in the scheme of things.

“Twice today,” Manda said proudly. “Both ways. He’s a prodigy.”

“Manda,” Jamie said as he turned around on his elbows and gave her a dirty look.

“It’s okay, Jamie. She’s just proud,” Mel said as she touched his shoulder. “And she always was a braggart,” she added with a wink toward Amanda.

“Tell me some embarrassing stories about her,” Jamie said as she turned toward Mel.

“Jamie!”

“Shush,” he told his sister.

Mel took a deep breath and made a face as if to say, “Where to start?”

“Mel!”

“Shush,” he friend said. Amanda scoffed and waited for what would come next. “Did she ever tell you about the time she stole a candy bar?”

“Big deal,” Jamie said, “I used to steal stuff.”

Mel doubted that. Jamie didn’t seem to have it in him to do anything wrong. The worst thing he’d ever done since she’d known him was the stunt with the little extract. “What did you steal,” Mel asked, her voice dripping incredulity.

“Copper pipe.”

Mel’s jaw dropped open in amused shock. She turned to look at Amanda, whose forehead was creased in dismay, though she also smiled. “James Patrick!”

“What,” he said defensively. “Gotta have a little hustle to get by where I grew up.”

“I oughta put you in timeout for the rest of the day,” Amanda said as she nudged him with her foot.

“I stopped, eventually.”

“What made you stop?”

“We were telling Manda stories here,” he said by way of changing the subject. Amanda gave him a side eye he couldn’t see but let it go.

“Okay,” Mel said, trying to think of a better one. “You know about the chipmunks?”

“Oh geez,” Amanda said.

“That’s the one I wanna hear,” Jamie said with a chuckle.

“It was after they moved into the house they’re in now. Manda spent months trying to drive away the chipmunks in the yard. Up to and including trying to hose down all the trees until the backyard was a pond.”

“Mom was displeased,” Amanda said with a grimace.

“You’re lucky you don’t have my parents. They’d have taken turns spanking your butt.”

Jamie didn’t understand the premise. “Why would you try to get rid of chipmunks?” He liked the chipmunks in their backyard.

“I couldn’t sleep!” Amanda said as though she’d explained this many times before. Grunts of laughter were escaping Mel’s lips.

“Because of the chipmunks,” Jamie clarified.

“They’re so loud,” Amanda said defensively.

“Did they ... have loud parties or something?”

“They squeak.”

“Squeak? Loudly?”

“Yes,” Amanda said blushing. Just this once, Amanda wished Jamie didn’t find spanking so traumatizing so she could tell an embarrassing Mel story or two. She’d brought it up.

“And how was this problem resolved,” Jamie asked.

“Well,” Mel said, taking over the story again, “Amanda saved her allowance for half a year and bought an owl decoy to hang in the tree outside her window.”

“The one in the garage,” Jamie asked.

“Yes,” Amanda said

“Did it work?”

“It seemed like it for a little while...”

“And,” Mel prompted.

“And then Spring came.”

Jamie laughed with his belly bouncing, snorting when he finally took a breath. Mel looked on with a Cheshire Cat grin. “I don’t mean to laugh,” Jamie said. “It’s really not funny ... Do you need a nap?”

“Why would I need a nap?”

“You must be so tired after all these years,” he said as he started laughing again. Mel didn’t hold it in either.

“You guys suck,” Manda said as she reached for Jamie. He sat up and let her lift him into her lap. She gave him a kiss, stood him up, turned him around, and sent him inside with a swat to his butt. “Go try to use the potty.” Jamie went to do as he was told.

Mel watched him disappear around the corner before asking, “So how’s it really going?”

“Like I said. He used the potty once yesterday and again when he woke up this morning and after his nap.”

“So no accidents?”

“One yesterday after putting him in pull-ups and one today, but that’s really good progress. He’s mostly doing it on his own, too. I remind him to go, but he also goes on his own ... The fact that his pull-ups aren’t wet all the time is proof he can do it. His diapers are constantly at least a little wet.”

He appeared around the corner, and Mel nodded to Amanda so he wouldn’t hear them taking about him.

“No luck,” Manda asked him.

“No. Are you guys hungry yet?”

“I am,” Mel said. 

“Lunchtime,” Manda said. “Mom went a little nuts buying groceries for us.”

Jamie sat in the kitchen while they made sandwiches. “How’s work going,” Jamie asked.

“Good. It’s slower than I thought it would be. I spend more time helping people pick upholstery than designing.”

“Have you gotten to design at all yet,” Manda asked.

“Mhmm. Small projects, but it was fun. I have a home visit coming up this week ... I’m pretty sure this store just gets less of that. I heard through the grapevine that they move designers to busier stores after they get their feet wet for a year, or they move them to worse stores if they’re not very good at it.”

“What do your bosses say?”

“They like what I’ve done. My customers give me good reviews on the satisfaction surveys. One didn’t, but they were just unhappy because everything they liked most was out of their price range.”

“Sucks when people do that. Most probably don’t even realize they’re doing that ... Different if they don’t like your work,” Jamie said.

“You guys still haven’t come to visit me or bring me lunch. And you, Jamie, owe me a picture.”

“How about this week,” Manda asked.

“Any day works.”

“Picnic lunch,” Amanda asked. She got nods, and they each carried their plate and a drink outside.

“Doesn’t look like people use their patios much,” Mel observed as she looked down the grounds past the other buildings. “It’s almost private out here.”

“Almost, but it’s not.”

“Meet any neighbors yet?”

“A couple. Everyone is nice. Don’t hear people through the walls much,” Manda said. “Jamie hasn’t told anybody he’s not regressed, besides the manager.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know them yet. Not really their business,” he said. “Besides, people talk differently when they know I can understand.”

“How’s that sandwich,” Manda asked.

“Great,” he lied. Becky had bought too much fresh food. The bread was stale and the meat coming up on its expiration date.

“Hmmm,” Amanda said as she raised her eyebrows. “I think I’d rather have a second cookie than finish mine.” She disappeared and came back with cookies, including two of Jamie’s.

“So what are we gonna do all afternoon,” Mel asked.

“What do you guys wanna do,” Manda asked. “Jamie’s still gotta take his afternoon nap,” she clarified. His morning nap didn’t cancel his afternoon one. 

“You buy anything to bake with,” Mel asked.

“You wanna bake?”

“Something to do. Always fun.”

“I can nap while it’s in the oven,” Jamie suggested.

“Brownies,” Manda said. “We have stuff for that. But ya gotta take some home with you,” she told Mel. “We don’t need to eat a whole pan of brownies.”

“Twist my arm,” Mel said.

“Excuse me.” Jamie stood up to go use the potty. 

“Hold on,” Manda said. She reached over and felt his pull-up. “Go,” she said. He rushed off, and Amanda and Mel went inside with the dishes. “He had an accident,” Manda whispered.

“Just now?”

“Some time between coming back from the bathroom and just now, I guess.”

“Is he trying to hide it or does he not realize?”

“I don’t think he realizes. We talked about accidents, and I’m not making a big deal out of them, but he might get embarrassed because you’re here. Just be real sweet with him.” She went to the bathroom and closed the door part way.

“Any luck,” she asked.

“A drop,” he answered with a voice that made it clear he was dissatisfied with himself. “I had an accident, too.”

“I know. Wasn’t just now though, was it?”

“No.” How he had not noticed but Manda had didn’t make sense to him. She saw what he didn’t even feel.

“It’s okay. We got a little wrapped up in our conversation. Ya ready to clean up?” He nodded and stood, the wet pull-up still around his ankles. He stepped out of it, and Amanda got the wipes she’d left on the vanity. She cleaned him well before getting a new pull-up and helping him into it. “Hug,” she said, and she gave him a tighter hug than he gave her. She didn’t want to once more belabor her point that an accident wasn’t a big deal and that he shouldn’t feel bad about it, so instead she picked him up on her hip and went back to the kitchen.

Jamie wasn’t upset about the accident necessarily. He was just puzzling over how he hadn’t felt it at all and why this had so far proven more difficult than he thought it would or even could be. His potty successes were based on timing, knowing people usually pee when they get up from a nap or from just sitting on the potty long enough. He hadn’t yet been successful in recognizing his need and making it to the potty in time.

“Jamie’s in charge of cracking eggs,” Amanda announced. She set him on the counter instead of his chair, his legs dangling over the side.

“No fair,” Mel whined. “Why does he get to?”

Jamie smiled at her knowingly. “You can crack one if it’ll make you happy.”

Manda sent him back to the potty when the batter was done, and Jamie sat for several minutes. He did feel a rising need, and he waited just a few seconds before trying to relax his muscles. It worked but didn’t feel right; it felt like an effort to relax that way. He wondered if Manda’s plan wasn’t working on the root of the problem and decided he’d ask for her phone later to do his own research. He waited another minute to make sure he was empty before calling out.

Mel came instead of Amanda, and he blushed hard. “Manda ran out to grab our towels. Wind blew them away. Do you wanna wait for her?”

“No, not unless you don’t wanna.”

“I don’t mind.”

“I just peed.”

She smiled at him. “Nicely done. Sounds like you’re doing pretty good with this.”

“Seems like,” he said. He stood up. “Um, Manda wipes me down, down there.”

Mel opened the wipes on the counter and took just one. Jamie tried to think of anything but the fact that it was Mel; like he needed his body to embarrass him in a whole different way.

“I’m a bit embarrassed,” Mel said to his surprise. If only took a second to wipe him off.

“By wiping me down there?” She did that pretty frequently when sitting for him or just when she they hung out together.

“No, silly. By how much better you are at cracking eggs.”

“Maybe you just got a hard one ... you did a good job wiping off the counter.”

Manda appeared in the doorway. “Sorry,” Jamie. Had to rescue our towels.”

“It’s okay,” he said.

“Jamie was trying to make me feel better about the egg mishap.”

“You did fine on the second try,” Manda said with a chuckle.

“Ahem,” Jamie said as he stood there naked.

“Let’s put you in a diaper for your nap,” Manda said. The pull-up was still dry, she could see, and he could wear it when he woke up. “C’mon,” she said as she held out her hand.

“Nuh uh,” Mel said as she picked up Jamie. “It’s my turn.” She hugged him jealously, turning her body so she was between them.

“Yeah,” Jamie said. “It’s Mel’s turn.” 

She sidled past Amanda, who said, “Sleep tight.”

On her hip, with her arms wrapped so far around him she could still touch each hand to the opposite arm, he thought of how good it felt to feel small, like when Amanda had wrapped him up in a hug that morning. There was security in that, like they really could take care of him, take over his responsibilities as they had done, and that it wasn’t just an arrangement but a fact.

She laid him directly on the bed and went to get a diaper off the changing table along with some rash cream. “Isn’t it gonna suck when you have to start wearing a shirt during the day,” she asked knowing that he had barely worn one around the house all summer. She lifted his ankles up and spread the diaper out under him. He drew his legs back and waited for her to massage the diaper cream into his skin, squirming when she did. She was used to it; it seemed like most babies and every little did that. She wiped her hands on the diaper before lifting it up and sealing it snug to his belly.

“How’s that feel,” she asked.

“You always do a good job.” He reached up and ran his hand through his hair. Mel recognized that as one his tics, something he did when he was tired.

“Nap time,” she said as she turned him so he was lying the length of the bed. She took his hands and held them together, kissing his fingers before placing them on his chest. She raised her gaze to his face again and saw he was holding in tears.

“What’s the matter,” she asked. He didn’t say anything and shook his head. Mel looked at the open door and quickly closed it, crossing the room again to pick Jamie up onto her chest. He buried his face in her and cried silent, heavy tears.

“What wrong, baby,” she asked again.

He picked his head up and shook it again, trying to talk and stay quiet at the same time. “I’m just ...” He sniffled before continuing. “Having a harder time than I let on. The move ... it’s been harder not having them both at home with me. Please don’t tell them.”

Mel felt a lump rise in her own throat. It wasn’t just Jamie. She figured it must have to do with getting older, but something about an unhappy child or little hit her in a way it hadn’t before. And it was Jamie. The way he said it and the way he seemed to hold it in until he could tell just her made her heart hurt. She pressed him back to her chest and put her head over his. “It’s our secret. Can I lay down with you until you’re asleep?”

“Please,” he said. She pivoted on the bed and laid down on her side with Jamie still in her arms. With her top hand, she ran her nails from the back of his thigh to his neck waiting for him to fall sleep.

She wasn’t anyone else’s aunt or best friend, yet it struck her that she kept Amanda’s secrets and Jamie’s secrets, sometimes from each other. She did it because she loved them both. She wished they didn’t need to keep secrets at all.

“You’re such a brave Bear,” she cooed to him.

[Little Andrea]

Aww, the feels. That was a good chapter. 

[Sarah Penguin]

Jamie might be affected by some sort of numbing agent in his formula or even his diapers, baby powder, or maybe even his wipes to distract or tone down you just wet your diaper feelings because why not if ever little is regressed and it will help them play morwe happily or sleep better without constant wet diaper knowledge.

[Shotgun Diplomat]

I am inclined to think that Jamie associates being on and using the potty/toilet as being a pre-adopted behaviour, and that in replicating said behaviour he is subconsciously holding his bladder until he is comfortable again. Obviously this is an imperfect solution as evidenced by his ability to release voluntarily after his morning nap, but I believe that it is a solid working theory. By attempting to recreate functional continence in Jamie both he and Manda are reengaging pre-adoption behaviours. 

[SGTbaby]

10 hours ago, Alex Bridges said:

I bet someone has called you a shit disturber in your past ?

Can’t imagine why someone would think that...?

Great chapter. I think the potty training is actually taking an emotional toll on him even if he doesn’t realize it. I mean being one way at Amanda’s and another at Beckys sounds hard and it hasn’t even a yet. 

[littleTomás]

My theory is that when Jamie feels loved he relaxes and relaxes his body. Thus, out on the patio he wet his pull-up. I think that the love makes him feel little and want to give up control to just be present in the moment. Also I think Jamie needs a 100% carefree existence right now with lots of diapers and cuddles instead of potty training.

Great chapter.

[Alex Bridges]

 Chapter 87

 

The sound of pouring water filled the silence in the bathroom as Manda poured cup after cup of warm bath water down Jamie’s back. She knew it soothed him, and she liked watching it run down his soft body. He looked ahead and down, not focusing his eyes on anything. She poured the next cup down his hair.

His body’s schedule was off because of the potty training. “I thought it was a fart,” Jamie said.

“I know. It’s not a big deal.” Had he been wearing a diaper instead of a pull-up, it would have been an even smaller deal. He wouldn’t have needed the day’s second bath. She hosed him down in the shower and soaped him up and rinsed him off twice before rinsing the tub and plugging it to give him a bath. He was clean; she just wanted to do something to calm him down. He hadn’t been upset to the point of tears or anger, but she could see he was anxious. Warm water always calmed him, and sometimes that was what he needed before bed time.

Manda smiled and shook her head. Jamie wrinkled his forehead and asked, “What?”

“The look on your face when it happened. I’ve never seen you so wide eyed.”

“You looked a bit ... stunned, too.”

“Pull-ups just can’t handle what a bear can throw at them,” she remarked. He gently splashed toward her. She leaned over the tub and kissed his wet hair. “So, Day Two. Anything you wanna talk about?”

“This is harder than I thought it would be. I didn’t put much thought into it before, but now that I’m paying attention, I don’t think my muscles are working like they used to. They feel ... like they’re not coordinating with each other.”

“They’ll get back to how they used to be.”

“I think it’s not enough to just practice the potty. I think I need to work on those muscles.”

“Is that what you were looking at on my phone?”

“Yeah. Do you know what a kegel exercise is?”

“I’ve heard of it a few times. I think I know the gist.”

“I’ve been trying that and a few other things. After reading that and before the, um, incident.”

“I thought I saw you making some funny faces.”

“Those things are harder than they sound.”

“Well, that can only help.” She reached for the soap again and lathered her hands to massage his shoulders.

“That feels good,” he said.

“It’s been a while since the two of us got a mommy and little massage.”

He sighed and asked, “Can I ask you something?”

“Mhmm.”

“How come you never take a bath with me like Mom does?”

“Hmm. Well, I guess I just always thought of that as something moms do.”

“Sometimes you take me in the shower with you, like at the pool.”

“True. I guess we can take a bath together sometimes. Would you like that?”

“I think so.”

“Why do you like it with Mom?”

He shrugged. “Just ... extra relaxing to snuggle in the water.” That called to mind something else Jamie had been wondering since the day before, something he thought he understood all these years but now realized he didn’t. “In your little studies courses, do you ever learn what happens to humans when they come here?”

“How do you mean?”

“Like, how they change, besides from being regressed or not?”

“Could you give me an example?”

“Like crying. Why do they cry more easily than before they left?”

Amanda wasn’t sure they did, and if so, she chalked it up to regression. “I think that’s just because of regression.”

“But ... I’m not regressed. I didn’t used to cry, hardly ever. Now I ... I don’t where that came from.”

“Maybe that’s the answer. You held it in for so long, and now you get to let it out.”

“Well what about ... I didn’t used to be ... I ...” Manda ran her hand the length of his back from his neck to his butt to relax him as she saw his shoulders start to bunch up with whatever he was having such a hard time saying. He shuddered like he always did when she did that, and his shoulders relaxed. “I get ... I like to be touched. I think I need it sometimes.”

“And you didn’t need that before?”

“No.”

“Didn’t need it, or didn’t have it?”

“Both?”

“Maybe you did need it and just didn’t have it.”

“I didn’t have a teddy bear either.”

“Anybody can form an attachment to something.”

“He’s sorta like an imaginary friend ... I just ... I thought those were all things regressed littles might do. I didn’t think I would. And the potty thing.”

“I think the potty thing is separate from the other stuff,” Manda said.

“I just thought maybe something else about coming here maybe made humans do those things. Like, I don’t know, just something about this place. The water or the air or something.”

“Not that I know of ... Independent humans don’t seem to be different here than back where you come from.” Amanda didn’t want to point out that Ella wasn’t nearly so prone to tears as Jamie was and didn’t seem to desire so much physical affection. Amanda didn’t understand why Jamie had been thinking of this. “Do you want to stop those things,” she asked even though she couldn’t see how Jamie would ever want to be any less affectionate than he was. He’d just said he wanted to share baths with her.

“No, I was just wondering ... how I got here. Just been thinking about how different I am now, how I changed. Those aren’t reasons ... I wasn’t looking for those things when I came here. It wasn’t intentional.”

“Can I say what I think,” she asked. He nodded. “I think maybe you did want those things even if you didn’t realize, or even you didn’t want them, you needed them. It’s safe for you to share all your feelings here and be a snuggly little bear. Maybe that was you all along, and you were just holding it in until you found somewhere safe. Now, here we are.”

Jamie’s eyes got watery. “Maybe,” he said as he swallowed. “How come ... you understand me so well?”

“I think we understand each other so well. Can I tell you a secret no one told me before you came along? You don’t just love your little. You fall in love with them. I think that’s why we understand each other so well.”

Jamie nodded emphatically, his eyes watering more, and she sensed he was holding in a small sob. She rinsed his back again with the cup and pulled the plug as she wondered what had him so emotional since the afternoon. It wasn’t the accidents, not that she could tell. Mel hadn’t said anything except that he wanted to snuggle with her before his nap. Of course, nothing explicitly ever had to bother Jamie for him to be unusually emotional for a day; sometimes he just got melancholy some days. She and Becky were now adept at sensing those moods and considered them just part of Jamie’s special needs. She wondered if it was one of those days or if the accidents or the now two days without Becky were the reason.

She turned to pull the towel down as she stood, and she quickly had him loosely swaddled, lifting him out so his legs were wrapped around her and she had both hands supporting his bottom. She carried him like that into the kitchen and shifted him so she had a free hand to pull his last bottle from the fridge and put it in the warmer. He rested his cheek against her arm and she bounced him gently, patting his bottom through the damp towel until the bottle was done and she carried him to their bedroom.

She laid him straight on the bed with his legs hanging over the edge and opened the towel. He’d had a lot of big feelings and thoughts today, apparently. A warm bath. Her gentle rocking. It was a little past him bedtime. Like flipping a switch sometimes, the way he could be having a conversation one minute and be ready to nod off the next. He’d give her a dirty look if she said so, but little, babies, and toddlers are all like that. 

“Getting sleepy,” she asked. At least she hoped that was why he was suddenly so quiet and not because he was upset. He sighed. “Bath felt good. Thank you for it.” She got the changing supplies from the changing table and diapered him there on the bed. 

Watching his eyes, she knelt down next to the bed and took his hands, placing her chin on the mattress and looking down the length of him. She never could find a word for it, the way she felt looking at his body, how perfect he was, how perfect his tiny little self was. It wasn’t pride or admiration or attraction. She didn’t think there was a word for it, not in her language. It was the way you feel when you look at someone you love. And it doesn’t have words, what you feel when you look at someone you love. You just want to keep looking, to touch them, to have them, to be a part of them and have them be a part of you. Longing may be the word, but it can’t be, not if you have the thing you long for and yet long for it still. There was no word that she knew for that feeling.

Amanda lifted her head and kissed Jamie on his belly and again and again working her way to the top of his head. She could tell from his eyes that he felt the same way, too, that same feeling. That was the answer to his question. That was why he could never get enough of their touch, that feeling they couldn’t name.

She got up on the bed next to him and pulled him on top of herself. She kicked the wet towel to the floor and took the bottle from the nightstand. He looked up at her, his big sleepy eyes. She offered him the bottle, and he started to nurse, his legs and arms stretching as he always did before relaxing again, his whole body letting go. 

He was asleep by the time the bottle was empty. How he managed that, drinking in his sleep, she didn’t know. She assumed it had something to do with whatever bigs’ milk and formula did to littles. She eased him off herself and placed his head on his pillow. She lifted his arm and put it around his bear. She took his paci from the nightstand and held it to his lips, and they parted just enough to take it.

Amanda put both her hands on his damp hair and once more kissed him on his forehead before running one hand down his cheek.

“You just needed someone to love you,” she whispered, “all that time, and someone to love back, and that’s what we are: in love with each other. Now you get to be who you really were that whole time.”

She knew, watching him, he was wrong. The things he wanted and needed hadn’t changed since coming to live with them. He just learned how to ask for them.

[the diaper mike]

 Wow that was a very intense chapter

[Sarah Penguin]

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

[Alex Bridges]

8 minutes ago, Sarah Penguin said:

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

I know! ☺️

[littleTomás]

2 hours ago, Alex Bridges said:

She knew, watching him, he was wrong. The things he wanted and needed hadn’t changed since coming to live with them. He just learned how to ask for them.

Wow, Amanda with the mad insights! I wonder if this will change her opinion about potty training?

[SGTbaby]

So good so awesome in so many ways!

[Samriis]

Longing may be the word, but it can’t be, not if you have the thing you long for and yet long for it still. There was no word that she knew for that feeling.

 

Bonded is one of my favorites.  It has so many meanings and can sum the way someone feels about another so completely. 

[Gentle Gemma]

I'm fully expecting Jamie to have a conspiracy wall with tacs and string connecting things like littles milk,  sleepy,  moon phases,  bigs actions,  and of course,  martians. 

[Alex Bridges]

Chapter 88

 

Becky asked Manda to come over early for breakfast, so she put Jamie’s clothes in his bag before going to bed. She’d exchange them for clean ones before they left to go back to their apartment and skipped Jamie’s morning bath, changing him into a regular daytime diaper and leaving him in his pajama shorts, adding just a tee shirt. 

“Should I just use the diaper like normal,” Jamie asked.

“Maybe pay attention to when you feel the need to go and try to hold it for a bit before you do. Keep trying those level exercises.” They got their story straight in the car on the way over. Nothing out of the ordinary had happened, and they’d gone hiking with Mel.

Becky was in the kitchen when they arrived and was on her feet as soon as they opened the door from the garage. “Morning, babies,” she sang sweetly as she held out her arms. Amanda handed over their treasure, and Jamie smiled and blushed as Becky landed kisses all over his face. She had one for Manda too. Jamie put his head down on Becky’s shoulder and gave her a kiss back.

“Morning, Mom,” Amanda said as she came through the door and put Jamie’s bag down. She’d get the empty bottles out for the dishwasher and take his clothes to the laundry room later.

“Did he not get enough sleep last night,” Becky asked

“I’m just happy to see you,” Jamie answered for himself.

“I hope you’re hungry,” she said.

“Some special breakfast,” Manda asked. There was nothing on the stove and no smell coming from the oven.

“Not yet. I just need to feed this little guy. Hmm? Can I feed the little boy?” Jamie and Manda both looked at her strangely, wondering why she was talking like that and seemed so perky.

“I’m hungry,” Jamie said. Amanda opened the fridge to get herself some juice to drink and saw four bottles of milk ready for her to take home with them. Looking over her shoulder at her mom, she detected something else looked a little different about her. Her breasts seemed a little fuller despite the bottles in the fridge.

Amanda had never thought to measure it, but she guessed now that Jamie drank more from her what Becky had bottled for him to take to Manda’s apartment. Two days wasn’t long enough for Becky’s body to adjust, and so she had produced more than she needed even though she’d pumped.

“I’m gonna go take a shower,” Manda announced. She’d gotten up, changed Jamie, dressed both of them and was out the door without cleaning up.

“We‘ll be in my room,” Becky said. “Me and Baby Bear. Baby Bear and me,” she said as she tickled his back.

“You’re being silly this morning, Mama.” She wasn’t usually silly. Not often, anyway. Just like she didn’t often wrestle with him or tickle him to the point of squeeing like she had the other day. Jamie surmised that his absence made her more prone to those things, like without him at home, all that silliness got bottled up and needed to rush out when she saw him.

Becky lay back on her bed with just a single pillow under her head. “Sit up, baby,” she asked him, and when he did, she pulled his shirt off him and unfastened the belt on the robe she’d been wearing, taking her arms out and revealing she had nothing on above her pajama pants. 

The sight of her made Jamie realize how much he’d missed nursing from her for almost two days, and he grew almost jittery in the few seconds he sat there before she guided him back down. He knew he was addicted to the milk and that it wasn’t just the milk. It was the experience itself, the physical closeness and the emotions and chemicals that closeness released. He surmised Becky was craving the same things, and that must be why she was so eager that morning.

Becky swept his legs to her side with her right arm so he was laying mostly but not entirely on her, a more comfortable position for him. Jamie reached toward her left breast and put his hand on it as he put his wet lips around her nipple. As he swallowed the first drop, his body made his hips rise and twist of their own accord and he let out a soft moan before relaxing again. 

At that same first tugging sensation, Becky sighed and stretched her legs out long, pointing her toes down and making all her muscles stretch and her knees and ankles crack before she, too, settled back into the soft mattress with a moan and a laugh. She missed Jamie, and she missed this especially, something only she did with him. It was their very special time. It was a relief and a release. She sighed deeply, put her left hand under her head, and wrapped her right arm around Jamie, helping him to reach her.

“Baby Bear ... Mama’s so glad to see you this morning ... Such a good bear.” She sighed again, and Jamie switched sides. “Mama’s bestest bear ...”

Jamie felt overly full when he was done and put his heavy head on Becky just below her breast. Becky felt well relieved and cast her eyes down at Jamie. She knew his pupils were dilated and he’d be zonked for a little longer than usual after such a big breakfast. She felt relaxed all over, ready to roll to her stomach and go to sleep with him. She felt like a mom again. She closed her eyes and reached over to pull Jamie back all the way on top of her. She stayed like that for a few minutes. She felt the need to get up, though, and she stretched her arms and shoulders and back before putting her arms around Jamie and sitting up. 

He sat back and looked up at her, his eyes glassy. Smiling at him, she set him on the bed and left him there to get a tee shirt for herself. She watched him wobble and half-lie, half-fall chest first into the mound of comforter rising all around him. She giggled at her little milkhead as she pulled the tee shirt on and picked him back up. He was smiling and resting his head on her, his eyes closed and arms down by his sides.

Amanda heard them coming downstairs and emerged from the kitchen with a cereal bowl in her left hand and a spoon in her right. “Both of you feel better,” she asked, only a little bit joshing. Pumping and feeling overly full we’re the reasons she had never given another thought to nursing Jamie. If for some reason Becky couldn’t, she’d take over. Otherwise, she was happy not have to deal this discomfort.

“Jamie’s not up for talking yet, but yes we do.” She looked at him and patted his back. “Yes we do. Baby and Mama Bear feel soooo much better.” Amanda followed them to the nursery and leaned against the door frame watching her lay Jamie on his changing table. She wondered how much she could’ve possibly fed him. A bottle made him loopy but not that loopy. Maybe it was more than just the amount. Maybe it was different fresh or warm or straight from the source, and maybe it hit him more strongly after two days of it bottled, even if it was just two days. He had reacted pretty strongly to nursing when it was new to him, bottled or not.

Becky used the strap to buckle Jamie down. His eyes were open at least. His smile was cheerful, tightly drawn in a small arc across his face, a look of complete contentment. “I see someone awake,” Becky said in the very same voice she used when playing with Sammy when he was just a few months old. She tapped his nose. “I see someone awake.” Jamie kicked his feet and laughed. Amanda stood up straight and watched in surprise. 

“He’s awake and he’s got wet pants.” She felt his diaper through his shorts. “Ah! He’s awake and he’s got wet pants!” She giggled at him and he giggled back. “We gonna change da pants! Yes we are!” She took his shorts off, the soft ones he sometimes slept in, and tossed them over his face, mock gasping, “O no! Where’d the baby bear go?” She yanked the shorts down. “There he is!” She pulled the shorts back up. “O no! Where’d da baby go?” Jamie was giggling like she’d told one of the world’s best dirty jokes. “Dere he is! Dere he is! You being such a good boy holding so still.” She tickled his naked belly with her finger tips and watched him squirm. “Who’s my good boy? Jamie is! Mama’s favorite boy in da whole wide world. Dat’s my baby bear!” 

She untaped the diaper and folded it down, taking his ankles in one hand, lifting them up and kissing the soles of his feet. “Such tiny footsies!” She lifted his feet higher and took a peek at his bum. “Ah,” she gasped in surprise. “What did you do? Hmmm? What did you do in your diapee?” Turning to Amanda, she asked in her normal voice, “Was he regular?”

“Um, yeah. Is he ...”

“He’s just a teensy bit messy for his mommy,” she said, turning the voice back on. “Just a teensy bit!” She opened the wipe warmer and cleaned him off with just two of them, tossing them in the diaper and pulling it out from under him. She set it aside and laid his legs back down. “Gonna get hims clean eberybear,” she said in the high register she used exclusively with babies, deeply regressed littles, and sometimes Kazoo. She wiped down his entire diaper area. “Clean enough for his bath,” she announced as she unbuckled the strap and picked him up. She landed three firm pats on his naked bottom. “Bath time for the Baby Bear!”  She walked past Amanda as if nothing she’d said was out of the ordinary.

Amanda followed and looked at Jamie’s glossed our face resting on their mom’s shoulder. She got his attention with a wave. He smiled at her. Becky set him down when the warm water was a few inches deep. He splashed with his antsy feet before taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly. He rolled his head to his left and looked at Becky, who was sitting on the rug with her elbow on the rim of the tub, resting her chin in her upturned hand. “Thank you for breakfast, Mama.”

“Thank you, Baby Bear.”

Amanda’s eyes flitted to her right and left as if to see whether anyone else had seen what she had. He watched her mom stare at Jamie and Jamie look at his hands in the water before reaching for his shark. Amanda shook her head. Was that it? It was over now, whatever it was?

She went to put her bowl in the sink and went to the back door to let Kazoo inside. He hopped onto the couch with her and put his head on her leg. She scratched behind his ear while searching ‘what happens when you don’t nurse your little for two days.’ Something happened, obviously, and it had happened to both of them.

She’d never bothered to learn anything about nursing a little. She’d assumed it was just like nursing an infant. Not the case, she saw as she scanned through the results. Just like a mother’s body will change the formulation of the milk to match the baby’s needs, so with a little the mother produces milk with higher concentrations of the chemicals that make Littles react so strongly to it in ways infants and toddlers do not.

Reheating the milk neutralizes those chemicals to a degree, and it takes only a day for the little to lose some tolerance to the chemicals even if they were drinking bottled milk during that time. That explained why Jamie had such a strong reaction to his breakfast, but what had made Becky act the way she had?

All Manda found were forums about caring for littles where women talked about how excited they felt to nurse after being away from their little for a few days, how intense it was and how they’d found themselves doting on their little more than they always did. They seemed to all enjoy the experience but not enough to not want to nurse every day. What Amanda didn’t find, though, was any explanation of why these women experienced what they did.

She looked at Kazoo, who sensed that she was looking at him and so looked back up, setting his tail in a slow motion. “Well,” she said, and his tail started swinging and he picked up his head, “no idea why, but they sure seemed happy.” She reached over and lifted him all the way onto her lap, flipped him belly up, and scratched the spot that made his leg twitch. “Gotta make sure someone does this to you when I’m not here,” she said. “You’re the one getting overlooked.”

“Clean, dry, and dressed,” Becky announced as she came around the corner with Jamie on her hip. “My turn to take a shower.”

“What are we doing later,” Manda asked.

“Going to the pool with Ella,” Becky said as she set Jamie down. “Be back in a jiff.”

Manda looked at Jamie as he climbed up onto the couch and reached over to pet his dog. “Did Mom seem a little odd to you,” she asked him.

“At first. I think she was just happy to see me.”

“And you feel normal?”

“Of course. Why?”

“No reason. She just ... she doesn’t usually talk to you like you’re ... regressed.”

“Did she? I didn’t notice.”

“Maybe I was imagining things,” Amanda said.

 

 

[Shotgun Diplomat]

49 minutes ago, Alex Bridges said:

She just ... she doesn’t usually talk to you like you’re ... regressed

I realise that it is unlikely, but, is Becky going to go all AMAZON on Jamie and forget all of the hard won lessons learned over the years. Or rather, if not forget, maybe just not totally remember? Or, is her behaviour linked to her over production and storage of milk, and the possible of re-absorption of what ever those chemicals are into her bloodstream through her mammary tissues?

[Alex Bridges]

11 minutes ago, Shotgun Diplomat said:

I realise that it is unlikely, but, is Becky going to go all AMAZON on Jamie and forget all of the hard won lessons learned over the years. Or rather, if not forget, maybe just not totally remember? Or, is her behaviour linked to her over production and storage of milk, and the possible of re-absorption of what ever those chemicals are into her bloodstream through her mammary tissues?

If by “all amazon” you mean is she going to use his data to serve him targeted advertisements, then yes.

Let’s also never use the phrase “mammary tissues” again. Deal?

[Shotgun Diplomat]

7 minutes ago, Alex Bridges said:

If by “all amazon” you mean is she going to use his data to serve him targeted advertisements, then yes.

Lol (but in a quasi sarcastic/ resigned to the world way) that was clever. 

8 minutes ago, Alex Bridges said:

Let’s also never use the phrase “mammary tissues” again. Deal?

Well, seeing as I was referencing the interior structures of her breasts. I was not sure exactly what I could call them without coming off as creepy. The word "flesh" came to mind, but it seemed too Hannibal Lector-esque. 

[SGTbaby]

I think it is a mix of happy to see each other, a special bonding time/type and it was just nice. I like the feeling but I don’t think it is going to go all the way however if it turns him a little runnier than normal it will also make potty training that much harder for Jamie.

[littleTomás]

Lovely chapter! I don’t think that Jamie minds the little treatment. Just like with Mel, he can appreciate being playful and having fun. Honestly, with all the stress in Jamie’s life it’s not a surprise that he was ready to be little again and given how attached Becky is to Jamie she was dying to get him back.

[Sarah Penguin]

whee

[Mugi]

What a sweet chapter! ❤️ I loved it!

[Amber's Boy]

11 hours ago, Alex Bridges said:

 

Somehow i missed the last three chapters.  That was so, freakin, sweet!  I loved it!  Mr. Alex, you do fine work.

[Alex Bridges]

It was the milk