How to tell

[Pokec70]

Hello I would like to ask if anyone can help me how to tell my gf that I am in diapers... I am DL and I am very afraid how will she respond on that

 

[AbabeBill]

Never an easy thing. And you would know better than anyone, how she might react. But, you might want to wait for just the right time to bring it up. A nice quiet together time. Make it a, want to get to know you better time, and in turn she should get to know you better. Maybe you can ask her what wild thing she likes, or has done, and then you will tell her one. That could open the door for you. If you want this to work, (the relationship with her) and possibly grow, you should be honest with her, and she with you, (hopefully). You should let her know, what you like, and your dL side. She may, or may not be receptive to it at first, but give it a chance. If she is not at all receptive, now or ever, you might want to reevaluate your relationship. But of course, that would be something you would have to decide. I hope you can work it out, and hope for a good result. Keep this in mind too, lots of people have been in your same position, told their significant other, and it worked out well, or at least not to be a big deal. And you’ll never know, till you let her in. 

[Clr224]

The above response makes some good points.  I would add some cautionary thoughts, too.  If she reacts badly, you have exposed yourself as a DL and this information could be used to embarrass you among your common friends.  Are you sure that you’re going to spend long time together?  If you were to break up with her sometime in the future, she could lash out emotionally and seek to cause you as much personal anguish and embarrassment as possible.

Consider how long and how well you know your gf.  Have you dIscussed related topics, not necessarily about yourself, but about others or news items that may have recently come out.  How has she reacted to those?  You may be able to put tentative feelers out to see how she feels about ABDLs as a concept.

Basically, I would not be in a hurry to divulge your DL feelings until you’re very certain about her feelings and beliefs and that she is a person that you can place absolute trust in.

I would also recommend that you examine your own feelings about being a DL and having that aspect of your life known to your friends and community.  Would being “outed” as a DL be a relief; would it be an initially painful experience that you would overcome; or would it be devastating to you and your personal life?

My main thought Is, be careful.  

[Pokec70]

Firs of all sorry for late reply 

Thak you for your replies 

She is prety open minded but clr224I think I am already alittle to careful because we are already 4 years together and I am still afraid to tell her vecause I am hiding this for that long 

 

[AbabeBill]

If she’s opened minded, as you say, that can make it easier. And, you have been together for sometime, that should play in your favor as well. But, not telling her, and letting it go, isn’t going to make it easier. 

[Boston_Daddy]

check out Dream A Little podcast, ive listened to most of them and in the early episodes she talks a lot about how to talk about abdl with your SO. 

 

https://player.fm/series/dream-a-little

Or there is an apple version on itunes

[foreverdl]

Boston_Daddy

I really wish I would have found the Dream A Little about 15 yrs ago, I am going to listen to more  the pod cast , I played a couple tonight, 

My wife has not liked my DL side at all, I told her in all the wrong ways back in 2006, its been up and down. I could have and hopefully can still learn from those recordings to maybe help her understand me. Fortunately for me I now have old man dribbles, and I wet at night, so she is slowly coming to understand me. We have been married 24yrs and I like many others thought I could just leave the DL thing behind me. LOL

Thanks

[LittleAmytheil]

On 7/8/2019 at 10:22 AM, Pokec70 said:

She is prety open minded but clr224I think I am already alittle to careful because we are already 4 years together and I am still afraid to tell her vecause I am hiding this for that long 

 

I know it's been over a month, but I have a little bit to weigh in myself.  I've been with my partner for almost 20 years now.  We've lived together for the last 3 years (we lived on and off together in the past; it's a long story why we had a long distance relationship) and I've been an AB/DL for about 10ish years.  My partner only found out maybe a year or so ago that I'm a DL, even after we knew one another so long and even when we lived together.  Heck, 3 of my closest friends and play partners knew.  I too was scared of chasing him off.

One day my partner found my diapers.  He was looking for his Renaissance Faire belt, and looked through my dresser just in case.  Lo and behold he opened the bottom drawer and found my diapers and a bunch of supplies.  He did the smart thing.  He researched it and dropped 'hints'. (Encouraging me to snuggle my stuffed animals, brought me treats while I played games, offered to make me a bubble bath, etc.) I clearly didn't get it.  I noticed and was nervous he knew, but played it off.

He did the next smart thing and asked my play partner.  He played dumb that he knew, but he did have experience with other ABDLs and DD/lg relationships (his past partners).  He bridged the topic awkwardly in a car ride, and we had a long heart to heart of what I wanted out of it and how I'd like it to go forward.  We opted not to change much, except that I  no longer hide my diapers in the shed/car/etc.  Same with my wipes/creams/clothes/paci.  Clearly, we're still together and he's shared to me his own fetishes that he was embarrassed about and I think we've grown closer as a couple.

[Jilly Poo]

Telling someone you love something you have kept secret is never easy and once the cat is out of the bag, the tendency is to share all of it at once just to relieve that burden you've been living with but be careful.  Sharing too much at once can be devastating.  Go Slow.  As Clr224 suggested, maybe find some way of bringing up the topic without incriminating yourself first.  Celebrities in diapers photos might be a good way to start a conversation.  

Once you do tell her your secret,  expect her to have a lot of questions and don't overwhelm her with information.  Answer only what she asks after you drop your bombshell and give her a few days/weeks before you show up with diapers and expect her to play along.  Let her set the pace.

Don't believe that she is ever going to want to wear one too but when you are wearing one while she is with you, tell her how much YOU enjoy them and never force her to try it. And if she wants to try it, don't expect it to happen over and over again.  She may be open-minded to try new things but its not for everyone.

You said you two have been together for 4 years and that is amazing.  Congratulations.  As stated above, making sure that this is a long lasting relationship before sharing is important and knowing you can trust one another with your deepest darkest secrets is extremely important especially among your social groups.  It might be a good idea to share equally your deepest desires to help keep the "playing field" even. 

For me, when I told my husband, I simply woke up one morning and felt I had to tell him about my diaper desires.  While laying in bed, the song Maggie May by Rod Stewart came on the radio.  The words "Maggie I think I've got something to say to you..." rang out and got stuck in my ears.  They were rattling around in there and gave me the courage to say to my husband "I think I've got something to say to you too...." and from there I told him about my desire to wear and wet diapers.  At first he didn't believe me and I had to give him proof, I pulled a diaper from my stash to show him.  I told him that it was something I had been doing for a very long time and that I had been afraid to share with him.  I let him ask me anything he wanted and gave him honest answers.  I made the mistake of expecting him to play along too soon and it lead to him not wanting to be part of it after a while.  We are still married and I still wear diapers but MOSTLY when I am home alone.

Go Slowly and Good Luck

 

[Glennie]

On 9/11/2019 at 11:08 AM, Jilly Poo said:

Telling someone you love something you have kept secret is never easy and once the cat is out of the bag, the tendency is to share all of it at once just to relieve that burden you've been living with but be careful.  Sharing too much at once can be devastating.  Go Slow.  As Clr224 suggested, maybe find some way of bringing up the topic without incriminating yourself first.  Celebrities in diapers photos might be a good way to start a conversation.  

Once you do tell her your secret,  expect her to have a lot of questions and don't overwhelm her with information.  Answer only what she asks after you drop your bombshell and give her a few days/weeks before you show up with diapers and expect her to play along.  Let her set the pace.

Don't believe that she is ever going to want to wear one too but when you are wearing one while she is with you, tell her how much YOU enjoy them and never force her to try it. And if she wants to try it, don't expect it to happen over and over again.  She may be open-minded to try new things but its not for everyone.

You said you two have been together for 4 years and that is amazing.  Congratulations.  As stated above, making sure that this is a long lasting relationship before sharing is important and knowing you can trust one another with your deepest darkest secrets is extremely important especially among your social groups.  It might be a good idea to share equally your deepest desires to help keep the "playing field" even. 

For me, when I told my husband, I simply woke up one morning and felt I had to tell him about my diaper desires.  While laying in bed, the song Maggie May by Rod Stewart came on the radio.  The words "Maggie I think I've got something to say to you..." rang out and got stuck in my ears.  They were rattling around in there and gave me the courage to say to my husband "I think I've got something to say to you too...." and from there I told him about my desire to wear and wet diapers.  At first he didn't believe me and I had to give him proof, I pulled a diaper from my stash to show him.  I told him that it was something I had been doing for a very long time and that I had been afraid to share with him.  I let him ask me anything he wanted and gave him honest answers.  I made the mistake of expecting him to play along too soon and it lead to him not wanting to be part of it after a while.  We are still married and I still wear diapers but MOSTLY when I am home alone.

Go Slowly and Good Luck

 

jill. this is some of the best advise I have heard from anyone online about telling your spouse or someone you are dating seriously. I have said for many years you can't just dump this on the and expect them you be on board. I will say however,  if you care about that person you will tell them sooner, rather than later.  And by all means don't let their first frame of reference to be, them coming home from work early and catching you in your gear. It is one thing to be told about this. Its entirely different you have to see it before it can be explained.  please find a way to talk you your partner about this side of yourself. 

 

[Wolf]

I could only tell from experience. I have told my family all the way up to my In-Laws as far as Brother/Sister-In-Law and such. And it was a very gut wrenching experience, but knowing that I'm suffering from incontinence, they all understood. Even my Ex-Fiance who I was hoping to merry and she was a Registered Nurse. She understood and even understood that I even liked the AB/DL stuff as I let her know that I felt like a geriatric before my time. And she giggled a bit but just saw it as being such a cute thing. However due to the strain of the Long Distance Relationship, she called it off.

I know it's a scary thing telling people. But the more you do it, the easier it becomes. And if they don't accept it and go what I have known as the "Queen Victorian" Route. They are not an enlightened person. And with it being family, if it's just a preference, they can be too judgmental. But if it's for a condition, they will be anywhere from sort of judgmental to completely understanding. There's no real magical way or one size fits all in this manner. It's just a case by case thing. But, you do have my best of wishes that things will go smoothly if not already.

[baby vinny]

My diapers have been accepted by my whole family, I a was a ward of the state and used diapers as a security blanket of sorts.  Since the first time I told them i have had to start wearing diapers 24/7 due to medical reasons.  While my wife is willing to change me at times and give me a bottle at times, I have never pushed her too.  It is hard to spring it on a spouse after being together.  I was open with my wife before marriage, as I wore diapers on every date.  I agree with everyone's advice don't force their participation.  It may work that if it is like a fantasy that you would like to try may be better recieved 

[herb330]

The best way to start wold be to dialog about sharing the experiences together, perhaps ask her to change you.  If that is option.  This may allow both of you to become closer.

[Fulldiaper]

First I have to say this. I applaud you for wanting to include her in your circle. The best way that I have found to expose your Fetish to a partner, or potential partner is in what I call an exploratory state. We all have fantasies, sexual and otherwise. Setup a dinner date night with dinner out, maybe a glass of wine, and then return to your/her/ apartment/house and continue sipping wine and discussing your life goals, dreams, aspirations in life, and also sexual fantasies. Let her go first and never ever be judgmental or confrontational when talking about these things. Listen with an open mind, and loving heart.

She is about to expose her deepest and most darkest thoughts. You might find out that she has more in common with you than you ever dreamed of. When it's your turn you could start the conversation with something like: have you thought about what type of man you're looking to have a family with? Or are more nurturing, or domineering in the bedroom? These questions are probing, yet non alarming. You may find she is Dominant and looking for a submissive male partner. If she is seeking a Dominant male partner you may find she doesn't mind switching from time-to-time. She may also be into role playing and when she sees how much the diapers turn you on, it could trigger her maternal instincts, but also make her horney as all get out. Thereby knowing how and when she can get you aroused to use you for her enjoyment.

This also can leave to games in public that will keep you on edge and she may be into orgasm denial and keeping you diapered as a type of chastity. Take it slow and don't rush her. Women process differently than men do. Plant the seed, and let her mind cultivate the idea until it's ready for harvest. 

[OddlyEnough]

I appreciate this post and all of the responses, as I am in the same boat with my partner currently. Trying to figure out how to explain it to them. It's interesting, to us, it's a desire/need/hobby/etc that makes total sense, so explaining it is kind of like explaining to somebody why you're gay, straight, etc. 

I was listening to a podcast on the subject, and the person being interviewed said they like to describe ABDL to their partners as "kind of like crossdressing or a shoe fetish." I get the approach - it's likening the interest or attraction to diapers as an object fetish, but unfortunately that only describes the sexual component, not the emotional one that a lot of ABs like myself have with little space.

Best of luck to the OP and everybody else who is facing this difficult process.

[Jilly Poo]

On 8/26/2020 at 2:46 PM, OddlyEnough said:

it's likening the interest or attraction to diapers as an object fetish, but unfortunately that only describes the sexual component, not the emotional one that a lot of ABs like myself have with little space.

Best of luck to the OP and everybody else who is facing this difficult process.

I agree but for myself (and maybe for a few others) the little side helps heal the part of you that was lost or broken after the end of adolescence.  Many adults, if you ask them if they would like to re-do their High School Days (Glory Days) would jump at the chance to go back and do it over, maybe make a few changes but for some of us, our glory days were also our diapered days.  I see being an AB as a little bit of that nostalgia feeling but since most of us don't have strong memories of being infants or toddlers outside of the smell of pampers and the sounds/touch of a special toy, we make up for it by being one as adults.  It returns us to a time of innocence and frees us from the burdens of responsibilities that Adulthood has saddled upon us. 

So how you tell your partner, family or loved ones is all leads to making yourself very vulnerable.  Make sure you can trust them, don't dump it all on them at once, give them time to process and accept that they may not ever want to play along.

[Goodniteswearer89]

Good luck on telling your girlfriend. I have been with my girlfriend for almost 6 years and I still haven’t told her about my dl side. I too am scared of how she will react and if her kids find out what they will think. I think you just need to have a nice quiet night and do like I saw in the first post and have an open and honest discussion night where you both talk about stuff you might be into and at some point in time in the night bring up how you are a dl 

[~Brian~]

@Goodniteswearer89

On 4/10/2023 at 5:15 PM, Goodniteswearer89 said:

Good luck on telling your girlfriend. I have been with my girlfriend for almost 6 years and I still haven’t told her about my dl side. I too am scared of how she will react and if her kids find out what they will think. I think you just need to have a nice quiet night and do like I saw in the first post and have an open and honest discussion night where you both talk about stuff you might be into and at some point in time in the night bring up how you are a dl 

I agree with you! Part of the problem is is that there are people who may not totally agree with your or understand it. this is why it is very important that you know what you want to do and that you can do it in an appropriate manner. by this I mean you may not want to tell someone who you think may take it the wrong way, because if they do take it the wrong way or they don't agree or is it for some reason are turned off about it, then you would be in a situation where it would or would not be a deal breaker depending on the situation.

The most important thing is that you have to be able to discuss this with your significant other. in my case, I don't want to tell anyone who does not need to know about this Because to me it's none of their business, and the second thing is I take care of it myself. I also don't wanna end up with a stigma that somebody thinks that it's disgusting or abhorrent or something like that, when all it is is someone deciding to make an underwear choice, and that's what a diaper is a choice of underwear. Part of the problem is we have people that don't understand it, and we also have people that are trying to understand it but don't quite know how to ask, And sometimes that can be harder. Open minded and you are a good listener, you may be able to talk to someone and Then help them understand why you feel the way you feel or why you like what you like, and the best thing is if you are able to come to some sort of an agreement as far as how things go, then you would be at an advantage.

You also need to make sure that whatever you do that you don't cause yourself to be at a disadvantage. The problem is is that there are some people that regardless of what you say, they are dead set against what you want to do, and they and they make it perfectly clear that they don't want you involved wearing diapers or whatever. unfortunately sometimes that happens, so the best thing to do is to gage your significant others reaction and see if there's a way that you can break it to that person gently, and then allow them to ask you questions, and you answer them and then you ask her questions and talk about it.

The good thing is in my case I have incontinence, So that isn't a big deal so much. I've asked several friends of mine if that makes a difference or if they think of me any different because of it. the answer has always been no, because they know the kind of guy I am and that it's not my fault. It's part of my disability, and I think it's also part of the fact that my body is changing, and I'm trying to deal with it the best I can. the best thing that I can say is to try to gage your significant others response and see what will happen. if for some reason that person is repulsed or turned off, you may not want to tell them, lest you tell them and the person goes the extreme the other direction and decides OK you're gone and kicks you out of the house or something worse.

The idea is that you don't want people to go extreme one way or the other. you might want to tell them if you are going to marry them or you're going to be living with them. You also want to be able to have a frank discussion about what you expect and what she expects or what the rules will be or what the expectations will be. if you can come to an agreement as to how this can how this can be handled, being a diaper lover or being in a position where you wear diapers or use them won't be a problem because you will already have discussed it. far too often people go side or the other way off the radar, and it's just so ridiculous it's not even funny. Wearing diapers is not a big deal, being a diaper lover isn't a big deal, it's just an underwear choice, and what you need to do is be able to explain to your girlfriend why you why you feel that way, and then see if there seem to be accepting of it. Don't force the issue and don't rush it, because somebody that may not understand when you tell them exactly what's going on may be trying to figure out exactly what the deal is, and they're taking it in, so you don't wanna overwhelm them. give them the space they need and let them take it in easily, be there and be supportive of your partner and be prepared to ask questions of them and to answer questions that she asks! really being in diapers isn't the big deal, it's just the stigma attached when somebody sees somebody wearing diapers, thinking that they're for babies, and we know that isn't true. just be careful what you say and how you say it, because if you say it to the wrong individual it could backfire!

Good Luck!

Brian

[foreverdl]

On 4/10/2023 at 2:15 PM, Goodniteswearer89 said:

Good luck on telling your girlfriend. I have been with my girlfriend for almost 6 years and I still haven’t told her about my dl side. I too am scared of how she will react and if her kids find out what they will think. I think you just need to have a nice quiet night and do like I saw in the first post and have an open and honest discussion night where you both talk about stuff you might be into and at some point in time in the night bring up how you are a dl 

If you are wanting to get married, and she has kids, I would not wait,,, she will be very worried and think you are a pedi