Feeling frustrated and kinda self-hating

[Hades]

So for the first time ever, I called a help line. Not because I was feeling suicidal or anything, just down and probably having a lot of anxiety. The person who spoke with me was very kind, but it didn't really help. I thought maybe getting some of this guilt and self-hatred off my chest would help. Instead I feel like I've brought it full force and center stage. 

 

I'm not normally someone who seeks help. I keep my problems to myself. I'm just at a point in my life where I thought I would be doing better, not just for me, but for my family. I just can't seem to move forward. I can't help but hate how I can't seem to be better. I need to do better. But I feel stuck. I need to get a better job, but I've been looking and I just can't seem to find anything. I feel like a failure.

 

Anyway, I spent about 17 min. awkwardly forcing myself to talk to this complete stranger about how I'm frustrated, and how I feel like I'm failing the people I care about, or just failing in general. And she was nice and friendly and all that. Then she said she needed to go. And I get it, I do. So many people are probably looking for help and need it more than me, but I just felt devastated for some reason, like I was getting cut off from this weird therapy and I wasn't ready. 

 

So I got off the line and just start fucking bawling, and I'm not one to cry often. It's ridiculous really. I don't know what I was expecting. I guess I was expecting it to make me feel better, and it just.....didn't. I don't know what's wrong with me lately. I've just been in this dark place I guess and I'm struggling to see the light.

 

Sorry. Just needed to vent. I'll get over it.

[AbabeBill]

I know your feelings, lots of people feel as you do. I only say that because, I want you to know others, my self included understand your feelings, and know what it is to have them. 

This might be a corny thing to say, but I’m going to say it anyway. You just keep putting your best foot forward, and you will make the journey. That’s all, we all can do. 

The real reason I wanted to respond here, was because I wanted to say, how I thought the person you spoke with on the phone, seemed to have maybe fell short and dropped the ball on you.  You might be right in thinking, they could be helping someone else in a worse situation. But I think they should have left you with information, or a direction to take, to help you find something that could be helpful to you. I think they should have suggested, you seek out and speak to a therapist on your own, or some other professional, at the very least. That is something, that might help you work through, and put things in a better prospective. I think that should have been some preventive medicine on there part, I mean the person you called, and spoke with.  I hope things can have an upturn for you soon, or I hope you can at least find someone to help. 

[Wannatripbaby]

I'm so sorry to hear you've been struggling, friend. 

You aren't failing yourself or your family. Sometimes in this world you have to run as fast as you possibly can just to stay in the same place. So the fact that you're staying afloat at all is a win in my book.

And if you ever need someone to talk to I'm always here for you. They don't call me "Community Therapist" for nothing!

*hugs*

[Baby Girl Sarah]

We all need some help from one time or another (me included  )so you shouldn't have to feel any guilt for asking anyone for help (HUGS  ) 

You cant  nor  should you expect  things  to go over  and  gert  right  from just  17 minutes  of talking   .this things takes  time   and if  you feel this bad i strongly suggest you contact  a  professional so that you can be on youre way to  youre recovery . 

The  light  is there  my friend  its  just  sometimes very hard  to spot  it  and  this is why we  need  some  guidance  to be able  to find that light  (HUG )  

 

[Hades]

Thank you to everyone who responded and gave me encouragement. I can't express how much I appreciate it. I feel better now. I just needed to get some of these things off my chest.

 

I tend to get overwhelmed and I just can't talk to my family. They all have their own issues. My wife has severe anxiety and I can't burden her with more. I have to be the strong one, I just have to. Normally I am.

Either way, thanks again for the kind words. 

[AbabeBill]

4 hours ago, vampire4 said:

Thank you to everyone who responded and gave me encouragement. I can't express how much I appreciate it. I feel better now. I just needed to get some of these things off my chest.

 

I tend to get overwhelmed and I just can't talk to my family. They all have their own issues. My wife has severe anxiety and I can't burden her with more. I have to be the strong one, I just have to. Normally I am.

Either way, thanks again for the kind words. 

You are certainly welcome, glad to hear you feel better. I can identify with lots of things you say. My wife is not well, and so much falls on me, to carry us both , it can really get to a person. I visualize it as, a sort of see saw. The two of us, trying to balance the thing, stay level and healthy, in everything. But, you don’t always stay even near level at times, sometimes for a long stretch. And soon, the more on the down you are, the more that slides your way, and the more you feel it. Then, I think of the words, for better or for worse. And I think, being on the see saw, that goes for the both of us. 

Ok, I’ve babbled enough, lol. I’m really just glad you are feeling better. 

[Wannatripbaby]

On 7/5/2019 at 3:54 AM, vampire4 said:

I tend to get overwhelmed and I just can't talk to my family. They all have their own issues. My wife has severe anxiety and I can't burden her with more. I have to be the strong one, I just have to. Normally I am.

I totally get that. Being a CG sometimes I suppress my own feelings and push myself to help or play with my Littles to the point that I start feeling really overwhelmed. But I'm getting better about knowing my limits.

So again, if you ever need help or need to vent me and all your friends here are just a PM away. ♡

[Brandiaper]

I've never called a helpline before, but I totally understand where you're at. If it makes you feel any better, I know someone who works at one of those call centers; it's generally their policy to keep the conversation short if the person who's called isn't in immediate danger of 'checking out early', so they can keep the lines open for people who are. Those places are a lot smaller than I ever imagined, and they get a lot of calls.

Getting back to you, just remember there are lots of people who're battling the same kind of feelings you are. Try doing things you enjoy when you can, and also remember to give yourself some credit for the things you manage to do well. I hope you feel better!