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My girlfriend is not understanding of this fetish and it kind of sucks.


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I opened up to her about a month or more ago about my love for diapers, and a fairly brief discussion ensued that night, and it was never brought up again. I thought that was strange so I brought it up again today, how it was strange to me that she never asked me anything else about it.

So we don't have sex for religious reasons, so her reasoning was that it isn't relevant to discuss it, and that it's a pretty straightforward fetish. But I asked her straight up, do you see this playing any kind of role between us at all? And she said she definitely isn't comfortable with the idea. So then I gave reasoning that if we don't incorporate it into our sex life to any degree, I'll basically have to drop it, and that it would be hard, and that I wanted to understand before she made her decision final. Like there's a boogie man about diapers in her head that I wanted to clear up, and that I have recourse to all sorts of reading to help her understand, if it's on the table.

She said it's 100% not on the table. She wants no part in it whatsoever. So I have no choice but to respect that, of course. I asked her if she would mind if I wore every so often around her...I made the biggest case that this is something really special to me, and that it would mean a lot if she at least considered diapers having some role. Very reluctantly she said she might be ok with the idea of me wearing around her.

Really couldn't have gone worse. All I have wanted in life is for this to be experienced with someone else and I thought she would be the one to be ok with it. It really hurts that she would rather it not exist. I can't help that I like diapers...she has certain things in her life that mean a lot to her, and I compared those things to diapers but she hardly budged.

This sucks. I like to think I won't leave her over this, but I will have to meditate on how much I truly want to fulfill these strange desires with someone else, and if it's worth throwing this perfectly good relationship away.

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  • It seems to me the lady isn't trying to stop you wearing, but doesn't want anything to do with it, just be discreet about it, erm, perhaps just keep things to yourself if that makes sense, and not mention wearing, it seems the lady feels a bit threatened by the whole idea, good luck with finding a quiet compromise, it seems she is kinda ok with putting up with it, but doesn't want to be reminded of it, hope that makes sense,,,
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As said before, you can't force her to enjoy something she isn't comfortable with. It seems like she accepts (or at least is trying) to accept that part of you. Which is huge. There are some things I will NEVER do no matter how much I love a partner that is into it. 

I will say it is up to you to decide what you do with it. I don't think it's inherently wrong for it to be a deal-breaker for you. Depends on how long you've been in the relationship and how everything else is going. I know after being in a ABDL relationship now - I couldn't go back to vanilla, as it wouldn't be fulfilling for me. But, there are MANY happily married couples here where the wife wants no part in it and they make it work.

In the end, whatever your decision (and hers) is - you only live one life to live  and remember - the fetish will NEVER go away.

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You are too young to settle. I have been in your place with a girlfriend that cannot stand the thought of her man in diapers. It does not get better, in fact, it may get worse as she starts to loathe the site of diapers. The best thing is to enjoy your time with her, but be realistic that this is not the "one" for you. I know I am being harsh and that some will say that they have made it work with someone that cannot stand diapers. But are you looking to be tiptoeing around her about diapers forever, or want to be able to not have to hide who you are? It is not easy being who you are but you are happier when not having to hide or tiptoe around someone. 

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If she is so straight laced to be worried about sex before marriage, then a a pretty radical sexual fetish like diapers is going to of course be way out of the realm of acceptability. Either you have to find someone more open ( generally not extremely religious) or work it out so you can wear, enjoy diapers but keep out of sexual encounters. For the most part that is my situation as its a turn off for my wife. Just is what it is.

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First of all well done for having the courage to discuss it with your girlfriend ..it would have been unfair & a potential disaster for your relationship if you had left it until after you got married to reveal you were a diaper lover.
She hasn't thrown her toys out of the pram & said how disgusting you are & walked away from your relationship & has taken it in her stride saying its a pretty straightforward fetish. Perhaps accepting it as a fairly harmless pastime.But at the same time it's not her thing so she doesn't want to participate in it. Given that its a fairly unusual fetish it was probably a long shot to think she would have shared this interest with you if you hadn't met through ABDL community. .
Now you may go through periods of your life when you don't feel the need diaper yourself but the chances are the desire will keep coming back particularly when things get stressful & you need a bit of relief & relaxation.
I've heard  psychologists say a relationship based on 2 people trying to change each other into people they're not & don't want to be is a recipe for a disastrous relationship.
So, I think the question is how much do you love your girlfriend & she you? Is say spending periods locked away in a 'man cave' wearing diapers & talking to ABDL friends on the internet going to be an acceptable co-existence & a worthwhile compromise for all the things you do enjoy sharing &  want to experience together or not? 
No two people are exactly the same & in any relationship you have to give your partner space to grow & be & express their individuality.
On the other hand is having a partner who is a diaper lover or admirer essential to you. In which case you better get going on fetish dating sites & be prepared for a little bit of long distance travel trying to find a new partner.
Ultimately it's your decision & none of us can make it for you.

 

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Thank you all for the support and your advice. It all makes sense. No I absolutely will not force her into it. I don't mean to force it by asking if I can wear around her. This morning I told her that I am completely ok with our conversation and how it went, and that relationships are about much more than sharing fetishes, a point she shared last night. I will not bring this up for a while.

Part of the reason I told her this is to understand how to treat it going forward, if I should begin to try and wean off of it completely or go full force with it or whatever is in between. I told her I will give this up the best I can if it is for the relationship, and I do believe I could if it was for the relationship. I tried to tell her it would be extremely difficult to do this, however, so wearing on my own or even around her was a compromise I don't think I should have offered, because it seems like I went back on my word. I didn't think she would have such a strong reaction against it.

I hope that as time goes on and with some exposure, she will relax a bit about it, not so that she will participate, but so that her reaction is not so strong.

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I wouldn’t make a rush decision. People can get used to things. Long term, however, if she never will get used to it, then the relationship won’t work. Sexual desires don’t go away. You’ll never stop needing to satisfy your diaper fetish, and if she can’t at least let you do that without making you feel self-conscious about it, it won’t work for either of you.

My advice is try wearing around her a few times and see if she notices/reacts. Eventually, maybe point it out to her that you’ve been doing this, then gauge where she’s at on it.

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22 minutes ago, Author_Alex said:

I wouldn’t make a rush decision. People can get used to things. Long term, however, if she never will get used to it, then the relationship won’t work. Sexual desires don’t go away. You’ll never stop needing to satisfy your diaper fetish, and if she can’t at least let you do that without making you feel self-conscious about it, it won’t work for either of you.

My advice is try wearing around her a few times and see if she notices/reacts. Eventually, maybe point it out to her that you’ve been doing this, then gauge where she’s at on it.

She asked me if I ever had worn around her without her knowing, and I hadn't. She didn't say anything when I asked what she would think if I had though. I did make the mistake of saying it would be noticeable; I wouldn't want to wear without her knowing.

We'll see what happens. Haven't heard from her today yet. No bueno.

  • Like 1
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My wife also had similar feelings than your significant other feels now, particularly when she was pregnant.  How can I have a husband and a baby in diapers?  Eight years later I have been wearing diapers permanently for the last two years.  As love grows feelings about diapers can change.  The most important thing is that you and your partner communicate and that you are honest with her.  As others have said here your desire to wear diapers will never go away.  It took a lot of time for both my wife and I to understand that.  If we were to be a couple and truly become soulmates then the reality of the situation was diapers had to be accepted by her or we needed to move on.  She often shares her feelings with me about this and what she tells me at the end of the day diapers do not matter.  It is who my partner is, what he needs to be happy.  That is the partner I want to spend the rest of  life with.

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I commend you for taking the moral high ground with her, something that tends to be lacking in society today. That said, there’s nothing in any Bible that I’m aware of that says ‘Thou shalt not wear diapers or have fetishes or kinks’. In fact, it mentions nothing about what a married couple can do in private if they are agreeable to it. It sounds like you want her to know anytime you wear, but that might not be acceptable to her. Take it one day at a time. Time could make it worse... or better. Just don’t be pushy with it.

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On ‎5‎/‎31‎/‎2019 at 11:40 PM, swinginpendulum said:

I opened up to her about a month or more ago about my love for diapers, and a fairly brief discussion ensued that night, and it was never brought up again. I thought that was strange so I brought it up again today, how it was strange to me that she never asked me anything else about it.

So we don't have sex for religious reasons, so her reasoning was that it isn't relevant to discuss it, and that it's a pretty straightforward fetish. But I asked her straight up, do you see this playing any kind of role between us at all? And she said she definitely isn't comfortable with the idea. So then I gave reasoning that if we don't incorporate it into our sex life to any degree, I'll basically have to drop it, and that it would be hard, and that I wanted to understand before she made her decision final. Like there's a boogie man about diapers in her head that I wanted to clear up, and that I have recourse to all sorts of reading to help her understand, if it's on the table.

She said it's 100% not on the table. She wants no part in it whatsoever. So I have no choice but to respect that, of course. I asked her if she would mind if I wore every so often around her...I made the biggest case that this is something really special to me, and that it would mean a lot if she at least considered diapers having some role. Very reluctantly she said she might be ok with the idea of me wearing around her.

Really couldn't have gone worse. All I have wanted in life is for this to be experienced with someone else and I thought she would be the one to be ok with it. It really hurts that she would rather it not exist. I can't help that I like diapers...she has certain things in her life that mean a lot to her, and I compared those things to diapers but she hardly budged.

This sucks. I like to think I won't leave her over this, but I will have to meditate on how much I truly want to fulfill these strange desires with someone else, and if it's worth throwing this perfectly good relationship away.

Maybe put her in a cloth diaper and locking rubber pants and have fun with it. Take her for a walk and let her see how much fun it is to wear a diaper. Most of all love her and kiss her and buy her or make a special dinner.

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I can relate.  I told my about my diaper fetish when we were dating. Unfortunately she looks at it in a very negative light. I have had to hide them from her for the last ten years. I wish she would just accept this part about me but she doesn't. She has had her own struggles and so when ever she gets really frustrated she throws them back at me. She has told me multiple times that I need to see someone about it so I went to a counselor at our church. To my udder surprise she told me that my fetish is between God and I and He made me the way he did. The last time my wife tried to throw my fetish at me I gladly accepted it and was not ashamed about it. I think it took all of the power she used to have over it away. If you continue to pursue the relationship make sure that you are not ashamed about it and don't let her hang i over your head.

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20 hours ago, deacon said:

Maybe put her in a cloth diaper and locking rubber pants and have fun with it. Take her for a walk and let her see how much fun it is to wear a diaper. Most of all love her and kiss her and buy her or make a special dinner.

To the OP,  whatever you do, do NOT even consider this please. There are a lot of people who suggest surprising or pushing a significant other with their diaper interests, like described above, and it NEVER works out well.

Telling a partner can, as you have seen, go positively, negatively or somewhere in between. Only you will be able to decide if you want a partner that participates, is accepting but doesn't participate, is tolerant but doesnt want to see or know about it or finally if you can handle a partner who is anti diapers.

Whatever you decide please be honest with yourself. There are so many stories of people who say they dont care if their partner participates or not and most of them end bitterly. If it is going to be an issue now it will more than likely be an issue later. Diaper interests can be managed sure but rarely will they go away.

Little kaiya

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1 hour ago, Snugglebear_69 said:

To the OP,  whatever you do, do NOT even consider this please. There are a lot of people who suggest surprising or pushing a significant other with their diaper interests, like described above, and it NEVER works out well.

Telling a partner can, as you have seen, go positively, negatively or somewhere in between. Only you will be able to decide if you want a partner that participates, is accepting but doesn't participate, is tolerant but doesnt want to see or know about it or finally if you can handle a partner who is anti diapers.

Whatever you decide please be honest with yourself. There are so many stories of people who say they dont care if their partner participates or not and most of them end bitterly. If it is going to be an issue now it will more than likely be an issue later. Diaper interests can be managed sure but rarely will they go away.

Little kaiya

I think this person gave you better advice than I did. 

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On 6/4/2019 at 6:56 AM, diaperlover1773 said:

...so I went to a counselor at our church. To my udder surprise she told me that my fetish is between God and I and He made me the way he did.

Too much of THAT kind of pragmatic sense and I might have been still be stuck in my childhood religion.  Go her!

Kudos to Swinginpendulum for putting his cards on the table.  Regardless of the outcome, I think YOU made the right call.

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11 minutes ago, diaperchucky said:

I wish I had been more open about it long ago, but it's really hard to be open about something to someone else when you can't even be open with yourself about it. 

You are going to have to make a choice, which is more important to you. I would chose the wife and forget about the diapers.  

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5 hours ago, deacon said:

You are going to have to make a choice, which is more important to you. I would chose the wife and forget about the diapers.  

And if you are capable of making that selection then great.  There is however a significant crowd (including me) who have found it impossible to forget this.  For them, it doesn't go away no matter how badly they may want it to and the only option is to learn how to live with it.

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Dear Swingingpendulum

For 

On 6/1/2019 at 11:35 AM, swinginpendulum said:

She asked me if I ever had worn around her without her knowing, and I hadn't. She didn't say anything when I asked what she would think if I had though. I did make the mistake of saying it would be noticeable; I wouldn't want to wear without her knowing.

We'll see what happens. Haven't heard from her today yet. No bueno.

Hey, I hope this works out for you, got to give you props for being brave enough to mention it.  

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  • 2 weeks later...

I wear around the house and at work - goodnites are pretty much undetectable.  My wife doesn't know.  It would cause her more stress than she already has...

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  • 3 weeks later...

Ive never been in a relationship, but i think it would be good to find out what is it about diapers that she doesn't like, it might be something that can be worked out, and given the RIGHT circumstances, she could even come to like them (but don't push, something like that would have to be on her terms), you might even find out what she really likes that you don't, and make an olive branch of it

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