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dipper

I probably made myself functionally incontinent - and I regret it

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I've been measuring my urine output and frequency for the past week to get a sense of the severity of my problem. The conclusions i've made is that my bladder feels full at around 100 ml - 200 ml and I have to pee about once an hour. If I jump around like a kiddo I can hold mysel to 400 ml but i've also peed myself at that point. My bladder has become fully autonomous and contracts to empty on its own. If I have a diaper I don't have to breathe/relax like I used to do in order to pee. The bladder pushes the urine out reflexively like a baby. My ABDL side of me is obviously excited about this because i'm finally a diaper dependent baby, but it's affected my life quite severely the past year.

I can no longer function without diapers and i'm debating whether to start with pull ups in order to retrain my bladder. I'll also visit the doctor soon to see what I can do to regain my continence. As of right now when i've had oral examinations in the university i've had to excuse myself to the bathroom three (!) times (during a 2h period) which obviously raised suspicions and laughter among both friends and professors.

I believe this is all self inflected injuries from years of foley catheters and diapers that has trained my bladder to reflexively contract, diminished its capacity and weakened my sphincters.

I cannot continue without diapers in my daily life now and it sucks. I hope you guys think twice before wanting incontinence / functional incontinence as its something i've always wanted but now i'm sad that I can't live my life without fear of being far away from a bathroom.

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It’s sad Dipper, sorry to hear this. I don’t want to lay any trip, or judgements on you. Hopefully, others can understand, it’s not the thing to do. That’s another story though. I hope you can regain control, and get to where you want/need to be, with respect to your blather control. Take it slow, and a step at a time, I’m sure you will do better, good luck! 

Oh, and I’d like to ask anyone thinking of posting here to Dipper. Cut him some slack, no nasty remarks. I think he knows where it’s at. So if you say anything, please make it good, and positive. 

I wanted to add that, cause so many people try to advise others not to try an make themselves incontenent. Don’t think we need an “ I told you so” rant here. 

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19 hours ago, AbabeBill said:

It’s sad Dipper, sorry to hear this. I don’t want to lay any trip, or judgements on you. Hopefully, others can understand, it’s not the thing to do. That’s another story though. I hope you can regain control, and get to where you want/need to be, with respect to your blather control. Take it slow, and a step at a time, I’m sure you will do better, good luck! 

Oh, and I’d like to ask anyone thinking of posting here to Dipper. Cut him some slack, no nasty remarks. I think he knows where it’s at. So if you say anything, please make it good, and positive. 

I wanted to add that, cause so many people try to advise others not to try an make themselves incontenent. Don’t think we need an “ I told you so” rant here. 

Thank you for your supportive words. While i'm not exactly incontintent, i've reached the point where the little continence I have is pretty much worthless in everyday situations (like when I almost peed myself during take off in an airplane because I couldn't hold myself for 20 minutes...)

 

I would gladly appreciate if anyone knows how to revert this. The two weeks of kegel exercises i've done so far hasn't helped. 

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Bladder will contain more liquid when you start using it again, so do as you suggested, wear pull ups for safety, but try to hold it and then use toilet

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Yes, and no offence to those who want incontinence and do things to make themselves incontinent.  That's why I say, while to each his own, people need to really think where they may be in 10, 20, 30 or 40 years later and make sure at age 20 that incontinence for the rest of their lives is really what they want and have no regrets later.

You are doing the right things by getting checked out.  You may have done some damage with catheters and years of diaper training but after exams, maybe it's possible you can regain total good bladder control with doing what the doctors suggest.  It may be difficult, but if that is your goal you can work hard at it.  Some have done it and reversed their daytime problems even though they have said they still require diapers for sleeping.  Age is on your side though, and get checked out, get a referral to a good urologist if needed, don't hold back when asked embarrassing questions and do what they say.  You can't fool a doctor and if he asks you if you have been using catheters, admit it as he probably knows anyway.  Good luck!

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1 hour ago, dipper said:

Thank you for your supportive words. While i'm not exactly incontintent, i've reached the point where the little continence I have is pretty much worthless in everyday situations (like when I almost peed myself during take off in an airplane because I couldn't hold myself for 20 minutes...)

Your mention of the airplane reminded me of why I always wear diapers when flying, even though I only REALLY need diapers when sleeping... The last 2 flights I've been on, were delayed in take-off... Once for about 45 minutes, and the other time, over an hour. BOTH times, the seat belt light was never turned off, and the flight attendants would not let people move around the plane, INCLUDING getting up to use the restroom!!!  And these days, if you say anything they don't like, they throw you off the plane. I'm curious how many wet seats passengers leave behind!! I know I've walked off most flights with a wet diaper on. 

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1 hour ago, Diapered Dave said:

Your mention of the airplane reminded me of why I always wear diapers when flying, even though I only REALLY need diapers when sleeping... The last 2 flights I've been on, were delayed in take-off... Once for about 45 minutes, and the other time, over an hour. BOTH times, the seat belt light was never turned off, and the flight attendants would not let people move around the plane, INCLUDING getting up to use the restroom!!!  And these days, if you say anything they don't like, they throw you off the plane. I'm curious how many wet seats passengers leave behind!! I know I've walked off most flights with a wet diaper on. 

Yeah actually before my return flight I bought a pack of diapers because I was scared it was going to happen again.

Another daily struggle is a few days ago where I got nervous going on a date to a place I knew wasn't going to have any toilets around. I had to propose a different location for the date. 

2 hours ago, rusty pins said:

Yes, and no offence to those who want incontinence and do things to make themselves incontinent.  That's why I say, while to each his own, people need to really think where they may be in 10, 20, 30 or 40 years later and make sure at age 20 that incontinence for the rest of their lives is really what they want and have no regrets later.

You are doing the right things by getting checked out.  You may have done some damage with catheters and years of diaper training but after exams, maybe it's possible you can regain total good bladder control with doing what the doctors suggest.  It may be difficult, but if that is your goal you can work hard at it.  Some have done it and reversed their daytime problems even though they have said they still require diapers for sleeping.  Age is on your side though, and get checked out, get a referral to a good urologist if needed, don't hold back when asked embarrassing questions and do what they say.  You can't fool a doctor and if he asks you if you have been using catheters, admit it as he probably knows anyway.  Good luck!

Yes, sadly I wake up about once a night where I have to rush to the bathroom because my bladder just starts to contract on its own. My night time problems don't bother me as much because there's always a toilet nearby, but daytime problems is what's impaired my life because there are many situations where people just expects you to be able to hold it for over 30 minutes. Like when the teacher says "i'm going to finish in 30 minutes" and you have to insist on leaving.

3 hours ago, Dubious said:

Bladder will contain more liquid when you start using it again, so do as you suggested, wear pull ups for safety, but try to hold it and then use toilet

I ordered thin pull ups from Tena just for this new purpose but when I tried them on with pants I could still see the outlines of the diaper, so i'm worried that my friends will notice. Also it's crinkly as crazy for some reason and someone will for sure hear me in the quiet classrooms.

 A few years ago my best friends actually hinted that he saw my diaper (thin one) so that's why i'm extra scared.

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23 hours ago, dipper said:

've been measuring my urine output and frequency for the past week to get a sense of the severity of my problem. The conclusions i've made is that my bladder feels full at around 100 ml - 200 ml and I have to pee about once an hour. If I jump around like a kiddo I can hold mysel to 400 ml but i've also peed myself at that point. My bladder has become fully autonomous and contracts to empty on its own. If I have a diaper I don't have to breathe/relax like I used to do in order to pee. The bladder pushes the urine out reflexively like a baby. My ABDL side of me is obviously excited about this because i'm finally a diaper dependent baby, but it's affected my life quite severely the past year.

I can no longer function without diapers and i'm debating whether to start with pull ups in order to retrain my bladder. I'll also visit the doctor soon to see what I can do to regain my continence. As of right now when i've had oral examinations in the university i've had to excuse myself to the bathroom three (!) times (during a 2h period) which obviously raised suspicions and laughter among both friends and professors.

I believe this is all self inflected injuries from years of foley catheters and diapers that has trained my bladder to reflexively contract, diminished its capacity and weakened my sphincters.

I cannot continue without diapers in my daily life now and it sucks. I hope you guys think twice before wanting incontinence / functional incontinence as its something i've always wanted but now i'm sad that I can't live my life without fear of being far away from a bathroom.

I recognize a lot of what you are saying here. I have been into stent and catheter play for the last twelve or thirteen years now but I do not regret it, and I doubt I would ever stop. Let me start off I hope you’ll have no permanent damage. I know catheter play caused me more problems than stents that is basically why I discontinued catheter play and turned to stents. Now if you are able to hold close to 350 Ml that is pretty darn good. A healthy person can get first signals starting at 150 ML of urine in your bladder that doesn’t mean you will have to go right away there is still time. I know a urologist is quite happy if you can hold 250 to 300 ML. If I take out my stent I have to pee more often in the beginning but it will get better in time. I think if you keep yourself from catheter or stent play you’ll regain your most of your continence if not all. But I do agree with the entries of other members if you are in doubt or if you worry too much goo see a doctor and be open about what has been going on and what you did. Fot the tie being wear protection until things get better.

 

 

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31 minutes ago, dlnoir said:

I recognize a lot of what you are saying here. I have been into stent and catheter play for the last twelve or thirteen years now but I do not regret it, and I doubt I would ever stop. Let me start off I hope you’ll have no permanent damage. I know catheter play caused me more problems than stents that is basically why I discontinued catheter play and turned to stents. Now if you are able to hold close to 350 Ml that is pretty darn good. A healthy person can get first signals starting at 150 ML of urine in your bladder that doesn’t mean you will have to go right away there is still time. I know a urologist is quite happy if you can hold 250 to 300 ML. If I take out my stent I have to pee more often in the beginning but it will get better in time. I think if you keep yourself from catheter or stent play you’ll regain your most of your continence if not all. But I do agree with the entries of other members if you are in doubt or if you worry too much goo see a doctor and be open about what has been going on and what you did. Fot the tie being wear protection until things get better.

I'm not able to hold it to to 350 ml other than in my apartment where I can hold my crotch, hyperventilate and jump around like a maniac without anyone thinking there's something wrong with me. Out in the real world where the only thing I can do is clench my sphincter I can hold it to around 200.

It feels good to know that i'm not alone in this. I think the frequent insertion of catheters/stents is causing fibrosis to both sphincters and disrupting the detrusor trigone causing inappropiate contractions when only half full.

 

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I wear diapers even when I don't intend to pee in them as they usually are more discreet than adult pull-ups

I can easily pee through the leg hole or pull diaper down, but I need to use a stall and/or lock the bathroom door as I will have to pull down pants

When a family with 3 kids don't notice I wear...  or, they at least don't say anything...

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 Hopefully your urologist and his incontinence nurses (not sure what they are called) can help you regain control, I remember my first urologist saying one of his nurses would help confirm his diagnosis and work with me on my control issues since I decided to skip the meds I never followed though with seeing his nurse I just saw a second urologist a few years later to make sure my incontinence is nit caused by a life threatening issue. 

 Having to wear and use a diaper 24/7 can get you down once in a while but if you find you will require to be diapered 24/7 for the rest of your life due to damage done to your sphincter muscles it does get easier over time once you accept your need and you find a diaper you can trust to do its job.  

 Hopefully you will be able to regain full control and put diapers behind you, just be honest with your urologist it may be embarrassing to admit you have caused the issue your self due to catheter and diaper usage but the more information your doctor has the better chance he can help you.

Remember you are not alone in needing diapers and you are right Incontinence is not something to wish for but is manageable if there is no choice .

 

 

 

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It is so unfortunate that things we desire so much can have such lasting and difficult consequences.  When wearing diapers no longer become fun anymore but you have to wear them anyway it must feel like you are stuck in a prison.

From a physical standpoint it sounds like you are not yet past the point of no return.  A medical professional should be able to get you back on dry ground again.  Now that you understand how incontinence can truly effect your life and your feelings learn from it and move on.  Your desires for diaper play and catheterization will still be there but now you understand the importance for you personally to use moderation when playing.

No one really knows what they will feel when you realize you can no longer make it to the potty anymore.  When that happens to some, diapers can shift from fantasy to reality.  Diapers go from being fun to a burden.

Just know that if the day ever came that you did have to wear diapers the rest of your life that your life is not over.  Everyone here understands your situation and honestly your story can now be read by others and become a learning tool.  I post the many positive feelings here of the happiness I feel as I become diaper dependant.  What works for me can be a prison sentence for someone else.  A cautionary tale is beneficial for those who are considering following a similar path.  

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21 hours ago, Dubious said:

I wear diapers even when I don't intend to pee in them as they usually are more discreet than adult pull-ups

I can easily pee through the leg hole or pull diaper down, but I need to use a stall and/or lock the bathroom door as I will have to pull down pants

When a family with 3 kids don't notice I wear...  or, they at least don't say anything...

In my opinion diapers tend to be bulkier especially towards the back because they are made to accommodate for fecal incontinence. Pull ups don't rise as high in the back for this reason.

7 hours ago, Rob110 said:

 Hopefully your urologist and his incontinence nurses (not sure what they are called) can help you regain control, I remember my first urologist saying one of his nurses would help confirm his diagnosis and work with me on my control issues since I decided to skip the meds I never followed though with seeing his nurse I just saw a second urologist a few years later to make sure my incontinence is nit caused by a life threatening issue. 

 Having to wear and use a diaper 24/7 can get you down once in a while but if you find you will require to be diapered 24/7 for the rest of your life due to damage done to your sphincter muscles it does get easier over time once you accept your need and you find a diaper you can trust to do its job.  

 Hopefully you will be able to regain full control and put diapers behind you, just be honest with your urologist it may be embarrassing to admit you have caused the issue your self due to catheter and diaper usage but the more information your doctor has the better chance he can help you.

Remember you are not alone in needing diapers and you are right Incontinence is not something to wish for but is manageable if there is no choice .

 

 

 

I'm probably going to have to wear pull ups from now on, at least for several months until my retraining is done. Hopefully my friends won't notice this change 😕

5 hours ago, MarkSmith said:

It is so unfortunate that things we desire so much can have such lasting and difficult consequences.  When wearing diapers no longer become fun anymore but you have to wear them anyway it must feel like you are stuck in a prison.

From a physical standpoint it sounds like you are not yet past the point of no return.  A medical professional should be able to get you back on dry ground again.  Now that you understand how incontinence can truly effect your life and your feelings learn from it and move on.  Your desires for diaper play and catheterization will still be there but now you understand the importance for you personally to use moderation when playing.

No one really knows what they will feel when you realize you can no longer make it to the potty anymore.  When that happens to some, diapers can shift from fantasy to reality.  Diapers go from being fun to a burden.

Just know that if the day ever came that you did have to wear diapers the rest of your life that your life is not over.  Everyone here understands your situation and honestly your story can now be read by others and become a learning tool.  I post the many positive feelings here of the happiness I feel as I become diaper dependant.  What works for me can be a prison sentence for someone else.  A cautionary tale is beneficial for those who are considering following a similar path.  

I feel chained to the bathrooms at the moment. I had to tell my date I couldn't go to the beach, because I knew I wouldn't be able to hold it. I had to jump off the bus before my destination so I could relieve myself. I had to go to the bathroom several times during my examination which made the professors think I was cheating. Stuff like this really affects my life in a negative way. And the only thing I can do to help it at the moment, before I get prescribed meds or whatever, is to wear diapers which I also don't want to do :( 

Don't get me wrong, i'm a DL and have always fantasized about being diaper dependent but it's different now when I have to put on a pull up in the morning for school even though I just want to wear skinny jeans or whatever.

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Sorry to hear about the struggle you have now you reached the goal.

Some days I also consider what I'm doing and have done, I still think no have some minor control left, though not something I try to exercise, so don't know. What I do know after so many years is, that this is the right thing for me to do. But then again, I'm also older and have had lived my life as a youngster.

I hope you'll be able to regain control, if that is truly what you want to, and live your life as you see fit. But do remember, being in diapers because of lack of control, is not the end of your life, yes some things may be more complicated and require more planning, but that's it.

If you do fail retraining, try think on the positives, you don't have to participate in the potty dance....and when you meet the right girl, it doesn't matter, that you are incontinent.

 

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8 minutes ago, Inconito said:

Sorry to hear about the struggle you have now you reached the goal.

Some days I also consider what I'm doing and have done, I still think no have some minor control left, though not something I try to exercise, so don't know. What I do know after so many years is, that this is the right thing for me to do. But then again, I'm also older and have had lived my life as a youngster.

I hope you'll be able to regain control, if that is truly what you want to, and live your life as you see fit. But do remember, being in diapers because of lack of control, is not the end of your life, yes some things may be more complicated and require more planning, but that's it.

If you do fail retraining, try think on the positives, you don't have to participate in the potty dance....and when you meet the right girl, it doesn't matter, that you are incontinent.

 

I'm afraid even wearing pull ups to dates even if I don't wet them. It's difficult to not get met with a disgusted face when you explain to them that you need it "just in case", at least before the person has started developing feelings for you. 

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23 hours ago, Dubious said:

I wear diapers even when I don't intend to pee in them as they usually are more discreet than adult pull-ups

 

My experience is that pullups are more discreet. Diapers are quite bulky. Fewer people notice pullups and they dont make as much noise. I started wearing them for urge IC although Im on a med now that reduces this. When I wear them and need to use a bathroom I just find a stall and there easy to pull down while standing up. Even though I dont need them as much now I still wear them. I guess its a psychologic attachment or security they create.

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29 minutes ago, rubbersheetmike said:

My experience is that pullups are more discreet. Diapers are quite bulky. Fewer people notice pullups and they dont make as much noise. I started wearing them for urge IC although Im on a med now that reduces this. When I wear them and need to use a bathroom I just find a stall and there easy to pull down while standing up. Even though I dont need them as much now I still wear them. I guess its a psychologic attachment or security they create.

Cool, I think I have urge IC too. Glad to hear i'm not the only one resorting to pull ups for this issue. Today in class I had to go real bad when the professor said he'll finish in 15 minutes but thankfully today I also wore pull ups which made me calmer. I actually managed to hold myself for twenty minutes until I reached the bathroom, although I did pee myself (rather a leak) a little just before I had time to remove the diaper. So they really do help a lot!

 I'm guessing you got oxybutinin or tolterodine? That's the medication i'm intending to get.

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Hoping that you can find your way back to where you want to be :thumbsup:

 

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I am a little confused, though.  Dipper, in your original post it seems that you are worried about becoming incontinent, at least bladder incontinent after years of using catheters and all.  You did post in another incontinence desire forum, "I'm currently wearing a hollow butt plug after taking 2 tablets of a laxative. Every diaper change so far has been contaminated so to speak and when I went shopping i accidentally farted in front of people and had to excuse myself. I would say that this is quicker method of achieving incontinence :P Can you clarify for us what your intention is?  It seems you are worried about becoming incontinent because you are having a hard time holding it and having to pee more frequently.  You say in your first post, "I can no longer function without diapers and i'm debating whether to start with pull ups in order to retrain my bladder. I'll also visit the doctor soon to see what I can do to regain my continence. As of right now when i've had oral examinations in the university i've had to excuse myself to the bathroom three (!) times (during a 2h period) which obviously raised suspicions and laughter among both friends and professors.   I cannot continue without diapers in my daily life now and it sucks. I hope you guys think twice before wanting incontinence / functional incontinence as its something i've always wanted but now i'm sad that I can't live my life without fear of being far away from a bathroom".  Why, then are you wearing a hollow butt plug and taking a laxative and then going out shopping in public implying it's a quick way to achieve incontinence?  True, one is bladder continence and one is bowel continence and no offence, but it appears you are working at cross purposes here. 

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19 hours ago, Inconito said:

Sorry to hear about the struggle you have now you reached the goal.

Some days I also consider what I'm doing and have done, I still think no have some minor control left, though not something I try to exercise, so don't know. What I do know after so many years is, that this is the right thing for me to do. But then again, I'm also older and have had lived my life as a youngster.

I hope you'll be able to regain control, if that is truly what you want to, and live your life as you see fit. But do remember, being in diapers because of lack of control, is not the end of your life, yes some things may be more complicated and require more planning, but that's it.

If you do fail retraining, try think on the positives, you don't have to participate in the potty dance....and when you meet the right girl, it doesn't matter, that you are incontinent.

 

So true the right woman just won't care about you being incontinent. My wife told me years ago it didn't matter to her at all.

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1 hour ago, rusty pins said:

I am a little confused, though.  Dipper, in your original post it seems that you are worried about becoming incontinent, at least bladder incontinent after years of using catheters and all.  You did post in another incontinence desire forum, "I'm currently wearing a hollow butt plug after taking 2 tablets of a laxative. Every diaper change so far has been contaminated so to speak and when I went shopping i accidentally farted in front of people and had to excuse myself. I would say that this is quicker method of achieving incontinence :P Can you clarify for us what your intention is?  It seems you are worried about becoming incontinent because you are having a hard time holding it and having to pee more frequently.  You say in your first post, "I can no longer function without diapers and i'm debating whether to start with pull ups in order to retrain my bladder. I'll also visit the doctor soon to see what I can do to regain my continence. As of right now when i've had oral examinations in the university i've had to excuse myself to the bathroom three (!) times (during a 2h period) which obviously raised suspicions and laughter among both friends and professors.   I cannot continue without diapers in my daily life now and it sucks. I hope you guys think twice before wanting incontinence / functional incontinence as its something i've always wanted but now i'm sad that I can't live my life without fear of being far away from a bathroom".  Why, then are you wearing a hollow butt plug and taking a laxative and then going out shopping in public implying it's a quick way to achieve incontinence?  True, one is bladder continence and one is bowel continence and no offence, but it appears you are working at cross purposes here. 

I am working at cross purposes and I guess that's the beauty of this fetisch.  I wish there was a way to play without it causing permanent changes.

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You do realise that bowel incontinence is worse than bladder incontinence?  One its the cleanup, and two theres the odour issue to deal with. If youre so concerned about people knowing your using/wearing diapers, then becoming bowel IC will really alert them to it!

 

I don’t get it?

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9 minutes ago, ozziebee said:

You do realise that bowel incontinence is worse than bladder incontinence?  One its the cleanup, and two theres the odour issue to deal with. If youre so concerned about people knowing your using/wearing diapers, then becoming bowel IC will really alert them to it!

 

I don’t get it?

Lol what. I'm not bowel incontinent nor do I intend to become one. 

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Does anyone know how to just become a bedweter so I domt have to have day time issues down the road?

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5 hours ago, Snake4455101 said:

Does anyone know how to just become a bedweter so I domt have to have day time issues down the road?

 Nocturnal bed wetting is the hardest bladder control issue to stop as an adult especially if self induced, you will also experience day time issues as well ie you close you eyes for a quick nap and theres a good chance you will pee your pants. Remember the Moto do No Self Harm forcing incontinence issues is never a good idea especially at 19 years of age as incontinence (nocturnal or 24/7) is not something to strive for. 

 Do your self a favour and forget about trying to become a bed wetter but if you do decide to force the bed wetting issue be prepared for a life time of being diapered with the possibility of it being 24/7 

 

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