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I'm not exactly sure how I am feeling. I just finished reading a book about a child growing up wanting nappies. Not exactly a new story in our community, but for me, it gripped my heart in a way most dont. It is hard for us all, I know, but for this boy, he was sissy and it was no mere fleeting fancy.

The author let us into his fears and loves and I admit, I felt my heart tug a little at the loss and devastation. 

Have many of you ever had a relationship with someone like yourself that ended and left you heartbroken because you knew that there really wasn't another person out there for you? It is hard enough to find your soul-mate at the best of times, but when they are sissy AB like you, it is like winning the lottery and then losing it all again.

Sorry about the vent, but I rarely read stories that affect me so deeply, perhaps because it could be any of us, and perhaps for some, was.

Some days I can be a bit blase about relationships and how we work on them, but today, I realise that for some - like sissy ABDL - that is a lot harder to come by than I recognised.

Blessings on all of you.

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2 hours ago, rosalie.bent said:

 It is hard for us all, I know, but for this boy, he was sissy and it was no mere fleeting fancy.

And why should a person being their true self matter or be hard to do? Why should a male not be allowed to be a sissy, or a female not be allowed to be masculine if that's truly who they are? Ditto for AB's. In fact, you can't justify the allowance for one without allowing for all. The only wrongful trait in anyone is in those who wish to do some kind of harm to others or to control them against their will. Anything else which is inherent in someone should not only be allowed but encouraged to develop.

I have only to look at myself and my own life to understand what it does to a person who is not allowed to develop into who they really are. Had I been allowed to be myself I would have had a far better and happier life with nobody coming to harm for that. And I'd not be finding myself having went through this life basically all alone without the chance for a soulmate. It is wrong that I've had to suffer the unnecessary perpetual heartaches I've been forced to endure because of people who cannot see that in their own way they are just the same as I am, only that there are a lot more of people nearly like them than there are nearly like me.

I wished only that I be given a chance to be myself and to show that I'm a good person who cares about others, and at every turn in life I was denied not because those are bad things to want, but because somehow I am wrong for being me. Indeed you should be troubled by the story and deeply so, and so should everyone. It's telling you something when you feel troubled, and only you can change that something.

Bettypooh

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2 hours ago, rosalie.bent said:

I'm not exactly sure how I am feeling. I just finished reading a book about a child growing up wanting nappies. Not exactly a new story in our community, but for me, it gripped my heart in a way most dont. It is hard for us all, I know, but for this boy, he was sissy and it was no mere fleeting fancy.

The author let us into his fears and loves and I admit, I felt my heart tug a little at the loss and devastation. 

Have many of you ever had a relationship with someone like yourself that ended and left you heartbroken because you knew that there really wasn't another person out there for you? It is hard enough to find your soul-mate at the best of times, but when they are sissy AB like you, it is like winning the lottery and then losing it all again.

Sorry about the vent, but I rarely read stories that affect me so deeply, perhaps because it could be any of us, and perhaps for some, was.

Some days I can be a bit blase about relationships and how we work on them, but today, I realise that for some - like sissy ABDL - that is a lot harder to come by than I recognised.

Blessings on all of you.

I know in my marriage my wife had to learn how to accept her husband as a sissy baby.  At first she thought that if she demanded that I stop wearing panties and diapers that the problem for her would be resolved.  I was told countless times that I was choosing my lifestyle over her and our family and that I am in love with an inanimate object, not her.

These times were some of the hardest in my life emotionally.  How does one make a choice between two things they love and need so much.  Purge cycles and pushing back my desire to wear diapers made me desire wearing diapers more.  Those thoughts constantly consumed me.  I often times felt my wife needed to divorce me so she could find the normal man she so desperately desired.  I would live alone, in a single apartment which would be all pink inside and adorned in Disney Princess.

I had a choice to make and so did my wife.  I decided it was best to be honest.  The reality for me was I would never live life happy without being in pink diapers and I needed to be in them all the time.  As much as my wife fought she eventually decided that she needed to accept this or move on.  Her love for me was stronger than her hatred for my lifestyle.

So many sacrifices were made by her.  There is no normal sexual relationship between us.  She constantly worries our children will find out I wear diapers.  I still honestly keep myself prepared for the day when she says I am done with your dirty diapers and want a divorce.  She changed her mind to accept me in diapers, could she change her mind back?

What is to say her feelings cannot change again?  She forces herself to participate which I admire but the labor of her efforts seem to leave her unhappy at times.  Often times I feel that with both force ourselves to try and be happy with one another.

I do not know if there is a perfect Mommy out there that will be just that...a mommy in a relationship.

The one constant throughout our relationship that will always be the same is that I will always desire diapers.  I have learn to accept that will never change.

 

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23 minutes ago, MarkSmith said:

I know in my marriage my wife had to learn how to accept her husband as a sissy baby.  At first she thought that if she demanded that I stop wearing panties and diapers that the problem for her would be resolved.  I was told countless times that I was choosing my lifestyle over her and our family and that I am in love with an inanimate object, not her.

These times were some of the hardest in my life emotionally.  How does one make a choice between two things they love and need so much.  Purge cycles and pushing back my desire to wear diapers made me desire wearing diapers more.  Those thoughts constantly consumed me.  I often times felt my wife needed to divorce me so she could find the normal man she so desperately desired.  I would live alone, in a single apartment which would be all pink inside and adorned in Disney Princess.

I had a choice to make and so did my wife.  I decided it was best to be honest.  The reality for me was I would never live life happy without being in pink diapers and I needed to be in them all the time.  As much as my wife fought she eventually decided that she needed to accept this or move on.  Her love for me was stronger than her hatred for my lifestyle.

So many sacrifices were made by her.  There is no normal sexual relationship between us.  She constantly worries our children will find out I wear diapers.  I still honestly keep myself prepared for the day when she says I am done with your dirty diapers and want a divorce.  She changed her mind to accept me in diapers, could she change her mind back?

What is to say her feelings cannot change again?  She forces herself to participate which I admire but the labor of her efforts seem to leave her unhappy at times.  Often times I feel that with both force ourselves to try and be happy with one another.

I do not know if there is a perfect Mommy out there that will be just that...a mommy in a relationship.

The one constant throughout our relationship that will always be the same is that I will always desire diapers.  I have learn to accept that will never change.

 

Wow mark. What an emotional rollercoaster this process has been for you. Heck I got a little sad just reading it.

I would have thought that after her "accepting" of your lifestyle and making some sacrifices, she would see a difference in your relationship for the better. You would have less guilt and overall be happier which she would see and perhaps be happier herself? Personally if I was in your situation and my wife made more of an effort, (enthusiastic or not) into what I need out of a relationship for kink....I would find something to go out of my way to make sure she felt special. For example, her fetishes if she has any, or just doing housework outside of your usual routine, or just give her the normal plain sex she may want, just make sure she knows you are going over the top for her because she did for you.

Above all else, strengthen your relationship outside of your sissy self ? because there's needs for everyone and it should be about give and take!

 

FB_IMG_1554895818549.jpg

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2 hours ago, MarkSmith said:

I know in my marriage my wife had to learn how to accept her husband as a sissy baby.  At first she thought that if she demanded that I stop wearing panties and diapers that the problem for her would be resolved.  I was told countless times that I was choosing my lifestyle over her and our family and that I am in love with an inanimate object, not her.

These times were some of the hardest in my life emotionally.  How does one make a choice between two things they love and need so much.  Purge cycles and pushing back my desire to wear diapers made me desire wearing diapers more.  Those thoughts constantly consumed me.  I often times felt my wife needed to divorce me so she could find the normal man she so desperately desired.  I would live alone, in a single apartment which would be all pink inside and adorned in Disney Princess.

I had a choice to make and so did my wife.  I decided it was best to be honest.  The reality for me was I would never live life happy without being in pink diapers and I needed to be in them all the time.  As much as my wife fought she eventually decided that she needed to accept this or move on.  Her love for me was stronger than her hatred for my lifestyle.

So many sacrifices were made by her.  There is no normal sexual relationship between us.  She constantly worries our children will find out I wear diapers.  I still honestly keep myself prepared for the day when she says I am done with your dirty diapers and want a divorce.  She changed her mind to accept me in diapers, could she change her mind back?

What is to say her feelings cannot change again?  She forces herself to participate which I admire but the labor of her efforts seem to leave her unhappy at times.  Often times I feel that with both force ourselves to try and be happy with one another.

I do not know if there is a perfect Mommy out there that will be just that...a mommy in a relationship.

The one constant throughout our relationship that will always be the same is that I will always desire diapers.  I have learn to accept that will never change.

 

I really understand that. It is a battle we as the other partner face. It is unfair for the ABDL as much as it us unfair for the partner. Because abdl is far more than a mere affectation or behaviour, it cannot be pushed aside. Being who we are isnt really a choice. Eventually, our true self will win out and as babies, that can be nightmarish for us both.

I learned to handle it and to make it work. But it took decades of forestalling and ironically, only months of actual work towards it. The problem is moving from opposition to acceptance and it was the biggest journey of my life.

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11 hours ago, huggybutt said:

Wow mark. What an emotional rollercoaster this process has been for you. Heck I got a little sad just reading it.

I would have thought that after her "accepting" of your lifestyle and making some sacrifices, she would see a difference in your relationship for the better. You would have less guilt and overall be happier which she would see and perhaps be happier herself? Personally if I was in your situation and my wife made more of an effort, (enthusiastic or not) into what I need out of a relationship for kink....I would find something to go out of my way to make sure she felt special. For example, her fetishes if she has any, or just doing housework outside of your usual routine, or just give her the normal plain sex she may want, just make sure she knows you are going over the top for her because she did for you.

Above all else, strengthen your relationship outside of your sissy self ? because there's needs for everyone and it should be about give and take!

 

FB_IMG_1554895818549.jpg

Oh I definitely go out of my way to make up for her acceptance and participation.  I put her on a pedestal which she does greatly appreciate.

Unfortunately as far as normal lovemaking there is no normal.  My wee wee and her pussy simply are not compatible physically and I could try my absolute hardest to pleasure here sexually in a traditional sense and the result would be the same...disappointment.  With that said, it does not mean there are not other ways to sexually satisfy her.  Without question something that turns her on more than anything is me breastfeeding.  It drives her crazy.  I guess that works good in that situation being married to an ABDL.

Her fetishes and fantasies are hard for me to fulfill because she wants to be dominated by a man.  That is something my sissy being just is incapable of.  Her lover passively will dominate her but she desires to be thrown down and raped.  Her other fantasy involves feeling slutty or loose which we do fulfill through cuckolding.  Despite not liking oral sex performed on her when I do so after her lover has filled her full of cum it drives her mad.  Not physically but mentally.  She like the dirty feeling it provides.

Also do not misunderstand what I wrote.  Without question our relationship is the best it has ever been.  We are very honest with one another and have a very open line of communication.  Fights between us are minimal and we definitely respect one another much more now than in the past.

I just believe that you never really now how someone's feelings can change.  My wife hated diapers.  She hated me wearing panties.  She hated me as a sissy.  She found a way to accept all of that because she loved me.  Is it possible one day to no longer accept that? If she suddenly felt she could not handle diapers anymore would that not be understandable?

I know I feel sometimes that in our realtionship diapers are pushed away into the back of her mind as a way to not deal with the elephant in the room.  She agrees to change me on request but honestly you can tell it is just not something that she will ever enjoy.

I could not give up diapers for her, she accepted them for me.  Being diapered all the time has made both my life and her life better.  What more could I ask for.

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I honestly feel that biology is the biggest reason relationships are strained or end because of a diaper fetish.  In my marriage although my wife is far from vanilla in the bedroom she most certainately desires to be with a man.  Not a baby, not a man who wants to pee pee in his diapers, and most definitely not a sissy who wants to be a baby girl.  What she desires is what biology has ingrained in her to want so that she can produce the strongest offspring.  A woman almost has to go against evolution to accept her partner in diapers.

Now of course it works too if you are a man and are with a female partner who has a diaper fetish.  Men are programmed to have offspring with someone that will mother their children not be a baby herself.

The best case scenario for a strong relationship to exist in my opinion is when a partner has a diaper fetish that their partner has similar desires.  Daddy wants a liitle girl...little girl needs a Daddy.  Sissy baby wants a dominant Mommy...Mommy likes being in charge of a sissy baby.  It even works well if both partners are ABDL.  How much easier is it to understand someone who likes to wear diapers or be treated as a baby when you yourself enjoy the same feelings.

Personally the guilt I feel while wearing diapers in my marriage now revolves around the fact that I know it is something that my wife had to accept to be with me.  It is not her favorite.  It does not typically make her wet.  At times it is even a strain and a burden.  My wife most definitely loves me for me....diapers and all.  That does not mean she will ever have to like me in diapers.  I struggle to understand if she is better off without me simply because who I am is not what she wants.

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11 minutes ago, MarkSmith said:

I honestly feel that biology is the biggest reason relationships are strained or end because of a diaper fetish.  In my marriage although my wife is far from vanilla in the bedroom she most certainately desires to be with a man.  Not a baby, not a man who wants to pee pee in his diapers, and most definitely not a sissy who wants to be a baby girl.  What she desires is what biology has ingrained in her to want so that she can produce the strongest offspring.  A woman almost has to go against evolution to accept her partner in diapers.

Now of course it works too if you are a man and are with a female partner who has a diaper fetish.  Men are programmed to have offspring with someone that will mother their children not be a baby herself.

The best case scenario for a strong relationship to exist in my opinion is when a partner has a diaper fetish that their partner has similar desires.  Daddy wants a liitle girl...little girl needs a Daddy.  Sissy baby wants a dominant Mommy...Mommy likes being in charge of a sissy baby.  It even works well if both partners are ABDL.  How much easier is it to understand someone who likes to wear diapers or be treated as a baby when you yourself enjoy the same feelings.

Personally the guilt I feel while wearing diapers in my marriage now revolves around the fact that I know it is something that my wife had to accept to be with me.  It is not her favorite.  It does not typically make her wet.  At times it is even a strain and a burden.  My wife most definitely loves me for me....diapers and all.  That does not mean she will ever have to like me in diapers.  I struggle to understand if she is better off without me simply because who I am is not what she wants.

I can relate to all you say. If we are honest, ABDL is super-weird and when you are not ABDL, that is pretty much all you see. You can take all the negative emotions out of it eventually, but it still looks super-weird. I understand a great deal more than I did at first and I know how it works, where it came from and how to manage it, but because I dont live it and experience the baby inside, it is still odd to me. Not super-weird anymore, but it is still odd. And that is about as good as it gets for a totally non-ABDL person. They are very unlikely to embrace it as it is. They may love you and indulge in it with you, taking the role of parent and mother, but they will never understand why you are actually a baby inside, not just roleplaying one.

We write a lot of books and research regressive adult babies. We write books for partners to help them understand and to cope with it all. But sadly, we cannot help them to experience or truly understand it because it is uniquely personal and without comparison. I can understand LGBT without being gay or trans. I can even put my mind in that place and understand it. But not ABDL. With all my experience and research, I am, and forever will be, a spectator.

Bridging this gap is the hardest thing any partner can do and sadly. it seems near on impossible. Finding a working and loving accomodation is the very best we as partners can provide and probably what you are after anyhow. But we will never, truly, deeply know what ABDL is to you, because we can never go there. Personally, that is a loss to us all.

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21 hours ago, rosalie.bent said:

I'm not exactly sure how I am feeling. I just finished reading a book about a child growing up wanting nappies. Not exactly a new story in our community, but for me, it gripped my heart in a way most dont. It is hard for us all, I know, but for this boy, he was sissy and it was no mere fleeting fancy.

The author let us into his fears and loves and I admit, I felt my heart tug a little at the loss and devastation. 

Have many of you ever had a relationship with someone like yourself that ended and left you heartbroken because you knew that there really wasn't another person out there for you? It is hard enough to find your soul-mate at the best of times, but when they are sissy AB like you, it is like winning the lottery and then losing it all again.

Hi Rosalie, 

I'm a little confused by your original post. Was the story you read an ABDL story? Was it a story on DD? And was the story about a person's childhood or was it about a AB/sissy falling in love with another AB/sissy? You seem to quickly pivot from talking about a character's childhood to then asking about adult romantic relationships. 

Either way, it seems like an interesting topic of discussion... I'm just not sure what you're saying here in your original post. 

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19 hours ago, MarkSmith said:

At first she thought that if she demanded that I stop wearing panties and diapers that the problem for her would be resolved.  I was told countless times that I was choosing my lifestyle over her and our family and that I am in love with an inanimate object, not her ... 

... She forces herself to participate which I admire but the labor of her efforts seem to leave her unhappy at times. 

Hi MarkSmith, 

These two separate points that you made really stood out to me in your post. 

First of all, I think it was unfair (and just unrealistic) for your wife to demand that you stop wearing diapers, panties, etc. I'm sorry you had to experience that. Fetishes are ingrained in people's brains and no one 'chooses' to have them. So for her to accuse you of 'choosing' this lifestyle over your family is a really terrible and simply false accusation for her to make against you. 

Second, you say that she forces herself to participate and, as a result, she seems to be unhappy and unfulfilled. While your private relationship is certainly none of my business, I wanted to offer some advice that I thought might be helpful. I'm not trying to pass judgement on you by any means. 

If you feel that her participation in this aspect of your life is making her feel unhappy and unfulfilled, maybe you shouldn't be asking her to participate at all. Plenty of members on DD have spouses that accept their fetish and identity; yet do not wish to participate in it. If its harming your marriage relationship, I'd say STOP engaging in that activity with your wife. (Obviously, you can't choose not to have this fetish and you'll still feel compelled to wear diapers and do this on your own but you don't have to involve your wife necessarily.)

Many people have made this compromise - their spouse accepts this side of them, allows them to wear diapers, but does not participate. And we all know that this compromise is much, much better than someone asking you to give up diapers, fetish items, etc. altogether, right? If I thought something my wife was doing for me sexually was leading her to feel uncomfortable or unhappy, I would ask her to stop doing it altogether! I wouldn't want temporary pleasure at the expense of someone else's happiness... especially if it was someone I love. 

You mentioned that your wife wants a man to be physically dominant in the bedroom but that this is "just not who you are". Thats fair to some extent but it sounds like being a 'mommy' or participating in a ABDL, sissy sexual relationship really isn't who she is either... yet she is actively participating in this activity for the sake of your happiness! If she is pretending to be someone she is not for the sake of your sexual pleasure, maybe you should be open to doing the same? Plenty of men throughout history have acted strong, dominant, aggressive even when they didn't FEEL that way deep down.

Or maybe the best compromise is for you to say, "Hey, I appreciate you doing this to pleasure me but I can see that it might be making you unhappy. My sexual desires are very strong but I want you to be happy more than anything else. So there's no obligation to participate in my lifestyle if it bothers you or makes you unhappy. Maybe we should only engage in activity that we both enjoy... even if thats a pretty short list of things!

I certainly don't know all the details of your relationship and I know you yourself have made plenty of compromises to make things work... but if you're asking your wife to engage in sexual behaviors that make her uncomfortable or happy while living in constant fear that she'll get fed up and leave you... maybe its better that you don't ask her to participate in that activity at all... even though it gives you pleasure. Thats just my two cents. Take it or leave it. Marriage is VERY difficult even for vanilla people so you deserve a lot of credit for finding ways to make it work for as long as you two have!

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1 hour ago, NewGuy20 said:

Hi Rosalie, 

I'm a little confused by your original post. Was the story you read an ABDL story? Was it a story on DD? And was the story about a person's childhood or was it about a AB/sissy falling in love with another AB/sissy? You seem to quickly pivot from talking about a character's childhood to then asking about adult romantic relationships. 

Either way, it seems like an interesting topic of discussion... I'm just not sure what you're saying here in your original post. 

I was a little confsing, that is true. The book is Me Myself Christine and is at:  https://abdiscovery.com.au/me-myself-christine/

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There can never be a perfect relationship because there will always be something which is deeply disagreed on. But relationships can work as long as all parties are willing to invest the effort it takes to make that happen and everyone has the ability to "flex" far enough to achieve that. Which some people won't.  It's not fair to demand of someone something they cannot give, and there are people who simply can't handle this. That is why the general advice is to get this out early in a relationship ;) And nothing warms my heart more that hearing of people who've found acceptance in their partner :groupwave:

But getting back to the subject, nothing breaks my heart more than to see someone's self and spirit being slowly killed  by forcing them onto a path which isn't theirs :crybaby:Had I been anywhere near being an average boy, my early upbringing would have been nearly ideal, for I was given all the things that takes in quantity with quality.I was given freedom to and even encouraged to explore everything that involved. But the doors I needed to have opened were locked shut and no discussion of why was allowed. And certainly no approaches toward the locked doors was permitted. Not only did my parents and family not understand me, I couldn't even understand myself because of that repression. Had the thought of suicide entered my mind at 8-10 years old ever entered my mind I would have most certainly done it without hesitation :o Nobody believed or understood that all I wanted to do was try some girlish things just to see what it was like. Nobody believed or understood that I truly could not control my bladder. The means to help me with those things was there- they could have been done- but they simply weren't allowed or done.It was as if there were lines where love ended and hate began if you crossed them. And even at my tender age I could clearly see there was no valid reason for that nor could there be. Hate never helps. Trying to keep someone from being themselves never works. Refusing to even try to understand or help someone who loves you is as deep an evil as there can be :( Intentionally destroying someone's heart, spirit, and soul down to the core when they're doing nothing wrong is worse than a life sentence in prison- it makes that person's every day a living hell of unbelievable proportions. You cannot understand it unless you're lived through it. But you can and should at least try to understand and at least cease the hating no matter what else you feel inside. Every human is capable of doing that.

I spent half of my life in ruins, despising myself and not understanding or wanting to be who I was. I spent every day fighting myself and trying to be someone or something who was at least capable of being loved and capable of feeling love. But there was no love here, there, or anywhere to be found. It was only when I stopped the fight and accepted myself that things began to get better. It was only when I decided that I was at least going to try to be myself no matter what anyone else thought that I became someone who could love and be loved, someone who could actually feel joy now and then, someone who has value, someone who has something special to give back to the few who tried to understand me and truly did love me through all those hate-filled years. Finally I was me and I knew who I was and I knew that there was nothing wrong with me at all. I set out to fight against those who repress, those who hate, those who refuse to tolerate others, and especially those who would want to repress someone and not allow them to be who they truly are. And in this I also started to do what I can to help others, especially those who like me  have been forced into a living hell they neither want or deserve to have. Finally I can love and I'm going to do that and nobody is going to stop me from doing that :girl_happy: Those efforts to control me and repress me have failed and I alone am going to decide what I want to do with what little I have left of my life. It's a shame that it took me so long to get here, so much has been wasted, but no more. At this point I'll probably remain alone in life because I'm so weird, but I can handle that. I'll never close that door because if there's one thing I've learned throught all this is that closed doors do not work, and those who would keep them closed do not deserve any love from me.

Bettypooh

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9 hours ago, NewGuy20 said:

Hi MarkSmith, 

These two separate points that you made really stood out to me in your post. 

First of all, I think it was unfair (and just unrealistic) for your wife to demand that you stop wearing diapers, panties, etc. I'm sorry you had to experience that. Fetishes are ingrained in people's brains and no one 'chooses' to have them. So for her to accuse you of 'choosing' this lifestyle over your family is a really terrible and simply false accusation for her to make against you. 

Second, you say that she forces herself to participate and, as a result, she seems to be unhappy and unfulfilled. While your private relationship is certainly none of my business, I wanted to offer some advice that I thought might be helpful. I'm not trying to pass judgement on you by any means. 

If you feel that her participation in this aspect of your life is making her feel unhappy and unfulfilled, maybe you shouldn't be asking her to participate at all. Plenty of members on DD have spouses that accept their fetish and identity; yet do not wish to participate in it. If its harming your marriage relationship, I'd say STOP engaging in that activity with your wife. (Obviously, you can't choose not to have this fetish and you'll still feel compelled to wear diapers and do this on your own but you don't have to involve your wife necessarily.)

Many people have made this compromise - their spouse accepts this side of them, allows them to wear diapers, but does not participate. And we all know that this compromise is much, much better than someone asking you to give up diapers, fetish items, etc. altogether, right? If I thought something my wife was doing for me sexually was leading her to feel uncomfortable or unhappy, I would ask her to stop doing it altogether! I wouldn't want temporary pleasure at the expense of someone else's happiness... especially if it was someone I love. 

You mentioned that your wife wants a man to be physically dominant in the bedroom but that this is "just not who you are". Thats fair to some extent but it sounds like being a 'mommy' or participating in a ABDL, sissy sexual relationship really isn't who she is either... yet she is actively participating in this activity for the sake of your happiness! If she is pretending to be someone she is not for the sake of your sexual pleasure, maybe you should be open to doing the same? Plenty of men throughout history have acted strong, dominant, aggressive even when they didn't FEEL that way deep down.

Or maybe the best compromise is for you to say, "Hey, I appreciate you doing this to pleasure me but I can see that it might be making you unhappy. My sexual desires are very strong but I want you to be happy more than anything else. So there's no obligation to participate in my lifestyle if it bothers you or makes you unhappy. Maybe we should only engage in activity that we both enjoy... even if thats a pretty short list of things!

I certainly don't know all the details of your relationship and I know you yourself have made plenty of compromises to make things work... but if you're asking your wife to engage in sexual behaviors that make her uncomfortable or happy while living in constant fear that she'll get fed up and leave you... maybe its better that you don't ask her to participate in that activity at all... even though it gives you pleasure. Thats just my two cents. Take it or leave it. Marriage is VERY difficult even for vanilla people so you deserve a lot of credit for finding ways to make it work for as long as you two have!

I find your points are very valid and insightful.  The portion of my marriage I have shared here with everyone does not accurately portray that my wife and I are almost completely compatible in every other way.  This bolsters the foundation of our relationship.  In the end, our love for one another overcomes all...even dirty diapers.

I am often asked since your wife has sacrificed for your sexual desires why can you not sacrifice for hers.  That is such a valid question and one I unfortunately have no answer for.

My first marriage ended because I was extremely dominant and mentally abusive.  At that time I was very confused about my diaper desires as I was in the military and being diapered constantly was almost impossible.  I actually would put my wife into diapers as a substitute for my desire to be diapered.  My behavior existed because I was abused by my stepmother while my castrated father sat around and watched.  That abuse is what started my desire to wear diapers.  When I became an adult I decided that I would not live as my father did.  It took a divorce and some therapy for me to understand my wrong behavior but most importantly why I acted the way I did.

When I started to change and become a sissy I found that my new lifestyle vanished all my dominance.  What is confusing about this is my wife loves for me to be submissive to her in real life and becoming a sissy made that reality despite her previous disdain for her husband wearing panties and diapers.  The bedroom for my wife is a different story.  In the bedroom is where she craves for her everyday dominance to be tamed.  She wants to be dominated by a man that forcefully makes her submit.

Once the panties went on I lost my confidence as a man in the bedroom mainly because my wife did not desire to be with a husband who was happy being a sissy.  It is hard to dominate a strong woman wearing panties and diapers.  So why not just stop wearing them?  That was the demand from her.  However, that was a demand at a time when she honestly did not understand anything ABDL.  She was simply being the dominant being she was.  Eventually through research and open communication she understood that simply taking off my diapers is not possible.  She learned that my desire to wear diapers was never going to go away and eithers she accepts that or move on.

The other point you made was insightful.  I wish simply wearing diapers permanently and being permitted to do so was enough.  I try to allow it to be.  Part me still however craves for my wife to participate.  At the end of the day almost all of us have a desire to be little and with that a need to be cared for by someone else.  A Mommy, a Daddy, or just a fellow diaper lover.  

The other thing that is hard for me is on the occasions when my wife enthusiastically participates which does happen it is simply amazing.  I want that woman more.  I am selfish.  

My wife and I differ in that although we both enjoy fetishes I want to live a fetish lifestyle all the time.  She on the other hand wants to enjoy fetish every blue moon.  Wearing diapers permanently had helped control my need for fetish all the time because it is fetish all the time.

I honestly do not worry about my wife leaving me if she changes her mind.  I just mentally am prepared for it if the day were to ever come.  

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19 minutes ago, MarkSmith said:

I wish simply wearing diapers permanently and being permitted to do so was enough.  I try to allow it to be.  Part me still however craves for my wife to participate.  At the end of the day almost all of us have a desire to be little and with that a need to be cared for by someone else.  A Mommy, a Daddy, or just a fellow diaper lover. 

I couldn't have said that better myself.  What's working for me is only working because I'm open about it but trying not to impose it on my wife too far.  She's happy to do some things but doesn't want to go near many others.  I have to respect that, but I wish it were different.  On the other hand I couldn't walk away, and I don't think she could either.  We've gone through too much together and have too much respect and love for each other.

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I use to wish being in diapers 24/7 and my ex maybe be my mommy sometimes but it’s just not reality for most.

I only wear diapers on occasion now and regress a few times. There are still days I wish I had a nursery and being TG I don’t get any of this it just is what it is and know I will never find another partner who can accept me for me and show true love

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7 hours ago, Stroller said:

I couldn't have said that better myself.  What's working for me is only working because I'm open about it but trying not to impose it on my wife too far.  She's happy to do some things but doesn't want to go near many others.  I have to respect that, but I wish it were different.  On the other hand I couldn't walk away, and I don't think she could either.  We've gone through too much together and have too much respect and love for each other.

I feel the same way in my marriage.  I think a diaper fetish realistically can make or break a relationship.  As @rosalie.bent said ABDL desires are so unique that it is so very difficult for someone without those desires to understand and relate.  Some partners do not even try.  Some partners give up trying.  This post does clearly highlight though that partners can overcome their significant other having a diaper fetish.

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I often wonder how my wife truly feels about being married to a permanently diapered sissy.  Although she insists she accepts this part of who I am I find it impossible to believe she is not disappointed at times.

How many woman stay with a husband that they are not sexually attracted to?  How many woman are happy not having traditional sexual intercourse with their soulmates?  How does a woman feel when she is feeling aroused and reaches down into her husbands pants and grabs a hand full of a wet pink diaper with princesses on it?

Knowing that my wife is not aroused by her husband wearing diapers is very difficult for me internally.  When we first got together she loved giving oral sex.  It was a constant in the bedroom.  Now that I am encased in a pee pee filled diaper all the time I can promise you that my wife rarely performs oral sex.

Most men would also be disappointed.  No intercourse.  No oral sex.  Yet, I am happy.  Happy because I do not have to try and please my wife sexually.  As a sissy I am completely incapable of being any kind of a man in the bedroom.  My wife might as well be married to a baby...oh wait a minute...she kind of is.  How does a hot blooded woman look past all this and still be happy in a marriage?  These are things I think about.

I must agree with @Bettypooh that it has to be so much simpler to have these feelings alone.  Having a partner to disappoint is not fair to either party.  I love my wife so much but is it possible to love her so much while disappointing her so?  Being in a female led relationship it is very normal for my wife to instruct me to hump my diaper to orgasm in front of her.  While I do so she watches me.  What could she possibly be thinking?  She has to be thinking something.  

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2 hours ago, diapered charles said:

My greatest battle has been with myself. Not having acceptance from those you love can be devastating. Not being able to accept oneself can be destructive. :(

So very true.  When it comes to wearing diapers and self acceptance I honestly had to be honest with myself.  Diapers make me happy.  I need to wear them all the time.  Why fight it.  Live life happy and padded and do not look back.

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