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24/7 startups, and unexpected pitfalls?


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4 hours ago, BedWetMark said:

I've tried them too and Playdayz are poor. They are a proper ABDL nappy, i.e. they are good for role play and messing around in, but if you're actually incontinent or want to use them to their fullest, they will not last.

 

Hello everyone,

This is probably an odd time to get involved in the  conversation as I've been following the thread for quite some time. I've been a DL for almost my entire life and more recently I've been flirting with the idea of going 27/7 and I've come here for some moral support and courage. It seems the older I get the less I care about what other people think. I feel the most comfortable when I'm in a diaper and I see no reason what ot shouldn't be that way all the time.  Well except for the fact that my wife seems the only tolerate my choice of underwear. I think she subscribes to the "don't ask don't tell" philosophy about me wearing diapers. So I'm thinking I might have to what some of you have done and just wear them until she gets the idea? Any other suggestions? I should probably mention that I have a 1, 4 and 6 year old. Do any of you have kids and if so how have you handled it? 

So thats me. Hi everyone, happy to be here. Oh and while I've got you I have tried play dayz and you are correct they are not meant for long term use. I like them because they are cloth backed and have tapes with a plastic landing strip so they hold super tight! Do any of you have any suggestions for cloth backed diapers that have either super strong velcro tabs or plastic tapes with a landing zone?

 

Thank you everyone.

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1 hour ago, CharMeckDL55 said:

Hello everyone,

This is probably an odd time to get involved in the  conversation as I've been following the thread for quite some time. I've been a DL for almost my entire life and more recently I've been flirting with the idea of going 27/7 and I've come here for some moral support and courage. It seems the older I get the less I care about what other people think. I feel the most comfortable when I'm in a diaper and I see no reason what ot shouldn't be that way all the time.  Well except for the fact that my wife seems the only tolerate my choice of underwear. I think she subscribes to the "don't ask don't tell" philosophy about me wearing diapers. So I'm thinking I might have to what some of you have done and just wear them until she gets the idea? Any other suggestions? I should probably mention that I have a 1, 4 and 6 year old. Do any of you have kids and if so how have you handled it? 

So thats me. Hi everyone, happy to be here. Oh and while I've got you I have tried play dayz and you are correct they are not meant for long term use. I like them because they are cloth backed and have tapes with a plastic landing strip so they hold super tight! Do any of you have any suggestions for cloth backed diapers that have either super strong velcro tabs or plastic tapes with a landing zone?

 

Thank you everyone.

I suppose the populist answer would be “Jump on in!  The water’s fine!” but it’s not that simple.  This thread and my "strange days" one have certain parallels to your situation.

The presence of kids is always a complicating factor: directly insofar as this kind of lifestyle choice is something that I really need thinks to be kept well away from kids and indirectly that your spouse may well view things very differently is she sees your DL proclivities progressing to a level that might be discovered by your kids (as well it might).

Back when my kids were small, my DL habits were episodic and furtive.  By the time I first went 24/7 (December 2018), one kid had already left home and the other was a teenager completely disinterested in me and my life, living at a different end of the house and using a different bathroom.

I honestly suspect I could jump around in a chicken suit playing a banjo and just so long as I didn’t disrupt the wifi signal, I would be unlikely to attract her attention.

Your situation is far more complex.  I’d start with a contingency for “what if the kids find out” and a conversation with your spouse.

Of course, it’s the internet and ymmv.  Good luck and keep us posted.

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5 hours ago, CharMeckDL55 said:

Do any of you have kids and if so how have you handled it? 

I just bided my time until the kids went off to college, just wearing occasionally.  My wife knew I was an AB (she'd seen my nursery and my cot, now long gone of course), but I chose to keep that side of me under wraps while we raised the kids.  That way my wife had full confidence in me as a responsible father, and I felt it was the right thing to minimise the risk of the kids finding out.  Once the younger one left for college I had to start the journey to wearing full-time straight away, as too much had been bottled up for so long.  It was a bit rocky initially, but here I am two years later wearing all the time, with a partner who is now accepting of it all.

That's not telling you what to do of course - you have to make your own decisions.  It's just the way I went about things.  Good luck with it!

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On 9/11/2020 at 11:02 PM, CharMeckDL55 said:

I should probably mention that I have a 1, 4 and 6 year old. Do any of you have kids and if so how have you handled it? 

Well, let me start by mentioning that I am vexed by the site this morning - I had typed a lengthy post, and then I went back to pull a quote from someone's contribution, and when I did that, everything I typed was gone, which didn't used to happen - the "editor" used to hold onto whatever I was typing if I skipped around. Duly noted. Copy and paste for best results.

With respect to the above, I would probably want to add a couple of things to what everyone else has said. First, I completely shelved my ABDL side for the period when my kids were little - being a dad trumped being a DL, and I felt like there was somewhat of a "conflict of interest" in secretively nurturing a diaper fascination while also having to deal with diapers as par for the course, so I had a complete avoidance response - I didn't keep any in the house for most of that time, I just pushed the whole thing aside. The fascination, if you want to call it that, really started to reappear a few years after my youngest was past wearing diapers, and when I embarked on my 24/7 journey about a year and a half ago, my youngest was almost in the double digits.

I think that if I had been walking around in printed diapers while interacting with little kids, it might have alarmed my wife. Although I fully believe that a separation of "church and state" is entirely achievable, and that being "into" diapers as an adult has nothing to do with the daily practicalities of family life. But the optics can be concerning. 

If you're going to wear diapers all the time, you should probably believe, that sooner or later, some evidence of them is going to appear, and you better be ready to deal with that. It's like driving a car - most of the time, it's pretty safe, and it becomes very routine, but you should probably have a "not if, but when" attitude toward having at least a minor accident at some point. It is going to happen, which is why you wear your seat belt and you carry insurance. Figure out what your seat belt and insurance need to be, with respect to diapers. In the ~18 months I've been doing this all day, every day, I've worked very hard not to impose it on anyone - I work hard to be discrete around my family. My wife has to put up with it, but she's an adult and theoretically could tell me to take a long walk on a short pier if she became so inclined, whereas my kids are inmates here. But even with my best efforts, there have been incidents - one case in which my younger daughter found a diaper in a garbage can, and thought it belonged to my wife (which pleased her greatly), and one incident where my older daughter walked into our bedroom late at night when I was in just a diaper and a relatively long t-shirt, and I dove behind the bed like I had been shot. 

In the latter case, nothing was ever said of it, and I'm not sure if she actually saw anything - as soon as she realized that I was making a dive for cover, she did what most teenage girls do when confronted with possibly seeing their dad in some state of undress, and she retreated. In the former case, I had to have a chat with my daughter, and explain that, just as she wore pull-ups, sometimes big people have similar issues, and what she saw was a big-person pull-up. And that, just like we didn't talk about her pull-ups with other people, it would be great if she didn't talk about mine...

Regarding my MRI this weekend, no robe was provided, @adhb - I guess it would be one more thing they'd have to burn in deference to the pandemic. However, pandemic protocols did intervene to my advantage, in that the normal half-kilometre walk between the various waiting rooms and services had been cut down considerably, and there would be only one scantily-clothed wait in a public area, the second waiting room being confined to just the imagery patients. 

Any chance I might have had to plan what I was going to wear was taken away from me by finding myself running late from a previous errand, so I just had to go in what I had on - I had no time to get a ladder out and go up into the garage to pull down boxers. Luckily I was in a plain white diaper, a Rearz Elite in size medium, so at least I didn't have to worry about purple and pink monsters showing through my gown. 

The only thing that really concerned me at all was the sound from my diaper, once I was in just it, a gown, and some socks. The waiting rooms and halls were filled with masked people silently looking at their phones, or, less commonly, books, with no idle chit-chit going on, and the crunch crunch crunch of my diaper, un-muffled as it was by the light material, seemed to fairly echo in the room, although nobody paid it any mind, as far as I could tell. Bulging was not an issue as the gown was an XL and didn't cling.

Once I was called down to the machine itself, I had a quick look through the window from the "control tower" where the MRI tech sits, and she was going to be looking straight down the barrel into the machine, in perfect "up-gown" position, so when I was loaded in, I tried to be careful to keep the gown draped over my knees. That went out the window when she asked me, after I was lying on the tray, waiting to be slid into the tube, to lift my knees so that she could slide a knee-rest under them. She may have had a glimpse of indeterminate whiteness, but I'm pretty sure that nothing screamed "diaper", and also, I'm pretty sure that she wasn't trying and didn't care to have a look at the nether-regions of yet another middle-aged dude in a blue knee-length gown. Once the knee-rest was in place, it likely effectively blocked any view from her desk, and I managed to tug the hem of the gown back toward my knees before assuming the "mummy" position and being slid into the plastic tube. 

I must say that, exposure concerns aside, I was very comfortable in that Elite - it's a decadently soft diaper, with tenacious hook-and-loop tabs that never shift, it has enormous capacity, and they have never failed me. I felt like I could have walked the length of an airport without it shifting. Being unfamiliar with the feeling of having a diaper on under, essentially, a dress, I had been wondering if the diaper, unsupported by the shorts or pants I generally wear, might shift in response to the siren song of gravity, but, nope, no movement was detected. I breathed a slight sigh of relief when I finally put my shorts back on over it, but, that said, I was slightly amazed by how easy it was to navigate a large public space for a couple of hours in a diaper, under only a thin gown. I would have had a panic attack at the prospect, less than a year ago. 

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Well, I've run into another consideration for those of you mulling over the 24/7 path. I have a sprawling basement that had become, in areas, essentially a junk pile, and we've wanted to refresh the furniture down there and clean it up, as we are considering selling the house, and want it to show well. My wife has her heart set on a house with a bit more land around it, and a pool, so that if we have to spend the next 24 months in a pandemic-imposed semi-lockdown, there will be more options for outdoor activities for the kids.

So I had a couple of friends over and we got rid of some junk and moved some furniture around, but all the time, my mind kept going to the four large nondescript boxes stacked over to one side - four cases of diapers. I taped the tops shut on them so that they wouldn't be inadvertently opened during the process, and thankfully nobody asked what they were, but my eyes wondered over to them, whenever someone was working around them. If we actually do end up moving, I'm probably going to consider renting a small storage locker or something - I don't want my in-laws or a friend or my kids to "helpfully" tear into a case of printed adult-sized diapers while I'm in another part of the house assembling furniture or whatever. 

Speaking of the pandemic, both of my kids are actually physically in school today, for the first time since last March, so I am spending the morning vacuuming and cleaning up wearing just a Lil' Monster and an old shirt. The only thing hindering my glory is that my wife keeps opening the blinds part way as she passes here and there, and so I keep having to pull them closer to fully shut, but not so much that they don't emit some light, which would prompt her to open them again. I don't think anyone walking by on the other side of the street would have a clear view of the strange man vacuuming in a diaper, but, I don't want to be over-confident, either. Whereas in the past I was probably excessively concerned about someone noticing, now, sometimes, I wonder if I've become too cavalier about the alleged invisibility of my absurd underpants. I'm thinking in particular of what I wore to the MRI last weekend; well nothing came of it, I have had the occasional second thought about how wise it was to wander a public building in just a diaper and a hospital gown. I live in a big city, and the odds of running into anyone I knew in the off hours at a major hospital were small, but, I also once ran into my sister in the Chicago airport in a Chili's (I was wearing more than a hospital gown). 

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On 9/11/2020 at 11:02 PM, CharMeckDL55 said:

Hello everyone,

This is probably an odd time to get involved in the  conversation as I've been following the thread for quite some time. I've been a DL for almost my entire life and more recently I've been flirting with the idea of going 27/7 and I've come here for some moral support and courage. It seems the older I get the less I care about what other people think. I feel the most comfortable when I'm in a diaper and I see no reason what ot shouldn't be that way all the time.  Well except for the fact that my wife seems the only tolerate my choice of underwear. I think she subscribes to the "don't ask don't tell" philosophy about me wearing diapers. So I'm thinking I might have to what some of you have done and just wear them until she gets the idea? Any other suggestions? I should probably mention that I have a 1, 4 and 6 year old. Do any of you have kids and if so how have you handled it? 

So thats me. Hi everyone, happy to be here. Oh and while I've got you I have tried play dayz and you are correct they are not meant for long term use. I like them because they are cloth backed and have tapes with a plastic landing strip so they hold super tight! Do any of you have any suggestions for cloth backed diapers that have either super strong velcro tabs or plastic tapes with a landing zone?

 

Thank you everyone.

I'm curious to know what you mean by "...until she gets the idea." Do you simply mean "until she understands I want to wear 24/7," or are you looking for more with regards to her being actively involved in your diaper usage? 

Either way, I think the best thing to do is be straightforward and tell her you want to wear 24/7, but be prepared to answer questions that may come up such as how your increased usage may affect the household budget, where you plan to store them, and how you plan to dispose of them.

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9 hours ago, Little Sherri said:

My wife has her heart set on a house with a bit more land around it, and a pool, so that if we have to spend the next 24 months in a pandemic-imposed semi-lockdown, there will be more options for outdoor activities for the kids.

I can confirm that a garden and a pool will create a plethora of outdoor activities but they will be for you.  Your kids will remain inside in front of an AC and a screen ?

I've never really understood the idea of a cold-climate swimming pool.  Here in south-east Queensland, the swimming season is at least 6 months long (8 months if you are a kid and immune to 20C water) and I still wonder why we do it to ourselves sometimes.

When the kids were young, it's true, they lived in the damn thing but once they hit "teen", that all changes and you're water-testing, dosing, skimming, back-washing and vacuuming 55,000 liters of tepid saline solution so that nothing grows in it in order for your partner to ceremonially take to the waters perhaps once a week for a few months of the year.

9 hours ago, Little Sherri said:

So I had a couple of friends over and we got rid of some junk and moved some furniture around, but all the time, my mind kept going to the four large nondescript boxes stacked over to one side - four cases of diapers. I taped the tops shut on them so that they wouldn't be inadvertently opened during the process, and thankfully nobody asked what they were, but my eyes wondered over to them, whenever someone was working around them. If we actually do end up moving, I'm probably going to consider renting a small storage locker or something - I don't want my in-laws or a friend or my kids to "helpfully" tear into a case of printed adult-sized diapers while I'm in another part of the house assembling furniture or whatever.

We will move.  I already own my "retirement" house up on the coast.  It's currently rented out but one day I will sell the one I am in and move into that one.  Because I won't be forced to sell/move/buy on the same day, I have the luxury of running both houses side by side for a while.  I will possibly relocate up there for the sale leaving the city house as a ceremonial address with minimal furniture to help sell.  My nappies will go up the coast with me in my SUV and I'd keep maybe just a pack or two hidden away back in town for tactical changes.

The other house has a pool too... There is no escape...

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I had a moment this morning that caused me to wonder if I have broken myself. I got up from bed, pulled some baggy athletic pants over my diaper, and went down to make coffee before settling in front of the computer to see what the day had planned for me. Eventually, nature tapped me on the shoulder with its other calling, and I adjourned to the washroom for the morning constitutional. I decided I could get a bit more mileage out of the diaper I had worn to bed, so I put it back on, and then went and got dressed for the day. As a side note to that, my wife was still in bed, but watching an episode of some talk show on her phone, and me putting my daytime clothes on over my somewhat saggy diaper elicited nary a glance. Now that her mom isn't staying with us, she's gone back to living and letting live, I guess. 

I went back into our washroom to brush my teeth, and I should explain at this point that, for me at least, throne interludes invariably involve both #1 and #2 - I can't unpair them. So, I am quite convinced that I was pretty thoroughly discharged by that point. Yet while brushing my teeth, I suddenly, unexpectedly, and completely involuntarily, felt a brief but intense spill occur in the nether-zone. The diaper being already fairly wet, there was a notable sensation of the movement of fluid. I actually paused in the midst of brushing my teeth, and looked down, almost the way my dog sometimes looks at his hind quarters quizzically when he passes gas. I hadn't been "asked" to allow the transfer - it was simply occurring. I become mildly concerned that the well-utilized middle zone might become oversaturated, possibly precipitating precipitation, so I mentally pulled in on the reigns, so to speak, and, again to my amazement, the intensity seemed to increase, rather than decrease, and I simply stood there, slightly dumfounded, when the flow petered out and stopped of its own accord. Apparently that's what incontinence feels like. 

From then to now, I have voluntarily dribbled in my diaper a couple of times, and once again, everything seems to be working as it should, at least as far as I can discern from up here in the control room. 

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If my experience is anything to go by, this is another of those things which happens sometimes for no discernible reason, and then days or weeks can pass without a recurrence.

I'm now in my third year of 24/7, although a key difference I think is that unlike some others on this site I have never really practised staying relaxed. I've tried but am easily distracted. Having said that I have noticed changes over time. My bladder capacity is definitely not what it was, and I no longer flood. I've probably had about 6 unconscious wettings at night in the last year, which is only marginally more than the year before.

For me it's the journey rather than the destination.

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I can quote myself from an update on my thread from June 29th 2020:

"It was bedtime on Sunday.  I’d been drinking a bit (so I was expecting a wet bed) but was unbothered as I was in a nearly-dry BetterDry that I’d changed into after dinner.  In our walk-in-robe, I peeled off my tracksuit pants and shapewear compression pants, pulled on a Babykins terry-lined waterproof over my BetterDry, long pyjama pants and a t-shirt before walking into the en-suite to clean my teeth.

I turned on the tap.  Immediately at the sound of the water, it occurred to me that there might be some pee in my bladder but at the same time this thought occurred, I felt warmth in my pants and realised I had reflexively started wetting myself.   Surprised, I involuntarily cinched up in a classic Kegel manoeuvre to stop the flow.

It didn’t do anything.  I tried again.

Despite exercising what I felt to be the correct muscles, I felt the warm trickling in my pants continue leisurely for a few more seconds before dissipating into dripping.

"

Sound familiar?

Like @dribblez mentioned, it seemed to be an isolated occurrence although so many "developments" in this field do seem to fly under my psychological radar until I realise they are a new normal.

 

 

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Yup. Definitely. More and more common these days that even if I have sensation it is only within a few seconds of a release. It seems my rate of dribbling is now at around 50% where wetness is occurring but no real feeling.

If I try to draw my attention to it I honestly couldn’t tell you how full my bladder was, or if I was dribbling at that moment.

What is odd to me, and departs from your report is that when an urge strikes at my awareness it is inevitably too late for any meaningful intervention.


I recall reading somewhere that the average stream duration in mammals is about 21 seconds. I seem to typically have about 5-7 seconds of sensation, when I have it all. WhT I’m getting at is that by the time N urge is registered and I take notice, have an opportunity to take action I’m already T the 4 second mark. I imagine I could try a kegal maneuver but considering sensation discontinues a second later I would have no real feedback.

The only exception to that is if I happen to be in a position change or moving, occasionally things clench for a second before what feels like unbearable pressure finally triumphs no more than a couple seconds later. I can delay things by a few more seconds if I’m already clamped down, but history tells me that I no longer get a full closure. Rather a 90% reduction; an imperfect seal.


It very is an odd level of awareness. I question what the body is trying to do by giving me a signal but only to have it be too late. History says that the progressive lack of signaling will continue in waves until they are no longer sent or until they are ignored.

On a random note I find that on nights where my chronic insomnia is at it’s peak, spending what little sleep I get in that state between dream and the edge of consciousness i occasionally find myself with an aching bladder. The other end of the spectrum for the neurogenic bladder which thankfully is being experienced less and less.

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On 9/21/2020 at 12:26 PM, dribblez said:

I'm now in my third year of 24/7, although a key difference I think is that unlike some others on this site I have never really practised staying relaxed. I've tried but am easily distracted. Having said that I have noticed changes over time. My bladder capacity is definitely not what it was, and I no longer flood. I've probably had about 6 unconscious wettings at night in the last year, which is only marginally more than the year before.

It sounds to me like my experience is very similar to yours, @dribblez; I try to stay relaxed and open to spurts of flow, but when I get wrapped up in something at work, or when I'm, say, driving in heavy traffic, I stop paying attention... and I stop intermittently weeing. And then I will have an attack of urgency 30 or 45 minutes later.

16 hours ago, oznl said:

Sound familiar?

I had forgotten about this episode in your blog, @oznl, but now that you mention it, I did read that at the time, and essentially, your description mirrors what happened to me. Almost eerily, right down to the running water - I was brushing my teeth. The sound of running water does have that effect on me, but, usually I can control it. It was.... interesting. 

Well, I left the house today for work for the first time since March, having received permission to do a site visit for a major client. I didn't know what the Covid protocols would portend, and I was vaguely concerned about having to drop my trousers and pull on a Nomex jumper in something other than private, there being seemingly random restrictions in some places on access to personal spaces such as bathrooms and changing stalls, while in other places, it's business as usual. As a side note, while I haven't been out that much since the pandemic kicked off, it has generally been convenient to be wearing a diaper when I have been. 

Happily, I was offered a cubical to change in with walls that were chest high, so I was able to drop my dress pants and pull on the fireproof jumper without showing my diaper to anyone. Although it did not occur to me until afterwards to wonder if there were any cameras in the office where I was changing - maybe the security guard got a show. If he did, he has a good poker face, because he didn't raise an eyebrow when I signed out. The jumper I was given was very large, so I had the curious feeling of wearing a business shirt over a nappy and a pair of clown pants, essentially. It felt almost like I had only a diaper on below. At least I could be sure that nobody was going to get a view of any suspicious bulges - I could have been wearing hip waders or a hoop skirt and it might not have been detectable. 

On the fairly long drive out to the plant, which I have not made in half a year, I found myself once again "holding it" while negotiating morning traffic at super-legal speeds, and I had to consciously remember to "go" here and there, so that I didn't end up with a tsunami building, and possible resultant containment failures. I realized after I'd left that, first, my briefcase contained no briefs of any description, and, second, that my "crash kit" was absent from the car as well, so the only diaper with me was the one I had on. It was a Rearz Lil' Monster in medium, so, about an 8 hour diaper, typically, meaning that I would likely be fine. I had put it on right after getting up, although, sadly, that meant consigning an Alpaca to an early grave - I could probably have worn the one I slept in until bedtime tonight. But an Alpaca in size large is a BIG diaper - it's borderline too big even to wear around the house if anyone other than my long-suffering spouse is home, let alone out for an appointment. They rise half way up my back and well above my navel, and the tapes come a good two thirds of the way onto the front panel, giving me a 20-lb baby wearing a 40-lb diaper feel. Great diaper, though. 

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Well, in memory of that Alpaca that I had to toss when it was in the prime of its "life", I'm wearing another Alpaca today; the kids are both out of the house and my wife is working from our bedroom, so I'm able to be in this fairly large and obvious diaper, under a pair of athletic shorts that let it tower above my waistline at the back. 

One thought I had: although my being in diapers isn't a secret anymore, I have been very private about this site, only logging on when I have a few minutes of relative privacy, and I now I wonder why that is. I haven't written anything here that she would find objectionable, I imagine - it's a fairly matter-of-fact retelling of events and my thoughts on them, and I haven't casted her in a bad light, I don't think - tell me if I'm wrong. The only thing that she wouldn't be as familiar with are my thoughts regarding the origins of my interest in this "thing", be it a lifestyle, a kink, a coping strategy, whatever name you want to give it. Other than telling her a few childhood stories where my being in diapers played a role, I have not engaged in any really in-depth conversations with her about the how and they why of all this. Part of me thinks that it might be good for our relationship if she knew more about it, but part of me is deeply afraid of opening up, in case her current ideas about what I am up to, wandering around in a toddler's underpants, are acceptable to her, as apparently, they are, and my disclosing my whole jumbled history and thinking on the topic might cause her to think that "this" is something other than whatever she thinks it is, and that that thing, whatever she decides it is, is less acceptable to her, and I end up with an ultimatum or an invitation to participate in therapy, or, to pack my diapers up and go find somewhere else to live. 

Have any of you invited your significant other to see, or even participate, in your life here on this site? How has it gone? Good idea or bad? 

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7 hours ago, Little Sherri said:

Well, in memory of that Alpaca that I had to toss when it was in the prime of its "life", I'm wearing another Alpaca today; the kids are both out of the house and my wife is working from our bedroom, so I'm able to be in this fairly large and obvious diaper, under a pair of athletic shorts that let it tower above my waistline at the back. 

One thought I had: although my being in diapers isn't a secret anymore, I have been very private about this site, only logging on when I have a few minutes of relative privacy, and I now I wonder why that is. I haven't written anything here that she would find objectionable, I imagine - it's a fairly matter-of-fact retelling of events and my thoughts on them, and I haven't casted her in a bad light, I don't think - tell me if I'm wrong. The only thing that she wouldn't be as familiar with are my thoughts regarding the origins of my interest in this "thing", be it a lifestyle, a kink, a coping strategy, whatever name you want to give it. Other than telling her a few childhood stories where my being in diapers played a role, I have not engaged in any really in-depth conversations with her about the how and they why of all this. Part of me thinks that it might be good for our relationship if she knew more about it, but part of me is deeply afraid of opening up, in case her current ideas about what I am up to, wandering around in a toddler's underpants, are acceptable to her, as apparently, they are, and my disclosing my whole jumbled history and thinking on the topic might cause her to think that "this" is something other than whatever she thinks it is, and that that thing, whatever she decides it is, is less acceptable to her, and I end up with an ultimatum or an invitation to participate in therapy, or, to pack my diapers up and go find somewhere else to live. 

Have any of you invited your significant other to see, or even participate, in your life here on this site? How has it gone? Good idea or bad? 

Keep it as your thing.  From experience (I'm on my second marriage, which has been over 10 years and very good, touch wood), less is more.  By that I mean if you share ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING, you have no outlet of your own.  Personally I post on a couple of football forums and I dip in here occasionally. My wife doesn't ask what sites I'm visiting and neither does she care - which for me is how it should be. 

If she were to pick up a laptop and look at browsing history, she'd see this and football forums in amongst work, news, shopping, whatever, but I don't see it as a "hey I'm posting on x, y, z forums, do you want to see" thing. I guess it depends on everyone's dynamics though, but for me, she doesn't need (or want!) to join me here, or on my football forums. 

 

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11 hours ago, Little Sherri said:

Have any of you invited your significant other to see, or even participate, in your life here on this site? How has it gone? Good idea or bad? 

In my case, I would expect problems. 

These problems would arise irrespective of the fact that I have assiduously avoided detail that could expose her (or any family member’s) identity, avoided discussing anything sexual on her part and tried to be as truthful and balanced as I can.  In general, I try not to say anything on DD that I would consider unbalanced or indefensible to her (I'm happy to take corrections on this point).

These problems would also override any perceived right I might imagine I may have to conduct discussions with others on affairs that she does not wish to discuss with me herself.

My suspicion (and with more than 30 years of marriage under the bridge, I believe my suspicion would be well founded) is that she would interpret me being here as a kind of unfaithfulness.  I realise that at a rational level, this doesn’t make much sense and is demonstrably untrue but we of all people are unqualified to seek refuge behind the flag of rationality.

There would be a fight.  I would of course, stand my ground as I believe I have done no wrong and I have become wary of falling into a controlling relationship but I simply don’t want that fight.

  I MIGHT get it anyway.  DD comes up on google.  There are enough dots for her to connect into lines if she tried hard enough.

The fight would pass but my “DD” footprint would be just another arrow I had pierced her with in her mind and no good would come of it.

My partner is intelligent, loving, generous and a professional in her own right (at a time when soon I will not be) and I’ve put her through a lot.  I’ve captured the irrational ground I desperately needed and can afford to respect some of her irrational limits.  I’m not going to push her any further.

YMMV as they say, you may have an entirely different model of life partner but that’s what the question looks like in my world.

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Like others have said, it really depend and individual suggestions aren’t applicable here.

Perhaps one day forums like this an be a light of United, knowledge and wisdom for those that seek to understand. I believe that last part is the key- seek to understand.

Whatever this is and the reasons we are drawn to it are far too complex to be put into a single label or rigid box.

I know I’ve said this before, but I really don’t think “kink”, or “Paraphilia” is a good descriptive label. I believe that for many of us here it is closer to an identity dissonance, and all we want is to feel normal.

The fact that the parts of the body and steps, tools, and objects needed overlap with a stage of life most would never want to revisit, and the fact that it also overlaps with organs that after puberty have a dual purpose for sexual pleasure and reproduction introduce a cognitive dissonance of pure innocence and sexuality. Anything that is central to, and continually present to the netheregions is bound to overlap with sex at some point of worn long enough past the point of puberty. This in and of itself does not make it sexual it simply is a fact.

For me diaper, nappies, whatever we call them are not sexual in and of themselves nor ill they ever be. The fact I wear them 24/7 makes it impossible to completely separate from any act of sex, be it physical or fantasy.

The one thing I can say in my Cade is there is a strong overlap in submission and relinquishing control, trusting my safety to another. This presents in both sexual fantasy and in the incontinence desires. Though even that overlap is likely coincidental in its varied manifestations and I consider that need and desire a personality trait and deep rooted unfulfilled needs that never got addressed and is now part of my ego.

I recently read a news book “Blueprint” about dna and it’s effects on the outcomes of who we become. Basically an argument of nature vs nature. Sam Harris did a podcast episode with the author recently (making sense is his podcast) that is worth the listen.


So why oh why did I get into the nitty gritty details of the why I am the way I am in this post? Mostly to prove the point that whatever got you to this need is not clean cut and is more nuanced than can be currently known. To say that you’re valid, and you’re okay. And to reiterate that what this decision ultimately comes down to on my experience is if your partner had the desire to try to understand what makes you, you. And is okay with incomplete information, decanting opinions and conflicting information and understands that what they find may not be satisfying, conclusive or definitive.

Often I’m finding myself needing to remind myself that the deep dive into attempting to understand one’s identity is something most people have never done for themselves let alone for anyone else. If someone tries to understand someone else before trying to understand themselves (and being at peace with not having complete answers) what comes of trying to understand another can be very damaging for not just the other person but also themselves as they are suddenly confronted with question they’ve never had to ask themselves before.

On the flip side, if you happen to be in a relationship with someone who had done that hard work already such a journey of mutual acceptance and knowing who is under the mask can be one of the most intimate experiences of a lifetime. There is powerful in the connection that comes with pure authenticity and vulnerability. To know and be known and within that knowledge an intrinsic understanding and trust that whatever comes up, whatever is found makes you no more less valuable, lovable, valid, needed and wanted.

If I had more time, I would have written less.

I wish you all the best to know and be known

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16 hours ago, Little Sherri said:

Have any of you invited your significant other to see, or even participate, in your life here on this site? How has it gone? Good idea or bad?

No I haven't.  My wife must know I get a lot of support from the Interweb, but she's good at not asking if she feels she might not be happy with the answer.  Her main concern would be, I imagine, the risk of being outed publicly as the other half of an AB.  If she asks, I'll tell her about it, but as it is, it doesn't cause problems.  She's walked past me once or twice while I've been on DD, and hasn't stopped to stare.

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9 hours ago, BlakeJordan said:

Often I’m finding myself needing to remind myself that the deep dive into attempting to understand one’s identity is something most people have never done for themselves let alone for anyone else. If someone tries to understand someone else before trying to understand themselves (and being at peace with not having complete answers) what comes of trying to understand another can be very damaging for not just the other person but also themselves as they are suddenly confronted with question they’ve never had to ask themselves before.

Words of wisdome, @BlakeJordan. I'm also stealing this for future use:

 

9 hours ago, BlakeJordan said:

If I had more time, I would have written less.

Brevity and succinctness require more effort than prolificacy. 

 

11 hours ago, oznl said:

My suspicion (and with more than 30 years of marriage under the bridge, I believe my suspicion would be well founded) is that she would interpret me being here as a kind of unfaithfulness.  I realise that at a rational level, this doesn’t make much sense and is demonstrably untrue but we of all people are unqualified to seek refuge behind the flag of rationality.

I have similar concerns, @oznl. A long time ago, when we were engaged in couples' therapy the origins of which were found largely in a generalized dissatisfaction on her part, related primarily to her being unhappy with herself, but manifested as frustration with everyone around her, during our first meetings with the therapist, she introduced "us" as being there because of "his (my) internet women". This is the therapeutic equivalent of yelling "He's got a gun!" - it diverts attention from anything else in the room. And it put me in the position of saying the equivalent of, essentially, "Uh, my drinking is not the issue here and I don't think it's worth discussing." The therapist saw red meat, and zeroed in on it. It then took us a couple of sessions and some printed emails to prove out that, no, my "internet women" (a couple of geographically distant friends from University who were married with families in other cities, and whom I communicated with roughly every 6 months) were probably not the problem. 

My point in relating the above, though, is to note that at the time, she did consider my emailing/texting/social media exchanging with my friends' wives/old friends as being essentially unfaithful, because surly anything I have to say, or any thoughts I had to share, I could say or share with her, right? So, yes, she might see this site as evidence of some sort of infidelity. Sigh. 

Back to a simpler topic now - Rearz Alpaca's - I'm in one again. I had the case situated on the bottom of my stack of cases, and I kind of forgot about them, because, as mentioned before, up until a couple of weeks ago, the kids have been home more or less all day, every day, and a diaper this big isn't very practical when stealth is a consideration. But, man, are they decadently comfortable. Also, they allow me to engage in one of the core "freedoms" of being in diapers - utterly forgetting about biological functions. I put this one on at about 9:30 last night, it's almost 10:30 am now, and I think I could stay in this thing until bedtime tonight, if the kids weren't going to be back by late afternoon, a time at which this thing, based on a current topographical survey, will be the size of a generous hotel pillow. 

Wearing these again actually caused me to go online this morning and order a couple of pairs of larger "diaper pants" - deliberately oversized jeans - bigger than my current deliberately oversized jeans - in a loose cut that might enable me to make short forays out into the world without having to abandon a half-used, max-capacity diaper unnecessarily. I'm not picturing a day of meetings or shopping for a car here, but, walking the dog, heading up to the mailbox, shoveling the driveway, things I do now when I'm in my "medium-duty" ABDL equipment, but in the largest, only under cover of darkness. If it's just me and the wife at home, I think I can get away with it. 

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Another day, another diaper. I'm in a Bambino, a Classico, I think? The one with the coloured blocks all over it. The print may be a bit on the nose, spelling out b-a-b-y. I've resolved to just burn through the stock I have in my closet in more or less the order by which it is stacked, rather than going down and busting open one of the boxes I closed, and rooting around for my favourites like a kid at Halloween trying to dig out a caramel from amidst the licorice all-sorts. Although there really are no duds in my collection. Maybe the word "collection" doesn't apply here, since, since that implies that I'm keeping any of them aside for perpetuity, which I am not. They are all in "play". 

Outside of a smattering of low-end store-bought odds and sods, most of which I've purged, everything I have in inventory is at least a 5 out of 10, with the majority ranking 7 or above. The Play Dayz that I bought because of their silent cloth backing probably rank at the bottom end, but even they are nice to wear, they just aren't reliable beyond maybe the 6-hour point. All the Bambino stuff is 8 or above, and the Rearz product runs the gamut between a solid 7 (Lil' Splash, Monsters), and 10+, with the Alpaca's and the Elite's. The Safari's and the Barnyards fall in the 8-9 range, which is also where I'd rank the BetterDry and Crinklz stuff. 

I have to cut this short because my dog's intestines are making worrisome noises. More later!

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Back. The dog is still making those noises, but seems unperturbed by it, and I had him out and everything seems fine... hmmm.

I noted while out for the walk that this Bambino is louder than most diapers under my shorts, not that it mattered, but it is interesting how these companies seem to each use a slightly different grade of plastic. The BetterDry end of the spectrum is the thinnest, or at least, that's how they feel, although that does not seem to affect their durability at all. Bambino's are in the middle, other than the Magnifico, which seems to have a heavier shell. Rearz plastic is a bit heavier. 

I was lying in bed this morning contemplating the busy day and weekend I have ahead of me, when this thought crossed my mind again: "I wear diapers". This is hardly an epiphany, but I still sometimes don't quite believe it. My boxer shorts from the before-times remain stashed high up in my garage; I haven't had to pull them down yet, which more or less confirms that I can do pretty much anything while in a diaper, the only possible exception being martial arts with actual human to human contact, which is nowhere on the radar as of yet. 

Onto another topic, this one again a sidebar conversation that I'm moving over here. I was asked if I was ever punished for, or via, wearing diapers, and for the most part, the answer is definitely no. My parents weren't particularly militant to begin with, and for the most part they tried to be sensitive about my nocturnal issues, so I never got in trouble for wetting a diaper, as far as I can recall. As to being punished *with* diapers, again, it wasn't something they'd have considered. They did used to send us to bed early for certain transgressions, so under those circumstances, I would have had to have my diaper put on earlier than usual, but the diaper itself wasn't the penalty, it was more the social isolation, since back then nobody had televisions or computers or tablets or phones in their rooms. Other than that, maybe I lost a couple of arguments about wearing one in the car here and there, but there was never a struggle. 

When I got a bit older, I ended up with a stepfather who relied a little too heavily on humiliation, plus the odd spanking, to reinforce his authority, but the only incident related to diapers and discipline that I can recall was when he found the ones I had been making for myself, a couple of years after my parents stopped buying them, when I had stopped wetting the bed. He yelled at me about it in front of the whole family, and threatened to get me real diapers again, which, really, was a strange tactic, in retrospect... the kid likes wearing diapers, so, make him wear diapers? But he never followed through, and I retreated completely after that incident, and didn't put on a diaper again until a couple of decades later. Standing there, cheeks burning, in front of my mom, brother and sister, while my homemade diaper sat in a heap on the kitchen table, and he railed at me for what felt like an hour but was probably 10 minutes, inoculated me against finding joy in a diaper for a long, long time, and, that incident is probably the reason it took me so long to open up to my wife about wearing them. 

Though now, through the lenses of an adult's eyes (granted, an adult sitting here in a big puffy diaper), I would bet that my siblings didn't put 2 + 2 together at the time, and figure out that I was dabbling in fetishistic behaviour. I have never asked them about the incident, but, if they recall it at all, I would bet that their take at the time was that I was back to wetting the bed - it had only been maybe 18 months since the last "legitimate" time I wore a diaper in the house. But at the time, I felt like everyone knew my "terrible secret", and I even contemplated either running away, or, self-inflicted violence. The whole thing is still a smoking crater in my mind. 

Why does wearing plastic underpants have to be so complicated? 

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This weekend, I ended up in a conversation with friends of ours, where the topic of diapers came up. My wife and I were sitting on our friends' deck, talking about a home improvement project we had just completed that involved working 30 feet up ladders, and we were joking about what the protocol would have been had one of us fell, the joke being that our wives might or might not want us to survive such an incident, depending on the level of injury. The banter went back and forth, and then at one point my buddy's wife said "There's a lot I'd put up with, but I draw the line at diapers. If there's diapers involved, maybe you should go to the light." Not knowing, of course, that I was sitting there in a diaper. My wife, who did, presumably, know that I had a diaper on,  shot me a glance with a raised eyebrow, the subtext of which, as far as I could read, was either "See, putting up with diapers is a lot to ask", or perhaps "I agree - go to the light." We all laughed it off, and the conversation moved on, but I did find myself compelled a coupe of times to make sure my shirt was tucked in at the back. 

Mini diaper review here - I'm in a Bambino Classico again this morning; I woke up with it at maybe 25% capacity, threw some shorts on, took the dog for a walk, and then came into my office. Because, I assume, of the position I slept in, it's bulk is almost entirely at the front, and it's doing that thing right now where it has chosen a side of the seam up the middle of my shorts and is making a home for itself by growing into the upper right leg. The back is still slim. I find the stuffing in these a bit more "squishy" than my Rearz diapers, and I am again noting that the plastic is somewhat louder. You feel the wetness of the stuffing a bit more than, say, a Barnyard or an Elite. They are a very comfortable diaper, and not prone to unexpected failure. Like a BetterDry, they bulk up a bit more with use than, say, a Lil' Monster - I guess it's the European way.

The Auchon store-brand diapers I wore in France last year had similar characteristics, although far, far less capacity. Out of an abundance of caution, I was only getting 4 - 6 hours out of them, other than the ones I slept in, and I did not engage in superfluous nighttime use, in deference to the hotel linens. I always put a fresh one on as soon as I woke up, so that I could dispose of the old one in a lobby trash bin when I went down to get coffee, the lobby bins being considerably more generous than the hotel bins, which seemed designed to discourage the disposal of trash larger than a gum wrapper. The slim proportions of the diapers at least allowed me to carry a couple around with me without it being too obvious, although the security guard screening the bags at the Eifel Tower got a, ahem, "brief" look at them. I also cheated here and there when I found myself in hour 10 of wearing a 6-hour diaper, and I just didn't trust them to hold up to yet another dampening event, reluctantly using the facilities while trying to keep hidden the fact that I was pulling down the front of a diaper when standing in front of a urinal. Although I guess anyone who tries to have a close look in that situation deserves whatever they get. 

 

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10 hours ago, Little Sherri said:

This weekend, I ended up in a conversation with friends of ours, where the topic of diapers came up. My wife and I were sitting on our friends' deck, talking about a home improvement project we had just completed that involved working 30 feet up ladders, and we were joking about what the protocol would have been had one of us fell, the joke being that our wives might or might not want us to survive such an incident, depending on the level of injury. The banter went back and forth, and then at one point my buddy's wife said "There's a lot I'd put up with, but I draw the line at diapers. If there's diapers involved, maybe you should go to the light."

 

Maybe I’m just paranoid but I’d be mulling over what she knew and how she may have come by that insight.

Admittedly, there could have been plenty of conversational context by way of prequel there that would make her comment seem less jarring but just lasering in on diapers the way she did as a hypothetical unacceptable outcome from a life changing injury just seemed a bit odd.

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Maybe I’m just paranoid but I’d be mulling over what she knew and how she may have come by that insight.

Admittedly, there could have been plenty of conversational context by way of prequel there that would make her comment seem less jarring but just lasering in on diapers the way she did as a hypothetical unacceptable outcome from a life changing injury just seemed a bit odd.


I have to disagree with you here. It’s human tendency to remember the hits and forget the misses. We find patterns and correlation in everything.

Like buying a new car, all of a sudden everyone has the same model on the road!

I honestly think that diapers have a stigma of being only for babies and require a great deal of caregiving. This is true for babies as much as it is for adults. We tend to think of adults in diapers as extremely high maintenance. Either due to disability or age related illnesses, the assumption is that diapers are one of just many additional issues a caregiver (volunteered, hired, or forced) must deal with.

There is zero expectations that an adult in diapers can care for themselves in any meaningful capacity, let alone change themselves. The vast majority of incontinence products, manufacturers, and advertising reflects this.

Most here, including you may know that I was half “forced” and half enabled/desired incontinence. I still believe that at “best” had I no interest in diapers or previous attempts at diaper dependency I would have delayed the inevitable, as the issue is due to cerebral palsy, autonomic dysfunction, seizures, and systemic nerve damage.

And yet... I live independently, can walk, drive, work (when health allows). I change myself- with one hand nonetheless and defy the mental model of “a disabled adult in diapers”.

In fact, one of my biggest frustrations has been that adult diapers are kind of inaccessible for someone who deals with other physical limitations. The biggest change is make across the board is a 3 tab system, with the middle tab/tape being for initial fitting/holding.

The second biggest gripe I have is the lack of options for onesies, bodysuits etc that have cuts for women with any social life or interest in fashion. We have either abdl or high cut , poofy unisex options. Where’s the scoop neck and hip hugging onesie dagnabit!

Okay, that turned into a rant, sorry... my point stands that there is a ton of baggage associated with adults in diapers and in the end it’s a mental heuristic, a shortcut or shorthand for “my role has changed from partner to caregiver‽”

So, I think what was going on is likely shorthand for I don’t want to be your full time caregiver, and our life circumstances doesn’t allow for help, or if you become completely physically disabled it changes our sex life/intimacy/physical connection.

Okay I’ll stop now. Haha. Sorry for the rant, /agitated
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