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I think that one of the reasons that this story has gotten so many post is that your writing style is easy to read and well done.  One thing though why do you switch from one size to the other.  I like the large font you use sometime.

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6 minutes ago, Baby Billy said:

I think that one of the reasons that this story has gotten so many post is that your writing style is easy to read and well done.  One thing though why do you switch from one size to the other.  I like the large font you use sometime.

The small font is when I write in Word and paste it in. The large font is when I write in Notepad and paste it in. I don't change it. It's just what it defaults to.

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I agree the writing style is very simple and easy to follow. I find it interesting how Becky is so protective and that Amanda sees it differently. I can totally see how a case worker coming is stressful. Part of me was already wondering about if Cheryl would try to stay after seeing Jamie. I look forward to seeing you get it right as you say, but I don’t know you have gotten it wrong so far...lol

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Well, here goes ...

___________________

Chapter 60

 

“You look fine,” Amanda assured him.

“You’re sure?”

“Yes, for the third time.”

“You really can’t tell?” Amanda sighed and humored him, motioning for him to turn around.

“I can’t tell,” she lied, hoping that she only could because he knew what he was wearing. “And like I said, I’ll be as discrete as I can be. Mom, too. How does your tummy feel?”

“Empty.”

“Ya wanna eat something?” He wasn’t sure if he did or not. “C’mon,” Amanda decided for him, “I’ll make you some cinnamon and sugar toast.” He followed her to the kitchen and climbed into his chair with so many thoughts in his head he couldn’t have begun to unpack the emotions he was experiencing.

Amanda kept an eye on him as she put a price of bread in the toaster oven and watched it brown. The ding of the timer made Jamie jump. Amanda exhaled; he was making her nervous.

She finished his breakfast and put it on the table in front of him along with a glass of regular milk. While he nibbled, Amanda planted her elbow on the table and rest her chin on her hand.

“I think we still have one of the diazepam pens from when they released you from the hospital. Say the word, and we can just render you unconscious.”

“I don’t know why I’m so nervous.”

Becky walked into the kitchen. “It’s understandable. I’ve been nervous sometimes when I haven’t seen someone in a long time.”

“Why don’t you tell us about your favorite time with her,” Amanda suggested, hoping bringing up a happy memory would bring the good things to the forefront of his mind. Jamie took a bite of his toast.

The memory that came happened a week before his departure. He’d stopped working and didn’t have much to do, so she’d taken a day off and dragged him on an urban hike through a part of the city he didn’t go to much. It turned into a celebration of gastronomic hedonism. They stopped first in a pastry shop and had coffee and a croissant with Nutella, his favorite breakfast. She was skeptical until she took a bite, and he laughed at her suddenly sunny enthusiasm, and when they were done he dipped a napkin in his water glass and wiped the chocolate off her chin.

When they left, she led him off the main street and through neighborhoods of stately old homes built in the distinctive brick their city was mostly built of. That color brick was valuable now; the quarry the material came from had been exhausted before the city was even finished growing. Giant hickory and oak trees lines the sidewalk, and waist-high, black iron fences made each home look like a manner house.

Deep in the neighborhood was park, and surrounding the park that day were food trucks. A band played in the central gazebo while people came and went on their lunch hour, some, like the two of them, staying for longer and enjoying the first mild summer day they’d had in weeks. When the band packed up, they left and headed toward the beach.

I took most of the afternoon to get there, and they stopped half way for gelato, the first time Jamie ever had it, and he marveled at the array of colors and flavors. They sat at a table on the sidewalk and took turns licking from each other’s cones. Jamie went back inside and got more to go before they resumed their walk.

When they finally reached the ocean, they sat at a beachside bar and had a frozen cocktail while they watched surfers and tourists and kids and teens pass back and forth. They people watched hand in hand, finally ordering dinner, and when the sun started to set and the beach grew empty, they walked out onto the sand and followed the surf north away from the brightest lights of the city until they were as alone as they could get, and Cheryl took a blanket from their pack to spread on the sand.

Tired from the day’s walk, they stripped to their bathing suits and waked into the surf until they were surrounded by the inky darkness of the water lapping against their chests. Cheryl plunged beneath a breaking wave, and he’d followed after her, reaching into the dark and playfully grabbing at her ankle. They raced back toward the shore slowly, each of them pulling at the other for advantage until the water was too shallow to swim, coming their feet against the sand and embracing with the night sky moon outshining the lights that backlit their bodies.

After they’d redressed, they held hands back to a boardwalk, not sure where they were, and got a Lyft back to her home, where Eric spent the night with her in his arms.

That was the story he told them. Reflecting on it, it seemed now like his best day on Earth, and he wasn’t sure if anything since had surpassed it. He sighed. Becky reached out and took his hands.

“I think you’re gonna have a great day, Jamie.”

The doorbell rang.

______________________________________________

Jamie stood just inside the hall past the foyer. Amanda stood behind him off to the side. Jamie didn’t know what to do with his hands. Becky opened the door and knelt down.

“Hello! It’s so good to finally meet you in person,” she said.

“And you! My god, how long has it been since that interview?”

“Seems like a lifetime.” Jamie watched the pleasantries with Becky blocking his view. Her voice sounded different than it had in his head after all those months. He had only to press his bear just so to hear it again, but he never dared to, the painful memory of their parting and the first time he’d heard her voice, that terrible and wonderful first night in his new home.

“Let me take your things,” Becky said. She stood up and stepped out of the way, and Cheryl didn’t see him as she concentrated on taking off her coat and setting her backpack by the door. At the sight of her, Jamie felt what he’d least expected, calmness. He took a deep breath, taking in the sight of her like a revenant.

“Hi, Cheryl,” was all he said as she turned around and saw him again. She looked him up and down, so much younger than he’d left, his cheeks smooth, his hair longer, his body more firm and seeming taller as though relieved of a great burden. Exactly how she hoped to find him. Her heart swelled with relief. She closed the distance in two bounds, and they fell into each other’s arms in perfect sync, holding the embrace oblivious to the pair of eyes watching them.

They parted just enough to look at one another. Her hand was on his cheek. “You look so good,” she sniffled, “Like a whole other person.”

“And you look just like you always did.” He let out a single laugh and shook his head. “It’s so good to see you. This doesn’t seem real.”

“Let me look at you.” Their hands traced their way down each other’s arms until they were holding hands and stepped back. They looked each other up and down again, and Cheryl concentrated on his face with inscrutable expression on her own.

“What,” he said with a grin.

“I’ve never seen you so …” She closed her eyes and shook her head in a tight motion as if waving away a thought. “It’s nice to meet you, Jamie.” Jamie’s grin turned into a smile that matched hers. “God, I missed you so much,” she said as she fell against him again and squeezed hard before letting go. They stood awkwardly but happily in one another’s company.

“Hi,” Amanda said as she pushed herself off the wall and interrupted the silence when it seemed right.

“Amanda,” Cheryl said craning her head up. “You seem so much bigger in person.” The laughter cut the thickness of the reunion.

“You seem shorter,” Amanda quipped. “Can we offer you anything?”

“Do you have any of those little cookies?”

“We do,” Becky said, “and I don’t think it’s too early for one.” Jamie led Cheryl over the couch and gave her a boost to help her climb up, then scrambled up himself. Amanda sat down at the other end. Becky left and came back with a tray of cookies and milk. “These ones are the little ones,” Becky showed her.

“Thanks,” Cheryl said with a mouthful of cookie, “It’s gonna take me a month before I stop jonesing for these.” Searching for a topic, Cheryl pointed toward the Christmas tree as she reached for a second cookie. “How was your Christmas?”

“It was great,” Jamie answered. “We had a great holiday.”

“What’d you guys get him?”

“Oh, what did you get,” Becky mused, “A remote controlled car, some blocks, and a lot of clothes.”

“A football for when Spring comes,” Amanda added.

“Did you get them anything, Jamie?”

Amanda rolled up her sweater to show her “My little thinks I’m awesome” t-shirt.

“That’s too cute,” Cheryl said. Becky stood up and pulled the framed picture he’d drawn from behind the tree. She meant to hang it up later.

“Jamie drew this for me,” Becky said proudly as she set it on Cheryl’s lap.

“Wow,” Cheryl replied as she looked over the drawing, “I didn’t know you could draw like this.”

“I couldn’t. A friend’s been teaching me. And I have a lot of time to practice new hobbies,” Jamie said bashfully. They sat silently again.

“Jamie,” Becky said, “Why don’t you show Cheryl your room?”

“Actually,” Amanda interjected, “I got an idea. Why don’t we go for a walk on the beach?”

“In this weather?”

“It’s just cold. Why not? You ever been to our beach?”

“No. Never been to this end of Itali.”

“I think some of Jamie’s things will fit you. Might be a little baggy.” Cheryl had come prepared for winter. One more layer would be enough. “You guys game?”

“I am,” Jamie said. He hadn’t been to the beach since the weather had turned too cold to swim. “It probably looks pretty in the snow.”

“Mom?”

“Sure.”

“C’mon,” Amanda said, and Jamie and Cheryl followed him toward his nursery. When they got there, Amanda said, “Be right back,” and she slipped into the room with Jamie and emerged a minute later with a set of long underwear. “These should fit, if you wanna change in the bathroom.”

“Thanks.”

Jamie was spacing out as Amanda gently shut the door behind her. She caught the look on his face, and knelt down in front of him. He put his hand on her shoulder to steady himself, and she helped him step out of his jeans. “Alright, Mr. Potty Pants, let’s get you dry,” she said, reaching out to feel just how wet his diaper was. “Oh,” she said when she felt he was already dry, “I thought that was your potty face.”

“I was just thinking.”

“About what?”

“Everything is going well, like you said it would.”

“See? Big sisters know things,” she said as she got a warm outfit out for him and helped him dress. She tied the laces on his boots.

Cheryl was waiting in the living room when they returned. Everyone put on their coats, and went out to the car.

“Shoot,” Amanda said, realizing she needed to move the car seat from her car into her mom’s so they could both sit safely.

“I know,” Cheryl said, “Even in this dimension they can’t seem to invent a car seat that’s easy to get in and out of the car.” Amanda wrestled the thing out of her backseat and got it strapped into Becky’s.

“Mind if I help you,” Becky asked as Amanda got Jamie into his seat.

“I think you’ll need to.” They drove to the beach with Amanda narrating the things they drove past even though neither Jamie nor Cheryl had a view of much of any of it. They went to their usual beach and found the parking lot empty, their tired crunching over the snow that had fallen the night before.

“Looks like we’re the only ones here,” Jamie said when Amanda set him on his feet.

“Yep,” Amanda replied, “Got the place to ourselves.”  The snow wasn’t deep, just an inch of fresh powder, but it made the parking lot and boardwalk slippery. Becky had to resist the urge to pick them both up so neither would fall. When they got to the bottom of the boardwalk, Amanda whispered to her mom, “Let’s give them some space.” Becky nodded assent. “Why don’t the two of you walk on ahead,” Amanda suggested, “We’ll wait here for you.”

“Okay,” Jamie said, offering his hand to Cheryl. She took it, and the two of them turned right from the boardwalk and up the beach.

“That’s a little more space than I intended,” Becky said when they were out of earshot.

“They’ll be fine.”

“She is so stinkin’ cute. And the two of them together? That was so sweet to watch.”

“They love each other.”

“Obviously.”

“Doesn’t bother you?”

“Why would it?”

“She’s his caseworker. She probably shouldn’t have let herself get so close to him.”

“Yeah, but they are littles, after all. Lapse in judgment is all, kind of a major one, but something even bigs do.”

“I don’t think that has much to do with it.” They watched as the two of them got farther and farther away.

“You’re quiet today,” Cheryl said.

“I’m always quiet.”

“You were once.”

“I’m glad you came.”

“So, tell me about your life.”

“Oof. Where to start?”

“How are you getting along with Becky? I know the two of you struggled a bit at first.”

“We got past it. I call her ‘Mom’ now. She calls me ‘Baby Bear’ sometimes.” He blushed, not having meant to say that, but as always with Cheryl he felt compulsively honest, and he was confident she wouldn’t judge him for having grown so close to the woman she’d chosen to be his big.

“That’s cute.”

“Manda calls me ‘Jamie Bear.’”

“Ever call her ‘Manda Bear’?”

“No, but Mom does sometimes. Still can’t believe I didn’t think of that months ago.”

“You guys make a beautiful family. You even look a little like them, all that blonde hair the three of you have.”

“It’s pretty out here.” Snow weighed down the tall grasses growing where the dunes met the beach, and rime covered the sand at the edge where the tide had only recently stopped reaching, a thin crust of ice that wouldn’t live long. The water looked like pale slate, reflecting the overcast sky. “I’m sorry we didn’t have a sunny day.”

“C’mon,” Cheryl said, leading him away from the surf and brushing snow away from the sand until she’d made a spot the two could sit on. She shook her head again after they’d sat down, looking from him and back to the ocean.

“You keep doing that,” he laughed.

“I just can’t believe it, is all. Are you happy? Do you like it here? With them?”

Jamie closed his eyes for her answered, “I love them so much, Cheryl. You …” He got choked up and shook his own head to clear the emotions. “You did such a good job. They’re perfect for me … we made Manda my official guardian.”

“I know; I saw the paperwork …” Cheryl leaned over and put her head against his shoulder. “I’m so glad to find you like this … I never wanted to tell you – it didn’t seem fair – but I was beside myself for weeks … so afraid you weren’t happy with them.”

He put his arm around her. “I wish you’d have said something. I’m sorry you felt that way.”

“I couldn’t say anything. Like you didn’t have enough to worry about. That wouldn’t have been right.”

“Still. At least I could’ve reassured you.”

“It wasn’t until I got the report from your first home visit that I felt okay again.” The thought of her struggling for that long made Jamie’s chest tighten.

“I shouldn’t … I should’ve written nicer letters … I’m sorry if I, if I made things worse.”

“O, Jamie, don’t be. That’s what friends are for sometimes.”

“Sometimes … it took me a while to be okay being …” He shook his head.

“Being what?”

“Someone who takes so much. Everything … all these people, you, everything everyone has done for me … I still don’t know what I did to deserve it, if I deserve it.” Cheryl smiled sadly at him.

“You’re still …” Kind of an idiot is what she wanted to say. “I didn’t help you because you deserved it. I helped you because you needed it. That’s why people help other people, or at least that’s why they should. As for the other part of it, you give, Jamie,” she said with pleading eyes. “At least as much as you take, you give. You always have.” Jamie smiled weakly and looked down. “Just look at how much joy you’ve brought to Becky and Amanda. That’s what you give, Jamie. Joy. Nothing they ever do … nothing I’ll ever do has given me so much joy … as knowing you and helping you.”

 “I’m no saint. I’m not that man.”

“I never thought you were. I wouldn’t like you so much if you were.”

Jamie closed his eyes against the tears. “I just … people who come from where I come from, who grow up like I did … I never expected love to come to me. I never thought love would come to me.”

“Oh, enough. Enough,” Cheryl said gently, putting her arm around him. “What you have now is right. Everything else, everything that happened to you, everything you couldn’t control, all of it – that was all wrong. You got cheated, Jamie. And fooled into believing a lot of things about yourself that are lies.” They sat quietly for a few minutes.

         “Could you do one last thing for me, Jamie?”

         “Anything.”

         “Put ‘deserve’ behind you. I don’t love you because you deserve it but because …” She swallowed a lump in her throat. “Because you’re … I never knew how to say my love for you.” She tried to smiled softly. “I love you … because you are such a … bright soul, Jamie, in a place that’s very dark sometimes, and to be with you, even just in my heart these … past hard months … makes me feel like, like the sun is always shining, Jamie. And it’s not about what you do or did, but who you are.”

         Jamie took in her words and scratched his head through his knit hat. Cheryl expected one of his rebuttals. “That … that’s how I feel about you, and them.”

         She sighed and closed her eyes, opening them again and hearing the cold waves crash on the near-frozen sand. “That’s all I ever wanted for you. To feel that. To know it.”

         “I do.”

         “And you’re happy?”

         “I …”

         “Just say what you feel.”

         “I think I am.” A laugh rocked his body. “What does happiness feel like?”

         “Like you don’t want the day to end, even though you know tomorrow will be better.”

         “Can I ask you something?” It seemed like the right time, though it might have also ruined the moment.

         “Anything.”

         “When I left, how did you … I think I was in love with you. I’m pretty sure I was.”

         “And you want to know if I was in love with you?”

         “Yes.”

         “Why?”

         “Because ever since you wrote and told me you were coming, I’ve been afraid I was going to break your heart.”

         “You’re obviously not afraid of that now.”

         “No … should I be?”

         “I was in love with you. Kept trying to tell myself I wasn’t. Couldn’t be in love with a client. Couldn’t be in love with someone I just sent through a dimensional portal.” She paused and thought back on all of it. “I was pretty angry with myself for a while, thinking I should have done more to keep you.”

         “Like what?”

         “I don’t know. I ran through the normal process, but – sorry, this is selfish – I kept thinking I should have delayed it, tried to talk you into therapy, seeing if you would get better and change your mind. Partly because I was afraid you made the wrong choice.”

         “You were pretty sure it was the right choice before I left.”

         She shrugged. “You were still there. Once you were gone I just started thinking of all the ways things could be going wrong.”

         “You picked the right people for me. You know that, right?”

         “Yeah, but you know how it is sometimes. You can’t help letting your mind go to the worst case scenario. And with you, well, I was afraid being here might have taken all of your problems and made them worse. But I think I was torturing myself, because I knew objectively that was unlikely, but I was angry at myself for letting you go, so I just made myself suffer.”

         “Sorry.”

         “Not your fault.”

         “And now you’re not in love with me.”

         “I love you so, so much, Jamie, but not like that anymore. Time. Distance. Life. Once I found out you were okay, and I started being rational again …”

         “You started to heal.”

         “Yeah.”

         “I understand. It took me a while, too, to get past being in love with you. That bear … I’ve never cried so hard in my life when I heard your voice.”

         “Sorry.”

         “I rather I had cried, though. Leaving someone you care about shouldn’t be easy. And that was the night I got to know Manda.”

         “How?”

         “She … found me, held me, until I stopped, and then she told me why she picked me … And she told me what I meant to her … God, I don’t think that made any sense to me then, but it was,” he searched for the right term, “a life ring. That day … I thought I’d ruined my life. Or at least I was afraid I had. That seemed impossible after, if she felt that way already. Scared me; totally confused me; but, well, like I said, a life ring.”

         “What’s she really like?”

         “What do you mean?”

         “I just saw their files and interviewed them.”

         “She’s … she’s what you said. She’s my sunshine.” Jamie got teary again. “She saw me for who I am. Mom didn’t. Manda just got it right away, more or less. She stuck up for me. She helped me understand how to live here. She talked me into letting them take care of me. She made me feel … it’s hard to put into words. Like I mattered. Not just that she loved me, but like I mattered.”

         “I think they call that a ‘manic pixie dream girl.’”

         “Well, she’s not manic, and I don’t think anyone is ever going to accuse her of being a pixie. Unless a pixie can be thirteen feet tall.”

         “But she’s your dream girl?”

         “I guess so.”

         “And your mom? Becky, I mean.”

         “Her heart’s always been in the right place. I think I took it a little too personally at first, but the problem was she just had her big blinders on. It took her a while to understand what it means for a little to not be regressed.”

         “What changed?”

         “I think Amanda explained it to her, like three or four times. But mostly getting to know me, I think. Trial and error. Figuring out what made me happy and what didn’t … truth be told, I was kinda an asshole for the first few months here.”

         “That’s hard to believe. You?”

         “It’s true. Swear. If I got angry, I just let if fly. I still get angry, but I don’t lose my temper like that, at least not often. Partly because Manda and Mom will do it for me.”

         “Kinda nice having family.” Jamie shook his head again and exhaled audibly.

         “Sorry, I just – saying it alone just doesn’t feel like enough. Thank you for putting me with them. I just … I don’t know how all this would have turned out without them. Or without you. Some other caseworker. You were just the first available before work. Roll of the dice.”

         “Life’s like that.”

         “Life is that. Kinda thought I’d lost the game until all of this … but what about you?”

         “What about me?”

         “You. What’s in your life now?”

         “My work. Family. Friends. The usual.”

         “I remember.”

         “What fills your days?”

         “Well, I got these littles at little care thinking I’m sort of a god because I can read.” Cheryl snorted in laughter. “Are you happy, really?”

         “Yes.”

         “Guess that’s what I really wanted to know.” Cheryl leaned over and kissed him. He kissed her back.

         “I think you might be the best thing I ever do with my life, Jamie.”

         “I hope not. I really do. You got too many years ahead of you for that ... You ready to walk back?”

 

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27 minutes ago, Guilend said:

I am waiting on her mentioning his diapers. I am sure she noticed them. I am sure she expected it too. 

Great chapter.

I was thinking the same thing haha, like the big ? elephant in the room

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Oh how I have been waiting for meeting and I wasn’t disappointed in the least. I am still a litt concerned with how Cheryl reacts when she discovers how much he has actually been regressed. You are absolutely impressing the heck out of me with the story and how fast you are writing it. I promise I will do my utmost to keep up with you. 

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It must be amazing to see the words appear on your screen when you are writing this.  You have a talent I'm quite jealous of, and I really hope you are loving your story as much as we are.  Thank you again for continuing on with this.  It is MUCH appreciated!

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giphy.gif

...

Just wow

....

this is the kind of life I want for myself and the people I care about.

....

Fuck what I would give to actually be at peace with things

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10 hours ago, HyperShark said:

Are you 100% sure you are not moving your diapering fantasies from Amanda to Cheryl now that you know Amanda in diapers will never happen? :P

Nope, I am just waiting for that awkward conversation that they will have about it. I also wonder if Cheryl will go over board and yell at Becky for making him wear diapers when he doesn't need them, which would force Amanda to jump in and finally tell Becky that Jamie doesn't need them and that she has known for a while now and kept it from her mother. Which might earn her a scolding, maybe even some corner time lol. So if you think about it, my comment was still aimed at Amanda, you just have to continue further down my train of thought to see it lol.

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10 hours ago, Shawnie said:

I was thinking the same thing haha, like the big ? elephant in the room

I think Becky gonna embarrasses Jamie (like all the moms in the world )when she gonna check/ask if he need a diaper change , and the worst that he gonna need heheheh

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3 hours ago, Guilend said:

Nope, I am just waiting for that awkward conversation that they will have about it. I also wonder if Cheryl will go over board and yell at Becky for making him wear diapers when he doesn't need them, which would force Amanda to jump in and finally tell Becky that Jamie doesn't need them and that she has known for a while now and kept it from her mother. 

Although this would be a scene that does fit in with the narrative that has come before (except for Cheryl yelling; not sure I see that), I hope Alex goes in a different direction. Jamie is fine about his diapers now, and the littling is such a huge part of the story and his life—the life that everyone agrees has made him a happier person–that I would be loath to see it go away. Actually, I kind of hope that Jamie himself will invite Cheryl into his room and share that part of his life with her. It won't surprise her; she knows how littles live in this world. And it would remove the last impediment to his pure happiness: he would no longer have to think she would disrespect him for it.

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@kerry I agree. I just had to male a good comment to Sharkie about that lol. I do think that Becky should know about him not needing diapers, Amanda really shouldn't have kept that from her. They have to be able to work with each other if they are going to be an effective team in the long run. Amanda needs to tell her about it before Becky finds out another way, which it might seem like she won't ever find out without Amanda telling her about it however life tends to find ways to for things like that to come out in the open and usually blows up in the person's face that is keeping that secret. I don't know how Becky would handle the fact that her daughter is keeping secrets about Jamie, but I am sure it won't be the way i'd imagine it lol. Though corner time or some time in her room to think about what she did might not be out of character, but it probably would be just a verbal scolding and maybe a good conversation about the importance of communication and working together and not keeping secrets from each other.

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Chapter 61

 

 

 

At the boardwalk, Becky and Amanda were pacing to keep warm. “They’ve been gone more than an hour,” Amanda said.

“It was your idea. It’s not like they got eaten by aquatic mammals.”

“Jamie is an aquatic mammal; they probably offered to take him home,” Amanda retorted. “Oh, here they come.” Jamie and Cheryl were walking back the way they’d left, hand in hand.

“So friggin’ cute,” Becky said.

         He’s already got a girlfriend, Amanda wanted to respond, I think – possibly friend with benefits.

         “You guys get lost,” Becky called out. Amanda and Becky crossed the distance to them in just five steps. Becky knelt down in front of Jamie and felt his cheek. “Ooh, you are freezing,” she said and began to rub his back. “You guys ready to go home? Get some hot food?”

         “Sounds great,” Cheryl said. Amanda noticed her shivering and instinctively picked her up, realizing after the fact what she’d done.

         “Sorry,” she said still holding her, “You looked cold.”

“It’s okay, Manda. I am.”

“Aww, Jamie taught you his name for me.” Amanda rubbed her back like Becky rubbed Jamie’s. Becky picked Jamie up, and the four of them walked back to the car.

         Back at home, Becky whispered to Jamie as she was getting him out of his car seat, “It’s nap time after lunch, okay?”

         “I know,” he whispered back. He was ready for it, and he imagined Cheryl must be, too. She was fighting jet lag on top of the longer days. The warm house felt good, and it only made Jamie and Cheryl, and Becky and Amanda, more tired.

         “How about something simple for lunch,” Becky suggested. “Grilled cheese and tomato soup?”

         “That sounds perfect,” Jamie answered.

         “I’m not sure I can offer you anything warm to change into,” Amanda said to Cheryl. “Except maybe some of Jamie’s pajamas.” The seat and cuffs of her jeans were wet from the snow, as were her socks. “But I can put that in the dryer for you.”

         “I’m going to take a nap after lunch anyway,” Jamie added.

         “I’d like to take a nap, too, if that’s okay.”

         “Of course,” Becky said. “You can use my bed if you’d like.”

         “C’mon, let’s get you two fixed up,” Amanda said. They followed her back to the nursery, and once again Amanda and Jamie slipped inside. Before she shut the door, Amanda stuck her head back out and asked Cheryl, “Anything you need in your backpack?” Inside, Amanda picked out two pair of pajama pants and two tops for Jamie and Cheryl. “Be right back,” she told Jamie.

         She went back into the hallway and found Cheryl leaning against the wall next to the bathroom with her backpack. “These should work,” she said without handing them over and walked into the bathroom. Confused, Cheryl followed her, and Amanda closed the door.

         “Um, yeah,” Cheryl asked.

“I just wanted to ask if you needed help, ya know, if you had to …”

“Pee?”

“Yeah.” Cheryl unzipped her bag and took out a portable urinal.

“Oh, thank goodness. I ... we had a plan, but I don’t think you would have liked it.”

         “Did it involve you holding me under the armpits? No, I wouldn’t have liked that ...” She looked at the toilet, the rim of which was several inches above her waist, and it was wide enough she wasn’t sure she’d be able to sit on it even if she splayed her legs as wide as she could. “Jamie is wearing a diaper, isn’t he?”

Amanda didn’t know how to answer. She’d promised Jamie she’d be discrete, but it didn’t make much sense to lie now. Instead, she asked, “What makes you think that?”

“There’s no step stool for him in here. There’s no seat attachment for him. So he either uses a different bathroom just for the toilet,” she said nodding toward the bath toys not quite hidden behind the shower curtain, “or he has a potty chair in his room, which would make no sense, or ...”

“I hope you’re not ... I hope you don’t think less of him for it.” That Amanda’s concern was how Cheryl knowing would impact Jamie was heartening.

“Of him? No. I’ve been to Itali before; I know how bigs are with littles. How does he feel about it?”

         “I’ve offered a couple times to take him out of them. Or rather, to get Mom to. He’s always declined.” That wasn’t the entire truth, but it was the relevant truth now.

         “Can I ask why he’s in them at all?”

“At first, Mom was convinced he needed them. She just assumed a little needs them.” Cheryl shook her head, having never grasped how an entire species, so it seemed, could be that way, harboring all kinds of objectively incorrect ideas about another species fully capable of explaining how their bodies work and how they live. Did they just imagine that Littles crossed through the portal and lost control of their functions, or that being adopted did it, or that only Littles who adopt themselves out have that problem, or that in their entire dimension everybody wore diapers, and if so, what did they think independent littles did? It defied logic, and their continued belief it defied logical explanation.

“And now,” Cheryl asked.

Amanda deflected, choosing to interpret it as a question about Jamie’s needs rather than what her mother believed to be true. “Now I think he sorta does, need them, at least sometimes … I hope you’re not upset with us.”

“That depends. Does he want them because he needs them or because he likes them?”

“He likes that they make us closer. He certainly doesn’t look uncomfortable with it anymore. I’ve never directly asked him if he likes them, though.”

“I’m gonna ask him.”

“And if he says no?”

“Then we’ll figure it out.” Amanda wanted to know what that meant, but she didn’t want to start getting defensive. That wouldn’t help anything.

         “Do you, uh, need anything else?”

“No, just to change.” Amanda didn’t move.

“It really ... It doesn’t bother you?”

“Anything that Jamie is okay with, I’m okay with, but I need to hear him say it.” Amanda wasn’t sure if she was talking to Cheryl, Jamie’s Friend, or Cheryl the Caseworker. Amanda left her to change.

         Jamie was wondering what was taking so long. He’d decided to use his diaper while he waited, and he was growing impatient. He’d already undressed himself down to just his t-shirt and long underwear bottoms. Amanda finally came back. “Let’s you cleaned up.” Amanda got him changed and was pulling on his pajama bottoms when she said, “You know your diaper is gonna be obvious in these, right?”

         “Yeah, but I think that’s okay. I don’t think she’ll even say anything …”

Amanda knew that wasn’t true, but she didn’t want to tell him so. “I guess that means you guys had a good talk.”

“We did,” Jamie smiled.

“Well, do you mind if I let her in?”

“I guess not.” Jamie sat up, and she got his shirt on him before helping him down. Amanda opened the door and let Cheryl in.

         “I’ll go see how Mom’s doing.”

         “You look cute,” Jamie said upon seeing Cheryl in his pajamas that were a size-and-a-half too big for her.

         “So do you,” she smiled. Jamie tried to discretely tug his shirttail down and move quietly. He was pretty sure she’d be fine with it, but he didn’t feel a need to advertise it in order to find out.

For her part, Cheryl wanted to know what Jamie thought of it, both as a friend and as his caseworker. If this was something he wasn’t okay with, she could do a lot to change it. Marcia, she figured, hadn’t even thought to ask, being of the same mind as Becky. However Jamie felt, Cheryl would for sure be raising that issue with her boss. “Mind if I ask you a personal question?”

“We’ve been doing that all morning,” Jamie tried to play it off.

“You wear diapers now, don’t you?” She pointed toward the changing table. Jamie covered his eyes and rubbed his forehead, a little in embarrassment but mostly because he’d been so focused on his own appearance he hadn’t thought about the obvious piece of furniture behind him, and so focused on the diaper issue he’d forgotten to be embarrassed at all by the crib or rocking chair or the childish rug beneath his feet.

“Y-y-yes.”

“Do you need them?”

“Some-sometimes. I ... I’ve been ... I sorta stopped noticing when ...”

Cheryl closed the door behind her and put her arms around Jamie long enough for him to take a deep breath. “Don’t be embarrassed. It’s still me; still Cheryl.”

“I’m ... I kinda figured you wouldn’t judge, after our talk this morning. But I’m still, ya know, now that it’s ...”

“Officially not a secret?”

“Yes.”

“Are you okay with it?”

“It not being a secret?”

“That they made you use diapers.”

“I wasn’t at first, but now ...”

“I can make it stop.”

This part, admitting how he felt, Jamie did find embarrassing. “I’m fine with it,” he said.

“Just fine? I need a little more commitment than that.” She didn’t mean to force him to say it, but she needed him to show it was what he wanted, both in order for to feel good about it and to feel it wasn’t something she had to pursue as his caseworker. She didn’t want to make him do all the work though, so she posed a yes-or-no question for him. “Do you prefer to continue this way?”

Jamie turned his face away, quietly answering, “Yes.” He didn’t say anything else for a moment. “You want to know why.”

“Only if you want to tell me.”

“I guess I like the attention. It’s just ... another way they ... show their love for me. And it doesn’t ... after you get over what it is, it even feels ...” It was both harder and easier for Jamie to talk about then he’d imagined it would be.

“Good,” Cheryl asked.

Jamie nodded and said, “And I like the time I get to spend with them because of it; it’s intimate ... Sometimes we even have our most important conversations while they, ya know.”

“Wipe your tushy?” The caseworker was done for the day, and the friend was on full duty again.

“Don’t make fun of me. This is hard,” he said, sounding hurt.

She took his hand. “I’d never make fun of you. If you like it this way, then I do, too. It even makes sense to me, what you said.” Or at least most of it did. She leaned in and gave him a peck on the cheek. “You even look cute.” Jamie blushed. “Can I see your butt?”

Jamie turned around. “See? Not much to see.” Except a partly square and very cute bulge. She gave him a swat. “Hey! Why does every feel the need to do that?”

“It’s just irresistible.”

“You’re really not ... you don’t even seem surprised.”

         “Like I said, I’ve been here before. You’re not my first client I’ve visited here and found in a diaper. I’ve interviewed returnees. I knew it was a possibility.”

         “More like a probability.”

         “Are you mad I didn’t tell you?”

         “Why didn’t you?”

         “Because I knew it ultimately wasn’t a big deal. I figured if it was something that happened and you weren’t okay with it, you’d either find a way to put a stop to it or tell Marcia ... Who I’m gonna talk to our bosses about ... Anyway, I thought it was more important that you come here, and I didn’t want to let something like this possibly derail that.”

         “So, basically, everybody decided diapers were best for me, on my behalf,” Jamie frowned.

         “You are mad.”

         Jamie sighed. “No, I guess not.” Cheryl opened her arms, and Jamie accepted the invitation for a hug. He decided to give her a playful swat on her butt.

         “Hey!”

         “Well, everybody does it to me! Since it’s not a secret, I’m okay sharing my crib if you wanna take a nap with me,” he said hopefully.

         In the kitchen, Amanda opted not to say anything about Cheryl’s discovery to her Mom. She wasn’t sure if her mom would even understand why it was new information to Cheryl, or whether she would just mentally skip over the questions it raised. Cheryl and Jamie walked into the kitchen.

         “Oh good, you guys put on socks. Sorry I forgot,” Amanda said.

         “I made you some warm milk, Jamie,” Becky said gesturing toward his place at the table.

         “Ooh, can I get one of those?” Jamie’s face cycled through eight shades of red before arriving at crimson.

         “It’s, uh …”

         “I know what it is,” Cheryl said, sparing him the embarrassment of saying it. “Do you guys have any formula?”

         “You’ve had formula,” Amanda asked in surprise.

         “I don’t think you bigs fully fathom how good that stuff is to us. I’m taking two cases of the powder home with me.”       

         “You could probably make some money selling that on the street,” Jamie joked.

         “I should have it reverse-engineered and go into business. I’d be the richest woman in history by the end of the year.”

         “Why don’t you,” Becky asked.

         “Because any formula I have analyzed is formula I don’t get to drink.”

“Coming up,” Amanda said, getting the canister of powder out of the cabinet.

When lunch was over, Jamie said, “If it’s alright, Cheryl is going to share my crib with me.”

“That’s fine.” The food and the milk and the walk and the warm house had Jamie drowsy. The synthetic version had Cheryl feeling pretty good, too. Becky filled a bottle with water for Jamie like she did at every nap time, it seeming that there were no secrets left to hide, and led both the sleepy littles to the nursery. She helped them each into the crib, surreptitiously, or so she thought, checking Jamie’s diaper as she did so. She meant to be discrete but couldn’t help herself; it just wouldn’t be right to put Jamie down for a nap in a wet diaper, and Becky liked to think Cheryl, as his caseworker, would think well of her for it.

“Sleep tight,” Becky said as she turned off the light.

“I recognize this little guy,” Cheryl said as she picked up Jamie’s bear.

“You wanna snuggle with him? He won’t mind.”

“I wanna snuggle with you.”

“That’s the formula talking.”

“No, it’s not.” She felt she was sitting on something, reached under herself and pulled out one of his pacifiers. She smiled at him. “You want it?”

“I can do without,” he yawned, which made her yawn.

“C’mere,” she said, opening her arms, “I wanna snuggle with Jamie Bear.” He scooched closer, and she made herself the big spoon.

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3 hours ago, Author_Alex said:

“That’s fine.” The food and the milk and the walk and the warm house had Jamie drowsy. The synthetic version had Cheryl feeling pretty good, too. Becky filled a bottle with water for Jamie like she did at every nap time, it seeming that there were no secrets left to hide, and led both the sleepy littles to the nursery. She helped them each into the crib, surreptitiously, or so she thought, checking Jamie’s diaper as she did so. She meant to be discrete but couldn’t help herself; it just wouldn’t be right to put Jamie down for a nap in a wet diaper, and Becky liked to think Cheryl, as his caseworker, would think well of her for it.

If I had little food without knowing what it was I would probably be like "Wait are these edibles?" ??

3 hours ago, Author_Alex said:

“C’mere,” she said, opening her arms, “I wanna snuggle with Jamie Bear.” He scooched closer, and she made herself the big spoon.

Dawwwwww ?❤️

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1 hour ago, YourFNF said:

If I had little food without knowing what it was I would probably be like "Wait are these edibles?" ??

 

I wonder how much portal travel costs? It must be rather exspensive if they dont export little food. I really want some.

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