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Laughing at how difficult it is to write this


pajarita

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Hi there. As I lie here cross-legged on the floor, clad in a damp Crinkles and about to watch Balto, it seems odd to me that writing this introduction to post (in a space that logically I know is safe) still makes my heart pound.

Im a neurodiverse female in her twenties, and I am fairly new to this. A few months of stolen diaper-clad days here and there. Being a long-time internet erotica pervert, I've e read about ABDL. Never did I think I'd end up being interested enough to try it. And never EVER did I think I would react like this. The myriad visceral ways different facets of this whole thing makes my body react, the rainbows of neurochemical cascades it sets off. It was immediate. Entirely unexpected and humbling. 

I don't know how to classify myself. Or even what's really going on at all. I- when I wear them I oscillate between states of arousal and states of a zen-like peace. And maaaybe some states of, I guess, youngness. They make me feel safe. When I bought my first grocery store pack I bought a pacifier and bottle too. But I don't always use them when I'm wearing a diaper. 

I don't think I've reached a true little headspace. I don't know. I don't know what counts or not. I feel a lot of strange imposter syndrome doubts about that question, of how "little" or not I am at any given moment. And of course, I feel some anxiety over wondering whether my particular interest in any of this is a sign of psychological damage in me.

Im just sort of rattling around on my own trying to figure out this somewhat overwhelming turn in myself and my interests. I feel like reaching out to others will be helpful, or maybe comforting. 

So, uh, that's me in a nutshell :) 

 

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Hi and welcome to DD Pajarita. Nice to meet you, and glad to have you join us here. You don’t sound much different then a lot of us here. Lots of us search for meaning, and where we stand in all of this. It’s not easy, but why not just, enjoy the ride and the journey? Maybe you can figure out, the hard stuff along the way, or later. If it appeals to you, and you feel good, then go with it! You can also explore, what you want as well. You want to try pacifiers, why not? You might find, you only like diapers, or you might find you are liking being an Adult Baby, or Little. Lots of us struggle with, why do we do his, and lots of us find, we just except it and don’t really know why. 

But, you sound like you have a bit of a handle on things. And, this is a pretty good spot to come and hang out in. I look forward to hearing more from you. In the meantime, relax, have fun, and enjoy! ?

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6 hours ago, pajarita said:

I don't know how to classify myself. Or even what's really going on at all. I- when I wear them I oscillate between states of arousal and states of a zen-like peace. And maaaybe some states of, I guess, youngness. They make me feel safe. When I bought my first grocery store pack I bought a pacifier and bottle too. But I don't always use them when I'm wearing a diaper. 

I don't think I've reached a true little headspace. I don't know. I don't know what counts or not. I feel a lot of strange imposter syndrome doubts about that question, of how "little" or not I am at any given moment. And of course, I feel some anxiety over wondering whether my particular interest in any of this is a sign of psychological damage in me.

Hello and welcome to DD. In my opinion, littlespace is whatever you make it and you'll know when you get there. As far as classifying yourself, don't sweat it. ABDL is a spectrum and most people have a mix of AB and DL in them. For me, I'm about 85%-90% AB and 10%-15% DL, so I have experienced the pendulum felling you've described. I have never been in littlespace for an extended period of time because for me I sort of do 30 minutes of littlespace and then an hour or two of just going about my day followed by another 30 or so minutes of littlespace. This works very well for me and when all is said and done my stress is gone and I am able to tackle the tasks before me with improved focus and speed. Also, don't think that being ABDL has anything to do with psychological damage. As I see it, pain is a symbol of a problem, so anything that makes you feel as great as wearing a diaper does, can't be linked to a problem.

Welcome again, and feel free to DM me if you ever want to chat.

Little Tomás

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I have been a diaper and plastic pants lover since I was about 10 yrs old.  I have no idea why I feel so comfortable in a diaper and want to wear one all the time.  I do it because it makes me feel good and sometimes turns me on.  After a life long love of diapers and plastic pants I can tell you to just let go and enjoy yourself .  if it makes you feel good then why shouldn't you do it.  This is also the first site I have been able to talk to someone else who understands how and what I feel.  So enjoy and feel free to communicate with others.

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It took me years to figure this all out, and I struggled a lot with fighting myself on "I love this" and "I hate this...what is wrong with me?!" I hope you find what you're looking for as you figure this and yourself out!

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Thank you all so much. I- wow, it actually feels overwhelmingly awesome to read all these. Less alone. 

You're all probably correct in that I should just be satisfied with the simple fact that the diapers incur such a strong positive response. Enjoy and not question. I guess I have an obsessive need to classify. Or to push myself, always wanting to discover the next thing.  

I also have a fascination/fear for the idea of falling into littlespace. Fascination because I enjoy subspace and altered states in general. Fear, I guess because I already feel so uniquely vulnerable when I play with these things. When I curl up with a blanket and paci and diaper, it sometimes can make me feel... I don't know. I don't know the words for it. Sensitive and different in brief flickers. But I immediately start analyzing it in a reel of self-reflection and yank myself out of it. I'm not the sort of person that's capable of letting go on my own, maybe.  

I'm not sure there was even a point to me writing all of that ?. I suppose it's just that I've had a while to accumulate lots of thoughts about it all and I'm just so glad to have a place for them.

Thank you all again for the warm welcome! 

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That’s one of the main reasons to come here. Cause, you can put it all out there, say what you want to, air your thoughts, concerns, wants, questions. Things you could never do, with people around you. Some can do that, and do, but for most of us, not happening! Not many people want to discuss these things with, mom or dad, for example. But you can come here, and lay these things out, and people here will know, and understand. Or, try and help figure things out. You don’t have to feel funny, or odd when you lay things out here, even if you feel your going on about something. There lots of understanding, so it’s cool! 

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I have not been a member on this site for very long. I have been wearing diapers for 6 yrs at night for medical reasons. I have also became a DL/AB, and I love every minute of it. I do have family members that know I need diapers at night, but some would not understand my other side. My fiance understands this side of me, and keeps me in diapers. There are a couple of family members that know I wear during the day, and there ok with it. I love opening up on this site to others, and I feel safe and not ashamed at all. I love the stories, and reading others peoples post on there day to day lifestyles. 

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On 1/21/2019 at 10:00 AM, pajarita said:

Thank you all so much. I- wow, it actually feels overwhelmingly awesome to read all these. Less alone. 

You're all probably correct in that I should just be satisfied with the simple fact that the diapers incur such a strong positive response. Enjoy and not question. I guess I have an obsessive need to classify. Or to push myself, always wanting to discover the next thing.  

I also have a fascination/fear for the idea of falling into littlespace. Fascination because I enjoy subspace and altered states in general. Fear, I guess because I already feel so uniquely vulnerable when I play with these things. When I curl up with a blanket and paci and diaper, it sometimes can make me feel... I don't know. I don't know the words for it. Sensitive and different in brief flickers. But I immediately start analyzing it in a reel of self-reflection and yank myself out of it. I'm not the sort of person that's capable of letting go on my own, maybe.  

I'm not sure there was even a point to me writing all of that ?. I suppose it's just that I've had a while to accumulate lots of thoughts about it all and I'm just so glad to have a place for them.

Thank you all again for the warm welcome! 

Hi and welcome. I can totally relate to everything you said in your introduction as well as your reply. I think I bought bibs and pacifiers and a bottle the first time I bought diapers too but I seldom use them. It’s part erotic part relaxing and entirely a jumble of confusing mixed up emotions anytime I try to figure out if I am AB, DL, little, or a combination. I have even dabbled in the CG side because I identify as a switch and all I can say is just roll with whatever you are feeling in the moment and try not to over analyze it. I found that was a lot easier when I had a partner. As a female that will be a lot easier for you to find I think lol. Best wishes and if you ever want to talk, I am here

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi and welcome:
This whole diaper thing does take some getting used to. I was born with a neurogenic bladder and bowel and it wasn't actually diagnosed until I was hospitalized with diabetes around 40 years of age. Long story short I was in and out of diapers up until I was 12 years old and learned how to hide the fact that I still needed them from my mother (or so I thought but that's another story).
A lot of people seem to have problems with relating a diaper to a sexual experience. I guess until you can look at, and feel, the sensual nature of a cloth or paper diaper next to your skin plus the secure comfort of knowing that any leaks will be contained until you next get your diaper changed is something that you have to Grow Into.
If you wore diapers as a child you may not be conscious of the fact that you remember having your diapers changed. I had an uncle who loveed to photograph everything and on Christmas he always came to visit. We would have to sit through endless numbers of black and white and color slides with detailed long boring adult explanations. Since my aunt had babysat me until I was nearly 4 years old there were always lots of pictures of diapered me. The funny thing is that by looking at the pictures I can remember when and where they were taken. They aren't always coherent memories but I definitely remembered them. So if you have a family album, you might find it fun to take a walk through memory lane and see what you can see.
 

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