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Considering telling my girlfriend


Joep

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Since I got into a relationship 4 months ago, my DL fetish has been on my mind wether it is attempting to retire it with a new hobby or simply being honest with her. Now I know this certainly isn’t a new topic on this forum, and I’ve read all sorts of advice such as waiting until it becomes relevant or being honest earlier than later or keeping it to one’s self. I’m with some of you, I’ve been dumped by an ex because it weirded her out and it hurts dearly. As of now in my relationship there’s plenty of commitment to another and we are very comfortable with each other. Last night I asked her if it bothered her that I had a fetish and she said no, so I told her that a fetish is just a preference or something that is a quicker turn on. I didn’t tell her that I’m a DL when it comes to having fun in the bedroom since she asked what my fetish is specifically. I told her I’d tell her when we have the time to be focused and alone, she was fine with that agreement.

 

As redundant as it may seem I’d like to hear the community’s input which is you reading this right now. Should I wait until our relationship matures more? Should I be honest sooner than that? Should I not tell her details? Leave your advice below and I’d be interested to read what experiences led you to form your position.

 

Thanks for taking the time, I know it’s a longer post. Sincerely, Joep

 

 

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Secrets can be kept but they tend to come to the surface at some point and its never a good thing when it happens that way. Honesty is the best policy here. Let her know exactly what this fetish means to you, dont sugar coat how often you've indulged into it and how often you would like to continue to moving forward. Once you have the initial chat, it will likely take time for her to process the input and her thoughts. Dont rush or push the topic. 

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I'm a HUGE advocate for telling your partner your fetish. As mentioned above, secrets don't often stay secrets forever. It is a part of you that will never go away. You may be able to keep the secret for a little while, but eventually, it's going to drive you crazy. If you wait too long - she may wonder what else you kept from her. 4 months is long enough being you're comfortable enough, where it's not a super new relationship, but you're not too deep. You need to tell her now so she can decide if it is something she can accept.

It's very difficult to tell a partner about what you are into, especially when you already had one bad experience. 

But, in the end, you deserve someone who will accept and love you for who you are, and they also deserve a chance to know so they can determine if it is a deal-breaker or not. 

Talk to her, tell her as much as you want at the moment, make sure to inform you're not asking anything of her, let her take time to think and ask any questions. 

I wish you the bed of luck! 

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I think it’d be best if you told her. A big key to successful relationships is keeping the lines of communication open and being honest with one another. In this case, being honest and telling her is the best thing you can do, and it’s better to come up naturally and in casual conversation than if she found out about it after you hide it.

That, and fetishes are a lot more common these days than they used to be. I’d say a majority of people have one, even those who might not even know it! Besides, as odd as diapers may seem to some people, there are far worse things you could be doing to yourself.

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I feel like I have answered this question many times over. I never told my parents about my fetish. I was very young (12 yrs). I was always under the impression "what they don't know, won't hurt them". I went through school and college wearing diapers and no one ever asked and i never told anyone. I am a firm believer of "don't ask, Don't tell". I told my husband after two years of marriage and his response was "that's your thing, I won't interfere". I never spoke to him about it again. I was the good wife for over thirty years, and that is what I did. I kept it all to myself. When I was a child my fear of telling my parents was "they are going to think I am crazy, and take me to a shrink". I do belong to a few diaper forums. I love chatting with people that share my love of diapers. If you feel you must tell your partner or your SO, there is always that risk of rejection or ridicule. Telling anyone never helped me. I still work for the same company after 25 years and i have moved to management for the past ten. I wear at work under my skirt, and still find it very arousing and comforting to use them when and where I can. Words of advise from an older woman is to choose wisely you words and plan of attack. Hugs to you and lots of luck. I am sure you will do the right thing.

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Being honest about your diaper desires with a significant other can be a scary place to be in.  For some of us it is hard for us ourselves to understand why we want to be diapered let a lone share it with someone who does not share the same desires.  If binge and purge cycles confuse us what will our partners think?

Despite how scary it is you need to have the talk with your partner.  The sooner you do the faster you two can figure out if diapers can co-exist in your relationship.  Telling her about your diaper fetish is what is fair for both of you.  You want to share your secret with your significant other and she needs you to be honest with her.  The longer you wait the harder it will become and as your feelings grow stronger for one another it often complicates things IF she cannot understand or accept your need for diapers.  Diapers are not for every partner.  Now is the time to figure out what your partner thinks.  How devastating would it be if she became the love of your life and then decided that she could not handle your diaper secret?

When you have the talk be all in.  Do not downplay your need to be diapered in anyway.  Be sure to tell her everything.  Often times, as with my wife, a woman will initially believe that she is being replaced by an inanimate object.  They can feel as if they are not good enough and even feel replaced by diapers.  You need to reinsure her and educate her about your fetish as she will in all likelihood know nothing about it.  You are the resident expert and only you how much you need diapers.

Here is an article I wrote that may give you some insight on what I learned from my relationship.  It details my trials and tribulations of gaining my wife's acceptance with my diaper desires.  A lot of things on this will not apply so ignore them and skip over them.  

I wish you the best of luck.

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Tell her at this point, but don’t make it a big deal and give her space to accept you or not.  Given what I read from your post, I imagine that she will be open minded as long as you show her that you have balance in life (diapers don’t consume you), your diapers won’t get in the way of intimacy (I.e. she doesn’t have to worry about competing for your affection with your diapers) and you give her references on where she can learn about abdl and understand it is more common than most think and not involved with children in anyway.  It’s how you approach it and follow up with a healthy way to include it in your relationship,  good luck.  

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Here’s my follow up. I told her and she is fine with it! At first she was surprised and it was awkward so she laughed, but I don’t blame her. She said it’s okay with her because she loves my heart and that’s what counts.


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Oh great that you told her! I am in a new relationship and told her after only a couple dates as my bad experiences in the past have actually given me courage to do it way earlier then later. Lately for me talking about it early, offering to answer any questions and being open to any way that may possibly want to engage with it has worked so much better then hiding it, minimizing it or acting super ashamed about it. I found even the first time I wore around her it was almost so normal it was boring as it didn't really do anything for her. But as we are getting closer and more intimate she is beginning to bring into our bed talk and that is amazing for me. I am being patient and 100% honest with her and so far it is working a lot better then previous relationships where it was an issue but I think mostly because I was trying to hide it so much.

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I’m glad it went well. Next step is to wear around her. And then if she’s comfortable with that maybe she will change you.

Already made plans for it


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On 1/12/2019 at 12:10 PM, Joep said:

Have you brought her into the diaper changing experience.  If you do, post on how that goes

 

On 1/12/2019 at 12:10 PM, Joep said:

Since I got into a relationship 4 months ago, my DL fetish has been on my mind wether it is attempting to retire it with a new hobby or simply being honest with her. Now I know this certainly isn’t a new topic on this forum, and I’ve read all sorts of advice such as waiting until it becomes relevant or being honest earlier than later or keeping it to one’s self. I’m with some of you, I’ve been dumped by an ex because it weirded her out and it hurts dearly. As of now in my relationship there’s plenty of commitment to another and we are very comfortable with each other. Last night I asked her if it bothered her that I had a fetish and she said no, so I told her that a fetish is just a preference or something that is a quicker turn on. I didn’t tell her that I’m a DL when it comes to having fun in the bedroom since she asked what my fetish is specifically. I told her I’d tell her when we have the time to be focused and alone, she was fine with that agreement.

 

As redundant as it may seem I’d like to hear the community’s input which is you reading this right now. Should I wait until our relationship matures more? Should I be honest sooner than that? Should I not tell her details? Leave your advice below and I’d be interested to read what experiences led you to form your position.

 

Thanks for taking the time, I know it’s a longer post. Sincerely, Joep

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

 

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I'm delighted that telling her went well. I suggest you now ask her if she has any particular fetish/fantasy she hasn't told you about. It might just open up a world of possibilities!

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I'm delighted that telling her went well. I suggest you now ask her if she has any particular fetish/fantasy she hasn't told you about. It might just open up a world of possibilities!

Yeah we’ve started talking about that because I want to reciprocate, but as of now we are exploring what this part of me looks like in our relationship and allowing both of us to get comfortable with it.


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We talked about it a little bit, I even asked her what diapers I should get since I’m looking to get another pack, I also mentioned the printed Crinklz to her and how some brands make girly pink ones. And those are the ones she wants to see me in so I struck a deal with her that I will buy and wear the pink sissy ones only if she changes me into one (we’re starting slow, easing into it) and she said deal. So that’s what our plan is for our next day off together. We’re both excited about it for different reasons lol


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Glad things worked out for you. That said, I've never understood why people dont at least talk with their partners about it. What is to be gained by hiding things from your partner whether it's this or anything else. Yes, the partner may not be interested or they may be disgusted but why would someone not want to know how their partner feels???

I've told a couple previous girlfriends, boyfriends, my lovely wife and my Daddy. Were there varying reactions, yep, but at least I knew where things stood. Maybe it's just me but I could never hide things and lie to my partner. Out of respect I need to give them information that lets them make informed decisions about their life.

Just my thoughts.

Kirk/Kaiya

 

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  • 7 months later...
On 1/13/2019 at 9:35 AM, mike indiapers said:

Tell her at this point, but don’t make it a big deal and give her space to accept you or not.  Given what I read from your post, I imagine that she will be open minded as long as you show her that you have balance in life (diapers don’t consume you), your diapers won’t get in the way of intimacy (I.e. she doesn’t have to worry about competing for your affection with your diapers) and you give her references on where she can learn about abdl and understand it is more common than most think and not involved with children in anyway.  It’s how you approach it and follow up with a healthy way to include it in your relationship,  good luck.  

I BET all the money in the world that 50 years of time still wouldn't be adequate!! Bet she knows & is mortified :(

I BET all the money in the world that 50 years of time still wouldn't be adequate!! Bet she knows & is mortified 

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...great that this worked out for you, just don't forget "her needs" and different stuff she may want to do. Don't make it all about your fetish, help her with what she may want that's different than yours. You're one very lucky guy!!! I envy you as probably many other too.

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