Is AB/DL Tolerance a Generational Matter?

[gee baby]

Since I’ve been opening up about my AB self to family and friends, some reactions have been pretty surprising.

When I told my 22 year old niece, she reacted with giving me a high five and declaring her BDSM ways.  Then explained that her generation is more understanding of such things as AB/DL and are more accepting of it.

During Christmas holidays she was visiting and was talking on the phone to her mother and asked me if she could tell her mom about my AB. I didn’t care, so she did and her mother told her if that is what made me happy, there was nothing wrong with it.  

After the conclusion of the phone call, I challenged my niece on her mother being part of my generation and seemed to accept AB/DL with no stigma, and she responded that is because her mother is pretty cool, not the norm for my older generation.  

Friends of my generation have also been very supportive, so I’m not so sure,

Hmmm....

[mamabug]

I'm 27 years old and I can tell you that if anyone - I don't care if it was a stranger, a friend, or family member - came up and told me that they were an ABDL - I would look at them straight in the eye and tell them "I didn't need to know that or want to know that" It's not something that the world needs to know about me. I never felt the need to go around and tell people what I like to do in the bedroom. I understand that for most AB's it's not a sexual fetish - but it doesn't matter - it's something private that MOST people do not want to know about. I don't care if I'm ABDL, I do not want to picture friends/families in this lifestyle, do not care if my friends are into hardcore BDSM or whatever else. I'll never understand why some ABDL people have this NEED for people to know - when people in the BDSM community are perfectly happy with keeping it behind closed doors. 

My only guess on why people tell other people of their lifestyle - is because they are secretly hoping they will be apart of it - which is weird...but why else do they need to know?

 

[DiaperedAllTheTime]

1 hour ago, mamabug said:

I'm 27 years old and I can tell you that if anyone - I don't care if it was a stranger, a friend, or family member - came up and told me that they were an ABDL - I would look at them straight in the eye and tell them "I didn't need to know that or want to know that" It's not something that the world needs to know about me. I never felt the need to go around and tell people what I like to do in the bedroom. I understand that for most AB's it's not a sexual fetish - but it doesn't matter - it's something private that MOST people do not want to know about. I don't care if I'm ABDL, I do not want to picture friends/families in this lifestyle, do not care if my friends are into hardcore BDSM or whatever else. I'll never understand why some ABDL people have this NEED for people to know - when people in the BDSM community are perfectly happy with keeping it behind closed doors. 

My only guess on why people tell other people of their lifestyle - is because they are secretly hoping they will be apart of it - which is weird...but why else do they need to know?

 

I think a lot has to do with the fact it is scary and mentally exhausting living in the proverbial diaper closet alone.  Wearing diapers in a lot of cases does become a part of everyday life and it truly can be so stressful trying to keep the secret that you wear diapers hidden from the world.  BDSM is something that is generally reserved for the bedroom although not always.

Now I have heard diapers should be treated as underwear and kept private and that would be understandable if you did not use your diaper for it's intended purpose.  Let's take my life for example.  I kept the fact I wore diapers completely private at work at first.  However, after trying to hide my diaper changes and untimely diaper leaks I realized it would be so much easier if certain, pertinent people at the workplace knew and that was such a relief mentally and emotionally.

@mamabug I do agree with you about annoucing you are ABDL.  I am an ABDL.  My workplace and my doctor do not need to know that.  Telling my workplace and doctor I wear diapers permanently though is a burden off my chest that I personally believe is healthy to share.

The ABDL community now is so much better thanks in large part to the internet.  We can come out to one another here on this website which before the internet was impossible.  There is a support structure and understanding.  To me, I do not have to proclaim to the rest of the world that I am a sissy baby girl because I can share that here with like minded and accepting people.

To the OP orginally question, yes I think it is definitely more socially acceptable to be free about your lifestyle choices and in my opinion being ABDL for most does fall into a lifestyle.  Just because you can tell the world about your lifestyle does not mean you should.  My stepdaughter is a teenage lesbian.  She went to a very conservative high school and she wanted the people around her to know she was gay.  She had no friends and was socially shunned.  Now she attends an arts school where she is surrounded by many gay and lesbain students.  Here she can be comfortable expressing her lifestyle and be supported and loved by those around her. 

There is a time and a place for everything and at the end of the day you need to do what is best for you.  Just know that you are the one that must live with that decision.

[gee baby]

mamabug,

It is not announcing to the world and telling everyone you can find.  I don't flaunt it.  I just ceased to hide it.

The friends I told and family were those who drop by my house often and hiding the high chair in the dining room and new AB nursery is just impossible.  When deciding to have AB furniture in the house, fear of discovery was a huge thing to conquer.  So no, my neighbors don't know, most of the people I worked with before I retired don't know.  Only those very close friends and family that visit my home know.  Most of the time I'm an adult who is just tired of always living in fear of discovery.  But I'll never decide to announce it to the world in general except here of course.    

[DiaperedAllTheTime]

48 minutes ago, gee baby said:

mamabug,

It is not announcing to the world and telling everyone you can find.  I don't flaunt it.  I just ceased to hide it.

The friends I told and family were those who drop by my house often and hiding the high chair in the dining room and new AB nursery is just impossible.  When deciding to have AB furniture in the house, fear of discovery was a huge thing to conquer.  So no, my neighbors don't know, most of the people I worked with before I retired don't know.  Only those very close friends and family that visit my home know.  Most of the time I'm an adult who is just tired of always living in fear of discovery.  But I'll never decide to announce it to the world in general except here of course.    

I think that is okay.  My best friend knows about all of my ABDL desires and he is very accepting and supportive.  Sometimes you just need someone go talk to.  I know when my wife and I were at a crossroad with me wearing diapers if I did not have him to confide in I would have gone insane.

[DaveeBEd]

I'm probably in a good place with regard to telling others, my partner is very supportive and positively encourages me. Neither of us are ABs although he enjoys wearing diapers he knows its far more important to me than it is to him and knows I hope to achieve double IC in the near future. Thankfully I have had to make few modifications to my home (no high chair or cot required!), Obviously I need a diaper store and a bin for soiled ones and other than a mattress protector and plastic covers for a few chairs, most people entering my home would not suspect anything. I also mostly work from home so changing isn't a big deal. I have told a white lie to my two main clients that I have a medical condition and they have been very supportive. They may have struggled to understand my desires if I was totally truthful with them however and I can't afford to run the risk of losing their business especially with extra expense of buying diapers.

A number of our gay friends know and are mostly very supportive and accepting of me, if a little surprised. Obvious there ere a few jokes made at my expense but they are meant in good spirit. As I've mentioned before on this board, whilst I don't flaunt my diaper wearing I do rather enjoy the slight chance of humiliation it brings.

[Needingababysitter]

I don't think you were wrong about opening up about your AB lifestyle. Your not announcing it to the world, and I see no problem with it. 

Our friends know of my need for diapers of a night due to my bedwetting from an accident I had 6 yrs ago. My fiance has opened up to a couple of her close friends of my AB/DL side, and they are ok with it. When I'm treated as a baby it's when no one is around and only in the privacy of our home. My diaper is also covered if someone comes over, and if I need changing she takes me into the bedroom and changes me. 

[Infernum]

Speaking from personal experience I'd say it's more about the type of person than what age said person is.

I've told several people that I consider to be close friends because they either found out on their own by finding something they shouldn't have or I because I thought that they could be something more than just a friend and wanted to be up front and honest about it. In hindsight it wasn't the best idea I've had but young and stupid was a real thing in my case. These days only a select few really close friends know and that's after years of friendship and them being into the kink scene themselves.

The only family that knows are my grandparents (they just know of the diapers because I've been bad at hiding them at times over the years and I live with them. Their take on it is that it's a gateway to pedophilia) and my mother who's apparently known since I was a kid and where stealing my sisters diapers. Long story short mom let me know she was totally fine with and supportive of it by paying for diapers that I had ordered once the bill came in the mail. 

So to circle back to the original question no I don't think it's a generational matter.

[rusty pins]

Probably to some point, same as acceptance of race, religion, transgender and gay lifestyles have become more accepting over the generations.  As someone who is 60 years old, I well remember how most people talked about people who were gay when I was young.  Even further back was the suppression of civil rights.  The great Rosa Parks who wouldn't give up her seat on the bus for a white man.  The boycotts for equal rights.  Look how far things have come over the past 60 or more years.  While there is still a lot of that going on in places today, people as a whole are so much more tolerant and accepting of these issues than they were years and years ago.  I also remember when parents and others thought that Rock And Roll in the 1950's was such a bad influence on kids and teens and tried to stop it, especially many church pastors.  People were raised with some specific ideas by their parents who were raised themselves by their parents.  Some of their ideas and ideals have been passed down, however the average teenage learns from their peers as well and from others around them.  That's how we become more open and accepting as years go by.  Rather than just having your parents teach you that "People who are like this or do this type of thing are bad and immoral", those teens actually see for themselves that so-and-so may have a different lifestyle or be of a different race but he or she is not really different from everyone else and not the bad person their parents said "those people" are.  Therefore I do think generations of the past were much less open and more against many things that are accepted today, including AB/DL which, in my opinion still has a long way to go to reach the acceptance level race and gay people have achieved.  I remember in the 60's and 70's the talk of race and homosexuality, but even in the 80's and 90's I never openly heard anyone speak of AB/DL lifestyles.

[gee baby]

Totally agree rusty pins.  However, even the older generation with its traditional ideas indoctrinated in their heads seem to have the ability to be educated and grow in understanding, more willing today what they could accept in earlier times.  

It seems, generation wise, due to the environment we are raised in, there is more acceptance and understanding in the younger one.  But the older generation is not hopeless.  Some people, regardless of per generation upbringing can think for themselves and are are also willing to accept and understand.  But regardless of generation, there will always be those who hate anyone who do not fit their judgement of “normal “.  

[Brudda Voodu]

I would suggest that you don't need to concern yourself with strangers accepting you.  If you accept yourself and conduct yourself in a respectful manner, it really shouldn't matter to you how others perceive you.  

The only generational attribute I see universally changing, is a diminishing of self confidence.

[NewGuy20]

In response to the question in the original post, its not necessarily generational. I would say that cultural attitudes about sexuality (and other lifestyles) have changed rapidly and drastically within just the past 10 years. In 2008, both Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton were running for the Democratic Party's nomination for president. Both of them said quite clearly that marriage is something that should ONLY be between men and women. In 2019, we live in a different time where much has changed. Virtually no one even argues about gay marriage anymore and its been made law by the Supreme Court. Both former President Obama and Hillary Clinton say their position 'evolved'. A huge number of people who were once uncomfortable with gay marriage now openly accept gay friends and family members. We didn't need to wait for a new generation of people to be born for this to happen. That being said, many young people can't remember a time when gay people couldn't get married. Today, being homophobic is far more of a risk in the national spotlight than being gay. Attacks on comedian Kevin Hart for his decade old comments on gay people show that anything remotely homophobic is not socially acceptable anymore in the developed, western world. Though there are certainly more rural enclaves and subcultures that are very homophobic.

Transgender people find increasing levels of acceptance and representation in media and even among major celebrities too. (Though transgender people are still victims of violence.) Facebook has a total of 58 separate gender identities for its users to choose from. The erotic novel '50 Shades of Grey' has been criticized by many but it undeniably pushed the BDSM lifestyle more into the mainstream. (Even if the book isn't the best representation of BDSM) "Furries" are very visible in online communities, even if they are sometimes the butt of jokes. I dated a young woman in her early 20s who was probably the most accepting of ABDL people that I have met so, yes, younger generations might be more open minded. Younger people also have more brain plasticity than older people so its easier to incorporate new ideas into their worldview. So with all of that, we have a culture that is more likely to be accepting of ABDL people. But that doesn't mean that its not still a fetish and/or lifestyle that many people struggle to understand or, in some cases, just know nothing about. Its always easy to fear what you don't understand. The only reason so many people 'understand' LGBT individuals is because they are very visible in society and in media. Ironically, I once saw a poster on Daily Diapers say the following: "I sometimes just wish I was gay... it would be so much easier than being ABDL!" 

In response to those posters who say "keep this to yourself", I tend to agree. A person's sex life is best kept in the bedroom. For me, while this is certainly part of my identity and not entirely sexual, it is still something I do in the privacy of my own home. That being said, when something become an actual lifestyle, then it becomes harder to hide from close friends and family. There's a big difference between a bedroom kink and a lifestyle. To each their own. Tell or don't tell whomever you wish but be prepared for the negative consequences and negative reactions. The more people you share this with, the higher the risk that you might meet someone who doesn't understand. 

And of course, there is absolutely no reason to expose your ABDL lifestyle to strangers in public places. If you want to wear a diaper in public under your clothes, there's nothing wrong with that. But don't expose your diaper to other people. (Its sad that this part even needs to be stated) 

[rosalie.bent]

Most of these 'older generation' type debates are fun to read because most posts say more about the writer than the topic. The truth is that as ABDL gets better known they may be a SMALL degree of improved reception, but it is only a small degree. TV shows dont help even if they try to be sympathetic because the visuals of ABDL will always look REALLY REALLY WEIRD to pretty much anyone and that is not going to change. 

Some people are more accepting of new things than others. Also, some friends and family are more willing to accept or tolerate things from you that they wouldnt in anyone else. This is no different this generation than any other. The truth is that if you asked 100 people in the street if they had even heard of ABDL you would find maybe 5 had.

UNfortunately, knowing more about ABDL does not make it any more acceptable to the general community. it stll looks weird and a bit 'sick' to many people.

I agree though with the poster that said to keep it private as best as you can. I dont know any of the privatae aspects of my closets friend's lives. Why should I reveal the fact that I am mothr to my baby girl hubby?

[Comfortably diapered]

I'm gonna put my 2¢ in and say to a degree it is because, nowadays there is a huge community for kinks and lifestyles even movies. Back in the day I'm sure people didn't know too much about everyone's kinks or lifestyle but with computers and the information age here it's kinda hard to not know. it's easy to obtain information. I feel the young generation is more accepting thank the old conservative type, but also no matter where you are you will find some people don't want to know or care or be very judgy. Just be you and the right people will follow and accept you.