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Family friend a bedwetter but will not wear diapers


deewet

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My married daughter has had to put up with her husbands friend who has wet the bed for ever, but recently is about to ban him from their house because of his consistent habit.

The last straw was at a recent party, where he stayed over because of his drinking, and ended up wetting on a couch and blanket.  While he brings a change of clothes for himself, he refuses to do anything to prevent peeing on whatever he is on when going to sleep.  As my wife has a young child that she does not want influenced, she is adamant that this is no longer acceptable behavior for this "old friend" of her hubby, and unless he wears some protection, should be banned from their house going forward.

Does anyone have any ideas on how to tell this guy that he has to wear diapers for not only his benefit but  also his friends as destroying furniture and bedding not your own is simply not acceptable behavior for a 30 something older guy?

 

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Simple. Don’t allow him in the house! If he cannot respect the furniture of others then he does not respect the owner of the furniture either. It’s a very easy choice to make in my mind. I’m generally always wet and usually have at least a small mess and would never subject a leak to another persons property or odor. Being incontinent does not give me specific rights.

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My guess is that, for this man, diapers would be seen as humiliating and a wet bed or whatever else would be preferable to padding.

How do you get him to change? No idea. Some men believe in this very strong level of masculinity and stopping it is far from easy. It's probably already been tried but he needs to be sat down and told that the way things are going isn't acceptable and that he needs to wear protection. You would have to reassure him that his problem doesn't make him less of a man or make anyone think less of him but that it has to happen otherwise... I don't know, separate beds? Kick him out? That would be up to the wife.

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I think if he has to pay for a new couch or mattress every time he wets himself, he will very quickly realize that wearing a diaper is much cheaper. If he is embarrassed to wear a diaper, that's normal but he needs to man up and diaper up.

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My in-laws went through this very same thing. A good friend of theirs, would come to visit, and have accidents. They went through it all, to no avail too. They were forced, to ban the friend from the house too. In this case, I believe their friend was just to lazy, and indifferent to take precautions. But, I can see it being bravado, or denial in other cases. 

Whatever, I wouldn’t stand for anyone doing it, time and time again either. I’d be happy to help fix the problem, but it needs to be addressed, and fixed! You can’t call yourself friend to me, and come in to my home, and disrespect it. 

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Time for Hubbie to grow a pair. That is no friend

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I would not allow him over again til he does wear some kind of protection at night. This guy does not respect others property or belongings, and should have to pay for cleaning. Needing diapers myself we have stayed at friends homes, and my fiance moms before. I would never go without a diaper while we stayed there. 

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4 hours ago, deewet said:

My married daughter has had to put up with her husbands friend who has wet the bed for ever, but recently is about to ban him from their house because of his consistent habit.

The last straw was at a recent party, where he stayed over because of his drinking, and ended up wetting on a couch and blanket.  While he brings a change of clothes for himself, he refuses to do anything to prevent peeing on whatever he is on when going to sleep.  As my wife has a young child that she does not want influenced, she is adamant that this is no longer acceptable behavior for this "old friend" of her hubby, and unless he wears some protection, should be banned from their house going forward.

Does anyone have any ideas on how to tell this guy that he has to wear diapers for not only his benefit but  also his friends as destroying furniture and bedding not your own is simply not acceptable behavior for a 30 something older guy?

 

He just needs to be told straight wear a nappy or stay away.

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Here’s an idea:

Your daughter confiscates his stuff, wallet, keys, phone, pajamas, change of clothes etc and hide them.

This is where he’s given an ultimatum: he has two choices in order to get his stuff back

A)He sleeps elsewhere that night

B))  He wears a diaper

Maybe your son-in-law wears one to when the friend stays over to make it even Stephen 

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1 hour ago, Apache Raccoon said:

Here’s an idea:

Your daughter confiscates his stuff, wallet, keys, phone, pajamas, change of clothes etc and hide them.

This is where he’s given an ultimatum: he has two choices in order to get his stuff back

A)He sleeps elsewhere that night

B))  He wears a diaper

Maybe your son-in-law wears one to when the friend stays over to make it even Stephen 

I think taking his stuff would be a bad idea as he could report it as theft.  

However, I would think telling him something like "If you ruin any more of our furnature, we'll send you the bill for it."  

Seeing as how furnature is quite expensive, that should hopefully be enough motivation for him.

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Since he has no respect for others time to say sorry you can not come over and stay unless he follows the house rules.

1: Protection on what ever he sleeps on as well as a bed pad

2: he wears a premium diaper that fits him property 

Tell him theres in needing a diaper and if he is not willing to listen and follow the rules you just have to say sorry you cant stay and send him to a hotel by an uber (make sure you inform the hotel so they can protect the bed)  

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Interesting update to this occurred yesterday, on Christmas.  My daughter was at the ln-laws for the holiday, and they had a  "crazy" gift exchange as part of the festivities, and she got a blow up mattress as a gift that she was happy about.  She said that this will be her hubbys  friend's bed when ever he visits from now on.

Not sure that will solve the problem as he will still be wetting the bed covers unless he is properly diapered up.  I would tell him exactly that, if he plans to stay over again, he gets the blow up bed but he has to provide the protection he needs to protect the covers!

Not sure how to get his email, but if I find it, will pass it along privately to whoever wants to send him some advice on how to grow up and accept his circumstances like a  responsible adult.

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Personally, I don't think the e-mail idea is a good one, posting it on here or passing it along privately to anyone, even under the circumstance.  First, does this friend even know you are into the AB/DL lifestyle?  If not, he would wonder how everyone sending him these e-mails knew about his wetting the furniture when visiting.  More important, getting a bunch of random e-mails from people you don't know telling you to start wearing diapers is not good.  It's actually an invasion of his privacy and could be considered harassment or cyber bullying even if he is a bit of a jerk for refusing to wear a diaper and always wetting on the couch when he sleeps.  You yourself wouldn't want someone you know to blab a sensitive personal issue to all kinds of people you don't know, and then start receiving all kinds of e-mails telling you to wear diapers, chastising you for wetting someone else's furniture while sleeping over or for giving you advice on wearing diapers.  Think of it!  There are already posts in the forum from people wanting to know how to stop bed wetting and responses from members saying, "Just proudly wear diapers and wet your bed happily!"  And that's one member giving another member their input.  This would be from members here, people the guy doesn't even know!  NOT A GOOD IDEA!

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I would get a plastic cover and some pads to make up the couch with. and put it under the sheet, he will probably be too drunk to even notice anyhow. since thats the reason he's staying the night. And if he says anything tell him since he won't wear anything you need to protect your furniture If there is any resistance about it. Say its this or pay in advance for a new couch.

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Bottom line is you can suggest he wear a diaper but you can not force him to wear one.  If he refuses, the only option you have is to protect the furniture as best you can or insist he bring his own futon to sleep on.  If he refuses even that, foot down, no sleeping in the house.  Period.  Of course, if he is drunk you don't want him getting in his car and driving because you would feel devastated if he killed himself or someone else.  You could buy a cheap futon on an after Christmas sale if you can find one.  It's all about how you feel and what might happen if you decide not to let him sleep at your house due to his sleep wetting.  Either way, you can suggest but not force someone to wear a diaper.  Have one to offer, if he refuses, then no sleeping on the furniture, period.  He may decide it's better than sleeping on the floor or in a motel but if he hasn't by this time, don't bet on it!  And who knows that he might just agree but the minute you all go to bed he takes the diaper off anyway!

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • 1 month later...

This person needs to be banned from sleeping over. If he cant work out why then there is a very serious problem with him. How many of YOU would dare to sleep unprotected somewhere else if you were a consistent or even occasional bedwetter?

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2 hours ago, rosalie.bent said:

This person needs to be banned from sleeping over. If he cant work out why then there is a very serious problem with him. How many of YOU would dare to sleep unprotected somewhere else if you were a consistent or even occasional bedwetter?

I always take nappies and bed protection where ever I go.

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If the guy took precautions as suggested by many here, this would not be an issue. Problem is most of his friends laughed it off even through college and he has never faced up to the issue.  Considering he is a lifelong friend to someone in the family, it is hard to ban him from visiting but the partner of his friend, is at wits end suggesting either he sleep on a rubber air mattress in a specific area which may be an issue as he tends to move to a more comfortable spot in the night, or  not consume any alcohol while he visits, so he can leave on his own at end rather than sleep over.  They are quickly improving the furniture in their home so this is coming to some sort of a conclusion very soon!

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55 minutes ago, deewet said:

If the guy took precautions as suggested by many here, this would not be an issue. Problem is most of his friends laughed it off even through college and he has never faced up to the issue.  Considering he is a lifelong friend to someone in the family, it is hard to ban him from visiting but the partner of his friend, is at wits end suggesting either he sleep on a rubber air mattress in a specific area which may be an issue as he tends to move to a more comfortable spot in the night, or  not consume any alcohol while he visits, so he can leave on his own at end rather than sleep over.  They are quickly improving the furniture in their home so this is coming to some sort of a conclusion very soon!

I just can't believe anyone an be so irrersponsible. Now I have got to the point I no longer worry nor care that I wet the bed but that is at home in my own bed. Now if stay at someone's house I take my own bed protection and the best nappies and plastic pants I have. 

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Our spare bed is made up with waterproof sheets in order to prevent this kind of issue if it crops up.  I would hope the person would be mature enough to at least put the wet bed sheets in the washing machine after an incident but I would definitely make sure they knew about it if they didn't.

A little bedwetting isn't going to ruin a lifelong friendship IMO.....

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  • 1 month later...

any updates to this? have you convinced him to be diapered or have some kind of protection when he sleeps over at you place and does he use the inflatable mattress that was given?

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