Now I feel like a major jerk

[tyrantblade3500]

I sent some angry texts to my mom at work (during one of my break times) about not including me in her "grand ideas" next time; I know she didn't mean anything bad by what she did; but with the "self lender" coming out every month; the winter season being slow at work (i had a $180 check, my lowest check in years and after next weeks check I will have no check for 1 week) and then this stupid debt collector BS (when i finally gained the ability to pay towards the credit card they decided to send debt collectors after me, so I had to agree to pay $1500, which is $1500, even $125 a month is $125 less I have to pay towards bills, less money to spend on hobbies, etc; and it hurts).

I have already been struggling just with the slow season and Self Lender, plus I have to worry about if the company runs out of steel, or maybe their orders get cut down to almost nothing (or if they have production lines in changeover for several weeks, which seems to keep happening), and then I may have to take a layoff because I'm pretty new to the company and I have never had to take a layoff before, ever; so it is unknown territory and all this stuff is stressing me too much.

And the stress seems to either throw me into Depression or Mania (I dont seem to have traditional Bipolar as I really dont seem to know how long I will be depressed, or manic, or whatever and I'm normally pretty stable and happy, but all this stress is just wrecking me).

It also doesn't help having my younger brother not paying anything towards bills, pushing me and my mom further behind than we would be if he Manned Up and paid the low minimum $ amount we want from him (anybody in the US tell me you wouldn't jump at $240 a month and nothing else with heat and Electricity and everything included) ; which he obviously cant pay with no income.

I mean I do pretty decent in an average month, and sometimes there is a fair amount of overtime; but I am a chronic worrier; always worried about the worst things that can happen (which sometimes does happen, I cant pay all the bills I normally would with a 1/2 paycheck).

I can worry a lot less once I know they are going back to full production with no major setbacks, but right now I cant 100% enjoy the holiday season knowing any number of setbacks could happen in just a few weeks.

[Baby Girl Sarah]

We can al make those  mistakes  in lashing out to our  mom hon (me included  )   the good thing  is  you can always   let her know youe sorry after (again been there done that SO many times  in past  years  )to me it sounds you finally  stepped  up and accepted  and  moved  on   and for that you deserve  (WELL DONE  )    i know its  not  fun dear ,   125 /month    is WAY less  then what you thought of 100 /week utliest  dear.  I agree   it SUCKS      but  we have to pay and we HAVE to make it work somehow .   and the  less  money for hobbies  and fun  ? Well hon what can i say  welkome to my world and SO many others  with low  income       

Im sorry about youre  worries  dear  and they are  QUITE  valid i should ad. Again welkome to my life   since  MANY MANY MANY years 

I have  both  Bipolar (or as it was cold back then  manic depression disorders  )   Anxiety among gazillion other  side diagnosis  to my  ord  ones  so i UNDERSTAND dear   even if you dont  think so i do   

I understand    as i  and others  have  said   its  TIME to  get him to MAN up /STAND up  and  get a job and contribute  & STOP drinking 

Its  not that strange  youre as you say a chronic  worrier   dear  

Im afraid that youre NOT alone  dear  there are MANY  out there  as well as  around the world    (me included  )    that cant  find the  joy of this  season  nor  have the funds  to use for said   season of  jolly 

JUST ALWAYS know   youre NOT alone  im among  others RIGHT here   if you feel you whant to talk hon                           

[horrorfan]

Everyone blows a fuse every now and then, just know how to come back from it and people tend to understand.