Abuse

[cookiemonster23]

On 12/20/2018 at 7:06 PM, PetahPetah said:

Hi.  As a kid, i had few friends--played with 2 boys down the street, 1 of which was in my class, and his brother maybe 1 or 2 yrs younger.  But at school, i was picked on a LOT.  Told to ignore them, i could not; they sometimes made it a little physical with tripping me, poking, trying to take my stuff.  the written rules say to tell the teacher, but rats/snitches are hated more.  When i tried to defend myself, I got in trouble.  So not fair!  I cried and wanted to die, all the way through into High School.  Of course it didn't help that i'm gay, too.  

     At home, both parents worked.  Mom nagged me and Dad.  No beatings, but I sometimes hid in a "fort" or someplace.  So today I'm still a bit childish, sometimes or in some ways.  

That’s rough. I got bullied in school as well, mainly for being quiet and not very social. It never got physical, but it definitely sucked. I’m so glad to not be in school anymore. I was told that I’ll miss it once I get a job, but I’ve had one and I didn’t miss it at all.

[LilFozzyJ5]

I was sexually assaulted when i was nine in my bedroom (not a family member). After that i started to emotionally regress back to a time when i was safe and loved. So it was a direct result.

I was also bullied and beaten during my school years and the home situation wasnt exactly all sweetness and light, all of that probably contributed.

[Busy Britches]

Few people have the exact same life experiences; mine are somewhat unique.  I experienced emotional and physical abuse both before and after potty training, and several years after that.  One form of abuse turned me into a baby that craves to be in diapers and mess my pants for mommy.  The other abuse, turned me into a violent sociopath, who has no conscience, empathy or guilt about anything.  Thankfully, I have been able to somewhat control those violent impulses, which has kept me alive and out of prison.  But they are always there, like background noise or a song in your head that won't go away. 

I was born to a mother who hated me from day one.  (She told me that many times.)  I had no father to speak of.  I was first abused emotionally when I began walking at the age of 13 months.  My mom bought me a potty chair and told me to be a "big boy" or else.  Of course, being a 13 month-old with no bowel control, I just kept pooping my training pants.  My mom hated me and my poopy diapers.  She gave up, and tried to potty train me again, this time at the age of 2.  I still kept pooping my pants.  So in a fit of anger (I remember this well, and my mom has confirmed many details about the experience) she put me back in diapers and rubber pants, and kept me in diapers until I was 5.  And I remember being a 5 year old in diapers, at daycare, in the "2 year-old room"  and my mom telling everyone, "He's still in diapers because he poops his pants like a baby."    

At the age of 5, I was finally "potty trained" because my mom married a demon in human flesh, and he just beat the hell out of me until I stopped pooping my pants.  And he abused me for the rest of my life under "his roof" even torturing me.  I didn't realized I had been tortured until I watched a war film many years later and I saw an interrogation/torture scene of a POW, and I realized that 's what my step-father had did to me.  They kept this guy/POW awake (sleep deprivation) for days, slapping him and threatening him every time he dozed off.  My step-father had done the same thing to me for years.  He called it, "instructing me." 

But by far, the worst abuse I suffered, and what I believe permanently altered my brain and turned me into a violent sociopath with no feelings for other people (in fact, I have a very anti-social personality) was when a large 17 year-old "mentally retarded" man kidnapped me and tried to murder me at the age of 6.  Yes, I was 6, and he had lured me to a barn and had set up a hangman's noose hanging from the rafters.  This happened on my grandfather's farm in 1965, he was the son of one of the farmhands.   Once he locked the door, he told me to either take off all my clothes and go naked, or he was going to hang me; strangle me until I was dead.  I fought, I struggled, I screamed, and he almost had the noose around my neck, when I was rescued.  It was a horror beyond belief.  I have never "got over" that struggle for my life in a barn in 1965.  It still haunts me to this day.   By the way,  he was never prosecuted and imprisoned because his IQ was under 50, and to use the vernacular of 1965, he was, "mentally retarded."  

I believe that close brush with death at the age of 6, of almost being murdered by a guy who was laughing and giggling as he tried to get the noose around my neck, and the fact that he got away with it; all conspired to turn me into a violent sociopath with a hair-trigger temper.  

Many times, when I have reflected upon my need for diapers and regression fantasies, I have thought to myself,  "Is it any wonder that you want to be an infant again, messing your pants for a loving mommy who loves to change poopy diapers?"  No it isn't.  Loving mommies and poopy diapers are my "safe space."  I believe that my desire to be a baby again, in diapers, messing my pants for mommy, is a direct result of the totality of my fucked-up life.  Yeah, I'm fucked up, and I've had a fucked up life, but the diapers and regression fantasies have helped to steady me and helped me to cope with all the trauma and horror that I have had to live with. 

[nenog613]

i was seven (or almost seven) and had an accident at daycare. as punishment i was taken to the back, stripped down and put into a diaper (which included touching), then sent outside for everyone to see. fast forward to puberty where during arousal i developed an urge to be diapered and humiliated.

so i'd say it had a direct influence

[cookiemonster23]

On 12/23/2018 at 11:03 AM, Busy Britches said:

Few people have the exact same life experiences; mine are somewhat unique.  I experienced emotional and physical abuse both before and after potty training, and several years after that.  One form of abuse turned me into a baby that craves to be in diapers and mess my pants for mommy.  The other abuse, turned me into a violent sociopath, who has no conscience, empathy or guilt about anything.  Thankfully, I have been able to somewhat control those violent impulses, which has kept me alive and out of prison.  But they are always there, like background noise or a song in your head that won't go away. 

I was born to a mother who hated me from day one.  (She told me that many times.)  I had no father to speak of.  I was first abused emotionally when I began walking at the age of 13 months.  My mom bought me a potty chair and told me to be a "big boy" or else.  Of course, being a 13 month-old with no bowel control, I just kept pooping my training pants.  My mom hated me and my poopy diapers.  She gave up, and tried to potty train me again, this time at the age of 2.  I still kept pooping my pants.  So in a fit of anger (I remember this well, and my mom has confirmed many details about the experience) she put me back in diapers and rubber pants, and kept me in diapers until I was 5.  And I remember being a 5 year old in diapers, at daycare, in the "2 year-old room"  and my mom telling everyone, "He's still in diapers because he poops his pants like a baby."    

At the age of 5, I was finally "potty trained" because my mom married a demon in human flesh, and he just beat the hell out of me until I stopped pooping my pants.  And he abused me for the rest of my life under "his roof" even torturing me.  I didn't realized I had been tortured until I watched a war film many years later and I saw an interrogation/torture scene of a POW, and I realized that 's what my step-father had did to me.  They kept this guy/POW awake (sleep deprivation) for days, slapping him and threatening him every time he dozed off.  My step-father had done the same thing to me for years.  He called it, "instructing me." 

But by far, the worst abuse I suffered, and what I believe permanently altered my brain and turned me into a violent sociopath with no feelings for other people (in fact, I have a very anti-social personality) was when a large 17 year-old "mentally retarded" man kidnapped me and tried to murder me at the age of 6.  Yes, I was 6, and he had lured me to a barn and had set up a hangman's noose hanging from the rafters.  This happened on my grandfather's farm in 1965, he was the son of one of the farmhands.   Once he locked the door, he told me to either take off all my clothes and go naked, or he was going to hang me; strangle me until I was dead.  I fought, I struggled, I screamed, and he almost had the noose around my neck, when I was rescued.  It was a horror beyond belief.  I have never "got over" that struggle for my life in a barn in 1965.  It still haunts me to this day.   By the way,  he was never prosecuted and imprisoned because his IQ was under 50, and to use the vernacular of 1965, he was, "mentally retarded."  

I believe that close brush with death at the age of 6, of almost being murdered by a guy who was laughing and giggling as he tried to get the noose around my neck, and the fact that he got away with it; all conspired to turn me into a violent sociopath with a hair-trigger temper.  

Many times, when I have reflected upon my need for diapers and regression fantasies, I have thought to myself,  "Is it any wonder that you want to be an infant again, messing your pants for a loving mommy who loves to change poopy diapers?"  No it isn't.  Loving mommies and poopy diapers are my "safe space."  I believe that my desire to be a baby again, in diapers, messing my pants for mommy, is a direct result of the totality of my fucked-up life.  Yeah, I'm fucked up, and I've had a fucked up life, but the diapers and regression fantasies have helped to steady me and helped me to cope with all the trauma and horror that I have had to live with. 

That's horrible, I'm so sorry. At least you've somewhat learned to cope. Have you seen a therapist at all?