Strange days indeed - a 24 x 7 experiment

[ozziebee]

There has to be a Disabled toilet nearby, use that. 

Another option is to use a different nappy brand for work. Something like Betterdry, or Rearz Inspire+InControl. Both can be ordered through Down undercare in Brisbane. 

[oznl]

17 minutes ago, ozziebee said:

There has to be a Disabled toilet nearby, use that. 

Another option is to use a different nappy brand for work. Something like Betterdry, or Rearz Inspire+InControl. Both can be ordered through Down undercare in Brisbane. 

Thanks for your suggestion Ozziebee!  There IS a disabled toilet.  It is a single-room unisex facility with a door that opens directly on to the cafe forecourt (a stunningly poor piece of architecture).  Anybody sitting down for their coffees (including at some point, my colleagues) would be wondering why an able-bodied person is going into a disabled facility carrying a bag.   There is also a key lock on the door.  I haven't checked to see if it is actually locked (wouldn't surprise me...)   Even access to the bicycle change rooms is controlled.

I do have a handful of Betterdry.  I guess I could try one to see if it could get through a whole day.  Expense is something I'd need to consider - I seem to remember them being eye-wateringly expensive.  Another consideration is the rather dramatic way in which they swell up.  I remember getting off a plane once and it looked like I'd stuffed a koala bear down my pants ?

[DaStickman]

Hi Oznl, Happy New Year. 

When I read this post my heart sank for you and the frustrating experience you’ve endured over the years of your marriage. Only for so long can you realistically block the urges that are the authentic you to please others - a girlfriend, spouse, partner or wife. 

Im glad you’ve approached this level headedly and are actively challenging her on the “issues” that she has with you wanting to wear. In your eyes - it hurts no one and it’s a mechanism for stress relief. How could that possibly cause harm?

I’ve experienced a similar breakdown in understanding with my wife and had my own “line in the sand” moment. I’ve taken to being upfront, honest and my authentic self. There are differences in approach and reaction in our two stories but I’ll say that it’s helping strengthen our relationship. 

I wish you the best of luck. 

Cheers

[oznl]

1 hour ago, DaStickman said:

Hi Oznl, Happy New Year. 

When I read this post my heart sank for you and the frustrating experience you’ve endured over the years of your marriage. Only for so long can you realistically block the urges that are the authentic you to please others - a girlfriend, spouse, partner or wife. 

Im glad you’ve approached this level headedly and are actively challenging her on the “issues” that she has with you wanting to wear. In your eyes - it hurts no one and it’s a mechanism for stress relief. How could that possibly cause harm?

I’ve experienced a similar breakdown in understanding with my wife and had my own “line in the sand” moment. I’ve taken to being upfront, honest and my authentic self. There are differences in approach and reaction in our two stories but I’ll say that it’s helping strengthen our relationship. 

I wish you the best of luck. 

Cheers

Thank you for your kind thoughts.  Something had to break and I am yet hopeful it will not be our marriage but I’d reached a kind of tipping point where I could see that I could repress myself all the way to the grave in a gesture of tolerance that would never be reciprocated or even appreciated, just expected.

It's amazing even now into week #3, I am tying myself in knots with nappy logistics to try to avoid her having to notice them but it is of course, completely pointless because she WANTS to notice them.

Have you published your story somewhere?  It may be of help or guidance to others.

[oznl]

And so, I have drifted into week #3 of 24x7 nappies without any hint of a desire to stop.  It will be sheer practicality and/or the wearing-down by my partner that will get me in the end assuming nappy rash doesn’t make a late dash for victory.

I am sure that for newbies, habituation to nappies would take a very long time (ergo the “12 month” program).  I suspect however that my pedigree of 40 years as a practicing DL habituated to wetting anywhere, anytime, being male and middle-aged, along with my habit of allowing near-constant bladder drainage rather than episodic urination into my diapers might be accelerating, er, “developments”.

Last night, I got into bed in my slightly-wet Babykins cloth diapers.  Before retiring, I’d been in my lounge chair and had again reached my “unclenched” zone whereby I was unthinkingly and effortlessly dribbling intermittently into my nappy.

After getting into bed, I managed to resume this space although laying down nothing really seemed to be happening but nor was I experiencing any kind of bladder spasms (a common reflex for me in response to deliberate non-clenching after urination).  As it happens, I’m getting over a cold which has turned into a cough and so I was coughing periodically.  I noticed that in this mode, every time I coughed, I leaked a drop or two of pee completely involuntarily (although I could have stopped by clenching).  I could feel it at the tip of my willy as it soaked into my waiting nappy but that was all I could feel.

Unusually, I slept through most of the night without peeing (or at least I think I did!).  I went a little at around 4am.

The other thing I forgot to mention from Wednesday was that I think I had a “pee dream”!  It was a little strange.  I was in a disposable that night and I know that wearing those, I really need to be laying on my back for “safe” wetting.  I dimly recall waking laying on my side at around 2am but thinking to myself “oh, it will be ok, I’m too sleepy to move and there won’t be much”.  I knew I was only slightly damp and there was plenty of nappy capacity and I had my Babykins terry-lined waterproofs over them anyway.  I remember starting to pee and feeling the warmth drain down to my side but I cannot ever remember actually finishing or checking for leaks.  Next thing it was around 4am and I’m still not sure if that event was real, dreamed, or some combination of the two.   I am wondering if I fell back asleep peeing.  I could not imagine myself being that careless awake as a wet bed would create incremental spousal friction.

Pee dreams have happened before to me after sustained periods of nocturnal use.

My wife has already quizzed me saying that she cannot understand how I can pee in my sleep (with an expression of some disgust).  I reassured her that this is something I actually wake to do but part of me suspects that if I let this run on for a few months, that may not be the case.

I am working from home today and so have gone “old school”: kite-folded, pinned terry nappy with my Babykins night nappy soaking in the trough.

[oznl]

And so into week 4.  I am in something of a stable routine now and my nappies seem normal to me but I still derive great comfort from being in them and have zero interest in doing anything other than periodically changing them.

At Ozziebee’s advice (thank you Ozziebee!), I have altered my day nappy selection from Tena Slip Maxi to BetterDry 24/7 to resolve my “range” challenge.   I had half a packet laying around to test with.  This nappy seems capable of handling everything from 7am through to about 4pm at which time I usually head to the gym for a brief bout of exercise.  The price for this kind of cruise range however is bulk and by the end of the day, I’m a fraction waddly and puffy in the crotch department.  I’m mainly seated for work, I don’t delude myself that people are staring at my crotch, and I am comfortable and dry (on the outside at least) so it’s been ok.  It IS a mission to stuff a fully-wet BetterDry into the sanitary bin in the gym toilets as they finish up the size of a football!  Thursday was a VERY wet day and when I got to gym, I discovered that I had a very minor leak into my flannel-lined PUL pant but I think that was more to do with peeing whilst constantly sitting.  My outer clothing was safe and there was plenty of dry padding at the rear of my nappy.

After a couple of days road-testing these, I bit the bullet and called into Littles Downunder up at Brendale to pick up a case of BetterDry off Derek.  Now I have 60 fresh ones to play with.

I’ve been changing into a Molicare Maxi at the end of gym which runs through until my night nappy (another Molicare Maxi under terry-lined waterproofs) and I think this might be overkill.  It might be better/cheaper to change into a pull-up at the start of gym, simply removing it temporarily to shower before reapplying it until my night nappy is due.  This would remove me of the need to be nappy-free during gym which at week 4, I am already finding to be slightly uncomfortable and so today I bought a packet of Molicare pull-ups to play with.

My current daily change regime is:

• ·         0700 – 1600 Day nappy (BetterDry 24/7 under Gary PUL pants – if a work day, including a thin flannel diaper-pant between my nappy and waterproofs as leak insurance)

• ·         1600 – 2200 Evening nappy (Molicare under Gary PUL pants – possibly a pull-up instead)

• ·         2200 – 0700 Night nappy (Molicare under Babykins terry lined waterproofs)

Despite having a near-permanently-wet bum since just after Christmas, I’m still nappy rash free!  This was a major worry for me as I’m in the middle of a subtropical summer (epic time of year to go 24x7!).

 My risk mitigation strategy here is:

• ·         Wet-wash my nappy area at least twice per day with a skin-friendly soap

• ·         Primary nappies to be high quality disposables with cloth nappy use limited to one period per week not exceeding 36 hours

• ·         Weekly shaving of my crotch area

• ·         Use of sudo-crème with disposables / powder with cloth

• ·         Try to have some 15m or so of “dry out” nappy-free time per day (but with all urination to take place in my nappy)

The closest I’ve come is some mild irritation on my scrotum but to be honest, I have more skin dramas from the tapes if they touch my skin rather than the wet nappies themselves.  The heat has made things hard.  Every day here this time of year is reliably 30 – 34C with fairly high humidity and whilst it might get down to 20C at night, that’s only briefly early in the morning with most of the night being 23 – 25C with again high humidity.   I have relied on the AC in our bedroom at night more than usual.

My long-suffering partner has agreed to tap me on the shoulder if I start to smell but to date, even she has said that she hasn’t been able to notice anything with disposables.  I hope she is right.

  She’s still quite unhappy at the 24x7 thing but she does seem to have gotten it through her head that this is something her that nagging and sulking isn’t going to alter.  For the most part, she tries to avoid talking about them or even looking at them but she did pull me up on something yesterday.  I’d come home from work and I was desperately hot.  I’d been to the gym and really failed to cool down afterwards. “Those nappies won’t be helping” she pointed out, gesturing at my crotch.  It’s been rare for her to even acknowledge their existence lately.  She was right of course.  A thick nappy and waterproof pants is clearly NOT helping.  “I know”, I said.  “I picked a heck of a time of year to start wearing nappies.”.  She reacted instantly: “Start an EXPERIMENT!  Not start to wear nappies again!”. 

Clearly, she’s still strongly fixated on a sunset date to my wearing.  This is a problem.  I don’t want her to endure some weeks of suffering, pining for the cessation of nappies and then live in horror and fear that they may return (they will).  I want her to STOP suffering, get used to this and move on with toleration.  Whilst there are upcoming commitments that DO mean I will most likely have to cease or at least pause wearing, I’m now thinking of deferring my resumption of “grown up” underwear until closer to this drop-dead date to give myself more time to crash through this barrier.  I don’t want to go back to the space whereby she gazes down at my crotch, rolls her eyes and stops speaking.  I’m done with that.

I am now resolved that I will be diapered for at least a month (I’m nearly there anyway) and I’m thinking hard about how far into a second month I can get.  I will have to deal with more interstate travel and meetings. 

I am putting together “catastrophe kit” bag for the car now: spare nappy and dark pants.  Back in cloth nappies until Saturday (bedding washing day).

[Snugglebear_69]

Honestly it doesn't sound like your wife will "get used to it and move on" and nor should she have to. You're entitled to your perspective and feelings and she's entitled to hers. Just be prepared that the two may never coincide and that the issue will still need to be addressed and may only become steadily worse.

[oznl]

10 hours ago, Snugglebear_69 said:

Honestly it doesn't sound like your wife will "get used to it and move on" and nor should she have to. You're entitled to your perspective and feelings and she's entitled to hers. Just be prepared that the two may never coincide and that the issue will still need to be addressed and may only become steadily worse.

I agree that she is entitled to her perspective as I am mine.  The battleground is that I think it is not “ok” for her to insist that I suppress a deeply ingrained aspect of me simply to fit better with her perspective and that the patterning and pressure program she has been subjecting me to, MUST stop.

I will be content for her to simply ignore my choice of underwear and accept an environment where I insulate her from any inconvenience or embarrassment due to that choice.

If her desire for control of me extends to the point where she cannot afford the kind of tolerance that she expects from me (albeit for some more mainstream things) then the relationship is untenable.   I am NOT the controlling type of husband.  I support and enable her activities, some of which I myself do not enjoy or partake of.

We are in regular talks about this.  We had a good discussion last night over a glass of wine on the balcony.  She said she can easily tell I’m wearing a nappy under my work clothes and that my office’s receptionist will surely have noticed that I’ve stopped visiting the bathroom whilst at work.  My counterpoint was that SHE would notice these things because she knew the underlying situation and what cues to look for but average people would have neither insight nor interest.  She accepted that this MIGHT be possible but I should thin down the day nappy (I *could* probably ditch the flannel over-pant safely and just run with the BetterDry + PUL pant).  Constructive criticism I can use.

This morning she told me that she was a little more “ok” with things.

[ozziebee]

My layering is such for work:

1) BetterDry nappy

2) Molicare stretch pants. This is to ensure my nappy stays together if the tapes ever decide to part ways, or move. 

3) Gary PUL pant

4) OnesiesDownunder Onesie, plain white sleeveless

5) My normal work/office clothes. 

My Betterdry has lasted 12-14 hours normally. My issue is retention/overflow, and Im often feeling nothing to full flood wetting in seconds. The above has kept me dry (at least until Ive made it to my truck after a 2h train ride from work in the evening).

[oznl]

2 hours ago, ozziebee said:

My layering is such for work:

1) BetterDry nappy

2) Molicare stretch pants. This is to ensure my nappy stays together if the tapes ever decide to part ways, or move. 

3) Gary PUL pant

4) OnesiesDownunder Onesie, plain white sleeveless

5) My normal work/office clothes. 

My Betterdry has lasted 12-14 hours normally. My issue is retention/overflow, and Im often feeling nothing to full flood wetting in seconds. The above has kept me dry (at least until Ive made it to my truck after a 2h train ride from work in the evening).

Thanks for the tips!  I was actually planning on ordering some of those Molicare fixing pants with my next order.  There seem to be both long and short legged types.  Do you have a preference?  The onesie is probably a non-starter here in QLD this time of year.  The heat is pretty oppressive.

I think the (very minor) BetterDry leaks were to do with them being overly compressed between my bum and my chair all day.  I suspect if I was walking around the pee would have time to dissipate but I have assiduously made no effort to control timing of this so most wettings happen whilst I am seated.

[oznl]

Sunday morning and I flooded my Molicare Maxi in bed last night.  Fortunately, my Babykins dual-terry lined waterproof pant insurance policy paid off.  The bed was dry and my partner was none the wiser.

I’m not 100% sure what happened.  I went to bed practically dry as there is never any build of pee in my bladder these days (except for nights).  I can remember waking up briefly to pee a couple of times.  I don’t recall the exact chronology but the volume didn’t seem in anyway unusual and I thought nothing of it.  I do remember letting the odd trickle go whilst on my side, dozing off and on early in the morning because I was too lazy to roll over but there was no quantity to speak of.

Shortly after arising, I went into the bathroom for my morning nappy-area wash and to change into a Tena Maxi.  When I pulled down my Babykins, they seemed heavy and I saw that the Terry lining was yellow-ish.  It wasn’t just damp, it was full on wet between the leggings and creeping up the crotch.  I peeled off the Molicare and it was heavy and completely saturated.  The padding was wet 97% of the way up the back and completely wet at the front and crotch.

No real drama I suppose but now I have a pee-wet nappy-pant to wash in what is supposed to be the “disposable phase” of my week.

 

[Greybird]

Dlteddy from FL. having read both Onzl and Ozziebee I am clearly very lucky. My wife, of 37 years, is very understanding. Going back a bit, she was the high flyer in London city business and I was the freelancer who undertook all the house duties of cooking, cleaning (except when I organised a cleaner) and all the car care etc, she worked and worked, so I had a lot of solo time to indulge in nappy play time so when she came home it was not seen or spoken about until bed time when she was always tolerant of my bedwetting. I had introduced her to bedwetting nappies early on in our marriage with which she was fine. She is a bit of a prude and sex was never a major part of our relationship, so no children either, well why should we, there was already one ‘child’ in the house. 

I have always suffered the most terrible guilt about my ABDL side but it really doesn’t go away, so when I got to 65 I had one last stab at getting rid of it with a healer, but to no avail, it came back in such a way that I decided to embrace it. Wife and I don’t have sex conversations but she said, unprompted, that this was a part of my personality make-up, it hurt no one, so just be discrete and get on with it. I am the same person she married just a bit damper!

i am fascinated by the underlying phsycology of ABDL and have tried to understand where I ‘caught’ it from, I’ll probably understand it well by the time I drop dead!

one book that I did find interesting, albeit that most of the content did not apply to me, is Rosalie Bent’s book ‘There is a baby in my bed’. It might be a way of giving you wife a better insight into our feelings/thoughts/motivations etc.

Bon chances

Teddy

[Bettypooh]

"Surprises" go with the turf which is why I always recommend over-protection when a surprise can have a large negative effect on life. I've come to enjoy most of the surprises I get from wearing and wetting, but only to a point. Catastrophic failures suck, and moreso if you have no means of mitigating them. Like when my Moli completely disintegrated at work when I was riding with someone else and couldn't have a spare change along I still can't find any fun or humor in that event. But most of the time I do find something pleasant because I look for that. For instance a minor leak reaffirms that my desired lack of control is present, and that I am not much ashamed of myself and who I am A major leak at the wrong place and time is altogether different- I DO want to avoid those. Nothing in life is 100% guaranteed or 100% effective, so it's better to expect the occasional surprise so that you can better deal with them because they are going to happen now and again, especially with diapers!

Bettypooh

[oznl]

Yep.  I'm getting around to the idea that surprises are a thing and that they usually involve damp patches!  I managed a minor leak at work yesterday in a BetterDry.  I'm not entirely sure what went wrong but some how I managed to pee through the BetterDry into my flannel over-pant which got wet and wicked moisture through the stitching on my Gary PUL pant at the back of one thigh.  I'd been in my chair on con-call after con-call peeing away unthinkingly.  When I stood up I thought "mmm, that feels a little cool on the left hand side!".   It was pretty minor but upon changing in the gym, the BetterDry wasn't even that wet so it must have been something to do with how I'd taped on the diaper.  Friday is "work from home" day so I've been in cloth since last night and will probably wear cloth tonight also where leaks aren't so much a thing.

Even as a native, the heat down here is grinding us all down a bit.  Every day has been around 34C/95F which doesn't sound very hot but it's high humidity heat and it comes on early.  According to my personal weather station, it's usually 30C by 9am, and doesn't get below 30C until after 6pm and most nights not below 24C/25C.  Nappies REALLY don't help so it's getting to me more than usual but that's the package deal I guess.

Down in Melbourne it's even worse today.  45C (113F) and many of my team members down there have lost power due to load shedding (greenies shut down a great chunk of their base-load coal-fired generation capacity earlier this year so this isn't altogether surprising).

Still, I have power and AC in my study.  I will write a detailed "one month update" across the weekend when the first month has elapsed.

[oznl]

On 1/20/2019 at 6:43 PM, Greybird said:

one book that I did find interesting, albeit that most of the content did not apply to me, is Rosalie Bent’s book ‘There is a baby in my bed’. It might be a way of giving you wife a better insight into our feelings/thoughts/motivations etc. 

I do actually have that book on my Kindle.  I bought it years ago out of sheer curiosity.

I’m glad the book exists but I have some mixed feelings about it’s relevance to me.  I found it to be somewhat didactic in tone and seemed to suggest that Rosalie's partner’s AB behaviours and practices were universal paradigms and practices for the ABDL community members at large.

 I think if one found oneself coupled to an AB similar to Michael, it could be a useful operating manual.  Whilst there are *some* similarities between Michael and myself, there are also some key differences some of which would be real sticking points with my partner.   She would laser in on the AB side of things very quickly and I'd have TWO problems instead of ONE.

 

[oznl]

Another brief discussion with my partner this morning over toast.  She informed me that my “study smelled like a urinal”.  Since at the time I was wearing only a t-shirt and a rather soggy Babykins night nappy this wasn’t the worst possible outcome by far.   She is right though because it’s 32C every day and the wardrobe in my study contains a very thin plastic bag filled with 4 days’ worth of wet disposables.

I informed her of this and explained my dilemma here:  she prefers me to use disposables, I need to dispose of them, but she doesn’t want to see them and doesn’t want me carrying them through the house when our son might spot them so they get cached in my study in an unsealed rubbish bag and snuck down periodically.  My study is the only space I have.

I said that I would buy an airtight bin to deal with this.

“This doesn’t sound like an experiment to me, this sounds permanent…” she announced in annoyance.

Thus the discussion.

I have told her that due to overwhelming practicality of upcoming work commitments, there would be a cessation in nappies.

“That’s a month away” she stated flatly.  Actually, it’s a little more than that but I didn’t feel the need to correct her.

I then told her it was highly likely that upon my return, I might go back to nappies.

She continues to fret about risk to my job, our reputation or the children finding out (and causing difficulty for her as I suppose it would).  Not once has she asked me about my happiness or what I want. 

It sounds like I am being harsh but let’s be clear-headed about this.  What she wants is for me to build upon the practice of the last 30 years and have me to sublimate a deep part of myself (that she has always known about) to her preferences for the remaining term of my natural life.

I will not.

[Sarah_Hillcrest]

Really enjoying reading about your experiences here.  I have to say I totally get where you are coming from.  My wife feels the same way.  For the 20 years we've been together I've respected her and not worn around her until recently.  In the past it's been a huge divider between us and even is now.  Your wife's concerns and my wife's concerns are exactly the same. 

I would strongly suggest trying to see the situation from her point of view.  

[oznl]

38 minutes ago, diaperchucky said:

I would strongly suggest trying to see the situation from her point of view.  

I've spent 30 years doing that ?

Good to know that my experiences are of some use to others though.  I find it slightly cathartic just to write some of this stuff down.

[oznl]

So here we are.  24x7 for a whole month now.  Where am I up to?

•          Nappies are my new normal. They are my standard underwear and I wear them all the time.   I’m in a stable routine with predictable changing times and minimal leakage.  All urination has taken place in my nappies for a month and I no longer stop to think about that.  I can no longer can easily tell if I am wet by feel alone as I have become habituated to being wet (I am a slightly more aware if I am in cloth nappies).  I assess my nappy’s status primarily by the duration I have been wearing it, its weight and a quick poke and feel.  If I have taken my nappy off for some reason, I feel a bit naked and am intensely aware of my need to pee.  I am also experiencing a preference shift from cloth towards my disposable/terry-lined waterproofs combo at night possibly due to the greater acceptance from my partner.

• ·       I have learned to keep my pelvic floor relaxed for longer periods of time.  I do not wait for my bladder to fill in my nappies but rather attempt to leave my urinary sphincters in an “open” state whereby I drip and dribble periodically in a manner I suspect is a bit similar to one who has been catheterized.  At the beginning of the month, I would experience a compulsive urge to clench after leaking urine but now I can remain relaxed for more extended periods of time.  Sitting hydrated at my desk, I can remain in a “leaking” state almost indefinitely.  I have not experienced anything close to a full bladder for a complete month now and any significant urinary urgency experienced has, when relieved, resulted in only a fairly small volume of pee being released.  In the last couple of days, a new phenomenon has arisen:  the characteristic and indescribable sensation at the tip of my penis that occurs after relaxing and just before urination commences is sometimes reduced or missing.  Sometimes I relax my pelvic floor and the next thing I feel is wetness.  This is not all the time.

•          Retaining pee is not comfortable.  Non-nappy time is rare for me, confined to showering (pee happens), swimming (pee happens) and brief gym sessions (for which I ensure I have fully voided into my nappy before removal as pee should NOT happen although this week I tried a pull-up to dial-out even that time as nappy-free).  I am noticing a low level but persistent need to pee within minutes of my nappy removal even though my conscious brain is aware that there cannot be any pee to expel.   When changing at home,  I will typically want at least a wipe down and refresh some anti-rash cream.  Within seconds of removing my wet nappy, I feel it necessary to clench to stop a drip and if I don’t, I will drip (on the floor…)  If I stand up after sitting on the toilet (for #2), I will drip on the floor unless I specifically think not to.

• I am not sleep-wetting but I am paying MUCH less attention to wetting in bed.  Initially I was acutely aware of a decision to wet myself in bed and quite awake.  After one month, I have less specific recollection: I am sure I am awake but fall back asleep fairly swiftly.  I’ve also started to have occasional “pee dreams” again – usually early in the morning.  In a previous experiment (night wearing only), these occurred several weeks in and were a prelude to one or two sleep-wetting events.  A decade later and they have appeared earlier at week 4
     Related to this, I suspect I now have nocturia.  I now wet at least three times per night: roughly around 1am, 3am and 5am each time stirring with an urge to pee but with relatively little pee stored.  Waking up at night is really the only time that I experience a meaningful urge to pee because it is the only time I am allowing pee to store up.  This will be painful to deal with when I am back out of nappies.  My wife has observed that I appear to be sleeping better and deeper:  I have historically struggled a lot with sleep and am often near-permanently tired.

So, where is my partner?  Well, she’s hanging in there.  It would be too much to say she is happier with this but she’s given up criticizing or nagging.  For the most part, she tries her hardest to simply ignore my nappies and studiously non-responds to any reference to them (eg: “I need to go and change”).    Her mood cools when nappy related materials arrive:  February’s case of Molicare and another couple of waterproof, lined nappy covers from Babykins produced an eye-roll.  I simply stated the facts: she prefers disposable nappies, they have to come from somewhere, and as for the protective clothing, I had nowhere near enough for 24x7 without risking smelly, unwashed items.

She does however, seem to be less permanently in a bad mood and we have had a few happy moments of complete domestic normality but with me clad only in a nappy, plastic pants and t-shirt.

What next?  For now at least, I’m staying in nappies.  Work is a pain in them though (I leaked a little in them again late last week).   I have no desire to switch out of them and I cannot see why I could not complete February in them before considering some at least partial re-training to deal with some overseas travel commitments in March that for many overwhelming reasons, I do not think can be effectively accomplished in nappies.  Things that may change this would include uncontrolled nappy rashes, uncontrollable risk of disclosure, unforeseen personal emergencies or serious degradation of continence.

What have I learned so far?  It has become clear to me though that I am not a 24x7 “wannabe”, I’m the real deal.  Left to my own devices, free of commitments I *would* do 24x7 and if I consequentially lost continence, then so be it.

There you have it.  It may not be an ideologically idyllic  but it is real.  YMMV...  Onwards to February!

[PoopyDiaperDude]

I've walked a similar path.  I now openly wear around my spouse, and diaper up, un-diaper, and clean up in front of her if she is around.  It was a long journey.

I talked to her and asked "do you not think I wished it was something else that I was into?  I'm hard wired like this beyond my control".  I think that's when she embraced my diaper-ness.

good luck.  It's a long walk, but if you get there, it's worth it.

[Greybird]

You are right in that travel is a serious pain for us nappy wearers. The most discrete nappies would be pull-ups and the easiest to pack, but you still have to estimate how many you will need and where you could get hold of some if you run out. I seem to have reached an age when a little incontinence is more easily accepted, except that my very babyish terries would raise an eyebrow!

i absolutely agree with PottyDiaperDude when he says “do you not think I wished it was something else......”. For so many years I wished it would go away but.  ....

A small detail but how lovely it was when my wife said the other day that she liked the new nappies I had made! Look at Dlteddy on FL.

[Bettypooh]

On 1/26/2019 at 7:29 AM, oznl said:

So here we are.  24x7 for a whole month now.  Where am I up to?

 

•          Nappies are my new normal. They are my standard underwear and I wear them all the time.   I’m in a stable routine with predictable changing times and minimal leakage.  All urination has taken place in my nappies for a month and I no longer stop to think about that.  I can no longer can easily tell if I am wet by feel alone as I have become habituated to being wet (I am a slightly more aware if I am in cloth nappies).  I assess my nappy’s status primarily by the duration I have been wearing it, its weight and a quick poke and feel.  If I have taken my nappy off for some reason, I feel a bit naked and am intensely aware of my need to pee.  I am also experiencing a preference shift from cloth towards my disposable/terry-lined waterproofs combo at night possibly due to the greater acceptance from my partner.

   

• ·       I have learned to keep my pelvic floor relaxed for longer periods of time.  I do not wait for my bladder to fill in my nappies but rather attempt to leave my urinary sphincters in an “open” state whereby I drip and dribble periodically in a manner I suspect is a bit similar to one who has been catheterized.  At the beginning of the month, I would experience a compulsive urge to clench after leaking urine but now I can remain relaxed for more extended periods of time.  Sitting hydrated at my desk, I can remain in a “leaking” state almost indefinitely.  I have not experienced anything close to a full bladder for a complete month now and any significant urinary urgency experienced has, when relieved, resulted in only a fairly small volume of pee being released.  In the last couple of days, a new phenomenon has arisen:  the characteristic and indescribable sensation at the tip of my penis that occurs after relaxing and just before urination commences is sometimes reduced or missing.  Sometimes I relax my pelvic floor and the next thing I feel is wetness.  This is not all the time.

   

•          Retaining pee is not comfortable.  Non-nappy time is rare for me, confined to showering (pee happens), swimming (pee happens) and brief gym sessions (for which I ensure I have fully voided into my nappy before removal as pee should NOT happen although this week I tried a pull-up to dial-out even that time as nappy-free).  I am noticing a low level but persistent need to pee within minutes of my nappy removal even though my conscious brain is aware that there cannot be any pee to expel.   When changing at home,  I will typically want at least a wipe down and refresh some anti-rash cream.  Within seconds of removing my wet nappy, I feel it necessary to clench to stop a drip and if I don’t, I will drip (on the floor…)  If I stand up after sitting on the toilet (for #2), I will drip on the floor unless I specifically think not to.

   

• I am not sleep-wetting but I am paying MUCH less attention to wetting in bed.  Initially I was acutely aware of a decision to wet myself in bed and quite awake.  After one month, I have less specific recollection: I am sure I am awake but fall back asleep fairly swiftly.  I’ve also started to have occasional “pee dreams” again – usually early in the morning.  In a previous experiment (night wearing only), these occurred several weeks in and were a prelude to one or two sleep-wetting events.  A decade later and they have appeared earlier at week 4

   

     Related to this, I suspect I now have nocturia.  I now wet at least three times per night: roughly around 1am, 3am and 5am each time stirring with an urge to pee but with relatively little pee stored.  Waking up at night is really the only time that I experience a meaningful urge to pee because it is the only time I am allowing pee to store up.  This will be painful to deal with when I am back out of nappies.  My wife has observed that I appear to be sleeping better and deeper:  I have historically struggled a lot with sleep and am often near-permanently tired.

 

Well I'd say there's no doubt that 24/7 is meant for you too  The instant concern when not diapered, the reflexive clinching to not dribble, and the discomfort of retaining urine have occurred so quickly and so strongly that there can be hardly any other explanation. Bedwetting can be a separate process, as it is with me, or integral- that varies from person to person. Just use the same approach of not actively trying to do anything and it will settle out on it's own

Also good to hear the domestic bliss is returning, but remember to not take it for granted and to repay kindnesses equally Often we can get lost in ourselves and forget that what out partners feel is equally important to the relationship.

Unless flooded or used beyond capacity, premium diapers should not leak. I've found that how the diaper fits versus out individual body shape makes a world of difference. Two approaches may help you here; first is to try all the different diapers to see if that will solve the issue. Most can be had as samples- expensive per diaper but cheaper than a bag of diapers you can't use The next approach is fitting. Sometimes to order of how you fasten tapes can matter; for me bottoms first gives a better fit but others do tops first. Aiming the tapes matters too; some go straight across, others point them upward or downward. And they need to be tight at the legs which some diapers stretch some in the wearing so those have to start out extra-tight. Pay strict attention to getting a good leg fit- it's the most important aspect in avoiding leaks.  I also find all diapers are too long for me, so to get the right fit I fold the excess plastic inside down to the padding, which helps with support when it gets heavy.

You also mention not perceiving how wet you are. What I've found is that different diapers absorb in a different pattern. With most, the best indicator of nearing full capacity is when wetness rises in back, as most diapers absorb fully in front first. Feeling where the wetness is will be a more reliable indicator vs guessing at the weight which you can only estimate And each diaper is different with this so you have to learn the signs with each one. I had several leaks when I switched from Tena to Molis until I learned that when the Molis feel wet high in the back, there's nothing left It's something I have to remember to consciously check on since I pay no attention to my diapering otherwise.

All of life is something of an experiment where we try different things to see how it goes. It would be too boring to have otherwise!

Bettypooh

[oznl]

7 hours ago, Bettypooh said:

Well I'd say there's no doubt that 24/7 is meant for you too  The instant concern when not diapered, the reflexive clinching to not dribble, and the discomfort of retaining urine have occurred so quickly and so strongly that there can be hardly any other explanation. Bedwetting can be a separate process, as it is with me, or integral- that varies from person to person. Just use the same approach of not actively trying to do anything and it will settle out on it's own

 

Thanks Bettypooh - I should be clear about this for readers though.  I am nowhere near incontinent.  THAT doesn't happen after a month.  What it appears is that my bladder has had over a month of being continuously nearly empty and I've had over a month to improve an ability of not-clenching that I'd been practicing intermittently for decades.  Lastly, because being wet is normal, wetting itself is less than memorable some of the time.

I can instantly stop the post-void dribble but I have to stop and think to do: default after 33 days continuous use is for me to leave the tap open.  Last night I changed for bed late and changed in my study (I try to keep my diapers as out of sight for my partner as possible).  As I was about to remove my evening nappy, I managed to void a little (making sure my night nappy had a good start).  A few seconds later, I untaped my nappy and as I turned to fetch a fresh one, I heard a dripping noise - I was dripping on the carpet!  I stopped it instantly but it was reflexive and I was utterly unaware of it until I heard the noise.  Oops.  That was an eye-opening moment and crystallised in my mind something I think has been brewing for a week or two now.

Initiating urination remains 100% voluntary.  If I leak, I can stop.  It's just that wetting happens often and I don't think about it that much anymore. What IS new is that although the decision to start is completely voluntary, I have gotten a bit vague about where the finishing line is.

I think also a point to be remembered is that I'm a highly practiced DL with 4 decades of habituation and quite a few previous bouts of sustained (up to a week) diaper use.  If I'd tried this in my 20s, I think it would be a VERY different experience.

I continue to experiment with disposable taping.  I've had a couple of "faulty" Molicares where the tapes are permanently stuck to the nappy out of the packet and removing them, removes a piece of the plastic nappy backing.  Ever frugal, I've repaired them with tape.

 

[oznl]

Pursuant to losing track of diaper-status, I typed the above in the morning still in my night nappy.  I hadn't changed out of it because it wasn't that wet and could afford to wait a while.

Yeah right...  Mindful of Bettypooh's warning I found that the padding was wet up to about 1" from the waist at the rear.  It wasn't me surely?

[Newbee]

Hi oznl

lucky for that you haven’t had nappy rash I have because the heat here in NSW has been very hot and I work in hot kitchens also I do a lot of walking in my job so the friction has caused nappy rash but luckily I have a very understanding husband who changes me and applies cream when needed I will add that I have no choice but to wear 24/7. Your partner is right your work colleagues would have noticed the bulk of betterdry I won’t wear them to work as they are too bulky but I do wear them at nighttime I do love them. I really hope that your partner does come to accept you wearing nappies 24/7 even if she doesn’t agree with it.

i wish you all the luck