Why...

[Firefly 35]

It would seem that many people on this site take offense to different opinions.  On many different occasions, I've seen people post something along the lines of "At your age, you should just get a job and move out (of your parents' house)." or "AB should not have anything to do with sexuality."  

Why do people do this?  I do not understand how saying those kinds of things would help anyone.

[Baby Girl Sarah]

Firefly i agree  even if someone  would think this things  there is  no need to actually say that out loud   , the reason for someone to still stay home   can be of  multiple reasons . As for  AB`s  shouldent  have any thing sex related thats just just stupid.  Yes  AB is  a  non sexual thing    BUT never the less    AB  /Little one is also NOT meant  As a 24 /7 lifestyle  so what we do in our  other time  as adults  is up to us and NOONE elses bother.           

[DaddyB1990]

I have no idea why people do this, but for what its worth, I think almost everything about this lifestyle (and the majority of life) is that it can be about whatever you want it to be.

I've spoken to people that categorically think of it as a non-sexual dynamic, but I've also spoken to people that get incredibly turned on just by being called a little girl.

I've spoken to people that want to live the lifestyle 24/7 and then to others that just want the dynamic to exist purely within a scene i.e. they'll only be a little with a diaper on.

I've seen people get into endless arguments about about the 'right' diaper, or the 'right' way to dress as a little, the 'right' way to act as a little....

 

At the end of the day, forget about everyone else and you do you.

[mamabug]

If there is anyone that is the best at offending other people - it is me. LOL My advice? Don't fret about it. The people that often got mad at things are ignorant and not worth your time. You don't even know how many times I had to ARGUE with people on why I'm here - even though I don't wear diapers myself  Or why I don't like wearing diapers and never will.

What I'm saying - just be yourself. You don't need to explain or argue yourself to other people. Everyone doesn't fit in a nice ABDL box; I know that I don't! You're 20 years old! Who cares if you still live at your parent's house, being on your own isn't cheap nowadays. I'm 27 and have to be at home (as a single parent). And who cares if you're an AB who enjoys sex! You have a vanilla life, OR you might be a mixture of AB and DL. No one should care!

It would be boring if we all thought the same way or liked the same things.

[Baby Girl Sarah]

Daddy B  , Mamabug  i couldn't agree more on what you both alredy said   WELL spoken  indeed 

And for clarification  reg  my statement  that AB being a non sexual  thing  what i meant is that  its generally NOT.  This said dont mean that  Sex is not included  in in this cind of  RP of course More so in Sissy AB  /LG  (ie  FORCED  Fem )  tho but as i said   also in the regular  AB`s  Little ones  im shore      

And as Daddy  B so accurately points out there is NO right or wrong  in this  lifestyle  and sed lifestyle  be it  AB /Little  play  /sissy etc...  Is constantly evolving .     

And  Mamabug  for the record  the ONLY one that should be able to decide if you belong in here or not  is YOU  dear Simple as that       

[Elfy]

The problem a lot of people have, and I think we are all guilty of it at different times, is we look at our own experiences and forget that everyone has different lives.

Some people have very sexual attractions to diapers or enjoy them in their sex play and others don't like to mix the two and it can sometimes be difficult for the two sides to understand each other. It's like a lot of political things, it can be very hard to see the other side on a lot of things.

Sometimes people can get very fired up if it is something that they care about. At the end of the day all you can do is what is right for you.

To address your two specific points...

On moving out... This is a classic of everyone having a different opinion formed on their own life. It is very difficult to move out in this day and age because wages just don't stretch to cover everything you need to pay for a place either rent or mortgage. A lot of this is a generational thing because for older people it was a lot easier to move out and get started. I don't think a lot of people understand how much things have changed for young people trying to get started.

On diapers and sexuality... Everyone is different on this point. Some people seem to put a diaper on and all adult thoughts, including sex, disappears. Some people put them on specifically for sexual stuff and many more are somewhere in the middle. Personally, sometimes they can end up being very sexual and sometimes they aren't. Everyone is different and I don't think there is a right way or a wrong way to wear diapers.

This site is open to all adults who wear diapers no matter what the reason. It is also open to any mommy or daddy or anyone else interested in the lifestyle. No one has the right to tell another person whether they should or shouldn't be here unless they are obvious trolls, underage or otherwise break the rules.

[Bettypooh]

I think that at times there are certain things which need to be said, and as long as you intend no offense none should be taken. If it is anyway work it out with them. Yes there can be many reasons behind everything but there's a huge difference between having a valid reason and using justification to add validity where none exists. And too everybody needs to understand that if you ask a question you need to be prepared to hear answers which you may not like. Everyone is as entitled to their own opinion as you are yours, and you have no right to expect only positive responses. IRL you don't even have any right to expect to not be bashed, though we don't allow that here on DD.

I do encourage trying to understand others, especially when it's obvious that they are having big issues in their life. Tailor your response to the situation. Unkind words can do great harm to people on the edge. If you can't or don't understand how that works it' probably best that you just say nothing and then learn from the situation how you can better respond yourself next time round.

Depression amplifies bad feelings, so especially here in this forum we need to be careful about what we say and how we say it so that positive results occur instead of negative ones. Really we should try to do that everywhere. But this does not mean that you can't speak about something you see which you feel is a problem. All too often we get posts like "I'm in my mid twenties and I can't have diapers because I still live with my parents". The obvious and often best solution to that is for them to move out on their own and there's nothing wrong in recommending it- even here. But you also need to know why they are still there; perhaps they have physical or mental problems which prevents them from leaving the nest. But more often than not they're still there out of comfort more than out of need. We all need to live our own life on our own when that is possible. All of nature is like this, and there is a point where parental dependence become a bad thing in keeping you from your real happiness. It's often us older folks who harp on that but it's not because of meanness- it's because we've seen more of life and we've seen what the effects are of decisions younger people make over the long term. We're meant to be independent beings making our way through life on our own- that's what works best in the long run for almost everyone. So when someone has this exact problem then they too need to apply the principals of trying to understand as well as being sure they aren't bashing in their own responses. Almost everyone wants some kind of betterment to occur in their social interactions on both sides of them.

It's never been easy to begin life on your own. It never will be. That's part of life and it is supposed to be that way because it teaches us many things we are going to need to learn to have a good life of our own. How to have a successful career, how to live in harmony with the people around us, how to value money, how to find ways to survive when they aren't evident, how to discipline yourself into doing what you need to do first before you do anything else. And that's just the start of what is a very long list. No matter how hard or easy it is it is no less necessary than it's ever been. All of life is hard, and the sooner you learn how to deal with life's harshness, the more of your life you will have in relative happiness. We're not going to be here forever so waiting for things to get better is wasting what time you have. You have to go make things better yourself for it to happen no matter how hard or how easy that is. And that really doesn't begin to happen until you're on your own. There's no particular age when everyone should be leaving the nest, but there is a point where everyone should do it. Sometimes that point is evident and sometimes not but it exists. When your time comes it's better that you do it than to wait for better because at that point anything better for you stops until you move forward into life. Your life. Not a life with constraints you do not want or need holding you back from the better things you can have.

Some of us have problems which make it hard to get on with life or to find the goodness in it. Some of us struggle just to find any reason to go on for the next week, day, hour, or minute. We need your understanding, and we can use your help. Unless you're like us you probably don't understand fully what our lives are like but you can try, and we deeply appreciate it when you do that. By the time we reach out in forums like this or in any place else we're going to be in our troubles deeply. We're going to be out of ideas of how to go on. We're going to be sensitive to how you approach us and what you say. Please keep that in mind and offer us support in positive ways. If you have more you want to discuss with us then give us time to regain our strength and our ability to discuss that without it being the push over the edge we're trying to avoid when we show up here. And if you can't or won't relate to us like this, please remain silent and let others give us what we need to go on. There are many of us who will not make it as far as we could have or should have because of our disease and how it takes our happiness,and indeed our very lives away from us. Depression is a very evil thing and we need your help- not your bashing.

Bettypooh

[Baby Girl Sarah]

BettyPoo  what more to ad then  BRAVOOOOO    ! I  have had the honer of  helping  Severely broken & lost souls in forums such as this and similar (as well as RL )   for MANY years  (as im my self  a SEVERELY Broken soul  i can  understand others )   And i can honestly say this is probably the BEST description of  how this works i have seen or read so far 

Stepping up in a situation as this  its VITAL  as been so accurately stated  to UNDERSTAND    and try  to  read what sed  person is actually saying   and try to put youre self in his /her situation  and also be willing  to actually listen to what Said  person  is saying

Trying to  get them to snap out of it  or just ask them to grow up  and get a job  will only risk that they go down even deeper in there depression  and not to mention it can trigger them to actually take suicide  or do something  else  stupid.     

What we al have to keep in mind  in this matters is  that the persons  reaching  out  in this forum  is a  highly emotional state & the tiniest little  wrongly put  sentence can trigger something NOT good  so its VITAL that we as  BettyPoo says  here use extreme  cation in how we reply  to sed  person asking for help. And  IF you reply be darn shore you actually are willing to listen and try to understand   said person  and said  problems cause if youre not  then please refrain from replying  and risk things going on the wrong way.                                     

[Firefly 35]

On 11/29/2018 at 12:33 PM, Baby Girl Sarah said:

BettyPoo  what more to ad then  BRAVOOOOO    ! I  have had the honer of  helping  Severely broken & lost souls in forums such as this and similar (as well as RL )   for MANY years  (as im my self  a SEVERELY Broken soul  i can  understand others )   And i can honestly say this is probably the BEST description of  how this works i have seen or read so far 

Stepping up in a situation as this  its VITAL  as been so accurately stated  to UNDERSTAND    and try  to  read what sed  person is actually saying   and try to put youre self in his /her situation  and also be willing  to actually listen to what Said  person  is saying

Trying to  get them to snap out of it  or just ask them to grow up  and get a job  will only risk that they go down even deeper in there depression  and not to mention it can trigger them to actually take suicide  or do something  else  stupid.     

What we al have to keep in mind  in this matters is  that the persons  reaching  out  in this forum  is a  highly emotional state & the tiniest little  wrongly put  sentence can trigger something NOT good  so its VITAL that we as  BettyPoo says  here use extreme  cation in how we reply  to sed  person asking for help. And  IF you reply be darn shore you actually are willing to listen and try to understand   said person  and said  problems cause if youre not  then please refrain from replying  and risk things going on the wrong way.                                     

I suspect this is why the traffic here is declining.  No wonder.

Edit:  People not being considerate of others is why I think this site is struggling.  Sorry if anyone misunderstood the above reply.

[horrorfan]

People tend to be a bit more insensitive when they have not had the particular experience themselves or had the exact opposite experience. As far as advice on this forum goes, since it is free and by no means the equivalent of professional psychiatric help, I'd say just take everything with a grain of salt. No one's personal opinion is going to change or fix a problem.

[Bettypooh]

On 12/1/2018 at 7:53 PM, horrorfan said:

People tend to be a bit more insensitive when they have not had the particular experience themselves or had the exact opposite experience. As far as advice on this forum goes, since it is free and by no means the equivalent of professional psychiatric help, I'd say just take everything with a grain of salt. No one's personal opinion is going to change or fix a problem.

Very true. But it's equally important that those who ask advice understand and can deal with unwanted answers to their questions, because that is going to happen. And as often as not, those unwanted answers are the best ones; occasionally the only right answer at all. It's part of life for things to be like this, and it is one of the most basic things we have to come to grasp with to find our way through this world successfully.

Many of our problems are self-created ones, a very harsh lesson I had to learn in my time in Therapy. There is no one to blame for those except yourself, and nobody else can fix them for you. You have to take responsibility for everything you do whatever the results because you are the one who did it. That's really what maturity is (and it's odd speaking of it on an ABDL site but it's still true and still necessary). One old friend believed in and said "You make your own luck", and there is some truth in that but I disagree. What we make through our actions is opportunities for other things to happen. If you choose the right actions then better things usually come from that; choose the wrong actions and you get bad results instead. Not always, but usually, and that's all you can do, really. There are no guarantees in life and some of us are going to get screwed over no matter what or how hard we try to avoid that.I have sympathy with this because I'm pretty much one of those my own self. But there can be no allowance made for not trying because anyone can do that. And there is no wrong in the failures of those who will not try, in fact that is the right, proper, and correct ending on that path. It's reality, and reality is often an ugly thing.

Especially in a forum like this where people are asking for our help and support, we must carefully consider our words and what their effects will be. It doesn't mean we can't say something; it just means we need to say it with care and concern for the people involved. If your motivation to say something doesn't come from that standpoint then keep silent here. If you don't, then your actions may lead to consequences you won't like. But if you're truly wanting and trying to help, and you have something valuable to say then say it. The more perspectives you have, the better the chances are that the best answer will emerge from them.

And if you want our help, assistance, and input then ask for it. Just don't expect the replies to all be what you want to hear. I try to closely watch this forum because I too am unwillingly saddled with Clinical Depression. I know what it feels like. I know what it can do to you. I've had to ask myself why I am not committing suicide (and that is a continuous battle for me). I'll do what I can to protect you here but you must also be ready to be helped when you ask for that or it does no good for any of us, and we all want as much good to come from here as we can get.

Bettypooh

[Baby Girl Sarah]

I can only again ad i i agree with you on this  Bettypoo 

And like  you i have been having "  severe suicidal tendencies "  pretty mush al my life   and  Bipolar disorder  (new name for Manic depression  disorder  ) ,   anxiety  Disorder etc.....  As a few  of the  MANY of 100 + side diagnosis to my MBD that i have been given  from birth +  Severe ADHD   + Mild  ASD  , And  yes  you might not always  like what you get to read  in this  matters in here  BUT as being said  for EVERY individual  you ask  or that answers  youre  reply  you will get a different  answer and way to deal with   said   problems  described.  the  one thing  we can do in here is to help YOU find the answers  that YOU seek. & you MUST also be ready to accept said  help  offerd                         

[horrorfan]

@Bettypooh I certainly get where you are coming from, having been diagnosed with major depression disorder, myself (which is fueled by other health, mental, and social problems). I also know the joys of constantly weighing the pros and cons of just ending it once and for all, but I eventually came to the conclusion that death is not what I cognitively want, rather better circumstances, which, as you pointed out, you have to create for yourself. You really have to get yourself out of your own head and figure out what your problems really are so you can figure out how to address them. I feel like that took me way too long to figure out, but I guess all of us eventually come to that conclusion whether it's the easy way or the hard way.

[Bettypooh]

Yes, and a good Therapist can be invaluable with this. I know that I would have never been able to figure out what was triggering my episodes of depression and making them worse otherwise. It's not a cure, but it helps you find ways to increase your chances for happiness and a better life. It was only the depth of the conversations with my therapist that allowed me the insight of how things work in me as well as other people too. TBH, I could have finished my therapy in 6 months but I wanted to know how to better understand and deal with others since this was one of the biggest problems I had in life- maybe the biggest. In the extra year-and-a-half I went, I learned more about me too, and this part strengthened my ability to think my own way through things which have happened since then. She gave me the tools to use to survive and showed me how to use them and for that I am forever grateful.

I now wish I could have discussed diapers and the ABDL world with my Therapist. I knew I had some attraction to them then, but I hadn't explored it because it wasn't any problem in my life at that point- just an occasional sexual fetish I fantasized over and not the only one. As best I can tell my Therapist has now retired- she's no longer on the list of active licenses in her State. Were it not for the distance and costs I'd love to talk with her on this subject if she was interested in doing that.

Bettypooh

[horrorfan]

I think at best she would have referred you to another professional if you had brought it up, assuming that she deemed it irrelevant to your sessions and depending on how in-depth you want to take that discussion. Don't expect licensed professionals to get too chatty about kinks and fetishes (unless that is directly related to why you seek their services). In my experience therapists are really only there to direct you to resources which they believe that you need, along with counseling, but there the list ends.

[Bettypooh]

My Therapist was open to these kinds of things, and sexual matters did get some discussion with me being openly TG as you'd expect, but only to the depth that we found no significant problems. We did discuss how my teenage libido and underwear fetish of that time played a role in my becoming who I am, but it wasn't that much involved overall. I'm certain she'd have been OK discussing diapers, yet I have to wonder how many Therapists would be like that? After all, she was the third one for me after two who neither had an ounce of true care and concern in them nor any understanding of the diversity of humanity. It isn't often that you will ever spend time with a totally awesome person and I'm thankful that I could do that, for it saved my life and more importantly it saved me from myself.

Bettypooh