Gender fluid diaper lover with problems

[Pikakingdomwars]

I recently discovered i'm a gender fluid because of my apathy of feeling like either gender. I announce my crossdressing and the abdl I've been hiding my whole life (I never grew oyt of diapers, but hid because of mockery) mom doesn't mind me crossdressing, but not choosing a gender and the whole abdl thing is upsetting her. How do i get  her to understand so i don't have to move out to use diapers? Also despite fantasies of diapers, i'm asexual.

[Bettypooh]

You can't make anyone else do anything. What they do is totally up to them. you can try to change people and some will change, but you can never know who they will be or how far that change will go. When you're living under someone else's roof there's nothing you can do about what limits they want to set- you just have to bear with that until you can cause a more amenable roof to be over your head. If you push them too hard then you might find yourself with no roof over your head- a bad place to be for certain

I'm similar to you save for being older. During my transitional period when I could not present as entirely a woman I presented androgynously, either all or part of me was wearing women's clothes that were so similar to men's clothes that nobody noticed. Maybe a tiny touch of make-up if I felt like it. Definitely all woman underneath including socks. Dressed that way what people will see is how you act, and that will set your gender in their minds without restricting you into choosing one or the other save for when you have to in order to get by. Back then I was working as a painter with a bunch or semi-rowdy guys. I'd started that job like them, even with a full beard. As time passed I slid slowly into womanhood, but acted just the same at work as I always had. When I decided to come out privately to my boss he had to be shown where I'd been wearing women's pants and women's tennis shoes at work every day for over a year; he'd seen nothing nor had anyone else. He hadn't even noticed that both my ears were pierced But away from work and it's restrictions I could be me freely and with just a change of attitude I was seen as a very plain looking woman with very small breasts.

Being gender-fluid without restricting it is the biggest PITA I've ever dealt with. Mine changes in mere minutes from one end to the other or anywhere in between without rhyme or reason. The only way I've found to cope with it is to control it with willpower when I have to. That definitely worsens my clinical depression but my only other choice is to finish my now-stopped transition where I find it much easier to keep the man side out of my life without repercussions. It's certainly a hard world to live in when you're not based solidly somewhere in the gender spectrum

As to the ABDL and diapers your best solution is to keep that as far off her radar as is possible. No mentions and nothing she will see, hear, or otherwise have to deal with. You can express that more freely out of her presence and it's not really a huge crimp on your lifestyle to do that. Life is all about compromise- giving of one thing to get something you want in return. You can't get what is not being offered no matter what you offer in return- that's just a sad fact of life you have to get over. Often getting what you want means that you have to create it your own self which is rarely easy. That's possible here though- all you need to do is find that more amenable roof I spoke of earlier even if you have to cause that to happen all by yourself. You're going to do that anyway someday and now is as good a time as you're ever going to get to do that. Once you're under your own roof you can do whatever you please

Bettypooh

[cruxshadow]

That's interesting that your mom is more ok with you cross-dressing, than being genderless. Well, the more I think about it, something self-aware animals, such as ourselves, have always had the utmost trouble with is uncertainty. Despite the long, slow death of the "god of the gaps" which is scientific discovery, many still cling to religions for this reason. And one of the most often posited arguments, as to human nature is "nature vs nurture," when in reality, both have a hand in creating who we are. Complex answers terrify us.

I used to wear mostly women's clothing, seldom dresses, but all my shirts and pants were women's. I was too skinny for men's clothes, but they also  just seemed to "fit" me better, in other ways. It used to torment me, that I wasn't born a woman, until I started to, semi-secretly (my queer friends knew) transition. At that point, I realized that I didn't feel like a woman either, and that I somehow related neither fully related to men nor women. This was a good 5 or 6 years before all this talk of gender neutrality came to prominence, and even in the LGBT community, this wasn't something which was understood, discussed, and most of all, it wasn't something that was accepted.

Along with being queer in that sense, I was also bi. But many men, and women, though more often the former than the latter, thought I was pretty, regardless of their orientation. They attempted to "take" things from me, with varying degrees of success, from marginal, to complete. Things which are to be given, rather than taken. Due to this, I became disinterested in men, and attempted to dress as masculine as I could tolerate, to attract more women; but instead I just looked like a soft butch. Most of the women who hit on me at bars, and bought me drinks, had mistaken me for a lesbian. Though now, nearing 40, the femininity which is youth, has begun to fade from my face.

[Snugglebear_69]

On 10/28/2018 at 7:01 PM, Pikakingdomwars said:

I recently discovered i'm a gender fluid because of my apathy of feeling like either gender. I announce my crossdressing and the abdl I've been hiding my whole life (I never grew oyt of diapers, but hid because of mockery) mom doesn't mind me crossdressing, but not choosing a gender and the whole abdl thing is upsetting her. How do i get  her to understand so i don't have to move out to use diapers? Also despite fantasies of diapers, i'm asexual.

As a gender fluid person myself I find a few things you've said interesting. I'm not going to try to define your experience, that's personal and I respect that, but I am curious as to what you mean by "crossdressing" and not choosing a gender.

Gender fluid IS a gender identity. It's not about choosing a gender but more about having a fluctuating gender identity. Personally, as gender fluid I subconsciouly go between being a male and a female with distinct mannerisms. I'm curious as to your experience/perception of your own gender identity. Being apathetic to either gender sounds almost closer to agender than genderfluid. Do you not perceive fluidity as a gender identity?

As for crossdressing, that implies being one gender while wearing clothes associated to a different gender. Sex is one thing, gender is very different. When I'm male or female, where feasible, I dress as the gender I am so for myself don't label that as crossdressing.  It's not always easy to have gender identity and gender expression match, as I dont control the fluid change, but even in those moments where it doesn't perfectly match I wouldn't use the label crossdresser for myself.

I'm curious as to your personal experience/approach.

Respectfully,

Kirk/Kaiya

[Bettypooh]

I say not to let "labels" bother you, restrict you, or define you. We are who we are, even if that changes from moment to moment. What matters is how we deal with ourselves, whether allowing it, restricting it, or exposing it as well as any variations regards the setting we're in. Being strongly gender-fluid is a PITA but what can you do when that's who you are? My choice is to work with how much the rest of the world sees to keep myself on an even keel. Here at home I just go with it, but for now I display as a male and usually act accordingly. It''s not who I really am by a long shot, only how I handle it. Those who know me really well have seen all sides of me. It's just my solution- yours may be different.

Bettypooh

[Sparkle Dust]

On 11/13/2018 at 7:47 AM, Bettypooh said:

I say not to let "labels" bother you, restrict you, or define you. We are who we are, even if that changes from moment to moment. What matters is how we deal with ourselves, whether allowing it, restricting it, or exposing it as well as any variations regards the setting we're in. Being strongly gender-fluid is a PITA but what can you do when that's who you are? My choice is to work with how much the rest of the world sees to keep myself on an even keel. Here at home I just go with it, but for now I display as a male and usually act accordingly. It''s not who I really am by a long shot, only how I handle it. Those who know me really well have seen all sides of me. It's just my solution- yours may be different.

Bettypooh

It's kinda my method.  although, just role that I sometimes identify as female at work.  

[Diapered Dave]

And here all this time, I thought Gender Fluid was what leaked into my diaper when I'm excited... Huh.  Now I feel like a big dummy!