A question for those with vanilla partners...

[Mark84]

Have you ever had your vanilla partner diaper you or change your diaper? What was it like the first time? Was it everything you thought/hoped it would be? Was it weird for them? Was it weird for you?

Mostly asking out of curiosity, but, also because I would love to have my wife diaper me. Part of me feels like I would love it, but part of me feels like it would end up being really weird.

[Stroller]

No, not yet, and perhaps it will never happen.  She's doing a lot of things now, and fed me my bottle last night at bedtime.  But I know she's not ready to tackle nappies herself yet.  She's accepted that I'm in nappies all day every day now, and that was a huge step on its own.  If I were to ask her to now she'd probably say no, and even if she did, it wouldn't work really, as she wouldn't be comfortable doing it.  I started with the little things, and gradually she's becoming a bit more comfortable with things.  I'm not going to push her too hard - she's had a lot to get used to already.

So, I'm pretty sure I'd only love it if she wanted to do it, not if she was changing me reluctantly.  If she wanted to, then I'd love it.  If she didn't, then it certainly would feel weird, and uncomfortable.

Good luck with it!

[diaperedandspanked]

Wife cloth diapered me once, didn't like doing it, hasn't done it since. Things may be changing though now that she knows i'm wearing 24/7.

[Mark84]

1 hour ago, Stroller said:

No, not yet, and perhaps it will never happen.  She's doing a lot of things now, and fed me my bottle last night at bedtime.  But I know she's not ready to tackle nappies herself yet.  She's accepted that I'm in nappies all day every day now, and that was a huge step on its own.  If I were to ask her to now she'd probably say no, and even if she did, it wouldn't work really, as she wouldn't be comfortable doing it.  I started with the little things, and gradually she's becoming a bit more comfortable with things.  I'm not going to push her too hard - she's had a lot to get used to already.

So, I'm pretty sure I'd only love it if she wanted to do it, not if she was changing me reluctantly.  If she wanted to, then I'd love it.  If she didn't, then it certainly would feel weird, and uncomfortable.

Good luck with it!

Yeah, I don’t want to push my wife, either. She just became comfortable enough to be around me when I’m wearing diapers about a year ago. I know that’s a big deal, and I would feel incredibly selfish asking her to diaper me or change me (which, in part, I feel isn’t as big a deal as it might be for some spouses/partners because I don’t use my diapers). She knows that I would like her to do it, so I don’t think I will ask her to, but last year the first time I wore in front of her, she had said something to the effect of wanting “to be involved” or “participate” and I didn’t want to assume that she meant diapering me. But I never just asked her what she meant, so it came and went without me knowing. She may have just meant that she wanted to show me that she loves me even if I’m wearing diapers, but not that she wants to put me in them. 

[drynot]

My wife is vanilla as the day is long but I've had her in diapers from time to time.  She's changed my diapers as well and I've really enjoyed it.  It's not a task that she particularly enjoys but we both like making one another happy so its kinda a quid pro quo setup.

[rusty pins]

I think of it this way.  A friend of mine had 3 kids.  He loves his kids!  He does things for them that a parent does knowing he will have to do them even before the kids are born.  Once he had 2 of his kids in diapers and we were going somewhere.  He asked me if I would change one kid while he changed the other so we could leave sooner.  I refused.  First, I have no kids of my own and have never changed a baby diaper in my life.  I probably could have done it, but I didn't for the reason's I mentioned.

Point is, and it might not be the best for this particular situation, my friend changes his kids diapers because he loves them and it's part of his job as a parent in raising them.  Just one thing he has to do when raising kids.  It may not be the most favorite thing to do by any means, but you do it because you love your kids and it's part of being a parent.  While his kids are great kids, I am not their parent and don't love them in the same way he does.  I won't change his kids diapers but I would change my own kid's diapers because they are my kids and I love them (if I had kids).  Someone's wife may really love them, and if they love them enough, they will care for them and change their diaper.  In sickness and in health and all that.  On the other hand, when it's a husband's choice to wear diapers instead of a medical need requiring diapers and the husband is perfectly capable of diapering and changing himself, wife may figure it's enough to let him wear his diapers if he wants to but she will have no part of changing them.  Maybe if he does something really special and unexpected for her she might consider doing something special in return, such as agreeing one time to change his diaper, but that doesn't mean she wants or has to do it all the time.  Maybe she knew about his diaper fetish before the marriage, maybe not.  Maybe now that the kids are gone things have changed and the diaper fetish has increased more than at the beginning of the relationship.  "For better or worse" and all that, but people have a limit to everything.  Wife may just feel she didn't marry a baby and sign on for all this even if she was aware of the diaper desires at the beginning.  You have to take into consideration her feelings and views.  She married a strong loving handsome attractive guy and now that guy she was attracted to all those years ago is wearing diapers 24/7 and drinking out of baby bottles.  While she tolerates it, she may not find it attractive at all and is turned off by it.  I don't know because I'm not there and have no idea what was discussed and agreed upon.  She may consent to things and compromise out of love, but everyone has limits and even with consent and compromise, it doesn't mean a person likes it.  That's what compromise is all about.  She may eventually decide to go with it and do the diaper changes, mommy.baby roll play and all that.  Take it slow and see what happens, but if this is as far as it ever goes, it may just have to do.  After all, allowing you to wear diapers 24/7 and use baby bottles and act like a baby is pretty good as it is if it goes no further than that.

[Mark84]

8 hours ago, rusty pins said:

I think of it this way.  A friend of mine had 3 kids.  He loves his kids!  He does things for them that a parent does knowing he will have to do them even before the kids are born.  Once he had 2 of his kids in diapers and we were going somewhere.  He asked me if I would change one kid while he changed the other so we could leave sooner.  I refused.  First, I have no kids of my own and have never changed a baby diaper in my life.  I probably could have done it, but I didn't for the reason's I mentioned.

Point is, and it might not be the best for this particular situation, my friend changes his kids diapers because he loves them and it's part of his job as a parent in raising them.  Just one thing he has to do when raising kids.  It may not be the most favorite thing to do by any means, but you do it because you love your kids and it's part of being a parent.  While his kids are great kids, I am not their parent and don't love them in the same way he does.  I won't change his kids diapers but I would change my own kid's diapers because they are my kids and I love them (if I had kids).  Someone's wife may really love them, and if they love them enough, they will care for them and change their diaper.  In sickness and in health and all that.  On the other hand, when it's a husband's choice to wear diapers instead of a medical need requiring diapers and the husband is perfectly capable of diapering and changing himself, wife may figure it's enough to let him wear his diapers if he wants to but she will have no part of changing them.  Maybe if he does something really special and unexpected for her she might consider doing something special in return, such as agreeing one time to change his diaper, but that doesn't mean she wants or has to do it all the time.  Maybe she knew about his diaper fetish before the marriage, maybe not.  Maybe now that the kids are gone things have changed and the diaper fetish has increased more than at the beginning of the relationship.  "For better or worse" and all that, but people have a limit to everything.  Wife may just feel she didn't marry a baby and sign on for all this even if she was aware of the diaper desires at the beginning.  You have to take into consideration her feelings and views.  She married a strong loving handsome attractive guy and now that guy she was attracted to all those years ago is wearing diapers 24/7 and drinking out of baby bottles.  While she tolerates it, she may not find it attractive at all and is turned off by it.  I don't know because I'm not there and have no idea what was discussed and agreed upon.  She may consent to things and compromise out of love, but everyone has limits and even with consent and compromise, it doesn't mean a person likes it.  That's what compromise is all about.  She may eventually decide to go with it and do the diaper changes, mommy.baby roll play and all that.  Take it slow and see what happens, but if this is as far as it ever goes, it may just have to do.  After all, allowing you to wear diapers 24/7 and use baby bottles and act like a baby is pretty good as it is if it goes no further than that.

For the sake of clarification, I don’t wear 24/7. We have an agreement for when and how often I actually wear diapers - usually just for special occasions. And that’s great, I’m so grateful to her for finding a compromise. As I mentioned, I would feel like I was being selfish by asking her to diaper me, so I’m not going to do that, because I don’t want her to feel that I’m taking for granted that she has found a way to meet me half way. 

But, yes, I completely agree.

[rusty pins]

And to clarify, while my comments can fit any situation, I was thinking more of Stroller's situation and not Mark84's situation.

[erevu]

My wife was completely vanilla when we got married, and has changed the vast majority of my diapers since then (about 6.5 years). The only times she doesn’t change my diaper is when she physically can’t (e.g., she’s at work or out running errands). It was awkward and weird at first. It took time for her to learn all the nuances of both changing a diaper, and also changing my diaper, not to mention shifting diaper and booster brands, and all the related emotional complications that comes with this kind of thing.  Nowadays, there is a diaper changing table in our bedroom complete with wrist restraints, I’m always kept in heavily boosted PeekABU diapers, and she’s a master diaper changer. She does it better than I do now. She tends to think something’s wrong if I’m not in a diaper, and won’t let me change myself. Heck, even if I ask to use the potty, if I’m fidgeting, she won’t let me. She says it’s easier to change my full diapers than trying to potty train me. 

[erevu]

On 10/26/2018 at 2:54 AM, Mark84 said:

...she had said something to the effect of wanting “to be involved” or “participate” and I didn’t want to assume that she meant diapering me. But I never just asked her what she meant, so it came and went without me knowing. She may have just meant that she wanted to show me that she loves me even if I’m wearing diapers, but not that she wants to put me in them. 

Perhaps you should bring this up to her and ask what she meant? You shouldn’t make any assumptions but it sounds to me like she was standing at the open door and asking to come in. She may feel like you don’t want her to? My wife derives much relational value by being intimately involved in this part of me. Maybe bring it up to her and let her drive the conversation. See where it goes. 

[Newbee]

No my husband hasn’t changed my diaper he will watch me change myself so maybe one he will be comfortable enough to want to change me

[PullUpDiaperLover]

Definitely not. She will tolerate me wearing most of the time, and having one on when we start sex. However I don't see her ever putting me in one or changing me. I would say for us thats out of bounds. Things could change, but I don't expect it to.

[Three Rivers]

My wife is mostly vanilla, but she has changed me several times (wet & messy). It's not her thing, but because I have asked her a few times. She has given in, but this is my thing and she lets me enjoy. I have been married for 39 years and have been wearing & using diapers for the past 17 years or so. She knows that I enjoy my diaper time and it works for us. The feeling is fantastic when someone else changes you, but I rarely ever ask.

[northerndiapers]

My wife is an extreme vanilla. I have been married for almost 20 years now and have kept my diapers secret for the whole time. I did talk about my fetish with her before we got married and she did not react well, so I have kept it in the closet (which is OK because I only wear for fun and only a few times per year when I am alone). However, lately I have been thinking about diapers more and more and ways to entice her into diapering me for sex. I could only hope that one day I can be open about diapers and have her join me.

[LittleAmytheil]

My boyfriend isn't an extreme vanilla, but I did hide my diapers from him for a LONG time.  He accidentally found them while trying to find his garb for a LARP.  I feel lucky: He reached out to a mutual friend that we can talk to about this kind of stuff, and he explained a lot of what being a DL is and isn't, which was really great of him.  Then...the two of them bridge the awkward conversation with me and my boyfriend and I discussed it privately in our half-hour drive home from said friend's place.

He offered to take part if I asked, and was comfortable.  I really didn't expect it to be honest, but I personally don't ever ask him to take part.  I'd rather him not at this time.

[DiaperedAllTheTime]

I could not even imagine the complications of being married to a vanilla partner and having a desire to wear diapers.  My wife was far from vanilla yet as a woman it took her years to finally accept that I needed to wear diapers and to love me unconditionally while doing so.  My heart breaks for those that cannot share their diaper desires with their significant others.  I know if I was in that situation I would feel horrible for being dishonest to my partner.  That is not to say I believe anyone is wrong for keeping diapers a secret from their partner, only you know what is best for you and your partner.  

It is nice to see that vanilla partners can and do accept their partner in diapers.  I think in the end love will always find a way.  I know in my relationship I am without a doubt much happier when my wife is participating in someway that deals with my diapers.  Being in diapers permanently means sometimes the novelty of being padded wears off and changing a diaper is just everyday routine now.  My wife rarely does it anymore and I almost always change my diaper in front of her.  She does not even bat an eye.  On one hand I want her more involved yet on the other hand she accepts and allows me to wear diapers fulltime.  I imagine it is not easy when your husband comes to you and let's you know that he will be unpotty training himself.  That decision affected both of our lives and I do understand why she may not be diaper friendly all the time so to speak.

[abdlexplorer]

I've never had a partner I felt I could be open with this about. I just got out of a 12 year relationship with a partner who was in general FAR from vanilla, but who generally referred to kinks that went past their limit as "pee on people kinda freaky". That didn't encourage me to think this was something I could open up about. As a result, I didn't even start to explore this until we separated. I'm REALLY hoping in the future I can find a partner who not only understands, but wants to participate!

[DiaperedAllTheTime]

22 minutes ago, abdlexplorer said:

I've never had a partner I felt I could be open with this about. I just got out of a 12 year relationship with a partner who was in general FAR from vanilla, but who generally referred to kinks that went past their limit as "pee on people kinda freaky". That didn't encourage me to think this was something I could open up about. As a result, I didn't even start to explore this until we separated. I'm REALLY hoping in the future I can find a partner who not only understands, but wants to participate!

There are partners out there for sure.  I personally feel if desiring to wear diapers is your thing than you should be open and honest about it up front in your relationship.  No, I definitely do not think you need to share it on your first date but certainly before the feelings for one another grow strong.  If you can not share your darkest desires with your partner who can you share them with?

A common theme amongst almost all of us is that our need to be in diapers never seems to go away.  Binge and purge all you want...diapers are generally here to stay.  If a partner is with you to stay as well it is only fair to both of you to be honest about diapers.  

[Mr. Sea Otter]

Yea, I've had my wife change me before. I've had others partners do it as well. On the whole I found it a bit over rated, but the participants were not really into it. They all did it because I wanted them to, rather than because they wanted to. Which isnt to say ot was bad... just that it wasn't like the fantasy in my head.

These days I change myself in front of my wife without any hesitation and she doesn't bat an eye. She will bring me a diaper if I need one and has reminded me to put one on at night when I forgot. But she doesn't change me. I'm sure she would if I really begged, but I dont find the juice is worth the squeeze.

[abdlexplorer]

17 hours ago, Mr. Sea Otter said:

Yea, I've had my wife change me before. I've had others partners do it as well. On the whole I found it a bit over rated, but the participants were not really into it. They all did it because I wanted them to, rather than because they wanted to. Which isnt to say ot was bad... just that it wasn't like the fantasy in my head.

These days I change myself in front of my wife without any hesitation and she doesn't bat an eye. She will bring me a diaper if I need one and has reminded me to put one on at night when I forgot. But she doesn't change me. I'm sure she would if I really begged, but I dont find the juice is worth the squeeze.

I think I would feel much the same on this. Having someone involved that was only doing it for me, not because of a desire to participate, just wouldn't be the same I don't think. I want to find someone that would be interested in actively joining the play.

Don't get me wrong though, nothing wrong with a little begging before getting what you want, for those of us that are into that!

[Mark84]

Update:

I had a good bit of diaper time last week, and one night I went into our bedroom to change. I picked up the diaper I was going to change into (reminder, that I don’t use, so my “dirty” diaper wasn’t dirty or even wet at all), and stood there for a few minutes. My wife came into the room and asked what I was doing, to which I replied that I was thinking. She asked me what I was thinking about and I just said, never mind. She then asked if I needed help with something. I said, “No, I don’t NEED help, but I would like some if you’re up for it.” She asked, “What do you want help with?” And I just asked her to take off the diaper I was wearing, and only if she was up for it, would she be willing to put the other one on me. She then said she would take off the diaper I was wearing, but not put the other one on me. 

Man, at first I really almost thought she was going to just change me! I think maybe she was, and then got psyched out and possibly uncomfortable with the idea of changing me. It’s okay, though, she also took another one of my diapers off the next day, and even just experiencing that was pretty nice (especially the second one because I was actually laying down). I feel like the more time I spend in diapers around her, the more comfortable she’s getting with it, and I think, eventually, she may warm up to the idea. Again, I don’t wear frequently, or even often, so it’s not like I’ll be asking her to change me all the time - even the next time I wear I won’t ask her again, but who knows? I think it could happen.

[mike indiapers]

I enjoyed reading everyone’s experiences and can to relate to those that have a partner not into nor supportive of abdl or diapers overall.  I have been married many years and told my wife about my desires to wear diapers and be involved in abdl after encouraged by my therapist to share this hidden side of me.  This happened over five years ago and although it was liberating to finally come out to her about this side of me, we never really resolved where to go with it, so to this day I keep my diapers private hoping for a day where I can wear them in front of her more openly with support.  She was “ok” with me wearing my diapers when I told her, but really didn’t show support nor interest and tried to find other things to comfort me, since diapers are such a source of comfort and security for me now in adulthood.  Even though she told my therapist and me that she was fine with it, she soon tried to rewire my desires and acted like it was wrong for me to wear diapers, so I went underground with them for the time being.  

Occasionally, she will ask what’s up with my diaper interests and wearing and I will say nothing has changed and we don’t take it further.  I think the next move is mine, although she seems happy in our don’t ask, don’t tell situation at the moment. She has told me she wished I would have told her sooner, and this is a regret I live with to this day.  I told her I kept this part of me hidden because I didn’t know how big of a deal it would have been some 30 plus years together and at the time of our earlier dating and marriage, it was only a lingering desire I thought would go away - we all know that doesn’t happen, right?  It was a side of me I felt was compromising and I had yet to accept within myself.  I couldn’t share something I couldn’t come to terms with myself, only therapy many years later helped me find that peace (that’s another story altogether).  

Hopefully, we will be able to have a more open and productive conversation about this in the near future so we can reach a compromise where I can wear my diapers in a more open environment.  We are on the cusp of being empty nesters, with adult kids that keep coming back to live with us after college for a bit before launching on their own, so the house is still not exclusive to wear my diapers in the open.  Part of me is scared that this will change our current relationship and dynamic, which I enjoy so much.  But the bigger part of me wants to be more open and expressive about my abdl self and share it with her and hopefully enhance the intimacy between us.  I need to find the courage and trust to move this forward soon because I am tired of wearing my diapers alone and it feels wrong not to be open about it even though my wife knows, but won’t address on her own.  As I mentioned earlier, it would seem that the next move is mine.