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So last night our friend of ours that knows about my toddler side came over to visit. I was enjoying enjoying my coloring and watching cartoons while my wife/mommy and our friend hung out in the kitchen talking. I went in to get a refill of juice. Mommy took my cup and asked if I needed a change. I was mortified. This was the first time it was mentioned in front of anyone that I might use my diaper. I’m sure I turned red. All I could do was look at my feet  and mumble no. My mommy said, what was that. At this point our friend got up, crossed to me and said I’ll check her. And lifted my skirt and put her hand down my diaper. Then she’s all, no she’s fine and sat back down like nothing happed. Meanwhile I stood there feeling completely infantile and violated. Mommy just handed me my juice and told me to go play.. mommy and I talked later about how it felt. By agreeing to be her little girl I have given her my consent to greet me as such but I’m not sure how to handle friends that choose to play with us. Should they ask me permission to do things like that? Should I trust my wife/mommy with a power of consent? What do other people do?

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What you do is spell it all out before first getting into your lifestyle roll play.  Not each incidence, but right from the very start when you first talk about your fetish, explaining to your wife about it and what you like to do.  Then you either agree on set terms or you don't.  That doesn't mean you both can't agree later to modify them and add new things or remove ideas that aren't working.  That also means your wife doesn't have to participate at all if she doesn't want to unless she gets to make all the rules.  The catch-22 is in some cases you may have to agree to anything and everything she wants to do if you want her to participate at all.  She might demand total control over everything and you can say, "Well, not exactly what I want but I'll agree with her demands because I want her to baby me (or roll play or whatever)".  Your desires, libido and sex drive might be so strong on this part of your fetish you will do just about anything to get her to baby you.  You may not even think of all possible situations that may come up, such as her asking in public around people if "Baby needs her diaper changed" or doing public diaper checks on you, making you show off your diapers when people are over to your house, things like she did.  Of course, you have the options right from the beginning to refuse what she wants to do or any part of it that you think is just going too far, but then she has the right to say, "Ok, forget the whole thing then".  If you can't come to some compromise and figure out just what you are willing to go for and what she is willing not to do, then you have the options of public embarrassment and humiliation at your wife's whims or going cold turkey and not having your fun times at baby/mommy play at all.  I agree there should be a meeting of the minds, rules spelled out and a compromise of just how far and when a situation should be acted out or not, but it's not a perfect world, especially when one part of the team wants it so bad and the other team member is holding all the cards.  Why do scalpers charge thousands of dollars for super bowl tickets?  Because someone wants them so bad they are willing to pay such a high price.  Supply and demand.  You have the demand and your wife has the supply!  You have to pay her price if you want it that bad.  Some times if you make your bed you just have to lie in it.

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27 minutes ago, diaperedandspanked said:

You agreed to be in a diaper and dress, even in front of your mommies friends, then you have to submit to whatever mommy allows. She's the boss, if one of her friends wants to check your diaper, you have no say in the matter.

 

Wow....just wow.

Please, do not listen to this! 

It's very simple: If you're not comfortable with something, you have every right NOT to want it to happen. I don't care if she is your mommy. a Mommy/little relationship is all about respect and trust. It is NOT about complete control regardless if you're comfortable with it or not. If you want them to ask permission (or don't even want them to touch you at all) you say so.

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5 minutes ago, drynot said:

I don't care what kind of relationship you're in...if you are uncomfortable with something then you have the RIGHT to put a stop to it.

I 100% agree.  As I said, the trade off is if the wife then says, "Ok, no more roll play or diapers, ever".  If that's the case, then it's all about her anyway and she cares little for her hubby.  I can't see a marriage or relationship built on a life like that.

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2 hours ago, mamabug said:

Wow....just wow.

Please, do not listen to this! 

It's very simple: If you're not comfortable with something, you have every right NOT to want it to happen. I don't care if she is your mommy. a Mommy/little relationship is all about respect and trust. It is NOT about complete control regardless if you're comfortable with it or not. If you want them to ask permission (or don't even want them to touch you at all) you say so.

I agree totally.

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Who does something like that? When would anyway simply just stick their hands even down their friends pants?  I am sorry your diaper area was violated.  You need to have an immediate talk with your Mommy and let her know how uncomfortable it made you so it does not happen again.  

I need to be humiliated and even I would feel somewhat uncomfortable say if my wife's lover stuck his hand down my diaper.  Every D/S relationship needs to have understood boundaries.  Sometimes it can be easy for a dominant partner to abuse their power and force their submissives to do things despite them not wanting to.  For some that is part of the excitement but for others it puts them in an uncomfortable predicament.  The key is communication and understanding.  It is also always good for a D/S relationship to have a pause button or a safe word that will allow you to stop your dominant partners control if you are uncomfortable both physically or mentally.

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I agree that you should have at least said "No" to the things which you're not comfortable with. But then again some of us actually like having things evolve as they will just to experience them. And some of us are submissive to the point where we would choose to allow some unwanted actions to occur simply to show our partner that we trust them enough to let it happen their way instead of ours. I'm fairly asexual, but my biggest fantasies are all about having my partner discover my desires without me saying of indicating that I have them. I want those things to be discovered, not discussed beforehand, as much of my pleasure is in having them know me so well that I don't have to tell them what I want. For things to happen like that I have to allow them their own path to get there with me. I have to let them make the discoveries, even if I do not like how they are going about it. 

Were this me, I would have discussed things afterward in private and asked that it not happen again, but I would also have to make it clear that I was not the one in charge and that I would do whatever was expected of me it that was what was needed for them to have their own happiness. With the right partner that would be enough for them to make use of my dislikes as an incentive for me to behave or it might happen again whether I liked it or not. I'd love being told that if I didn't behave better, the friend would be checking my diaper carefully and frequently. And I'd expect that if I didn't do my part.  I am a very submissive type with the right people, but only with them and not most people. And I am the kind of person who can handle almost anything to get what I want from it all in the end, whereas most people can't. Plus most of my own happiness is not in me, but in seeing those around me being happy. I don't need or want much, and TBH I need someone else keeping me straight; something I'm not good at doing for myself at all. I can like humiliation putting me in my place when it's done with care and love and necessity. I want them to know they are needed by me and that I will go out of my way to keep them happy just as I hope they will do for me. Yes, I have my limits too but they are so far along that most people would consider me crazy to even get one quarter of the way to them.

But this is not about me, and regardless there has to be mutual trust and respect in a relationship for it to bloom and prosper, so an acceptable compromise must be found to make that happen, which begins with talking about it and listening too. Limits must become known either through communication or discovery as best suits the people involved.

Bettypooh

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  • 3 weeks later...

Thank you everyone for your response. At the time I was so shocked and embarrassed by the whole thing I just didn’t know what to do. My Wife/Mommy and I have since had several conversations about this. 

Most of our play is centered around my mommy and this whole thing got started because of her. I have begun to enjoy it in the last few months and enjoy playing the part of her toddler girl but we are very much exploring our dynamics. 

As for our friend, the three of us have talked as well. She apologized but explained she would like to be a more active part in our play. Maybe baby sitting or something. We will see where that goes but for now we are going to move slowly. 

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There were three problems and Murphy does the rest

1. No clear boundaries were laid down and she knew about your interests and you were comfortable with that. Logical presumption on her part "It is all right if I play along [presumed consent]", which is why I am so explicit in About Me about "Discussions we are NOT having" and added that if you do not see the person post postiviely about a subject, do not bring it up

2. You were "en petite fille" in her presence,which reinforced that presumption. I am very chary about such matters and you are old enough to know how and how come to control your premises of action

3. Mommy shot her mouth off about needing a change; again presumed consent could be inferred, but was not necessarily implied: that is, she could legitimately think it is all right to "join in" even though it was not true because that is where things were pointing and there was no evidence to the contrary. Be specific: Be explcit, How many of us are telepathic?

Why should she NOT think it is all right to join in the activities of the moment? Unless clear boundaries are laid down then the zeitgeist and leitmotif that is in operation at the time sets the standard of behavior. The only thing the manager of my apt. complex knows about are the decor and colors of my bedroom  (she has not commented on the furnishings) and a few of my dolls which are in open sight, both of which she likes and the dolls I had a reasonable, though false, explanation for. I got the furnishings at a deep discount, which is true (the order in which my color preferences were was based on things that I had seen: satin gold, satin silver; "satin" being iridescent rather than metallic, ebony or white, then, anything else, what was all I found that I liked),  and decorated the room in a way that things do not look out of place, the room is small and dark so that white furniture and light colors give the impression of more space and "warm" colors like pink are more attractive and the story is that the dolls were gotten from the closing of a local Goodwill store where I was a frequent customer and would have been destroyed and I felt bad for them as they had been there since the place opened at that location a few years earlier and the dolls and I had become old friends: when I entered that section of the store, I would wave to them for several years, and in all those years, nobody bought them so I got the lot of them for a couple of dollars. And said manager has privacy sense

Now you know why I counsel against doing anything like that. This thread should be pinned in OUR LIFESTYLE as a cautionary tale

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I think "moving forward slowly" is the best approach. And I'd include the friend at least superficially for now, partly to affirm her feelings and partly to allow for more future possibilities. But yes, do set limits- perhaps set up a "safe word"- so that those limits can be moved to whatever everyone is comfortable with at the moment. Explore yourselves deeply but safely and enjoy the special happiness that can bring.

Bettypooh

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On 10/24/2018 at 11:12 PM, Jamiethelittle said:

So last night our friend of ours that knows about my toddler side came over to visit. I was enjoying enjoying my coloring and watching cartoons while my wife/mommy and our friend hung out in the kitchen talking. I went in to get a refill of juice. Mommy took my cup and asked if I needed a change. I was mortified. This was the first time it was mentioned in front of anyone that I might use my diaper. I’m sure I turned red. All I could do was look at my feet  and mumble no. My mommy said, what was that. At this point our friend got up, crossed to me and said I’ll check her. And lifted my skirt and put her hand down my diaper. Then she’s all, no she’s fine and sat back down like nothing happed. Meanwhile I stood there feeling completely infantile and violated. Mommy just handed me my juice and told me to go play.. mommy and I talked later about how it felt. By agreeing to be her little girl I have given her my consent to greet me as such but I’m not sure how to handle friends that choose to play with us. Should they ask me permission to do things like that? Should I trust my wife/mommy with a power of consent? What do other people do?

In this cind of  RL  ,RP   play (be it  AB /Mommy ,Sub Vs Dom , BDSM   ,Sissy  Vs  Mistress etc...   Its VITAL  that preferably a written ( In this case   AB Thats YOU   ,and then Mommy  thats  her)    AB  contract   were bacikly EVERY  single aspect of this RP  is thurly  written    down  (ie  what you agree on and what you not  ,What she wont's  to do with you and  so on  and  then agreed  and signed .  This way AL   concerned parties  know  the  game rules  and so  this cind of  misunderstanding will not happen. 

I agree 150 % with Mamma  bugs  BRILLIANT statement     

( Wow....just wow.

Please, do not listen to this! 

It's very simple: If you're not comfortable with something, you have every right NOT to want it to happen. I don't care if she is your mommy. a Mommy/little relationship is all about respect and trust. It is NOT about complete control regardless if you're comfortable with it or not. If you want them to ask permission (or don't even want them to touch you at all) you say so.) 

THIS is what defines a  GOOD   RL Mommy /  Dom   etc....   (standing up and applaud  ) 

In this game they are  too  parties  the  Sub /AB  etc.....   And the  Dom /Mommy etc....   and  there is  NOTHING  that says  that just because you are a  sub /ab  Little one  ......    That you have no say in the matter  dear.   IF at ANY time you feel things getting  out of youre comfort  zone  then STOP  and ask for a time out  and discus youre      feelings   with youre Dom .......   in fact  in this cind  of  RP     its  actually YOU as the sub .....    that are in charge dear  and its youre responsibility to have the game plan   clearly marked out for youre   Dom /Mommy    ....   they arent   mind readers,and if you haven't stated  any  rules   then how would they know what they can and cant do dear   ?             

Lastly            

On 10/26/2018 at 12:06 PM, diaperedandspanked said:

You agreed to be in a diaper and dress, even in front of your mommies friends, then you have to submit to whatever mommy allows. She's the boss, if one of her friends wants to check your diaper, you have no say in the matter.

 

May i humbly suggest  you perhaps  brush up on youre knowledge reg this  cind of  RP dear ?    

As im afraid you seem to have gotten this  AL wrong  im afraid        

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Wow Sarah that is tough go.Even that I,am diapered I do change myself and she never brings it up among friends but will mention the diapers to me being the only one in them,like I said before when we travel its like with a small boy.

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Funny thing  actually in RL AB play its VERY  unusual that the Care giver actually  participate in changing     sed   used    diapers     its  written in sed contract between the too parts  that if  AB  wants to use her /his  nappies   sed AB is to  change and dispose of sed  discarded  diapers  by her /himself.       

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The problem with trying to have a thoroguhly written contract is that the unpredicted happens the very next day, besides which, it would be so long and complex that it would be unwieldy or even unusable. There are two competing ideas of rules. "what is not permitted is forbidden" vs "what is not forbidden is permitted". The problem with the first is that you would have to go through an infinite amount of material from which to derive the permitted. the second can be done more efficaciously by applying a set of principles that usually can be figured out via common sense applied to the desired goals according to priorites, such as privacy. It can clearly be seen that the second is the easier and more intuitive paradigm

In any RP with any kind of verisimilitude, I cannot see how the caregiver would NOT be the one to change the diaper of a toddler or even a little. Would you expect her to change herself at age 2, 5, or even a recalcitrant 7 year old (little girls of that age were often diapered for situations where they would not have access to a bathroom for two hours or more, this being before the US Interstate system with straight, wide-laned (If you go to NYC, check out the Whitestone and George), roads, was built beginning in the mid 1950's to the 1970's, which upped speeds from averages of 40 mph to 60) or if several of such would be in one place and the grownups did not want the toilet to be used every half hour or hour)? Also a bit of humiliation if the dipaered one is over-aged to be in diapers is part of RL. I have seen it many time IRL, Beyond that, IRL a toddler would not be embarrassed about being asked about being changed whereas a little would and Mommy would either use that as a goad to try to get her to learn to "hold it like a big ..." or enjoy teasing her or ESPECIALLY him a bit about it: "Do I have to change your diaper [again, like a baby girl, etc]?": I have SEEN all of this.  As a "little girl" of 7-3/4, I was in a diaper while learning to change one on a doll. the mother of the girls with whom I often stayed did not want Linda and me, both under 8 in and out of the bathroom, which was strangely located such that to get at it, you had to go out the door, around the side of the house and into the basement from the outside (their house was an early 19-teens place with both a well and a privy that had been cheaply modernized in the mid 1940's and rented out cheaply at about $6/week in '52-55/ To see the house I grew up in, google up 544 Main Rd. Tiverton RI 02878, where that eclosed structure is now was a porch when I was little that was taken down and replaced in 1958 for no good reason. It was a stone farmhouse from the 18th century and modernized in 1943). When I stayed over at night, I had to wear diapers until I was 9-2/3 and they moved away and since the older persons, 10 and up could hold it all night and Linda, my age, was a bedwetter anyway, there was no potty to use in the bedroom where we slept and they were not going to get one on my account since I would be the only user and would sleep over maybe 6 nights a month or so and they had plenty of diapers and rubber panties and were told to "treat [me] like one of your own"

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First    you dont have to make it  that thural Christine its not ment as  legally binding  juridical  contract  its  ment as a   guide for both parties  so they know the game rules (there are   actual Sub Vs  Dom Sissy contracts  on the Webb  which can easily be re  arranged for AB /LG   Vs  Care giver 

Second  what we  ALWAYS have to  remember here  is that  this is a RP between actually ADULTS dear so you CANT compare this  as you would  vs  how reel Baby `s  and Little girls is treated  dear. And if  you look at (i know there  was utliest  some  Professional RL AB daycare facility's in Uk  )they CLEARLY stipulate sed  earlier statement from my self reg  the handling if soiled  nappies . And as i have tried to explain earlier the  boundaries and sed rules  of AB /LG  etc....  Have  changed  during the  past years  and wil continue to do so whether we  like it or not  dear (in al honestly i find it very difficult to see  you haviving  mush success in finding care giver willing to comply with  youre stipulated wishes on how this game is to be played dear (ie changing  soiled nappies  )                                    

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The question of a 'contract' isn't necessary as long as all parties involved can stop the roleplay at any time to discuss unseen issues (like using a "safe word"). Plan the occasion beforehand then have a planned time afterward to discuss things liked and not liked which occurred. Realistically, babies have no power over mommie's decisions but they do have ways of expressing displeasure without having to resort to use of "safe words". Mommies should see those expressions and alter their expectations to prevent the need to call a stop to whatever is happening to resolve conflicts. However it's your fantasy, so set it up however you like- just be sure everyone involved has a way to stop things if that becomes necessary.

I personally don't like the idea of a written contract within inter-personal relationships beyond a short list of the hard limits and an agreement on problem resolution methods. Even that isn't really necessary when the people involved truly care about each other, as they will not want anyone getting hurt in what should be an enjoyable experience for all. Life is full of unforeseen issues- how you handle them is what makes the difference between good and bad experiences.

Bettypooh 

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Hence a even more  reason to have  be it just small list  or more  thural one  done so al  active players  know THE SET  RULES my friends.   The soul reason for a  pre  consented  list is to avoid incidence like been disclosed in this thread. HAD this alredy been done  sed  situation of  bringing in a third  party in the mix  and  being exposed  towards this third  party of having a nappy check in front of sed third  party wouldn't  have occurred    ?

If you look at  the  professional Doms  be it  Mommy's  ,Mistress etc.....  (incl on line  )   you can be VERY shore that you will be REQUIRED  to fill out a  similar  consent list  before sed  play begins THAT i can assure you.  the main thing im aiming at  is BEFORE you & youre partner  partake in this cind of  SUB VS DOM  type play  ALWAYS make shore you both KNOW  and have previously consent  sed  rules   and boundaries  preferably written down  but  if you trust eatchoder and so on  then by al means  verbal BUT either way its worth it to prevent similar  iccues  that have been  stated  by  the Thread starter. and YES i do agree on some cind of safe word  that  if spoken  both parties know its time fore a time out.                                       

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You are a baby, proven by the fact that you are in diapers. If mommy or other big people need to check your diaper, then they will. You can't even use the toilet, so you can't complain about diaper checks. Maybe they need to give you a paci so you can quiet down. Relax, be happy you have adults who care so much about you and let them do their job. Stop questioning so much and go do some coloring!

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  • 3 weeks later...

Is having your caretaker/spouse/partner change your diapers really as rare as some of you make it sound? It was part of the rules we had when I agreed to things. I’m not allowed to change my own diaper and can only remove it to have a bowel movement. (I messed my diaper once as an experiment, neither of us liked the results). 

Any issues that have shown up with our play is due to our inexperience with this and the kink community in general. We started with a verbal agreement and basic rules but unforeseen things have happened and new rules are made or changed. This talk of written contracts and stuff to me takes away from the experience. When I’m my wife’s little girl I’m trusting her fully. I surrender to her. I don’t enjoy diapers, I’ve gotten used to them and don’t mind them at this point. I’m finding moments in playing the part to be relaxing and almost peaceful. But what I get most about our play time is letting my wife know how much I love and trust her by doing this thing she wants to do. 

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Well, I might as well throw in my 2c worth.  I've been in similar situations.  When I become Sweet Baby Linda, I thoroughly enjoy it when my wife's women friends want to check my diaper and in the process they fondle my 'privates'.   If they then wind up with a handful of my cum, then that's the risk they take.  Whenever they do wind up with a 'handful', they usually smear it all over my face, tell me how 'naughty' I was and then give me a good spanking.  All of them seem quite willing to take that risk, and I'm quite willing to 'perform' for them.  Everybody comes out a winner, even my wife, because she usually joins in on the fondling part as well as the spanking part.

'

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12 hours ago, Jamiethelittle said:

Is having your caretaker/spouse/partner change your diapers really as rare as some of you make it sound? It was part of the rules we had when I agreed to things.

Among the AB community I wouldn't exactly call it "rare", but it seems to happen less frequently among partners when there is a reluctance to participate on one side. After all it isn't exactly what most folks would consider a 'pleasant' task but more of a necessary chore to be done. It is somewhat rare for poopy diapers, but not unknown. Among "professional" Mommies and sitters it often doesn't happen because it could be seen as something sexual which might be in violation of the law. And there too, it probably helps to 'screen out' those who have more of a sexual interest than an AB one.

I too don't like the idea of having a written "contract" per se, but it might be good to list what each others likes, dislikes, and limitations are without drawing immovable lines which could prevent approaching those or related things occasionally. It just seems to be something that degrades what should be a warm trust into something cold and clinical only. I do think it might be useful to list hard limits, but again with a thorough understanding and caring between you both it's not really necessary as neither will willingly harm the other.

It seems as if maybe you aren't getting as much from this as your wife is- what do you think about that? If it's really going to work there should be a fairly even balance involved, even if your good is being addressed elsewhere instead of directly here. Is there a similar 'trust-proving' kind of thing happening in reverse with her? Maybe you're looking for a similar response instead of an equal one. Admittedly I have a hard time not understanding your not liking diapers- to be expected coming for someone who loves being in them I guess- and I'm sure to be bashed over this, but have you considered advancing your age during your 'playtime' to a point of being out of them? Training pants could be an option, and those would serve an equal effect in how you're doing things now. If diapers are something she wants but you don't then perhaps you could alternate between the two, or start there then go into diapers when you wet them. I'm just seeing that there are many other possibilities here which might add to the overall happiness without taking any away from one or the other.

As with anything between people, this is something which is probably best explored slowly with enough time given to fully assess what you each feel, and what you want and get from it. The one not-so-usual thing involved is her friend and that brings out more than the usual aspects to be considered and dealt with. In closing let me say that there's nothing wrong in any of this as long as there is understanding and agreement all round, with of course you and wifey being the most important aspect of it all. Experimenting with new things staves off boredom and keeps life lively which is how it should be.

Bettypooh

 

 

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