Stockholm Syndrom Baby

[urson]

Stockholm Syndrome Baby

Chapter 1

My name is Kevin Lorey. I am 15 years old and I live in Beaumont, North Dakota. I am writing this journal because my therapist, Dr. Kline, has asked me to. She says that if I write down my feelings about what happened to me, perhaps I can come to terms with it. I hope she's right, I don't want to feel the way I do but, I can't help it anymore and I'm deathly afraid that someone outside my family will discover my secret. I don't know if I could survive if that happened.

Ok, let's get this started. It was a cool day in October, about 5 years ago when it all began. I was walking home from school. I wasn't too far from my house, near my friend Gerald's place when, I spied a minivan that I didn't recognize. It was parked on the curb in front of Gerald's house and had out of state plates. I knew that Gerald had family out of state but, I didn't know where they lived. The windows were tinted so I couldn't see inside. Nothing would have happened if I hadn't stopped.

No! I can't think like that. Dr. Kline says it's not my fault. I was just being a curious 10 year old. I didn't do anything to provoke a response but, a response is definitely what I got.

I walked across the burm to get a better look at the minivan but, the windows were way too tinted for me to even get a glimpse of what was inside. If I had seen the crazy woman in there, I would have run like a demon was on my heels. When I couldn’t see inside, I turned to continue walking home. I heard the door to the minivan open suddenly and felt a hand covered my mouth and nose. I struggled with everything I could, trying to get away from whoever was holding my face. Another hand grabbed the back of my shirt and began dragging me into the minivan. In a panic, I swung my arm behind me and hit the door jam. I heard a sickening crack and intense pain shot up through my arm, all the way to my shoulder. That was the last thing I heard or felt. The world went dark just after that, she used chloroform on me, that’s what the police said. When I came to, I was sitting in an awkward position. My arm that I’d hit on the door jam still hurt like crazy but, when I tried to talk, I found that I was gagged. I tried to move around and found that I was bound as well. I was sitting in a raised seat, like the ones that toddler’s are put into for car trips. My injured arm lay useless at my side and my other arm was bound by the seat’s straps.

Realizing that I had just been kidnapped, I looked around. I was in an enclosed area of a minivan, a wall of some kind separated the back seats from the driver area. The scenery outside was a constant blur of woods and fields, none of it looked familiar. I was scared. I’d heard of kids being taken and made to do “bad things” with adults. They had told us at school about the “dangerous stranger” and I was always very careful around adults that I didn’t know.

The van drove for several hours without stopping. I was still groggy from the chloroform so I drifted in and out of consciousness. Finally, when the car stopped, I heard a door opening somewhere and began trying to shout for help but, the gag in my mouth made that impossible. A gentle hand ran over my head and a woman bent down to face me. She was in her mid to late 40’s, blonde and in fairly good shape for her age. She smiled at me and began to manipulate the seat I was in. The seat straightened out and stretched until I was lying on my back, my injured arm dangling at me side. The woman unbuckled the lower straps on the seat, freeing my legs. I started kicking and thrashing. She stood up and began smiling even wider.

“I’ll just wait till you tire yourself out, then we can get you ready for the rest of the trip home.” she said

I glared up at her and stopped kicking, waiting until she got close enough to kick. She seemed to know what I was thinking. She pulled a little black bag, the kind doctors used to use for house calls, from behind her and searched around in it for a moment. When her hand came out, it had a syringe and small drug bottle in it. That made me start thrashing again. I’ve always hated needles and I didn’t want to be anywhere near her right at that moment. Pain from my injured arm shot up into my shoulder and I held back the urge to cry. She uncovered the needle and stuck it into the top of the drug bottle then, set the syringe aside. As I thrashed, she grabbed one of my legs and held it tightly in one hand. I barely felt the pain from my arm as the fear of what she was going to do filled me. She pulled something down from the ceiling of the van and secured my leg in it. It looked like the handle for a giant pair of scissors. Once my leg was stuck in the hole, she grabbed my other leg and secured it as well. She retrieved the needle and I tried to thrash but with my legs in the scissor handles and my body in the seat but, I couldn’t do much. She walked around so she was behind my legs and I felt a pin prick in the small of my back. She walked back around to my side and sat down on a stool. Soon, my legs began to go numb, I couldn’t feel anything at all below the waist, couldn’t move and, the pressure in my bladder was building rapidly.

She saw the distress in my eyes and knew that the drug had taken affect. She released my legs from the restraints, not that I could do much about it. She pulled a small length of narrow plastic tubing from her doctor bag. The tubing was in a sterile case and the second I saw it, I knew I wasn‘t going to like what she had planned for me, even if I wasn‘t sure of what it was.

She began by removing my shoes and socks, then my pants and underwear. I must have blushed like ten thousand shades of red and I almost began crying from embarrassment. What I didn’t know was, the worst was yet to come. She took some sort of jelly from the bag and began lubing up the tube. She grabbed my penis and started shoving the tube up it. I was terrified and tried to thrash my legs around but they were still unresponsive. When she had the tube fully inside my penis, she walked back to the driver’s compartment, leaving me there, naked and scared. It was then that I noticed a small string dangling from the end of where she had put the tube. I didn’t understand what was going on but, I definitely did not like it. The woman came back a moment later, carrying a brightly colored bag. It had little teddy bears and pastel blocks on it. I could see a baby bottle sticking out of a pocket on it and realized what it was, A BABY’S DIAPER BAG!

She opened it and pulled a fairly large diaper out. It looked exactly like a baby’s diaper, except it was about five times bigger. She opened it up then lifted my useless legs up and slid it under me. I couldn’t feel the padding or, I might have tried to thrash again. She grabbed more of that jelly stuff and wiped it all over my butt and crotch. By this time my embarrassment was so bad that I actually started crying. She stopped what she was doing and began rubbing my chest and stomach with her hand, cooing gently, just like you would to calm a cranky baby. That didn’t help my mood so, she went back to diapering me. The powder was next then, she pulled the string at the end of my penis to the side as the diaper came up over my crotch. She fastened the tapes and then pulled the string out from the end of the tube. I immediately felt a lessening in pressure and watched the diaper grow yellow. I was almost bawling my head off at this point. She reached up and began fiddling with the end of my gag.

“Oh My God!” I thought when I realized that the thing in my mouth wasn’t a gag, IT WAS A PACIFIER! She was going to treat me like a baby and, the tube in my penis was going to make sure I couldn’t stop myself from wetting my diaper. When the realization of the what was happening dawned on me, I wiggled and thrashed around, trying to free myself, but it was no use. She had me strapped tight in the child seat. She finished messing with the end of my pacifier and reached into the diaper bag. She pulled a baby bottle from it and unscrewed the top. She held my head still with one hand and pushed the bottle onto the end of the pacifier, then screwed it together. I heard a swish of a vacuum being released and liquid began flowing into my mouth. As my mouth filled, I was forced to swallow, which pulled more liquid from the nipple. Soon my mouth was full of liquid again and I was forced to swallow, pulling more liquid into my mouth. The cycle went on for several minutes until the bottle was empty. She removed it and put another one in it’s place, then walked back to the driver’s compartment. The van stared up and we were moving again. My destiny at that point looked pretty grim and I cried as I was forced to finish the second baby bottle. There must have been something in them to knock me out because I fell asleep not long after the second bottle was done.

Chapter 2

Slowly, the world began to seep into the dreamless sleep that I had been forced to endure. Sounds were first, birds and the whistle of a train. My nerves began to slowly come to life as I felt myself being lifted up, out of the car seat. I kept my eyes closed, for fear the sunlight would blind me but, that was unnecessary. As I was carried, there was no glare of sunlight through the protective surface of my eyelids. One at a time, I forced my eyes open. Only a sliver at first so, as not to alert my captor. The sun was setting behind me. The fading light illuminated the van from which I had been pulled and a long dusty drive, leading up to a deserted looking country road. I was laying with my head on my kidnapper’s shoulder so, I couldn’t see where we were going, only where we had just been. I took in every detail I could so I could remember it when questioned by the police. It was so hard to just lie there, limp in her arms but, my strength had not returned and, I knew I had no chance of escaping at that moment. I felt her walk up some steps and stop. There was the sound of a lock being undone and then two doors being opened. She carried me into a house and up to the second floor. I heard the noise as she dropped the keys onto a table. She shifted me to the front and I quickly closed my eyes. I felt myself being lowered into a padded table and straps were pulled over me, to hold me down.

She walked off and I opened my eyes. I was in some kind of nursery. The room was huge, the theme was an earthy brown and the furniture looked somewhat expensive. I could hear her doing something in a nearby room so, I took stock of how much of my body was mine to control again. Sensation was slowly beginning to come back to my legs and waist. With that sensation, I could definitely feel the diaper that encased my hips. To my utter disgust, I felt as if I was sitting in a thick mud.

“Oh My God! I shit myself” I thought

The feeling was more than just disgusting, it was disturbing as well. Whatever drugs she had given me had worked their particular magic very well. My thoughts were confirmed as the cold wet feeling around my crotch suddenly warmed. I realized that I now had the bladder and bowel control of a small infant. Before I could do anything else, I heard her walking back towards me. I closed my eyes and relaxed on the table. I felt her breath on my face as she bent down in front of me. She gently ran her fingers through my hair and I heard her sniff then, giggle.

“So far, so good.” she whispered

I felt her un-strap my right arm. She pulled my arm our straight from my shoulder and lay it on what felt like Styrofoam. She then began pressing my hand into the foam, starting at my fingers, and ending with my elbows. I could hear the foam crunch as my arm was pressed into it. My curiosity was driving me mad so I opened my eyes, just a sliver. She had several boxes filled with blue Styrofoam. She flipped the other side of the box on my arm over, closing it around my arm, then began to strap it down. As she worked, I noticed that my arm didn’t hurt anymore, in fact, I couldn’t feel anything from it. She walked around the table and did the same to my other arm and both my legs, up to the knee. I couldn’t figure out what she was doing but, that would become apparent fairly soon. She left me like that, lying there in a dirty diaper, spread eagle with my limbs enclosed in the foam filled boxes, for the better part of an hour. When she came back in, she had the diaper bag I had seen in the van. I tried to remain still, hoping that I would have a chance to escape. Those hopes were dashed when she bent down to my ear and whispered to me.

“I know you’re awake baby, the anesthetic I gave you should have worn off by now.”

I opened my eyes and glared at her hatefully.

“Aww, don’t be like that sweetie, mommy would never hurt her baby boy and that’s what you are, my baby boy. I watched you for a long time. You’re just the right size, weight, and temperament. I’ve seen the way the other kids treat you. You don’t fight back too fiercely when they tease you about your bed wetting.”

My eyes went wide with surprise when she mentioned my sleep wetting problem.

“ Oh yes.” she said “I know all about how my baby wets his bed every night. I also know how you still sleep with a little teddy bear. Oh it’s so cute!” She seemed so excited

She walked around the table, removing my arms and legs from the foam filled boxes, then strapped them back to the table, one at a time. She set the boxes aside and moved to un-strap my legs and set them into a device just like the one she had used in the van. She then began to un-tape the diaper and pull it off my crotch. She cranked a lever on the scissor hands and they began to raise up, taking my legs with them. Soon, my butt was off the ground and she was cleaning me off with baby wipes. Once it was done, she removed the dirty diaper and wipes, dropping them into a diaper genie. She pulled another diaper and a bottle of baby oil from the bag and set them on the table. As I lay there, naked, she poured some baby oil into her hands and began rubbing it all over my body, slowly, massaging it into my skin. By the time she was done, I smelled like a baby’s nursery. After the diaper was put underneath me, my crotch and butt were powdered. She cleaned off her hands and pulled the diaper up, covering my crotch then, taped it shut. She patted my bottom as she bent down and cooed into my ear.

“There we go, all clean and dry. Now my baby smells like he should too.” Tears of embarrassment rolled down my face as she continued to pat my diapered butt.

She took my legs out of the device and strapped them back to the table. She then gathered up the foam boxes and left the room. A couple of minutes later, she came back in with a weird looking helmet and a baby bottle. I thrashed my head, side to side but, it wasn’t hard for her to put the helmet on me. The helmet encompassed my entire head, closing me off from any sight or sound outside it. I could feel the helmet being secured into place against the table, preventing me from moving my head, and the bottle being attached to the back of the pacifier.

At first there was no sight or sound, only the rhythmic suckling of the nipple in my mouth. I couldn’t tell how much time passed when suddenly, a video screen in the helmet turned on and the speakers near my ears came to life. On the screen was a mother taking care of her baby. While the mother/baby scene played out on the video screen, the quiet sounds of a waves, crashing upon the shore played on the speakers. The scene played out a day of mother and baby activity, including watching the toddler as it wet and messed itself. On a regular basis, the bottle was removed from the pacifier and replaced with another one. I felt something soft

and warm being laid over me, covering me from neck to feet. I don’t know how many repetitions of the mommy/baby scene I watched before I fell asleep.

Chapter 3

While I slept, my mind was filled with the lost memories of my infancy. I remembered them in my dreams, just as if I was living them in the moment. Diaper changes, breast feedings, rides through the neighborhood in my stroller and, the endless pinched cheeks from my female relatives. It seemed like the dreams would never end, as if I was being forced to relive my life from birth till being toilet trained, over and over again.

Suddenly I was jolted from my strange dreams by an icy feeling on my crotch. I tried to stir but, my arms remained strapped down and the helmet still resided upon my head. I felt a gentle wiping motion on my crotch and bottom then a light sensation, as if dust was falling there as well. The next thing I know, I feel my nether regions being encapsulated in another diaper and a gentle hand rubbing my stomach and diaper. The helmet blocked any words that might have accompanied the physical gesture but, the intent was clear. My captor was trying to calm me as you would to a small infant.

After a few moments of this, my injured arm was released from the restraints and slipped into the sleeve of some garment. I waited for my hand to emerge from the end of the sleeve but, it didn’t. Instead, I felt it roll over a mass of spongy material and then something wrapped around my wrist. I squeezed my hand only to be rewarded with a sharp pain in my palm, as if I had grabbed onto a ball of needles. My arm was strapped down again and something was drug underneath my back. I pressed my back down, hoping to block the cloth. Again I was rewarded with the sensation of a sphere of razor sharp needles as it pressed into my back. I arched in pain and the cloth was pulled beneath me.

Slowly but surely, my body was enclosed in this garment and my arms were restrained again. My legs were left unrestrained but, I couldn‘t understand why at the time. The answer came soon enough though. There was intense pain when I tried to stomp my feet and when I tried to close my hands so, I stopped struggling and waited. The helmet was removed from my head and my eyes tried to adjust to the light. I couldn’t focus my eyes and everything seemed blurred. I didn’t understand but, I knew she had done something to me that I couldn’t quite comprehend. I think she smiled at my non-comprehension but, it was hard to tell with my eyes so unfocused. She bent down over me and gently rubbed my stomach through the soft material that now encompassed my body. I looked at it for the first time and realized that I was dressed in a one piece, footed, sleeper. Anger flooded me and I tried to give my captor the “death stare” but, she only smiled and said,

“Aww sweetie, don’t be like that. You’ll love being my baby, eventually. I’m going to take such good care of you that you’ll forget all about your former life and accept this one unconditionally.” I glared again and she giggled and rubbed my stomach again.

“Now, you probably noticed that it hurts to use the bottoms of your feet or close your hand. I made this sleeper just for you, just so you would have to act like the baby you are. The hands have a foam ball in the palm. Inside that foam ball is a metal sphere with very sharp needles on it. If you try to close your hands, oh say, to make a fist, they’ll close over the sphere and push the needle sharp points into your hand. The feet have about the same thing on the bottom. The footpads of the sleeper have the same razor sharp needles pointing up from them. If you try to walk or kick anything, it will push the needles into your feet and cause you very intense pain. So, you can see, I expect you to behave just like an infant, let me take care of you and everything will be just fine. Fight me and you will experience pain like you’ve never felt before.”

As I listened to my captor describe the bondage to which I was now subject, the idea sunk in. She expected me to act like an infant and let her take care of me. If I didn’t or fought against her domination of me, she would hurt me. It sounded to me like she was psychotic and a sadist. What hit me hardest was that she now had absolute control over all aspects of my existence. That was something that nobody had ever, to my recollection, had. It scared me and when she asked me if I understood, I just numbly nodded and went limp.

She released the straps that held my arms and legs down and gently picked me up. I was draped over her shoulder and carried over to a rocking chair. She shifted my position in her arms so that I was lying in the crook of her arm. She sat down and began rocking back in forth. She pulled me close to her chest and began to hum a soft tune. I was so stunned by what had just happened that I didn’t even think to resist.

Chapter 4

We sat like that for a while (I couldn’t tell how long because there wasn’t a clock in the “nursery”). I began to feel relaxed, no matter how much I didn’t want to. I was warm, the kind of cozy-warm you feel on cool Autumn night, sitting by a roaring fire. Even though I had just woken up, I felt the inclination to go back to sleep. My eyes began to droop and I began to lose consciousness. I felt something when my pacifier was being unscrewed and when the bottle was attached but, it wasn’t until the liquid began flowing into my mouth that I snapped out of my stupor. I glared up at my captor and was rewarded with a sharp smack on my cloth covered leg.

“Now now baby.” she warned “Don’t look at mommy like that. Just relax and drink your bottle.”

I clenched my fists reactively and pain shot up through my hand, to my arm, to my shoulder. The intensity was too much for me and I began crying, hiccupping. Seeing my distress, the woman laid a cloth diaper across her opposite shoulder and removed my pacifier. I gagged as I cried and choked on the liquid trying to force its way into my lungs. She rotated me and gently laid me over her shoulder. I felt a quick, rhythmic, series of hard pats on my back, causing the liquid to erupt from my nose and mouth. After my hacking and gagging stopped, she began rubbing my back and patting my diapered bottom. This caused me to realize I had another problem, I had to poop, and soon.

The urge wasn’t as bad as it would have been in say an hour or so but, I did need to go. I tried to push myself off her shoulder and accidentally bumped my right hand against her chest, sending new pain up my already injured hand and causing me to void myself right there and then. As I cried in pain, I filled my diaper, her hand on it gave her clear signal as to what happened. She patted and rubbed my bottom, spreading the mess everywhere, smiling almost erotically. She shifted my position on again. Now she had me cradled on one arm with her other keeping steady pressure on my mess.

“See, that’s what babies do. They make messies in their diddies for mommy and, this is what mommies do. She said as she carried me over to the changing table.

“Mommy’s not going to change your diaper right away baby, you need to get used to the feel of a messy one so you don’t think about it when you make a poopie.”

She strapped me to the table, replaced my pacifier and, left me to lay there in my own filth. I tried to make myself comfortable but, the feeling of the load under my butt was always at the forefront of my consciousness.

It seemed like hours before she came back. By then, the mess had hardened a bit and was becoming very uncomfortable. I squirmed as she walked into the room. She just smiled and slowly walked over to the table. She took my nose in the knuckles of her first two fingers and gave it a gentle shake.

“I think my baby has made a poopie. I better get you changed little boy.” she said, grinning widely

She unsnapped the sleeper’s legs and began pulling it away from me. Once she had the two tapes undone, she unfastened one of my legs and fit it into the harness above the table then quickly did the other leg. I was again and still at her mercy. She raised the harness and pulled a large version of a baby wipe from a box sitting nearby. She had me clean of poop, oiled up and powdered in record time. The worst part of the experience was when she laid her head on my chest and began rubbing my stomach, telling me what a good baby I had been for making poopie for mommy. I very nearly died of embarrassment. She re-diapered and redressed me in the sleeper before taking me off the changing table. I was then placed in the feeding position again and a horrid thought went through my head. She had me in the same position that many young mothers used for breastfeeding! I definitely did not want that to happen and I was almost relieved when she pulled another baby bottle up and attached it to the back of my pacifier. I nursed for a while before drowsiness overcame me and I fell back to sleep in her arms.

　

Chapter 5

When I awoke, I found myself lying in a baby’s crib, un-strapped and unrestrained. Though the bars prevented me from rolling out of the crib, I didn’t think they would keep me from climbing out. It was only a few seconds later, as I tried to stand, that I was reminded of the needles under my feet, in the sleeper. Pain shot through my leg and I peed myself as I fell back into the crib. My mumbles of pain must have alerted my captor because she rushed into the room almost immediately. She began cooing at me and reached into the crib, to lift me out. I tried to backpedal but, I pushed my foot against the mattress and the pain shot through me again.

When she realized why I was crying, She lifted me out of the crib and put me on the changing table. She strapped my legs into the scissor and began to gently tap the bottom of my feet, sending shockwaves of pain up my legs.

“I guess you’re just to little to understand mommy when she told you to not try to stand. I guess I’ll have to help you remember.” She said as she began tapping my feet harder.

The pain was excruciating and I almost blacked out several times but, each time I was close to oblivion, she would stop and give me just enough time to come back to my senses. Each time she would tap my feet, she would say, “Babies don’t walk. You are a baby. You can’t walk.” The torture went on for what seemed like forever. When she finally stopped, she bent close to my head

“Babies can’t walk, can they?” She asked me. I shook my head quickly.

“You are a baby, aren’t you?” She said, gently rubbing my stomach. I nodded, defeated.

“You can’t walk, can you?” The smile on her face was terrifying. I shook my head again.

“There there baby. Now that that’s settled, let’s change my BABY’S diaper.” As she said that, I realized that I had wet the diaper. I don’t remember if I woke up wet or if I wet it because of the pain but, I was wet.

This change went just as the ones before had, lots of cooing and petting. I was in a clean diaper and she laid me back in the car seat she had used when she kidnapped me. I was strapped in and she went over to the changing table. From underneath, she pulled what looked like a giant syringe but, instead of a needle, it had a hose connected to a clear plastic hemisphere. I couldn’t understand for the life of me what it was or what new torture she would use it for. My horror was peaked when she sat down and unbuttoned her blouse, then her bra. I watched, dumbfounded as she used the devise to suction out her breast milk. I almost threw up right there, realizing that the bottles I had been drinking were her breast milk. I tried to throw myself to the side and crawl out of the room but, the car seat would not topple. She stopped what she was doing, the syringe about half full and looked over at me, struggling.

“Aww, I know you’re hungry sweetie. Mommy will be just a minute.” she said

I watched with growing horror as she finished draining her breast milk into the syringe and filled a bottle with it. She calmly walked over to me and set the bottle down next to me. I saw her reach behind the changing table and pull out the helmet that she had used to calm me earlier. She put it over my head and secured the bottle to my pacifier. The darkness of the helmet was broken when the “Mommy and Baby” scene lit up the screen in front of my eyes. I tried to reach up and get some kind of hold on the helmet but, the straps of the car seat prevented me from getting anywhere near it.

Again, I don’t know how long the scene went on, her breast milk now filling my mouth with every movement of my head. I had to stop myself from throwing up (a very difficult thing to do given my situation). As the scene played on, the sounds filling my ears, I began to feel calmer and numbly suckled on the bottle till it was empty. The bottle was replaced with another and my stomach filled as I slowly began to drift off to sleep again, the sound of a mother nursing her infant, the only thing I could hear.

Chapter 6

When I awoke again, the first thing I realized was that I was still wearing the helmet but, the “Mommy and Baby” scenes weren’t playing. I tried to roll around but found that I was still in the car seat that my captor had placed me in. I couldn’t tell what time it was or how long I had been asleep but something felt strange. I felt an urge to cry but, I didn’t know why (besides the realization of my indefinite captivity). I thought for a moment, trying to figure out what was wrong when the urge became overpowering and I began sobbing. The pacifier muffled the sound but, it must have been loud enough to attract “Her” attention. Only moments after I had begun bawling, I felt hands lifting me out of the seat and holding me against a warm body. My urge to cry vanished and I felt almost comfortable. My body relaxed against the person holding me as I felt a gentle hand rubbing my back and patting my padded bottom. I felt soothed, like I had never felt before. Suddenly, my stomach began growling. I felt the person holding me jiggle for a second then the back of my pacifier was removed and a baby bottle was attached. As I suckled the bottle, I was shocked. I didn’t feel revolted at the thought of nursing on the madwoman’s breast milk, in fact, it felt almost normal and, that terrified me.

When the bottle was done, it was removed and she fiddled with the pacifier for longer than usual. I felt air rush into my mouth as I breathed through the pacifier. I didn’t know what she had done but I was going to give her a piece of my mind. I was about to say something when she repositioned me so, I was laying on her shoulder and, began patting my back. All my tension drained away when she laid me on her shoulder and my intended words died in my throat. My limbs went limp and I placed my head against her neck. I wanted to rail and scream against my captor but, my body had a mind of it’s own. My greatest shock was yet to come.

As she patted my back, I felt a great distress in my bowels, then nothing, that was all I felt before I realized that I had just pooped my diaper with almost no hesitation. The realization of what had just happened shocked me into silence. A moment later, I felt myself belch with enthusiasm. I didn’t have to hear my captor’s voice to know that she was pleased with my body’s betrayal. I felt her hand gently rubbing and patting my full diaper. She sat me back in the car seat again and strapped me in. I felt her do something to the pacifier and I couldn’t breath through my mouth again. Finally, before leaving me to my torture, she turned on the helmet and the familiar “Mommy and Baby” scenes began playing again.

“What fresh hell is this?” I thought to myself as consciousness began to leave me.

Chapter 7

I came to when my stomach began to tell me it was empty. I thought about it for a second and then an overwhelming sadness hit me. I bawled my head off, not even realizing that the gag that had been my constant inhibitor was now loose. I couldn’t focus on anything but the rumblings of hunger. The screaming and crying alerted my captor and, she quickly ran to the nursery. She picked me up, out of the crib, laid me on her shoulder and, spoke to me in a soft, crooning voice. At first, I was comforted by her presence but then, my stomach growled again and my howling began, with renewed vigor. When I started crying again, she took me over to the changing table and laid me on, pulling the strap over my stomach. She unbuttoned my sleeper and checked my diaper, which was wet. Once I noticed that the diaper was wet and cold, my howling increased times two. I was uncomfortable and it seemed like torture. My butt and crotch were cold and wet and, my stomach was empty. These two things seemed like the worst possible feelings. In the back of my mind, I tried to reason, to remember that I wasn’t hurt and I was only in a wet diaper and a little hungry. Every time I tried to focus on that thought, the feeling of sadness flooded my mind and my other thought were overcome by it.

It only took her a few moments to change me and re-insert me into my sleeper. To me however, it seemed like an eternity. My stomach was still growling and the sadness was still driving me to bawl my head off. Finally, she must have heard my stomach growl because she said something I couldn’t understand and carried me over to the rocking chair. She removed the loose pacifier and cradled me closer. A moment later, I felt a warm, soft bump in my mouth. I realized it was her breast and I tried to force myself to push my head away but, the urge to begin suckling was too strong. My mouth covered the nipple and I began to nurse with extreme vigor. As the breast milk began flowing down my throat, what was left of my true personality, gagged and wanted to scream, rage and, do whatever it took to stop my body. My body however, betrayed me and continued to nurse. After a bit, she switched me to the other breast and began rocking in the chair. The slow, steady, motion of the chair combined with the full feeling in my stomach calmed me. It was enough that my rational mind began to re-assert itself. I twisted and wrenched myself loose from the nipple, careful not to press my hands against anything. My captor lifted me up and put me on her shoulder. I knew what was coming but I my body betrayed me again and laid limp on her shoulder. I felt the pats on my back and the bubble forming in my stomach. Not long after, I let up a huge burp and a spit up some of the milk. She seemed happy but, I couldn’t understand what she was saying. The language sounded foreign but, I couldn’t tell what it might be.

She carried me to a fenced in mat and laid me down on my back. She grabbed a nearby infant toy and positioned it over me. There were strings with glittery and colorful things hanging from them. She pushed and prodded the bangles, saying something. I watched her face and tried to understand what it was she was saying.

As I watched her mouth, I saw what I thought were familiar words. I can’t read lips, but some words are easy to read; “Mommy”, “Baby”, “Toy”. A shock ran through me as I realized, she wasn’t using a foreign language. I found out later that the helmet that she’d been using, had been hypnotizing me. The effect was sinister and sly. The program soothed me into feeling like an infant, that’s why being on her shoulder had calmed me. It also scrambled my brain, making regular English sound like garbled, nonsense. The loss of understanding was so profound that I began weeping, not crying like a baby but, weeping like a beaten man.

She watched me and seemed to understand. She got up and walked out of the room. Time seemed to stretch out as I lay there on the mat. She came back, carrying a piece of paper. On the paper was written a message:

“I can see that my baby still has a bit of the little boy in there. That’s ok though, after a few more times in my special helmet, you won’t even be able to read this message. You shouldn’t try to fight. Just relax and let it happen. I want you to just be a happy baby. The effects of the helmet will be permanent but, I can teach you to speak and as you grow up, I’ll even potty train you. Won’t that be fun?”

I tried to rail against my body’s betrayal and managed to swing my arm up but, she just caught it and used my hand to tap one of the swinging bangles. She threw the paper in the trash and began tickling me until I wet my diaper. She said something, I couldn’t tell what though. She got up and walked out of the room, leaving me to “entertain” myself with that damnable toy.

I lay on the mat for what seemed like forever. Every now and again, my hand would reach up and bat at one of the bangles, no matter how much I tried to stop it. I pooped my diaper, another betrayal by my body.

“Looks like that damn helmet made me incontinent too!” I thought to myself. I was uncomfortable again and I felt that sadness welling up again but I was also tired and, in the end, the tiredness won out and I fell to sleep with a wet and dirty diaper encasing my crotch.

Chapter 8

I dreamt of laying in the crook of my mother’s (my real mother) arm as she nursed me and I felt at peace. It didn’t seem wrong because I was a baby but, I realized that it was just a dream when I looked up and my mother’s face stared back down at me. The reality of the dream was so real, so vivid that I didn’t want to leave it. I just wanted to be with my mom and have her take care of me. Reality wouldn’t let me have even that though as I woke up and my captor knelt over me.

She spoke in gibberish and at first I was terrified that I was going crazy. I remembered that she had used the helmet on me and it had messed up my head somehow. I felt dirty as she removed the sleeper and carefully changed my diaper. Try as I might to fight the effect of the helmet, I couldn’t raise my hand to fight her off. She watched me the entire time and smiled when she was done. She took off the sleeper with the needles in it and put me into a regular sleeper. She lifted me off the ground and carried me into the kitchen. I saw a highchair and I thought, “Another step into my infantile life.” She inserted me into the chair and slid the tray into place. She walked behind me and I saw a bib fall in front of me and felt it being tied in the back.

Horror had been replaced by simple disgust and hate at this point. Nothing this woman did to me scared me any longer. I had come to accept the inevitability of the situation and simply had to endure until I could find a way to escape.

I allowed myself to be fed and focused my mind on getting the layout of the house down so I knew where I was going, even if I had to move in the dark. When she finished with the baby cereal, she cleaned me up and pulled me out of the highchair. She took me into the living room and laid me on her lap. I knew what was coming so I didn’t try to fight it. She turned on the television and positioned me to nurse, which my body did, in earnest. I closed my eyes and thought about anything that would let me forget I was suckling on a madwoman’s teat. Finally, the sensation stopped and I feigned sleep and she put me back into the crib upstairs.

After she left the room, I tried to move in normal fashion, sitting up, forming words with my mouth but, without sound. I was only marginally successful but, it encouraged me.

Time lost all meaning for me over the next few weeks, she applied the damned helmet again and my eyesight became severely unfocused. It got to the point that I could only discern color and shape, light and dark, all other details were gone. I could barely tell when it was day and night because she kept the light on in the nursery. I fought every effort of her to bond with me, kept my mind active by thinking about my school, my family, my friends and last but not least, REVENGE!

One day, at least I think it was day, there was a loud noise downstairs. It woke me up and I began to cry. I saw lots of dark shapes in the nursery and couldn’t understand what was going on. I could hear the madwoman screaming something but, I didn‘t know what it was. Someone picked me up and carried me out of the house, to a waiting car. I was scared for the first time in a while and began to cry. I felt someone holding me and cradling me against them. It soothed my fear but not my anxiety. I was taken to another building and lots of bright lights were shined at me. People stood over me and I was pinched and prodded, even pricked, which hurt so bad that I began bawling.

I remember changes and feedings but, there was something different about them, they were less smothering and more matter of fact. There was no cooing and more talking to me. I still couldn’t understand what was being said and I still couldn’t respond but, the speakers definitely wanted me to keep trying.
After a while, I felt something slimy touching my face and saw a big square with moving dots on it in front of me. I was forced to watch the square for a long time, until I fell asleep. When I woke up, the world seemed a bit clearer, sharper, more in focus. I could tell some details about my surroundings. I seemed to be in a hospital, the smell of disinfectant and the white walls made me wonder what had happened. A nurse came over to me and began to check my diaper. She talked to me like a normal person. To my shock, I could understand some of her words. It was still a bit jumbled but I could definitely understand some of it. I tried to respond, telling her my name and she nearly jumped out of her skin. Quickly, she yelled and a few moments later, this guy in a white lab coat, a doctor I think, came over and began shining his pocked flashlight in my eyes and asking me questions. I tried to focus on what he was saying but it was too much all at once, I said my name again and said, one simple word, “Where”. The doctor and nurse seemed overjoyed and quickly motioned for someone to come. My mother (my real mother) leaned over the bed and looked down into my eyes. I was so happy to see her, I reached up and said, “Mommy!” She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me close. The moment would have been better if I hadn’t started peeing right then. My mother got soaked before she could pull the diaper over my front. I was so embarrassed that I started crying. Mom held me close and spoke soothingly to me. It calmed me but I was still upset at my lack of control in front of her.

“ It will be fine honey.” she whispered into my ear

The doctors began using the square (which turned out to be a video monitor) and earphones to help undo the effects of the helmet. Luckily, they were able to get my kidnapper to cough up the secrets of the helmet, so a program was designed to reverse it’s effects. After that first session, they weren’t sure that the program they had made would be able to change me back but, after the second session, I was able to fully understand English and even speak a little back.

It took a few months before I was back to my normal self, even managed to get re-potty trained. I haven’t managed to get my control at night back but, the doctors say that will come in time. The worst part of this experience is the lasting effects of that damn woman’s program and, that’s the reason Dr. Kline has me writing this journal. Ever since I got out of diapers, I have felt the need to go back to them and be a baby again. I tried to fight it and refuse to give the madwoman a victory but, Dr. Kline says that the events of my kidnapping unlocked some deep part of my psyche that wants to be taken care of. She says that I may never get over wanting to be babied sometimes. My mother knows and she helps me with it when stress at school or life gets too much. I have a special room that we added to the house. That is where I go when I’m feeling low or depressed, mom knows the signal and comes in to take care of her baby boy for a while though, she NEVER breastfeeds me (Ugh, that was gross!). My mom and I are much closer now and for that, I thank the crazy woman who kidnapped me but, I’ll never forgive her for unleashing this infantile desire on me. I am now stuck with feelings I don’t want but, can’t get rid of. I have nightmares that my classmates find out I still like to be babied every now and again and that terrifies me.

I finally found out the kidnapper’s name, Emily VanHoustan. She lost her baby due to the physical abuse of her ex-husband and never got over the trauma. As traumatized as she is, she’s still crazy and we sued her for a million dollars. That money is the key to my future. I think I’ll go into law enforcement maybe even into Missing Persons. Maybe I can make a difference and give some other kid a break like the one I got.

[Les Lea]

Excellent... what a great story.... Loved it.

[Cya]

I remember this one. Such an interesting take on mental regression. Nicely done!

[CDfm]

I liked it. I liked the end where just a little of the crazy woman’s actions hung on. The Doctor was probably right in that some of that desire was always there. I think that deep down there is a bit of a desire to be taken care of in everyone. I was glad I could give this a like. Thanks for sharing it with us. 

[SGTbaby]

Awesome story!

[Eagle0769]

Great story

[kasarberang]

I like this story a lot.

Part of me wishes it was longer and that there wasn't a happy ending for the main character, but I do enjoy it just how it is.

Overall Great job!

[Txdiapered]

Really enjoyed this story. I have found myself dreaming of the same situation. I hope you plan to or have written others like this.

[Sarah Penguin]

ooh

[keith60]

i want that to happen to me 

[BobbyDrago]

Just read this for the first time and I have to say a great take!