Jump to content
LL Medico Diapers and More Bambino Diapers - ABDL Diaper Store
  • 0

Should I tell my girlfriend about my abdl side?


LoneABDL

Question

I don’t feel that I have to conform to most societal norms, and I recognize a lot of good that being abdl has brought about. I view myself being more compassionate and understanding of individuals seen as “outside” the normative standards. I get real enjoyment from wearing. I’ve found myself as very open to other sexual partners’ interests. 

 

I don’t find anything morally wrong with this. I rarely feel the guilt and shame I use to experience. It has had no effect on just about every other aspect of my life. I love what I do for work. I have happy, meaningful relationships with my parents, siblings, and friends. 

 

To me, what I do sexually has always been my business. I have no desire to share it with people that I’m not romantically and sexually involved with. I don’t feel burdened by keeping this part of myself from those other relationships. I operate as a “regular” adult the majority of the time. But when the urge or desire arises, I happily indulge myself. Then I continue on with my normal life. 

 

The overwhelming issue though, is romantic relationships. I am turned on by so much more than just this. I’m able to really enjoy sex without this being involved. I don’t doubt that if my partner was also into it, it would be crazy good. I just never thought it was very likely to find that person. 

 

So the place I get to is with a person I end up deeply caring about, and a part of myself that I don’t share with them. I think about being in their shoes. What if they wanted to dress like a grandma? I would be turned off. I wouldn’t judge them for their desire, but it would hurt my sexual attraction to them. 

 

Essentially, I feel if someone is not into it, they can’t help being turned off by it any more than I can help being turned on by it. I am ok with that. If i love someone, I’ve never felt involving this side of me in sex  was a must. 

 

What I worry about is that if I’m not upfront about every part of myself, then they don’t actually know who it is they’re involved with. If even just the knowledge of my interest in this was too much for them, they should have that knowledge before moving further (like moving in or marriage). 

 

The first person I told was a fell fast, hard, and quick in lust relationship. She asked me what my biggest secret was, then told me hers after I expressed hesitation to share. I felt better (though still crazy nervous) to share it with her after she displayed so much trust. 

 

She didn’t fully understand it, but didn’t think it was as terrible or as weird as I used to build it up to be in my head. Mostly she just couldn’t understand how someone would even incorporate that sexually. “Do you like want a girl to wear one and give you a bj? You can’t have sex with one on.” I didn’t feel a need for her to be involved, since it had been private my entire life prior to then. 

 

She asked later if I wanted her to try it. I still wasn’t sure. Would it just freak her out actually doing it? 

 

We ended things as a result of long distance without ever trying it together. Who knows if the knowledge of my abdl thing played into it though. 

 

Now, years since then, I’m crazy in love with my current girlfriend. She’s moving in, and honestly the first person I’ve even considered the prospect of long term commitment with. 

 

She knows what she likes in bed but Im fairly certain, after much probing, that she doesn’t have any major kinks or fetishes. She’s happy to mix it up with light bondage, “normal” sexy dress up, and stuff that is marginally considered taboo these days. 

 

Knowing her and her personality, I’m pretty sure that the idea of me in a diaper or fantasizing about women in them or engaging in age play will be a big turn off. My biggest fear is that it will negatively change how she views me to the point that I lose her. 

 

I’m at an impasse. I don’t want to create more problems because I don’t enjoy hiding a part of myself. I am the happiest I’ve ever been with her, but if she can’t handle this part of me, then should we really be together? As long as there is uncertainty here, I feel like we can’t profess to be actually loving each other. 

 

Essentially I feel like I’m putting something that makes me very happy 90% of the time (her) in jeopardy for something that brings me enjoyment much less often (abdl). 

 

I can’t suppress my abdl side though (though I used to try). It’s part of me and who I am. I’ve accepted that. The question is then, do I tell her and give her the chance to accept it as well?

 

Sorry for a long post, it’s the first time I’ve ever done one. I guess a lot came out. Any advice is welcomed and greatly appreciated. 

 

Link to comment

9 answers to this question

Recommended Posts

  • 1

First off welcome to DailyDiapers, it's a great place to be to connect with like-minded people. And secondly, this may not be the advice that you're hoping to receive, but it's the one you need to hear:

You need to tell her. 

Of course, I understand that this will not be a topic that will be easy to bring up. Many of us ABDL who have had to tell partners that we were fairly certain they weren't going to be all that thrilled for - made us very nervous. However.  She deserves to know AND you deserve to be able to be comfortable with your fetish. You said you feel as if she would be turned off with you or change her way of thinking. If she truly loves you, perhaps it will be a bit upsetting or take a while for her to get used to the idea. But, at the same time, if it is a deal breaker for her - then it is obvious the relationship wasn't something that was meant to be. 

It is also something that is never going to go away. Even if you only consider your abdl side to be 10%, it really isn't. It is something that will always be in the back of your mind. Can you live the rest of your life with that secretly from your partner? I know that some people here haven't told their SO, but I find that really unhealthy. 

You need to have an open and honest conversation with her. Don't push her into anything (though it doesn't seem like you would, just throwing it out there). Give her all the information, answer any questions she may have (you may even direct her here if you would like), and give her as much time and space as she needs.

But, just keep in mind - this isn't something you can change or should have to change about yourself. Yet, at the same time, if this is something she doesn't or can't deal with, that is okay too. 

I hope it all works out for you! 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
  • 1

If you expect the relationship to be long term or significant then you should definitely tell her.

Relationships require honesty and if you don't tell her about it and it comes out later (it almost certainly will one way or another) then she will be hurt that you hid it from her. It seems like a much lower risk to tell her as soon as you think this might be a long term thing. The longer it is left the harder it will be.

My advice for telling her is to not make it seem like that big of a deal. Not easy I know but if you act like it's this big horrible thing she will see it that way. Just sit down with a drink or something and explain how you feel. Keep it light and encourage questions and stuff and it should be fine.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
  • 1

I agree with all of this so far. Better to tell her than to have her find out in some other way. And believe me, if you're moving in together, either you tell her or she'll find out. Better that you tell her. For one, you get to control the setting and environment that she finds out in, and it's definitely more beneficial to make that as positive as possible. Two, women are always so much more hurt when they find out a man's been keeping something that big from them than when you just come out and tell them.

It's possible that it might be a deal breaker for her, but if it is then it wasn't meant to be. Best to figure that out sooner than later so you're not wasting anymore of your time or hers. I know that possibility is terrifying, but honestly if that's what it comes down to, she'll find out somehow on her own if you don't tell her, and everything would end eventually anyway. Another possibility is that she'll accept it, but will feel weird about it and would rather not be involved. 

In my case, I'm not an original DL. I developed my interest in diapers from my fiancee when he came out and told me some years ago. The reason why I was so open to trying it was because he was so open to communication and to answering all my questions as thoroughly as possible to help me understand. And oh yes, you can absolutely have sex in them. Best sex I've ever had, hands down. What really helped me understand was that he worked hard to explain what the appeal is about diapers. That it had nothing to do with pedophilia, but it had everything to do with how the sensation of a wet (or messy) diaper can feel really pleasurable and arousing. Kind of like wearing magical underwear that performs perfect oral sex, is sort of how it feels to me. Who wouldn't want to try that? At first I wasn't comfortable with wetting them. That really bothered me for a while. So we'd use water and aloe gel or something like that instead to help me get used to it. Eventually I was more comfortable with trying wetting, yet I continued to feel a bit weird about it until we finally had sex with wet diapers, and hallelujah! To this day now because of him, I'm eternally hooked to diapers. They completely fill the hole in my solo time, and spice things up beyond belief with sex.

My point is, you'll never know until you talk to her. Obviously you know not to pressure her into trying something she's not ready for. And if she is willing to try, honestly it probably will be a bit uncomfortable for you both at first. But keep trying, keep talking and explaining, keep trying to help her understand how it's appealing to you. It'll just take a little time for her to get over the strange dirty facts about it.  But eventually if you keep at it, and she's still willing to give it a good college try, it might suddenly just click, and it'll just be magical.

But, even if she's willing to try, some people just can't get over the strange and dirty little facts about diapers. If that happens, she may just ask you to do what you gotta do with your diapers, but to leave her out of it. Continue the relationship, just don't involve her in your diaper fetish. Which really you seem fine with that option already anyway. If she really loves you and sees a future with you, she'll accept this part of you, and may even want to be involved.

One thing is for sure. Keeping it from her is a baaaaad idea. She'll find out one way or another, and that'll be a lot worse (and more painful for her) than just coming out and telling her. Plus if she finds out on her own, she'll probably be less inclined to want to try to understand or accept it than she would if you just sit her down and talk. Communication is always key.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
  • 0
On 10/19/2018 at 11:07 AM, New2DL said:

 

It's possible that it might be a deal breaker for her, but if it is then it wasn't meant to be. Best to figure that out sooner than later so you're not wasting anymore of your time or hers.

Plus if she finds out on her own, she'll probably be less inclined to want to try to understand or accept it than she would if you just sit her down and talk. Communication is always key.

This is the tough part but it's critical. You might find them wanting to end things or not, but if someone really wants to be with you then they will want to try to find a way to work these things out. Open honesty is crucial to a successful relationship, but timing and the extent of what you share also matters a lot. Begin with simply speaking of it when the mood is right, perhaps setting up the conversation with talk about fetishes or when a Depends commercial appears or something like that. Be in tune with how they are receiving the topic and drift into it or away from it as seems best, but you MUST get past this- it will bite you in the butt hard if you don't.  Your partner has a right to know things like this and they have a right to decide what their involvement will be. Both you and them deserve the chance to end things now if that's what's best before you waste half your life with something destined for failure.

But take heart- if it's gone this far then the chances are that they will want to keep you and will want to find a way through this with you. There's a very real chance they will meet your needs or exceed them- this could be the bliss everyone desires. At the worst you'll be free to find someone else who might be better for you. Success with anything involves work and risk of failure- that's just how life works and you can't get success any other way.

Bettypooh

Link to comment
  • 0

It is scary living in the proverbial diaper closet.  In my own marriage I told my wife about my diaper desires immediately after starting to see her.  Even being honest with her from the beginning it still took years before she could truly accept her husband wearing diapers. 

Although I believe in honesty the right answer here is truthfully whatever works for you and your situation.  Of course you have to live with the consequences of your decision.  I wrote an article that may provide some advice on this subject...

I hope everything works out for you and your partner.

Link to comment
  • 0

If you want this long term then she needs to know what she's getting herself into, otherwise you can try quitting. If neither one works out there's always more girls in the world and it may take some time to find the right one, but no one likes the feeling of betrayal from years of secrets.

Link to comment
  • 0

Tell her before she moves in!! I told my girlfriend, well actually I went to sleep with a diaper on and she came home late at night and found me sleeping in a tena super. She wasn’t pleased and it took a long time for her to come to terms with it. Now I have had bladder issues since Jan/Feb 2014 and have been 24/7 ever since. I was just a DL at that time, though.

Link to comment
  • 0

if you respect your girl at all you will tell her about this. If she somehow discovers it. ( very likely) she will feel hurt that you have secrets that she doesn't know about. It is really hard when your first point of discovery is coming home from work early and finding your mate in diapers or sissy gear or what every else you are into. It is much easier to deal with all this if you are given a chance to ease your way into know about this. A little bit at a time is way better than suddenly seeing your mate in diapers.  Small spoon fulls .  Baby steps ..lol . If you love this girl you will tell her. Its only fair.

:baby-waving-bye-bye-smiley-emoticon:

 

Link to comment
  • 0

I agree with the previous posts that you need to tell her. This can be very difficult to do, so here are some tips:

1. This may seem obvious, but pick a time that is low-pressure, your both comfortable, and fully clothed. Such as watching TV after dinner. This will make things a lot easier.

2. Start by telling her, "There is this thing I like to do and it makes me feel __________," Then mention the diapers and other ABDL related activities that make you feel this way. This can help create an environment of understanding and soften the shock her learning you like to wear diapers.

3. In advance, write out your feelings in a letter to her and have it on hand. That way if you struggle to find the words to say in the moment, you can just give her the letter. The letter can also serve as a recourse that she can refer back to at a later date.

4. Trust your gut and give it time. It may take a few days for her to acclimate to what you've told her. If this happens don't be worried. Many (I would even say most) people have never heard of ABDL and if they have they probably don't know much about it, so it can be a lot to process.

Good luck,

Tomás

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...