Jump to content
LL Medico Diapers and More Bambino Diapers - ABDL Diaper Store

My mom opened my package from north shore


Joep

Recommended Posts

She mistook it for one of hers without reading the name. She already knew I like to wear diapers, but hates it so she just got done criticizing me again

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Link to comment
58 minutes ago, Joep said:

She mistook it for one of hers without reading the name. She already knew I like to wear diapers, but hates it so she just got done criticizing me again

 

First there is nothing wrong with wearing diapers!  There is so many good reasons to wear them!  the parents never do understand the reason why one would like the feeling of a thick diaper under out butts!  

just wondering have you sat down with her and talked to her politely about why you like to wear them since she knows you like them maybe talking to her about it can help her understand your situation.

Link to comment

Bottom like is, 1.  You are now an adult for the most part even though you can't legally drink booze or gamble in a casino.  You can still vote though.  2.  Even though you are now an adult and there is nothing wrong with wearing diapers, you are still living in your parent's house and have to abide by their rules!  It is there house and they have no obligation to provide you shelter anymore.  They can kick you out at will and there is nothing you can do about it.  That's the simple fact.  I also agree that at age 18 it might be hard to move out on your own.  Without a college education and a degree, it's hard to get a good paying job, but not impossible.  Right now companies are looking for experienced welders and other industrial jobs.  Still, you need training and skills and that takes money.  Some people may live with their parents in order to save money for their higher education or bank all they can so they will have enough for a good down payment on their own house in the future.

You have a lot of choices at age 18.  Stop wearing diapers while living at home if you don't like the push back you get from your mom.  Get a job and move out even if that job is the night shift at the gas station in the bad part of town.  In order to afford a place to live, food, utilities and a way to and from your job on a minimum wage salary, plan on having roomates to share the costs for the cheap apartment in the worst part of town, then have to put up with their bad habits such as smoking, drugs, drinking, partying and others.  Stay with your parents and live by any and all rules they set for you even if you are an adult and hate them.  By doing that you can same more money from a job for a good decent place of your own and either go to college or trade school to increase your chances of a better paying job.

There is one option that could be a middle ground but is in no way a guarantee on how things will go.  Rent your room from your parents and have a tenant/landlord lease agreement.  In it things are spelled out in a contract.  You will pay this amount of rent every month by this due date, you will have access to these parts of the house, you will or will not be allowed pets, no smoking, etc.etc.  When you have a contract and lease if your parents have agreed to the terms and have signed it, then if the contract doesn't say anything about you and diapers, your parent's can't really say anything to you because that would be violating the lease.  You are no more than a paying tenant at this point.  They may or may not go for something like that, and if they do remember you will have to have a job to pay them the monthly rent.  That can cause you to spend money you could be saving for college or a home of your own.  It could also cause you to lose some benefits you have now just living at home in your parents house under their house rules.  Example:  "Mom?  Can I borrow $20?"  "Mom, can I borrow the car?"  "Mom, can you drop me off at Jim's house and pick me up at 11pm?"  "What's for dinner tonight?"  Get the idea?  "Sorry, I'm your landlord and I don't loan tenants money, loan them my car, run a drop off and pick up service or cook their meals for them.  It was your idea to sign a lease so you could keep me from yelling at you about you wearing diapers, remember?"  See how things can go?  Personally, if your mom is unhappy about you wearing diapers and gets on you about it, that's not as bad as her coming out and saying, "If you want to wear diapers like a baby, you will move out of this house!  I won't tolerate it in my home!"  You may have to put up with her lectures, but that's a small price to pay in the end as long as she lets you wear them in the house without kicking you out in the street or putting her food down and saying, "No diapers in my house!"   Even so, keep in mind that she can change her mind at any time and decide either the diapers go or you go.

Link to comment

House rules shouldn't be absurd though, and in my opinion, if a parents are like, "you're eighteen now, so starting today I no longer care about you and your well-being, which is why I can and will kick you out my house, unless of course you abide by all my rules, some of which will interfere with that part of your life that shouldn't be any of my business but I'm making it my business anyway, despite your being eighteen", then they're just being mean, power abusing assholes, and perhaps could use a few parenting lessons. 

It's not like Joep is doing anything illegal or harmful to anyone or anything. I could understand a no smoking rule since tobacco smoke tends to linger in things an it's kind of a fire hazard (speaking of which, Joep, what's your mom's stance on your pipe and cigar smoking?). I could understand a no guns or other hazardous objects and materials rule. Any rules that could be substantiated by some real, reasonable concern. I could understand a curfew, if not for worrying about one's son's or daughter's safety (since, as we've already established, they're eighteen, at which point the parents no longer care, if they consider kicking their adult offspring out as a real possibility) but for convenience such as not wanting to be woken up at 2 AM by them trying to unlock the door and mistaking them for an intruder.

But diapers? What possible concern does that raise in one's parent to include them in one of their not-allowed-in-my-house rules?

Really, some of the "as long as you live under my roof..." rules, such as "you won't be going out with anyone I don't approve of",  or "you better believe in Jesus and go to church and like it", and, especially "you will only wear things I approve of, diapers not being one of them", are absurd and simply should not be accepted. Your roof be damned. If you are imposing such rules, you're being a despot, not a parent. 

When I was living iny moms house, as long as I was still in college she and my dad were supporting me (my parents are divorced, dad wasn't living with us) . Once I started working, my mom and I just had a sit down to calculate costs and how money much I should give her each month, which is what I did after that. And it worked. No "you can't do this and that" rules besides what was already plainly obvious to me (and should be to anyone) and didn't even need to be said, (like don't make a meth lab in your room or build a greenhouse and grow Marijuana in it), no sticking one's nose in the other's privacy, no fucking contracts and lawyers and shit... I mean what are we, a mother and a son who also happen to be two reasonable persons, or an intrusive, annoying boss/landlord and the pesky employee/tenant? 

Link to comment

I agree.  there are so much worse things than wearing diapers.  If otherwise you are a model person and abide by rules, take out the trash, contribute to the expenses, attend school, have a job, don't smoke, do drugs, party and all that, your parents should be lucky to have you even if you do like to wear diapers!  That still doesn't mean a parent won't have preconceived ideas about their 18 year old wanting to wear diapers.  Why are so many of us afraid to wear diapers to work or with friends or in public for fear of being discovered?  Sure, many of us don't care but many of us do.  Why is an elementary school teacher so afraid he or she might be discovered if they wear diapers, especially if they wear them when in class teaching their students?  I think the answer is obvious.  Even though there is no harm in doing so and it's not illegal, parents of the kids do not understand why someone would want to wear diapers and all things go through their mind, least of not is that the teacher might be a pedofile.  They don't understand the fetish like we do and don't want anyone who likes wearing diapers for personal pleasure teaching their children, therefore they make problems and the teacher is out of a job.  Parents can be the same way.  They can't understand it because they don't have the diaper fetish themselves and know little about it.  in fact, they don't want to know about it!  To them it's wrong, disgusting and they may even think they have failed as parents somehow.

I agree that wearing diapers is not illegal or harmful to anyone and is not like smoking, drinking or doing drugs.  That's not the point.  Some parents may be totally fine with it and there is no problem.  On the other hand, the point is some parents may have serious issues with their 18 year old deciding they want to wear and use diapers.  There may be no basis at all for their concerns or anger.  None at all.  That is not the point.  Even if we all agree there is nothing wrong with someone wearing diapers for personal reasons, it is not harming anyone at all and the parent is being an asshole about it, if the owner of the home decides he or she will not tolerate it in their house regardless weather they have any reasonable basis for their thinking, it's still their home, they own it and they can set the rules even if they are baseless and rediculous!.  That is the bottom line.  It may be wrong of them and stupid from own perspective, but that doesn't matter.  Think back.  When you were a kid or teenager and your parents told you not to do something and you asked them why, how many timed did they say, "Because I said so!"  Was there any logical reason for them saying that other than them just not wanting you to do it?  When we own our own homes, we too can set our house rules even if other's think they are stupid and have no basis.  No different from a person stating they don't want you riding in their car if you are wearing blue jeans.  The blue jeans are not harming anything and will cause no damage, stains or problems in the car.  The fact is the person who owns the car just doesn't want anyone wearing jeans to ride in it.  Goofy?  Sure!  Does it matter?  No, because it's not your car, it's theirs! 

Link to comment

Right to throw out just sounds so wrong..  Its like they really hate their kids and want them gone and never heard of..

In Norway, they can't be thrown out until they are finished with "Upper secondary school", which can be as late as 19-20 years old, but most move out long before that, not cause they have a bad relationship, but cause they either wanna live alone, or with other students and its made possible by giving students free money and a very low cost loan, which they can repay when thy start working (They don't have to repay anything on the loan while studying) 

and now I'm not sure why I wrote this..

Link to comment

When I was younger the 'age of majority' was generally 21, though certain things like consensual sex and marriage were allowed earlier. It was also generally held that until that age, a parent was legally co-responsible for the actions of their children who lived in their home. The 'majority' age changed during my life because that is what younger people wanted- not very many adults were calling for that. We/they got what we/they asked for so we/they can have no complaint. The legal co-responsibility also changed which reduced the amount of control a parent had in raising their child.

Many parents grow tired of the parenting job, especially with the more rebellious kids, and simply want them gone from their house to regain some of the peace and sanity they once had in life. It's not that they don't love their kids, just that they don't like them anymore, so when the chance comes to rid themselves of the 'baggage' they created it's "bye-bye kiddo". And really, unless they have legally agreed to something else, it IS their home and they CAN set whatever rules they like there. Your right as an adult is to leave if you don't concur- that's it. You don't even have a right to disagree in their home. You certainly have no right of privacy there beyond them not being legally allowed to open mail delivered by the US Postal service orcit's contractors (which doesn't include UPS, FedEx, etc which are private delivery services). Some allowance is made for them opening your mail accidentally as long as there's no pattern of habit- people do make mistakes, even though they can still be legally charged over it. Because you're legally an adult they now owe you nothing more. Once your own home is established you can do the same thing because you don't owe them anything anymore either. Your home, your rules- that's how it should be.

I'm not much AB or LG, but I would dearly love to be able to once again have a life like a well-loved kid, with few responsibilities and no need to support myself through working. I'd be ecstatic if all I had to do was keep my room clean, help do the dishes and the laundry, and be home before dark. I'd even go to school like I once did to seal a deal like that. How could you improve on a life situation like that? So easy compared to the realities of adulthood which children don't understand. Every time I see someone here who is an adult complaining about the crap they have to go through living in their parents home my first thought is "Grow the fcku up- you don't know how good you have it! And if you don't like it then GTF out." I do try to chill before responding to those posts as it really shouldn't anger me but it does anyway. I get angry because you really don't have a right to b!tch when you have a better alternative but choose not to take it. No it won't be easy, but being a responsible adult is never easy, and at some point you're going to have to be leaving anyway so just do it now and get it over with. You aren't helping yourself or anyone else by waiting.

I was supporting myself monetarily at 15. I lived at home till 19, mostly just sleeping, showering, and doing laundry there. Many nights I didn't even go home toward the end, but slept over or slept in my car wherever the party was that I'd been doing that night. I wanted my freedom and I got it, complete with all the responsibilities that went along with it. I made plenty of mistakes, some of which I'm still paying for 45 years later but even when I froze from having no power or heat, or felt the hunger of not having eaten in three days, or wound up homeless through no real fault of my own I knew it was what was best for me- it was what I had chosen to do- and it was just me having the freedom I couldn't live without. I set my rules- nobody else did. I got what I asked for- can't complain. Anything I wanted could be mine if I did what was necessary to get it. Many times I decided that the terms I'd have to agree to in order to get what I wanted weren't worth the reward I'd get in the end- I did something else more to my liking. Many times I had only one viable choice and had to accede to someone else's rules until I could do better. But the one constant through all this was that inside the doors of my home I set the rules, and anybody who didn't like that could leave. Those who thought they could do otherwise were made to leave. I can't fault parents who do what I do- my house, my rules. I can set them, change them at will, or make different ones for different people if I want to. I don't have to be fair with them and nobody has the right to complain. The only right they have here is to leave anytime they want to. Sometimes I wish they'd do that sooner.

You wanted adulthood? You got it. You didn't want adulthood? You got it anyway. Life and it's reality sucks sometimes, doesn't it?

Bettypooh

  • Like 1
Link to comment

That's not the point! I get it that it may be perfectly legal for parents to set up completely absurd house rules or throw their newly become adult children out of their home even if they have nowhere to go. I'm trying to say that it's IMMORAL (as long as the children aren't doing anything objectively wrong or illegal)! 

Link to comment

There is nothing immoral or mean or wrong about parents wanting their children out of the house. They want alone time too after many years of caring for their kids. Many have dreams or things they want to do also, a lot that does not involve caring for their adult children. The circle of life depends on children going out and being productive people on their own. Parents bring the child into the world, provide for them as they grow and learn then release them to be adults. The problem is that most children do not want to go out on their own and like their parents taking care of everything for them, but they still want a voice, they still want to say that they are adults and have rights. It doesn't work that way, you cannot want to be taken care of and still say you have rights. You do not have rights in a place that is being provided for you, you have to follow the rules of that place. To have your rights you must do the third step and go out into the world and become productive people. I moved out of my parents house 2 weeks after high school and never looked back. Not saying everyone can do that but if you are in your mid 20's or above and still living at home you need to either get out and get your own place and have your own rules or follow the rules that are in the place that is paying for your place to live. There are choices everyone has to make everyday, this is just one of the many choices we have to make and deal with what comes from them. Live under someone else's roof and rules or get a roof and make your own rules. The choice is yours.  

  • Like 1
Link to comment

Ugh, this was one of my pet peeves of living with my parents in high school and when I graduated. They open your stuff without reading the package or the envelope. Must be an auto pilot thing because everything was always theirs until their own kids start to order online and they still think every mail is theirs. 

Link to comment

Sorry to hear that Joep: I still live with my parents and doing ABDL stuff can be a bit difficult. 

4 minutes ago, fuzzybunny said:

So my suggestion is get a private p.o. box at a ups store

^This^

I've used a private P.O. box: I think it falls under UPS in the USA although it was called MBE here in the UK (I think).

I still use basiclly the same system for getting ABDL stuff to this day.

Also a good hiding place :)

 

Link to comment

I'm sorry to hear that she is criticizing you for wearing diapers, hearing that from a friend or family member can be very hurtful. Don't let her criticism ruin what makes you happy, like everyone else said there are way worse things that you could be doing. I suggest finding your own place when possible so that you are free to live your life how you choose. In the meantime I recommend that you keep a small diaper stash around, this way you still have diapers but will be less likey to have difficulties created by the attitudes of others. Hang in there things will get better.

Link to comment

 

8 hours ago, SoakedinTexas said:

There ~ yours.  

And that brings the count of people missing my point to, two. 

I'm NOT talking about providing care (such as cooking, doing laundry or other things that they can do by themselves) for anyone's adult children . All I'm talking about is letting them stay under your roof, only for the time necessary for them to finish college and /or find a job so that they can be on their own. Yes, once you're done with schools, there is no reason you can't move out and stand on your own legs. But until then, what do you, as a parent, want? Have your son or daughter, still studying at college, have to, for example, work night jobs at gas stations for minimum wage, in rough parts of the city (where they can get robbed at knife point or worse), just to be able to survive on their own, when they should instead focus all their energy on studies to be as good as possible in their field? 

Yes, many children want the support of their parents not because they sincerely want to focus on their studies, but because they are trying to freeload and avoid responsibility. Any parent who has such a child and wants to know what's the root cause of that, needs only to look in a mirror. 

But parent allowing children to freeload is NOT what I'm advocating here for.

What I am advocating for is giving the children the necessary support until there's nothing stopping them from being on their own (their personal laziness not representing a valid obstruction), that support being at the very least, simply letting children stay at the parent's house, all the while having the children pay for the utilities and take complete care of themselves (cooking, laundry, etc.) and not being a burden in general. I believe it's possible to hold down a job while studying in most cases, but obviously individual cases may vary, in some specific cases it may not be so. 

Nevertheless I stand by my previous stance; it IS immoral to kick your child (one that's not causing any problems) out of your house (before they are able to get by on their own obviously); especially so if your justification is that you just want to be finally rid of them so you can follow your dreams. What are the dreams anyway, that your child doing no more than just occupying a room of your house is such a burden? Turning your two-story suburban home into a hotel? 

Do you honestly think that a recipe for a healthy society is a system, where parents kick their child out of the house the day after their eighteenth birthday, zero fucks given where they go, or if even they have a place to go, or how they manage to survive, or whether they won't simply give up and descent to a homeless life of drugs, alcohol and prostitution, possibly even suicide, or that their only other non-self-destructive options are to either a) struggle with minimum wage jobs in dangerous environments, or b) take an obscenely usurious student loan which will put them in debt for years even before they have means to pay it off, and after taking either option they accumulate more debt by getting a mortgage to even have a place to live, leaving them in constant worry for tens of years to come where they can't afford to have even a teeny tiny injury or illness for fear they might lose their job which they can't afford to lose, not mentioning the absurd healthcare costs in US? 

Link to comment

It doesn't matter weather anyone thinks wearing diapers is legal, immoral, right or wrong.  That's not the point of this situation.  No one has said the mom in this original situation is kicking her son joep out of the house.  She did not do that at all!  What she did was "critisize" and express in no uncertain terms her displeasure of her son wearing diapers.   It's a free world and as Judge Judy has said many times when someone posts on line that they are not satisfied with the job someone did for them, that's their right!  Same as a company sending you a survey for a product you bought.  It's your right to say you do not like it.  Joep's mom does not like her 18 year old son wearing diapers and she expressed her feelings about it to him in the house she owns, not the house joep owns.  She is entitled to do that!  The point people are making is not that his mom is kicking him out of her house because she is not doing that (even though she legally can).  The point is if joep doesn't like his mom critisizing him because he likes wearing diapers, he has the choice to stay and put up with it or move out on his own.  That is the point, period.

  • Like 1
Link to comment

It's not immoral. Look at how all the other animals in nature handle this. When the time comes, the youngsters are either forced out via violence, pushed out to fly on their own, or are not fed anymore with hunger forcing them out. Nobody was suggesting that we dump the disabled like nature does, but by 18 anyone else can make their own way in this world if they want to. Many many people put themselves through college by working multiple jobs even if that approach meant a 4-year degree took them 8 years of interrupted attendance to get their degree.

The first lesson of adulthood is that nobody owes you anything, and if you want something you're going to have to figure out how to get it then put effort into that plan until it succeeds. What I'm seeing here is an immature person who so much doesn't like that truth that they want to find anything they can to justify their wrong position. It ain't easy earning your way honestly to get what you need and want, and that's what's driving that person to seek their justification. Maybe their parents didn't take the right approach to teach them things like this. Maybe their parents didn't have the brains or skills to do that. Still doesn't matter- the way the world works doesn't change for you just because you want it to. The sooner you get yourself established and on your own in this world the better your chances for success survival are. If you parents fed, clothed, and housed you till you were 18 they've met their every legal and moral obligation to you. They owe you nothing more although almost every time they've given a whole lot more than this.

I could have freeloadad on Mom a few more years, but she wasn't going to buy me the alcohol, cigarettes, and drugs I wanted and nobody was giving them away either. She had raised 3 kids well on near-minimum wage jobs to meet her obligations to us and because she loved us and wanted us to have the nicest things she could give us. She had lived through the Great Depression of the 1930's half-starved by dint of taking advantage of every honest opportunity that came her way. She and her siblings had to scour the forests and fields for natural foodstuffs to stay alive during every waking moment that they weren't earning money. They all pooled everything together because there were days when you had nothing but your family did and vice-versa. It was the only way there was to survive. If you could do something to help someone else you did it, knowing that the time would come when you needed their help. She instilled in us the morals and ethics of the value of hard work and not complaining about your situation but making it better your own self because you could. Laziness was not tolerated ever.  We had little but we had all she could give us. She had her faults as we all do, but she was the greatest Mom and parent she knew how to be. And we knew that at 18 we were expected to be making our own way in the world because we could. It was not from a position of selfishness but from her knowing that the earlier we got started the better our chances would be. We'd all had summer jobs when we were 15 or 16 during school break. We all had full-time jobs by the time we were 18, supporting ourselves with an occasional bit of help from Mom and family when we needed that. We were prepared for the life ahead of us. Not every kid has it this good but the world beyond the front door of the parent's house doesn't care about that or change for you. You will learn that lesson whether you want to or not, so you might as well be getting on with it. It's not moral to have someone else unwillingly do for you what you will not do for yourself. You do not ever have the right to take advantage of others unless they are offering it freely to you. They set the terms of that offer, not you. It is theirs to give or withhold as they wish because it is theirs, not yours.

You want things to be different? We all do. But you can't make someone else change so you have to be making the change in yourself to get what you want. You want ensured privacy? Get your own home elsewhere; your parents house is theirs, not yours, and you can't change that. They've done their part and it wasn't easy. Now it's your turn to do the same. Doesn't matter what you think of that- this is how the world works and you can't change that either. Life sucks until you make it do something else so get the F over it, get off your lazy a$$ and go earn what you want because that's what everyone else has to do and you're no better than them. It's totally moral- it's the right thing to go earn your own way. It's totally legal- you're an adult now. You aren't given any other choice because you haven't earned any other choice yet so you don't deserve any other choice until you do. Just the mere fact that I'm seeing you on the internet tells me you have more than half of the other people in this world do. You are blessed but you aren't seeing that. You've got it good- maybe great- but you think someone owes you even more somehow. Well they don't- WE don't. Even sympathy must be earned, and you ain't earned it so don't expect it. I feel that I have an obligation to those who can't, but I despise those who can but won't yet want from me anyway. It's totally immoral for the able to ask for assistance they don't need- so much for that same person making any claims about morality which they clearly do not know the true meaning of. I'm not going to waste what little I can give to the truly needy on those who don't really need it. I've already wasted too much time here hoping to get someone to understand all this and to learn how to fix their own self-created problems. Yes, self-created. You could do better but you won't. So as my instincts lead me to say, get the F over it and STFU- go out and make your life different if you don't like how it is now. That's the ONLY way you can get what you want.

Bettypooh

Link to comment

Bettypooh, your answer seems unclear whom its meat for, but nevermind. This is what I want to tell (and ask) you.

Behavior of other species is mostly irrelevant in a discussions about humans. 

I've never argued for allowing freeloading, so I'd be grateful if I wasn't accused of doing so. Same goes for other mistaken assumptions about me and my life. 

I don't know what's so unclear about my point, so, for one last time. Turning 18 is not the only single metric that determines if you are ready to leave the nest or not. One size does not fit all. I think there are more factors that solely the legal age. If you are ready, good. If you're not (and no, laziness is not at all the only possible reason why you may not be), and parents throw you out anyway, while you have nothing and nowhere to go, that's not a moral thing for them to do. Not in our culture, anyway. Throwing someone who doesn't swim in the water and telling them to either swim or drown runs the risk of them drowning for real, and I simply can not view that as moral. To teach them how to swim first, before they will need to swim, as soon as possible, as assertively as necessary, and then throw them in the water when they need to swim, that would be moral. Your culture might have different general ideas I guess. If you think your culture is the better one, it's your opinion, not an objective fact.

And as for house rules, the house owners know deep down if the rules they make are meaningful, have rational basis, have a good purpose, are in everyone's best interest (or at least believe it to be so) etc., or are just made out of spite. Is doing things out of spite moral?

Link to comment

Behavior of other species is relevant, for they have the same survival needs we do. The only real difference between them and us is that we've learned to have and articulate complex thoughts to others. Social structures exist with lesser species too. All our basic needs are similar, and if indeed we are somehow superior it is because we can study them and conceive ways to be better, them share those thoughts among ourselves.

So what constitutes a freeloader? Is the criteria only monetary? Is there any emotional freeloading? Is there anything in psychological freeloading? I can give you many examples, but you probably get my point now. More than once I've dragged along human baggage with me who didn't understand that there's more to this than paying your bills. If you're draining someone else emotionally when that needn't happen you're still freeloading- you're not carrying all your own weight, only the financial part of it.

Turning 18 is now the accepted 'metric' of adulthood. I disagree with that age but it was self-requested and anyone who is not an adult by then can blame someone else for that- like themselves and their peers and the same in preceding generations. Anyone who works at it can be an adult at 18; the problem is that few invest the needed effort because their focus in life lies elsewhere. To start from having nothing requires that you spend nearly every waking moment working toward having something. No time to chat online, surf the web, or to play games. Only time to work and sleep with some short pleasantries tossed in to keep you from going insane. But instead too many people focus on having temporary fun at the expense of having anything more permanent. That's easy to do in today's world where social media and the internet constantly begs for your attention. The poorest parts of the world don't have those distractions and because their need is clearer and more dire, they spend almost every waking moment doing everything possible to survive and get ahead for their entire lives. Notice those words- "everything possible"- not everything you want to, or only when you want to, or only what you want to. Everything possible means just that. If you're responding to me on this forum then your using time you should be spending on getting ahead on temporary pleasantries. You could be cutting someone's grass for a few bucks. You could be picking up beer cans beside the road for recycling money. You could be learning how to fine-tune your resume' to get that better job. But you're not. Instead you're trying to avoid the harsh realities of life and justify why it's someone else's fault that you don't have what you want.

You want to succeed in life? You want privacy? You want respect from others? Then go earn it- don't talk about why it's somehow owed to you or how it's someone else's fault that you don't have those things. If you haven't invested every waking moment in getting those things on your own then you can have no complaint because you didn't do everything possible to reach your goals. Get it in your head that you cannot make anyone else do anything differently that the way they want to do it. They have that right because they've earned it. You want anything different then you go earn it yourself like they did because that's the only way you're going to have it. When I lived under Mom's roof I had to go by her rules. I didn't like all of them but that was the deal being offered- take it or leave it. I took it because it was what was best for me at the time and I knew that taking the lesser deal now would help me get the better deal I wanted sooner. She had every right to change the deal at will which she occasionally did. Every time that happened I had to re-assess if taking the changed deal was what was best for me. If it was then I had no complaint about staying- it was my choice and my responsibility for having made that choice. What motivated her to change the deal wasn't relevant- it was her house, she paid for it, and she ran things there as she wanted to period. The only right or expectation I could have was to leave if I didn't want to stay- my choice, my responsibility for what transpired after my choosing. All mine, not someone else's or something faulty in the system. She was nice enough to hear my objections and sometimes we compromised, but she didn't owe me that. She didn't owe me anything. Her obligations to me were gone and anything that was left was of her own choosing. It was indeed time for me to be out on my own, but she was kind enough to help me have a more affordable place to stay and I appreciated that. I didn't grudge her anything. I didn't break her rules. I gained much from that and I knew it. And when I finally left the nest I was far ahead of those who had left earlier because I had done everything possible to make it happen that way.

You're headed for stress and failure and unhappiness, and it's by your own choosing. You don't have a clue about how well you have it right now. You're being blessed and you're wasting the blessing. If you want to wear diapers at home or even just in your bedroom you can. Nobody is stopping you except you. You just can't accept the fact that to wear as you want to will require you to cause your own home and your own bedroom to exist elsewhere first because it ain't gonna happen here and now and nobody owes you that anyway. But somehow you think they do. You are the sole cause of your problems and you can solve them. It won't be easy but it isn't easy for anyone else either so stop wasting your life (and our time) and go get what you want. It's out there and you can have it and the only thing stopping that from happening is you. You'll have to change yourself to get it but life is all about change anyway, so get over it and go after your goals instead of wanting others to feel your self-induced pain with you. Your life, your choices, and you get the results of that yourself too.

Bettypooh

Link to comment

There is one person who truly holds the cards here and no one else.  That is the home owner regardless weather her son is the subject here.  Many thoughts can be brought to bear here including weather someone thinks it's right or wrong to kick their child out of the house at age 18, weather wearing diapers is right or wrong or weather it bothers anyone or not (and obviously yes, it does bother someone - the home owner).  Weather someone thinks it's morally wrong for a parent to do so is their belief and they are entitled to it even though many people think otherwise.  All the people involved here have options.  Mom can let son wear diapers and keep her mouth shut.  Mom can speak her mind to her son about his diaper wearing.  Mom can kick her son out on his own.  She owns the house and is holding all the winning cards in the battle of the house diapers.  Son has his options too.  He can continue to wear his diapers and suffer the wrath of his mom and homeowner, he can stop wearing his diapers in her home, or he can move to his own place.  Those are his choices.  It matters not weather any of us feel any different about it, what matters is how his mom who owns the home he is living in feels about it. 

And for the record, had Bettypooh not already brought it up, I was going to mention that most animal species raise their young to learn to fend for themselves and then the young go out on their own and learn to make their own way.  For humans, it can differ when they eventually leave the nest and how they behave, learn, educate themselves and contribute while preparing for life on their own while living with parents. 

I think, Bettypooh, this thread is just going back and forth between basically two different points of view with no new insight being offered.  Everyone has made their points.  Perhaps it's time to lock this thread?

Link to comment

ok all i am going to say is this.. I just got done last month evicting my 31 year old daughter out of my house.. she refused to get a better job or an education or even figure out how to be an adult.  Point being if you let them stay ,they turn into leaches and they can't seem to make it on their own.. at some point you have got to cut the "bleeding " off . time to ripe the bandaide off. if you don't kick them out they will never leave.. been there done that.. have the bills and stress to prove it.. let me be the example of what not to do... make them become adults.....

Link to comment
16 minutes ago, Glennie said:

she refused to get a better job or an education

This was an ouch and a slap in my face for someone with a disability. Then I realized, she is probably "normal" and this isn't the best she can do. For someone with a disability, I wanted to move out and have my own place. No I can't get an education or get a better job. I collect Social Security so that makes us do very good financially. 

Link to comment

ok i never once said she had a disability.. she is a person that is just lazy and refused to better her situation. because I was paying for EVERYTHING... don't turn this into me picking on a disabled person. I never once said that a disabled person should go out and grow up and figure it out...I gave my daughter 5 years to better her situation and she actually made things worse.. the second she moved back in with us. she quit her second job..

Link to comment

Well 31, perfectly healthy and still in parents' home and not paying any bills is a little bit different than someone who's recently turned 18.

In any case, I have no interest for myself in this. I have moved out years ago, I've recently turned 29, and despite not finishing college I have a job that pays me more than what our national average is, and virtually no debts (obviously that will change when I decide to get a mortgage, but who does not have a mortgage in these days?), so I'm not complaining about MY situation, if that was what you were getting from this, Bettypooh.

All I was doing was defending people who are 18 or older and live with their parents, who are being labeled as freeloaders here and dressed down for daring to express any gripe at all, when we don't even remotely know the whole story about their situation.

I'm not changing my stance in a hurry and as it appears, neither are you so I'd say this conversation is over.

Link to comment
4 hours ago, DiapersOfTheStorm said:

All I was doing was defending people who are 18 or older and live with their parents, who are being labeled as freeloaders here and dressed down for daring to express any gripe at all, when we don't even remotely know the whole story about their situation.

I applaud you even though my prior posts may seem contradictory.  There is nothing wrong with an 18 year old, 22 year old or even older living in their parents house based on some situations.  It could even be that the parents want it more than the son for many reasons.  I have stated many good reasons for this.  The 18 or 25 year old may be single, going to college, trying to save as much money as he or she can for their education or down payment on a home of their own.  No one can argue that paying your parents $500 a month to help their expenses while banking the rest from your job is a lot less than paying $1,000 a month for rent on an apartment plus utilities.  Logistically, it can make sense for a kid to further his education and bank more money while living at home so when he gets out on his own, he has a much better chance of making it instead of failing due to not being able to pay the bills or losing his low paying job for lack of good skills or education.  Live with your parents longer when you are young, or the parents can take a chance kicking them out at 18 and end up having their kid move back in with them in their 30's and support them because they don't have the skills and money to make it on their own.  Parents are probably glad that after years as a kid and teenager living with them they are now able to contribute to the expenses and that helps them out.  Not all young people living with their parents are freeloaders.   Many do much to earn their keep and contribute to the upkeep of the house.  It's even nice from dad's perspective to have son around to mow the lawn, rake the leaves, prune the trees and hedges and shovel snow from the driveway in winter.

With all due respect, you do have to admit though, DiapersOfTheStorm, that you were doing more than just defending people who are 18 years old and being labeled as freeloaders.  I mean no offence by it, but I think some things you said touched off controversy.  First, Joep never hinted at all that he was freeloading although many members here may have wrongly jumped to that conclusion.  We do not know if he contributes to the expenses or not, and if he can afford to order a case of diapers to be delivered, he must have a job.  I would expect his mom to be saying something like, "If you can spend your money on diapers, you can contribute to the bills around here".  We just don't know what if anything he contributes because he hasn't said.  That is an unknown, therefore I wouldn't call him a freeloader (I know you were not one of the one's hinting he was freeloading) even though he does get some benefits living at home.

Secondly, I think if you step back and reread what you have written earlier, you have to admit it's not just sticking up for someone who may or may not have been labeled a freeloader as you said in your latest post.  You previously called the mom immoral for complaining to Joep and getting on his case for wearing diapers saying there isn't anything wrong with wearing diapers, it's not hurting anyone so there isn't any reason she should complain or threaten to kick him out because he wears diapers (and for the record, I read no where that she threatened to kick him out for wearing diapers - it was suggested he move out if he didn't like his mom yelling at him for wearing diapers, not her threatening to kick him out).  You did in fact say, "if a parents are like, "you're eighteen now, so starting today I no longer care about you and your well-being, which is why I can and will kick you out my house, unless of course you abide by all my rules, some of which will interfere with that part of your life that shouldn't be any of my business but I'm making it my business anyway, despite your being eighteen", then they're just being mean, power abusing assholes, and perhaps could use a few parenting lessons".  That was not defending a kid against freeloading, it was  attacking the parents for setting rules he has to abide by in their house (which is their business as homeowners in spite of his now being of adult age) and labeling them as mean power abusing assholes and claiming they no longer care about their son and his well being.  Your words.

One more thing.  You said, "Really, some of the "as long as you live under my roof..." rules, such as "you won't be going out with anyone I don't approve of",  or "you better believe in Jesus and go to church and like it", and, especially "you will only wear things I approve of, diapers not being one of them", are absurd and simply should not be accepted. Your roof be damned. If you are imposing such rules, you're being a despot, not a parent."  No, they don't have to be accepted. That is where Joep has the option of moving out on his own.  When he gets his own house, he can set as many "absurd" rules for his own kids, visiting parents, relatives, friends or whomever he wants.  You may think they are absurd, and I'm sure many other people may feel the same way, me included to a point.  The fact of the matter is, absurd or not, if you life under someone else's roof in their home, you have to abide by their rules even if you don't believe in them.  It's not your house and you have no rights in declining the rules set forth for you in someone else's house no matter how much you disagree with them.

I applaud you in sticking up for teens and young people living in their parents house where as some others may think they are just freeloading.  I'm sure some kids do freeload and take advantage of the largess of their parents such as Glennie's 31 year old daughter (and I wouldn't argue at all against him for kicking her out).  He in fact said, "I just got done last month evicting my 31 year old daughter out of my house.. she refused to get a better job or an education or even figure out how to be an adult.  She is a person that is just lazy and refused to better her situation. because I was paying for EVERYTHING.  I gave my daughter 5 years to better her situation and she actually made things worse.  The second she moved back in with us. she quit her second job".  I don't think anyone would blame Glennie for doing what he did.  Would you agree?  Now, if she also wore diapers along with everything else Glennie said she didn't do, would you still think he was justified in kicking her out for being lazy and not contributing to the expenses, or would you think of him as wrong for kicking her out just because she liked to wear diapers?   

Again, no offence is being made by me.  I agree with much of what you say, but your prior posts were more than just defending an 18 year old against being labeled a freeloader.  You made it very clear you felt mom was wrong, no longer cared for her son or his well being and was a power abusing asshole for setting rules in her home that you felt were unjustified and wrong.  My point is that weather those rules are wrong or right in anyone's opinion, she is free to do so in her own house that she owns and Joep can either live by those rules or he can find other living arrangements if he doesn't like them.  And to date, his mom may still be getting on him for wearing diapers but as of yet he hasn't said she is not allowing him to wear them or threatening to kick him out of her house.  He's still living there and wearing his diapers.  The only thing about this whole situation is his mom expressing her strong "displeasure" in his choice to wear and use diapers and Joep doesn't like it.

Link to comment

Frankly Rusty, this whole discussion could be half the legth it is as lot of it are unnecessarily repetitive statements of what is legal or not, when there was hardly any disagreement about legality to begin with.

And true, I've gone further than just sticking up for someone's children. I'm still not going to restate, rephrase or change my opinions, including the ones I expressed in my posts you've summarized here. 

I know people who are living with their parents way longer than is normal. One of them is about my mom's age, and while he does work and I suppose makes decent money, he's this kind of know-it-all who's completely useless at any manual work, or just anything practical in general, except his personal hobbies. I don't know what he'll do when his parents, who are now in their seventies, die; I guess he'll go straight to a nursing home. Who should I blame, him, or his parents? I don't blame him, I pity him. I know his parents, they're good people, but it's their fault, being constantly too soft on him. But throwing him out now would solve nothing. He's utterly unprepared, has no clue how to do his own shopping, how to cook, wash the dishes or laundry, and if he was suddenly thrown in the cold reality of the world, he'd end up badly. Probably dead. Nobody would benefit from that, since he's at least making some kind of contribution to the society by working as a teacher. And just like anything else, learning how to deal with the reality of the outside world takes time, it can't be done all at once, and just because 18 is the number of years that makes a legal adult (in many parts of the world but not everywhere), it doesn't automatically mean it's the number of years it takes to make a person ready. It's very individual, its a combination of nature and nurture, like many other things.

If I had children and wanted them to leave home at certain age, I had better done my best to make sure they are ready at that time. If they're not ready, and I'd just toss them out the door anyway, and something terrible happened to them, I couldn't look myself in the mirror, and rightly so, because a lion's share of the fault would be mine. And if by some sheer luck they'd make it, my conscious would still not be clean. So instead, if they're not ready to leave at the age I set for myself and them to be the age they should [be ready to] leave, instead of just shoving them out mindlessly, I'd rather think back, see what mistakes have I made and correct them, and if I conclude I have not made any, go with the option that someone just takes a few months or years more to reach that kind of maturity. That's my position.

This person I was talking about, many might think is a lost cause. I think there is a solution still, it would just take time and gradually increasing assertiveness, not a sudden shock therapy, which would probably end with him having another heart attack.

The thing I have the biggest problem is the one-size-fits-all approach. People are different, situations are different, and just because someone has a specific experience, doesn't make it applicable to all people in all situations. Knowing the necessary facts about the person and their situation in detail is important if I want to make some kind of moral judgement that I intend to present as highly valid, and this knowledge can't be reliably replaced with assumptions and guesses.

I can to do that for myself in daily encounters on which I can't afford to waste too much time, in fact in some cases it's even necessary to make a prejudiced quick decision, like if I should avoid going through this nasty parts of town, or not give any money to the homeless bum who smells like booze and looks like he could easily away with my wallet after I pull it out. But we're not under any kind of pressure here on this forum, so I see no need to make such judgements.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...