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The Caretaker


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Prelude: So many of you may know that I haven’t been very active on here lately. To be honest I kind of lost the writing spark a while ago and with all the other stuff I’ve been dealing with I’m not sure if it’s ever coming back. I wanted. I’m not sure why even wrote this. I think part of me just wanted to see if I could even still get a couple paragraphs out. Another part just needed to put some feelings down on e-paper. This one’s pretty damn bleak in tone although nothing too triggering. I will caution there is a brief self-harm reference towards the end. Honestly this is what I had in me, in away it actually feels less painful then to imagine a bright, happy, but ultimately unattainable future. Since this is getting almost as long as the actual vignette I’ll just close with this. Thank you so much to anyone who has ever read and liked my work. Sorry I could never deliver on the full potential.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We pan across a blackened and charred landscape sliding lower and lower beneath the scorched earth. In halls of concrete painted with some faded color lost to time a woman in her mid-thirties walks. Her foot steps are heavy with fatigue and responsibility. She winces as a detonation of some large piece of ordnance resounds over her head. A few chips of concrete fall from the ceiling and the lights flicker. Stepping into a large room she surveys her charges sleeping fitfully despite the bombardment. Still she is extra careful not to wake them. She looks over Lukara their species once the owners of this planet before her people showed up. Like many across the ‘verse Lukara had been subject to drugs and conditioning their mind and spirit broken leaving them a helpless infant. Ready to order. All she could do was pick up the pieces….

 

            She thinks to herself as she pulls the blanket back over the shivering Lukara. \ Tamara, a human nearing 70 who was abandoned by her owner when the anti-aging treatments got to be too expensive. Fifty years of being someone’s living doll only to be tossed aside when something more interesting came along. Then there was Lorrie. She didn’t necessarily want to play favorites but something about this girl pulled at her. She was actually willingly adopted from another dimension, only to be kidnapped in a home invasion that ended with the death of the couple who adopted her. Now she was here. Sobbing quietly in the oversized crib. These are her charges. The lost and the broken. The forgotten and the abandoned. Nothing could absolve her or her people’s collective sins. All she could do was trying to ease a little suffering…..

 

            She carries Lorrie into the bunker rec room and makes a warm bottle. A shell detonates overhead, the rumbling vibrations felt in the soles of her feet. Lorie starts balling and filling her diaper. Before she places the bottle to Lorrie’s lips. Flopping onto an old faded couch humming softly to herself and stroking Lorrie’s hair. A single tear slides down her face as she holds the unconscious woman. This is all she can do: be there with them. She looks down at the scars on her arms. In a way they saved her as much as she saved them. They’re the reason she get’s up in the morning. The reason she still stands against the darkness, telling it to get stuffed one day at a time. One person. A Caretaker of the forgotten. Still standing in the black…..

 

And we fade out on two exhausted smiling faces, one sleeping, one almost. Staring at each other. As we pan out over smoke obscured night time sky. The stars maintaining vigil

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Wow. That was great!

I know you feel like you've lost your writing spark, but you put a lot of heart, soul, and potential into just a few paragraphs. I doubt I could've done so much with so little.

If this were to continue, the only direction I can see it going is the Caretaker goes up to the surface for supplies, meets some young whipper-snapper (probably a girl) and takes her back down to the bunker, either for treatment because she's broken or as an assistant? I dunno, just saying what comes off the top of my head.

I'm glad you wrote this, Ashley. :75_EmoticonsHDcom:

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I'm very sorry that you've been struggling out in the real world and I know that no matter how pretty a person's words are they can often do little to brighten a dim emotional situation but, in my few interactions with you, you've shown yourself to be a very smart and eloquent person that has very good insight and a big heart. 

This work illustrates your brightness quite well and shows that you're also quite talented at stringing together words to paint an incredibly powerful image.

Please keep writing, anything you deem worthy of your time and talents, because you're very good at it! :)

I sincerely hope things get better for you, you're worth it. 

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O_O This is BEAUTIFUL writing.  And a BEAUTIFUL worldspace.  I'm not sure if I would want anything longer for this story, but I'd definitely be interested in another story that takes place in the same world.  It's amazing how you manage to convey so much in so few words.  You told entire stories, even that of the caretaker, with such simplicity.

Honestly, great job.  I hope you get your spark back. 

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I dont feel like you have lost anything, the passion of you voice is still there. Even with the short story I can visualize the people there. I can hear the detonation of the ordinance,and feel the shaking of the building. Whenever you get the desire to write again you know you will always have readers here willing to read and honestly share the feelings your stories provoke.

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11 hours ago, Wannatripbaby said:

 

 

6 hours ago, Sophie ♥ said:

 

 

10 hours ago, RambleLamb said:

 

6 hours ago, Jayme said:

 

 

Thank you so much for the feedback and encouragement :75_EmoticonsHDcom:

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2 hours ago, CDfm said:

I loved it. Very short and simple but it says allot. Thank you for sharing it. 

:D

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