Questions about diet...

[julio]

My wife has expressed an interest in choosing my diet for me. Specifically, she's looking for something that:

- can be prepared in bulk and be stored in the fridge or freezer for up to a week.
- is nutritious.
- is very low calorie and can safely be consumed in very large amounts.
- is bland or tastes bad.
- can be blended up into a puree.
- causes a large amount of soft/sticky poop (to increase BM size or frequency of BMs and make cleanup grosser).
- minimizes risk of skin irritation from poop (cuz I'm required to wear diapers and sometimes I don't get a change right away).

Has anyone here done something like this before? If so, what did you do, how far did you take it, and what were the effects of it? Do you still do it or did you stop, and if you stopped, why?

Sorry if this request is kind of gross. =X FWIW, I'm grossed out writing it. =P All help appreciated!

[Little BabyDoll Christine]

I eat food, not Agenda; that tastes like cardboard

The best diet in the world is deduced by looking at the human dentition and can best be summarized by "un poco de todo"

[julio]

Yep, that would fall under "nutritious".  I'm looking for ideas on how to accomplish the specified goals with the outlined constraints.  In short, I'm looking for ideas to include, not ideas to exclude.  That said, thanks for your reply!

Edit: I should probably make a clarification (guessing by your reference to "un poco de todo").

My wife isn't looking to make me eat the same foods each day.  She's looking for a variety of foods that can accomplish the aforementioned goals.  For example, you can eat a lot of certain kinds of fibers and vegetables.  Right now, in addition to a pretty normal and healthy diet, she has me take dietary fiber to improve health and to increase volume of... stuff.  She dislikes the fact that most fibers turn into a gel and make clean up easier.  So, she's looking for a set of foods that she can introduce into my diet that will accomplish the outlined goals.  Given that most of the desired effects would have to be deduced through trial and error, I'd like to draw from other people's experience to try and find some answers to this task.

[Little BabyDoll Christine]

You are trying to simulate the digestive tract of an infant in an adult. I should not have to say more

[julio]

"You are trying to simulate the digestive tract of an infant in an adult"
No, we're not.  My wife is a sadist and she wants to make cleanup more unpleasant.  Dietary fibers turn things into a gel and make cleanup very simple, and my wife doesn't like that.

As it stands, she's tried oatmeal and various fruits for breakfast, a vegetable puree (of which she made 2 different kinds to alternate between days or meals) along with pureed beans for lunch, and more vegetables and beans plus a small amount of meat in the evening.

"I should not have to say more" - Yeah, don't try to shame me.  To assume that I share your values or that your values are the one true way is narcissistic and absurd.  I did not come here to debate values (though I would happily do so if you bothered to read and actually understand my question).  If you don't have recommendations, then you're not on topic, so please don't post.

[Little BabyDoll Christine]

You are trying to create mushy stuff. That is a characteristic of an infant or a malfunctioning digestive tract, usually leaving in excessive amounts of water int the chyme, which means your body is not getting the full amount of water it needs or you are way overdoing the water intake. In short, if you keep it up, it will do harm irrespective of what your wife is or if you are "shamed" or not. Biology does not care. An adult digestive tract works in a certain way and food, whether pureed or not, is made of specific things. There are pills and some laxatives that will do that but they are for specific occasions and watch what happens when you overdo them. Excessive amounts of cola will do it -- and put you in the hospital. Get informed. I have said all I can say and would just be repeating myself

[julio]

I literally agree with everything you've said, but you do not seem to understand our goals.

"You are trying to create mushy stuff.  That is a characteristic of an infant or a malfunctioning digestive tract, usually leaving in excessive amounts of water int the chyme, which means your body is not getting the full amount of water it needs or you are way overdoing the water intake."

First, I know this already.  Second, let's agree to define "mushy stuff".  I used the term "soft/sticky" to denote "soft" AND/OR "sticky".  "Soft" in this case, does not mean runny or watery.  It means a healthy (non-hard) bowel movement that doesn't have a gel coating so that cleanup is more unpleasant.

"In short, if you keep it up, it will do harm irrespective of what your wife is or if you are "shamed" or not."

I appreciate that you're concerned about my health, and I also appreciate the fact that your advice is good advice that I happen to agree with, I really do.  However, this does not justify the fact that you shamed me - you could have made your point without the phrase "I should not have to say more".  I'm not mad, but try not to respond in a flippant manner - you might not accurately understand the conversation (as is the case here).

This whole time I've had to explain to you that I'm not trying to do the poop like a baby thing.  This whole argument is ridiculous in that I can't seem to get through to you that you have misunderstood my post and the purpose behind it, even though it's been pretty clearly laid out.  No one on a FetLife group has this problem with this question so far, and I copied and pasted this post between the two sites.  At some point, I have to ask you're being willfully ignorant or just flippant?  I suspect you're just not reading or comprehending my replies, which causes you to argue a slightly different subject?  Words are just symbols after all - maybe this whole bizarre exchange has been about the definition of the word "soft"?

 

[rusty pins]

To each his own, but I couldn't even think of going through life without a steak, burger, cake, meatloaf, shrimp and lobster and all the good stuff.  I may like diapers and all, but eating bland food or purposely food that tastes bad would not go over with me.  If I wanted to be more like a baby (which I do not), I can see looking for food that gives you the eventual outcome of soft sticky poop that doesn't irritate your skin, but I would be looking for foods that would do that without tasting bland or bad.  Think of it - Gerber baby foods aren't tasteless or bad tasting.  If they were, a parent would never get the kid to eat it!  True, they may not taste like a gourmet meal to an adult, but food doesn't have to taste bad to give you the soft sticky mess you want in your diaper!  I really doubt that whatever you eat will end up looking like what baby poop looks like in your diaper.  Maybe start off with a can of Libby Pumpkin in your diaper!

[Spanky]

Chocolate makes my pop sticky.  Eating corn will leave corn in your pool, some people find that disgusting. 

[incondl]

A steady diet with the continued use of Devrom makes everything much more manageable and far less conspicuous.