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First/Intake Visit with Urologist/Doctor: How did they react to protection?


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During your intake exam or first appointment with urologists, what did they ask about your diaper/protection usage? What did you tell them?

Did they discover after having asked you to disrobe?

Did a nurse ask you?

Did a nurse see it after having asked you to disrobe or after using a ultrasound device on your bladder to check residual?

 

*What was the conversation like?

I’ve heard a lot of “horror” stories of judgmental reactions, etc.

Did it seem like it was normal for them to have a patient using absorbent products?

What did they say about it?

 

 

I appreciate your advice on my previous thread about my OAB and worries about what to wear to a second opinion urologist, my DL side, moral limits, etc.

 

Since then, I’ve been relying increasingly on pads (male guards) and pull-ups, but also sometimes diapers in certain settings. In the past month, I’ve had 2 incidents where my bladder emptied completely while I was in public, both times it felt like it was a tiny leak and my bladder just kept pushing apparently. Both times I was just wearing a pad and my pants ended up soaked. Since then, I’ve been a little more aggressive with protection that would cover me in the event of a rapid empty while in public.

I’ve had numerous episodes like this while exercising over the last year, but I don’t care nearly as much in these situations because I’m already soaked with sweat and out on the road or sidewalk not in super public places.

 

Anyways, I’m just trying to prep myself for what might be asked, how they might react, what they might say, and what NORMAL is for non-DL people who have these kinds of problems. I really do not feel comfortable revealing my DL side to This doctor because I think it will lead him/her to not take my symptoms seriously.

 

Thanks for sharing your experiences.

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I think this is easy: Tell him everything what is relevant from your point of view. I had this experience also a couple of years ago. Of cause I came padded to the doc's office (also with replacement pads) what was actually a good idea because I had accidents on the way...  

On a first visit they most likely will do all the examination that are simple to do: scan your abdomen, ultrasonics of your bladder, maybe uroflow (depending of the ultrasonic result or the time they have to wait until your bladder is full).  

They will ask you questions doc's are asking: since when, former diseases, pain, general state of health, drugs, etc.

So nothing big and really to worry about. And - hey - this is a urologists - so what do you thing he's doing the whole day? He will not care about your diapers or pads. He cares only about his machines and the results he see. That his business - making examinations, the more examinations he make the more money he get. So it even matters little if you tell him that your a DL - because that's not part of his business model. He will check for physical / bacteriological  symptoms not for psychological once (at last as long he find something measurable that make sense).

I think - this is often the problem with many specialists. They don't care about the big picture and mostly have no holistic approach. But - as I understand you right - that exactly what you want to have :-)

So get well soon and good luck 

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Oh the experiences I've had with urologists! I'll leave out the actual surgeries. 

 My first visit to "my" urologist went this way...(hellos from nurses who knew me from other places), Dr S....."Hi, you can't even tell you're wearing one!" .. The rest of the initial examination proceeded without further discussion of whether I was wearing panties or one of those things that keep you from having sex! To him, it just was...that I wear diapers. Didn't even ask if necessity. 

  Please, no matter what, if you are in distress with your urinary, please please, don't let anything petty stop you from learning what's going on!! Please! Waiting can prove the worst thing. You health professionals on here...how many times have you heard..."If (they) had only come sooner"... So sad. ?

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They've seen it all before.   People do what they have to do to cope.   Then the URO does the diagnostic stuff and figures out if he can help.  


Right, I get that. I’m just curious to hear people’s actual experiences. What have you had them say? Has it been unpleasant, uneventful, totally normal, confrontational?

Reading on some of these boards, to me it seems like it comes across that many people who have chosen to live with diapers and forego invasive treatments - or give up on them after trying - have faced ridicule or weird treatment about their choice. I’m just wondering if that’s the outlier or the norm for people’s experiences - especially at first.

I am admittedly new to all this. And while I feel like I’m coping ok, i want to make sure I’m not dying or anything...


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Oh the experiences I've had with urologists! I'll leave out the actual surgeries. 
 My first visit to "my" urologist went this way...(hellos from nurses who knew me from other places), Dr S....."Hi, you can't even tell you're wearing one!" .. The rest of the initial examination proceeded without further discussion of whether I was wearing panties or one of those things that keep you from having sex! To him, it just was...that I wear diapers. Didn't even ask if necessity. 
  Please, no matter what, if you are in distress with your urinary, please please, don't let anything petty stop you from learning what's going on!! Please! Waiting can prove the worst thing. You health professionals on here...how many times have you heard..."If (they) had only come sooner"... So sad. [emoji22]


Thanks, this will be me getting a second opinion. I’m definitely trying to get my symptoms checked out - to find out if there is some underlying cause that is really bad. That’s what I’m the most scared of. As a DL, it’s not the end of the world to me to have to use absorbent products to cope, but I know that incontinence often is a symptom of very serious medical issues. I want to get that treated and checked out. Not to worry.

Your experiences are helpful to me.

Did your doctor ask you if you were wearing a diaper? How did he/she know? Did you have to disrobe, etc? Was it part of an intake questionnaire?


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I think this is easy: Tell him everything what is relevant from your point of view. ... They don't care about the big picture and mostly have no holistic approach. But - as I understand you right - that exactly what you want to have :-)


Thanks, yep. You say it in an interesting way. But yeah, you’re kind of right. In this instance, I DONT want the holistic piece because I’m afraid that bit of information (me being DL) will end up getting me written off or having worse care. Perhaps if I came to trust the doc after a long period of time...maybe...but for the most part I dont want that kind of attention.

Hopefully you’re right.

In your experience, did the urologist on first visit ask directly about your using pads/diapers/etc?


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Hi Itscordell,

 My first visit with THIS Dr (there have been many Drs), was very much like I said. About my wearing diapers...I actually brought one of mine with me to show what kind I use and to discuss it, if he felt it necessary. He didn't find it important enough to talk about (the diapers) much more than to say that he couldn't even tell I was wearing diapers! Was nice to hear, lol. The exam went on and I was told to get some internal photos (x-rays, M.R.I.'s) and to reschedule for follow up. When I did, it went downhill for me before getting better! This Dr actually saved my life (that seems to happen pretty often for me), when he found somethings wrong with the x-rays and M.R.I.'s. I ended up in emergency surgery the very next morning!! Three more in the following weeks!! I had no idea what was causing pain, but when he saw what it was, I went under "the knife" the very next morning before 5am!! As I said, it got worse before getting better. Gettin yer peepee worked on isn't always so much fun! Can even be painful for a stretch, but the alternatives are far worse!! Get the lil guy some attention!! He's a part of your body that puts up with a LOT of "abuse" and rarely complains about it!! If the lil fella's whinin, might be best to listen! Whatever anyone says about your diapers is way less concern than havin yer winkie cut off at the base!! Just while I've got yer attention....havin a choice about when an where you release your water is by far a betterthing than losing that!! I've found that I use less diapers as an incon than when I was playing!! Reletively speaking that is. Good luck and let us know how things go, ok? 

 

 

 Billyboy ?

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I turned up to the first visit to my Urologist wearing a nappy.  I ummed and ahhh'd about it for an hour or so, before I had to change and head out to my appointment.  At the time, I was in nappies full-time at home, but in pullups at work.  I could have gone to the appointment in a pullup, and I sorta knew that the Urologist would want me to strip for an exam down there, so pullups would have worked.

But the night before, I'd wet about 1.3L, and during the day I was still leaking like a faucet into my day nappy.  So that swayed me to change into a fresh nappy, as a pullup wasn't going to last.

Interestingly, when I was told to strip and lay on the exam bed, my nappy was dry.  The Urologist saw the nappy under me, and wondered why, so I told her.

She wasn't too concerned about it, and hasn't really questioned me about wearing nappies since.  I've been referring to them as "pads" whenever we chat, and I suspect that she's forgotten that I'm wearing nappies.

I'm now also seeing a Continence Nurse.  This lady knows I wear nappies full time, and we've discussed options to replace disposables with cloth absorbent panties.  Last time I saw her, I told her that, in my view, with the amount of wetting I do during the day and evening, cloth absorbent panties aren't really going to suit me. 

I get the feeling that both my Urologist and Continence Nurse would like to see me out of nappies, and I understand why.  Neither have actually said this though. 

The continence nurse created a fluid and toileting program for me at my last visit.  The idea of this is to "limit" my fluids such that my bladder isn't hammered by urine input, but has a more constant rate.  Also, more importantly, my bowel is getting regular small doses of fluid, in an attempt to stop my chronic constipation.  The plan has fluid intake times, and times I should be toileting.  But toileting times doesn't make any sense, given I'm in nappies full-time. 

So I think that it's largely failing, as i'm wetting at random times during the day, and my bowels don't open for a week, then it's bloody hard to push what is in there out.

 

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Your body has to be decently hydrated for your digestive tract to work well. Dehydration will cause constipation. While I understand their concerns about your urine output, the focus should be on your digestive system as slowness or stoppage there can harm or kill you while peeing a lot won't. Discuss this with your Primary Care Doctor as specialists often don't see too much beyond their specialty, and you need your whole body working properly, not just one part of it.

Bettypooh

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They're going to note you have incontinence and probably say something along the lines of "let's see if we can help you not need those."   While I haven't been to the uro, I have been to the gatstroenterologist and that's sort of the view they took.    They were careful to say it would be a longer diagnostic period trying to figure out if it was a food allergy or not.

 

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On 9/9/2018 at 5:31 AM, ItsCordell said:


In your experience, did the urologist on first visit ask directly about your using pads/diapers/etc?


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Hi Cordell,

of cause we talked about that - because it was is nessasry to get an impression about how often and how much I leak. For that reason I also had to note over 2 day's how much and when I drink and how much and when I have to pee, more over if I make it to the toilet or not and how much I loss (checking with a mesuring jug on the toilet and wight the pads). 

But also here - this is business as usual for the doc and such a dairy was later also a important part to check the results of the therapy.

cu

Mick

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Keep in mind that there is a reason you go to a urologist in the first place.  You are having problems wetting before making it to the toilet or you have accidents or even bad urges, maybe even more frequent urination.  Maybe you have been having accidents at night when sleeping.  You do need to rule out any major issues such as prostate problems, cancer, anything serious. It's a doctor or urologist's job to try and find out the cause and get to the bottom of it all.  Once you rule out any serious medical problem, it doesn't matter if you decide to just wear diapers instead of catheters, medicine, whatever.  You can wear diapers or pads to your appointment for need, but any doctor will do his job to try and get to the underlying cause of your leakage.  Keep in mind that, even though there are a lot of people with bladder control issues, the majority of people in the world don't have accidents unless there is a medical issue.  Any doctor will try and find out what that issue is, even if you don't mind wearing diapers to deal with it. 

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I have urge urinary incontinence and have worn a diaper 24/7 for about 30 years. Many urologists and other kinds of doctors have seen my diaper. It’s visible any time I’m asked to disrobe. A couple of urologists have said that they hope the treatment that they were proposing would eliminate my need for diapers, although what they proposed did not lead to that result. Virtually all the other kinds of specialists that I’ve consulted for other problems and the family physicians that I’ve seen over the years have either ignored my diaper completely or been satisfied by my simply stating that I have urinary incontinence..

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An update...

Oops, jumped the gun.

I had my consult with the specialist. I ended up running late so I couldn’t stop on the long drive from my town to the hospital (5+ hrs) - I wore a BetterDry which is typical for me while traveling, and because I didn’t stop, it was quite wet when I got to the hospital. I changed in a private bathroom, wiped off to get as little odor as possible, and then put on a pull up. (I’ve been dabbling with this new brand from NorthShore, Allyne?, they are very impressive actually)

Anyways, I was shocked during my visit, but it didn’t even come up. The doc didn’t ask about if I was using pads or how many or whatever. Didn’t say a word. They did do a residual urine check on my bladder - and the nurse saw the top of the pull-up when she did that scan. She didn’t say anything about it and neither did I.

More or less, I felt pretty dismissed. I was admittedly trying to get clarity on an underlying cause - and the doc essentially said that we don’t know what make people have OAB and that there was nothing life threatening happening to me. That was disappointing but also relieving if you know what I mean.

Strangely, for the first time in my life actually, I distinctly got the feeling that the doctor and nurse were laughing st me. The physician kept kind of smirking st me in the exam room and kind of laughing under his breath and kind of cracking awkward jokes. When I left I felt very very judged - and like they thought I was an odd duck for wearing the pull-up - and maybe even suspected me of being a fetishist. It was not a happy feeling I left with. It could be in my head but I’m usually pretty intuitive about these things.

Anyways, the long and the short of it is that wearing a pull-up was either a non issue or it was a source of being laughed at and not taken seriously.

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Hi itscordell,

You have been brave and did all well. Wearing a pull up and not a thick diaper proves you just want to get confident not to pee yourself as you consult for incontinence issue. That's a valuable cause of wearing protections. 

Practionners are often not aware that diapers are often more convenient than pull up or pads or even classic underwears. Since my own experience, they dont really care of your symptoms or if you suffer. Most just want to practice heavy cares like surgery to take your money. Mine told me that I have a bladder of an old 70yrs man, and told me he can't do anything to me because I'm too young to get knife. Plus he really harm me at cystoscopy... I never saw him back since! No laugh but a feeling that he treated me with contempt.

You shall be proud of yourself as well as he did not figured out any disease even if found nothing about that causes your oab. Do you think you can see someone else?

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ItsCordell, I believe you are over thinking this a lot, and are jumping to a conclusion based on your suspicions.  

If you take a practical approach to this, you were seeing a specialist for an OAB, and with that said, the vast majority of the people they see for this will be wearing some sort of protection to avoid embarrassment from wetting their pants or underwear for sure!  Do you really think this medical office was trying to make fun of you for doing this typical thing??  Chances are they were trying to put you at ease with the light hearted tone.

Look at it from their perspective, how would you like to deal with hundreds of people that come to see you because they are wetting them selves and don't know why?  Certainly these folks are all tense and edgy having to talk about this very private issue that is embarrassing to deal with  at the least, not mentioning having to face up to it and speak to others about it.  Not a good environment to deal with every day for certain!!

I for one have gone to a doc with a UTI that was causing wetting issues, and the staff certainly did not make me feel that I should't be wearing protection, even as it was obvious during the course of the visit that I was.  What was spoken about was  that the treatment prescribed in this case, should allow me to get back to normal shortly, and be able to go without wetting protection again, but not to rush that as first I must gain my confidence back that I will no longer be needing this protection. 

To suggest that any professional dealing with issues of wetting oneself would belittle a person wearing diapers or pads for protection, seems unethical to say the least!! 

On the other hand, if a person is going to see a physician for a much different problem, and has no history of OAB, UTI, or other bladder or continence issues, and is wearing a adult version of a baby diaper, they should expect to be scrutinized and potentially create an unfavorable reaction from any medical staff outside of an ER as they are said to have seen it all.

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20 hours ago, XyXy said:

My first urologist said "you're too young to be wearing diapers", which I thought was a strange thing to say. I was late 20s then. 

My response would have been, "Really?  I was in diapers when I was only a day old!"

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On 9/17/2018 at 10:26 AM, XyXy said:

My first urologist said "you're too young to be wearing diapers", which I thought was a strange thing to say. I was late 20s then. 

A urologist said that? They should definitely know better!

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  • 4 weeks later...

My experience with urologists is not great. I've had incontinence issues most of my life, but as I got older, it got worse. I have diabetes and seems that urologists don't bother exploring incontinence issues in diabetics. I've seen probably 5 urologists over the years, almost always in diapers. One would think that anyone serving a community of people that wet themselves, they seem to think that diapers are not necessary, pills fix everything. Not in my experience. I also don't think they put themselves in your shoes. A 1% chance of wetting your pants is not acceptable risk. In my case, it's 80-90% chance of wetting and because I have diabetes, they say, how's your sex life? That's not great either, but they seem to be in a hurry to put you under the knife to fix ED and they could add a urethera valve while they were there. No thanks.

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2 hours ago, dangoch said:

My experience with urologists is not great. ... That's not great either, but they seem to be in a hurry to put you under the knife to fix ED and they could add a urethera valve while they were there. No thanks.

Yes... thats what happen often - and also to me. My feeling is, depending on there profession they come up with totally different ideas. Unfortunately it seems that often these ideas are only good for there budget but not for my health... 

So what I did was searching for a support-group. Here I learned a lot more about my bladder problems.With this knowledge I was able to find the right doc and discuss with him my treatment. And in the end this was successful. Unfortunatly it seems that most of the doc's are not really interested to help but only to sell. So in the end it's like if you go into a shop: If you know exactly what you want you might get served well. If not - you may went out with the last shelf warmer...

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3 hours ago, dangoch said:

My experience with urologists is not great. I've had incontinence issues most of my life, but as I got older, it got worse. I have diabetes and seems that urologists don't bother exploring incontinence issues in diabetics. I've seen probably 5 urologists over the years, almost always in diapers. One would think that anyone serving a community of people that wet themselves, they seem to think that diapers are not necessary, pills fix everything. Not in my experience. I also don't think they put themselves in your shoes. A 1% chance of wetting your pants is not acceptable risk. In my case, it's 80-90% chance of wetting and because I have diabetes, they say, how's your sex life? That's not great either, but they seem to be in a hurry to put you under the knife to fix ED and they could add a urethera valve while they were there. No thanks.

I found\that it is accepted as quite normal for some diabetics to have a degree of incontinence.. Once I was diagnosed they just shunted me of to the continence nurse for help in managing my problem. They sometimes ask if I am coping when I have my diabetic check and other times it is never mentioned.

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  • 1 month later...

Most company assigned doctors don't realy care, however, there was one who's response was comical.

A standard appointment, but the office seemed like it belonged in the 60s. I was asked to strip to the waist by the nurse, and the doctor comes in to examine me. He askes me to sit on the edge of the bed/couch. This has plastic backed paper on it. He spends 10 min taking my temp., blood pressure, looking into my ears, eyes, and then when to check reflex action. Due to the bulk of the wet diaper, I didn't notice until I tried to cross my legs, I couldn't cross my legs. The doctor, a bit perturbed then started checking out my legs, and my knee joints, and then asked me to stand. He stood himself, looking at me, and then scratching his head, attempting to say something, stopping himself and then back looking at me with this vacant, confused look in his eyes. He told me that he would be back in a minute, and left, returning a few minutes later with another doctor from the same office. This doctor went through the same basic tests as the first and then at this stage behaved the same. Everytime I tried to say something, the two stopped me, looking at each other. At this time, they again stepped out saying that they will return in a minute. This time, I called the nurse and asked her, is there a place where I can change my diaper. She looked at me, smiled and showed me to a bathroom.

By the time I came out, the nurse asked if everything was OK - which it was. She left and three doctors came in this time. The two that had examined me already, and a much older doctor. He started examining me when the nurse that had directed me to the changing room came in. I went to say something to her, but she just smiled and whispered something in the older doctors ear. This time he stood back red faced, looked at me, then the other two doctors. He then asked me to cross my legs. This time I could (the diaper was dryish). The older doctor beconed to the other two and the three left the nurse and I in the room.

The nurse then talked. 'It is the diapers that caught them. Sorry for the giggling. It is the first time that they have encountered a 'mobile' person wearing diapers. What is the actual issue.' I was laughing at this stage. I explained. The nurse stated, we will send a notice to the company to state that there is no issue with your health. If this company asks us again to check your health status, we will refer you  to your own doctor.

Every medical professional I have encountered has their own opinion on my incontinence - and want to 'fix' it with their brand of management. They seem not to be able to understand that I freely choose diapers as the management. IMHO, it will take multiple generations for the medical profession to accept diapers on anyone over the age of 3. There is even a management routine to handle the diaper dependant elderly so that they don't have to wear diapers. It just proves that a little knowledge is dangerous, and a lot of knowledge can create a 'god-like' arogance.

 

 

 

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