spoilers Discussion: Barbara Davis, Why Thirteen?

[bbykimmy]

This is the discussion thread for my Choose Your Own Adventure story, Barbara Davis: Why Thirteen? - if you're here and you can't find the story itself, just click that link

 

Well, if you're here then that means you probably finished the story one way or another.  This thread is a place to discuss the story and the various endings.  This is a spoiler thread, if you're not done engaging with the story, please feel free to leave a comment but be careful not to read any!  There is a lot to this story.

I really hope you liked it.

I worked really hard on this story, and I think it's the first one of its kind on this website.  It's been a lot of fun and I've been greatly looking forward to sharing it.

So please, leave me a comment about your favorite ending or your favorite part, your favorite character or your favorite twist.

Feedback means a LOT to me.

Thanks!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Okay, spoiler-y info:

There are 26 endings to this story, 16 are "bad" endings and 7 "good" endings, and one "best ending".  How many did you find?  Which was your favorite?

 

There is also now a full map at the bottom of this page, thanks harrycrosby!  <3 <3

[Elfy]

I haven't read it yet but I want to just say that you must have put a lot of effort into this story and I sincerely hope everyone enjoys the story

Quite an innovative way of telling a story and I'm glad I was able to help make this happen!

[bbykimmy]

4 minutes ago, Elfy said:

I haven't read it yet but I want to just say that you must have put a lot of effort into this story and I sincerely hope everyone enjoys the story

Quite an innovative way of telling a story and I'm glad I was able to help make this happen!

Thank you so much!  It really was a lot of work, it was fatiguing in some places and some of the endings aren't as good as I'd like but I'm really glad I did it and I just don't have the energy to fix them at this point, so I hope it's good enough

In my experience, ABDL Choose Your Own Adventure stories are either a) awfully written, or b) incomplete.

This one is definitely not incomplete, there are no dead ends in the story that lead to nothing... here's hoping it's good

[Pudding]

This was so fun! I'm an unashamed Bad End Seeker, but Good End #4 was a really lovely end too, and was the third one I got. I love the CYOA medium and used to be a big part of TFgamesite community which is flush with CYOA/TWINE games, but your writing talent makes this such a cut above. 

[HyperShark]

Okay I got "Bad" (but actually good end because I got out of there) end #15. Read as good end #15

I am going to explore other pathways now. I liked it, but I have a problem with these kind of choice based narative things, whether that is in Video Games, or in writing form like this I believe the format just does not work.

I believe this type of storytelling will pick up when AI gets more competent and able to auto generate great stories better. Which will enable this format to actually work and enable the reader to have actual choice.

It should be said that this is not a critique of the work you have done, but a huge gapping fundamental hole in the medium that cannot be solved by writing skill. Even if you were to write 20 million words with a ton more options. I would still feel let down as my character will inevitably do really dumb things that the option did not indicate (47 actually made my angry with my character)

and some of the unexpected options will not be included even if you write 20 million words.

TLDR: I liked the writing, (the exeption of my character doing dumb things I never intended) but as of 2018 the text based "Choice your Own Adventure" kind of thing has too many gaping issues that cannot be avoided no matter how skilled the writer may be. Please try not to take offense to this, you know I LOVE your other stories. But I don't think this is for me (despite the fact I am going to back and explore more options just after I post this. :D)

[YourFNF]

So far fifty/fifty on good/bad endings I can't imagine other people's attrition rates

Still holding at about same

 

Wow I think my win loss may have dropped below 60/40

rigged

[YourFNF]

Well I got best ending with help from kimmy

You know I'm honestly surprised the Amazon's in DD stories don't try to find willing volunteers more frequently? Like I know there's not that many ABDLs percentage wise but IRL people are willing to put up with a lot for a chance at a better life. Often jeopardizing there physical safety in the process.

[bbykimmy]

28 minutes ago, YourFNF said:

Well I got best ending with help from kimmy

You know I'm honestly surprised the Amazon's in DD stories don't try to find willing volunteers more frequently? Like I know there's not that many ABDLs percentage wise but IRL people are willing to put up with a lot for a chance at a better life. Often jeopardizing there physical safety in the process.

Maya and I wrote a story about that

[YourFNF]

5 minutes ago, bbykimmy said:

Maya and I wrote a story about that

Best of it or a different one?

[bbykimmy]

12 minutes ago, YourFNF said:

Best of it or a different one?

It's called "Looking for a Vacation Spot"

[YourFNF]

25 minutes ago, bbykimmy said:

It's called "Looking for a Vacation Spot"

Goes to find that

[bbykimmy]

24 minutes ago, YourFNF said:

Goes to find that

Good luck, you've got to convince Maya to share it

[HyperShark]

First we have to pool our resources and get them to share the full story of "Bedtime Tale in Eire" the one where the characters from War of Domestication are side characters.

[Bonsai]

This reminds me a manual on how littles should behave that someone published some time ago (“how to tame your amazon”, or something similar) that basically suggested submission, staying humble & quiet and emotional control as recepies for success. My two favorite endings were the two that seemed more far away from this: bad ending 15 (or “breaking the Amazon”) and good ending 3 (“how to bury yourself into the deepest hole and then crack your way out with just your own forces and pride”). This is the best CYOA I read in a long while: thank you!

[aldl4811]

This is incredible work.  It must have taken a very long time to plan, write, and execute this.  I have done three read throughs and have found each one exciting and a very different path.  You nailed this one, thanks again for such a great contribution to our community. 

[ozziebee]

I've only hit bad endings so far :-(

[kerry]

Found the best ending and loved it. This project took a lot of thought and a lot of work, Kimmy. Congratulations! I've totally enjoyed reading it.

[HyperShark]

20 hours ago, kerry said:

Found the best ending and loved it. This project took a lot of thought and a lot of work, Kimmy. Congratulations! I've totally enjoyed reading it.

+1

The best ending is pretty great. I would say 17 or 9 would be the endings I would least like if it happened to me.

This story has made me re-write a lot of assumptions I made about Albion from "Making the Best of It" such as [Removed for spoilers]

[YourFNF]

So kimmy I have to ask "Why Thirteen"   @bbykimmy

[herezulo]

My first complete read through, I got bad end #5. I was honestly beginning to doubt that you could leave, as I had stumbled into several passages that I could tell wouldn't end well. The second ending I got was the best end. It was very sweet, and I was happy for Barbara and her new family. It was very satisfying trying to navigate around traps and bad-end flags. Thank you for making this cyoa!

[ozziebee]

oh my lordy, have done 5 run through and got 5 bad endings. Maybe I should have stayed with Amelia?

[ELLIE52]

I've read one ending:   Good End #5.   

I need to play around with this a lot more, but it will probably be Sunday before I can.  I can't say I'm always comfortable with the choices, but ....  I've lots more to go.  So yay, at least my first ending wasn't the best, but it certainly was not the worst!  Just an early comment until I can really dig in.

[Pudding]

14 hours ago, YourFNF said:

So kimmy I have to ask "Why Thirteen"   @bbykimmy

Barb's world is Waypoint 1265239-Y13. Conversely, the Diaper Dimension is Waypoint 2284-X9 - and the term "Exnine" is used in the story. Exnine's are the natives there, and WhyThirteens are us. 

That's my guess anyway. 

[bbykimmy]

21 hours ago, Bonsai said:

This reminds me a manual on how littles should behave that someone published some time ago (“how to tame your amazon”, or something similar) that basically suggested submission, staying humble & quiet and emotional control as recepies for success. My two favorite endings were the two that seemed more far away from this: bad ending 15 (or “breaking the Amazon”) and good ending 3 (“how to bury yourself into the deepest hole and then crack your way out with just your own forces and pride”). This is the best CYOA I read in a long while: thank you!

I liked the manual!  I read that one

Thank you very much for the compliments and the likes on those paths <3

I thiiiiiink this is the first CYOA ever on this board, and I think it's the first ever Diaper Dimension CYOA.  I had a lot of fun writing it, and I hope it becomes my "most liked" post ever, even though the story certainly isn't as good as my novel-length fiction (it really can't be).

It's funny, my work and KWOceans' are what inspired the "How to Tame Your Amazon" story, I think... and they're pretty spot on.  KWOceans was a huge influence on the whole humble/quiet leading to success, that's always the way it goes in our RP stories  <3

21 hours ago, aldl4811 said:

This is incredible work.  It must have taken a very long time to plan, write, and execute this.  I have done three read throughs and have found each one exciting and a very different path.  You nailed this one, thanks again for such a great contribution to our community. 

Honestly, it's 41k words... but I wrote 20k in 2 days when I initially got obsessed with the idea (that's how things work with me).  I wrote the entire trunk and one branch in the first weekend, then it took me 2 weeks to fill in the rest, by the end I was pretty fatigued.

Like all my stories, I didn't really plan anything, I just started writing.  Any time the character ended up alone with a major NPC, that became a different "branch" from the "trunk" and I'd keep going up the trunk to see what other branches it would lead to.

It took me about 4 hours to post and link all 90 segments of the story, @Elfy was a great help by giving me that temporary subforum so I didn't have to do it all in one sitting.

18 hours ago, ozziebee said:

I've only hit bad endings so far :-(

There are more bad endings than good ones, that's for sure.  But the good ones are there!  Play again and see what you get

4 hours ago, ELLIE52 said:

I've read one ending:   Good End #5.   

I need to play around with this a lot more, but it will probably be Sunday before I can.  I can't say I'm always comfortable with the choices, but ....  I've lots more to go.  So yay, at least my first ending wasn't the best, but it certainly was not the worst!  Just an early comment until I can really dig in.

Not every part of the story is for everyone, but hopefully there's something for everyone.  The story branches are very wide if not exceptionally deep

3 hours ago, Pudding said:

Barb's world is Waypoint 1265239-Y13. Conversely, the Diaper Dimension is Waypoint 2284-X9 - and the term "Exnine" is used in the story. Exnine's are the natives there, and WhyThirteens are us. 

That's my guess anyway. 

Nailed it!  This is exactly the reason.

Also, I'm bad at titles.

19 hours ago, herezulo said:

My first complete read through, I got bad end #5. I was honestly beginning to doubt that you could leave, as I had stumbled into several passages that I could tell wouldn't end well. The second ending I got was the best end. It was very sweet, and I was happy for Barbara and her new family. It was very satisfying trying to navigate around traps and bad-end flags. Thank you for making this cyoa!

There are lots of bad ends, but a few good ends too.  The best ending is the way it would go if I were writing this as a novel-length fiction, I think.  It made me smile a lot <3

20 hours ago, kerry said:

Found the best ending and loved it. This project took a lot of thought and a lot of work, Kimmy. Congratulations! I've totally enjoyed reading it.

It was a lot of work, but it was totally worth it!  I had never tried anything like this before and I'm proud of myself that I pulled it off <3

Thanks for playing!

20 hours ago, HyperShark said:

+1

The best ending is pretty great. I would say 17 or 9 would be the endings I would least like if it happened to me.

This story has made me re-write a lot of assumptions I made about Albion from "Making the Best of It"...

Thanks Sharkie!

I'm kinda partial to #16 myself

So, Albion is a good-sized island.  There are some native Littles but not many.  There are Little Rescue Centers, which take Littles from other dimensions... but we probably don't want major spoilers for my other stories here, I'm hoping this will draw some new readers

18 hours ago, ozziebee said:

oh my lordy, have done 5 run through and got 5 bad endings. Maybe I should have stayed with Amelia?

Every branch has a "good ending", for sure.  You can find it!

[harrycrosby]

Major spoilers warning!

I love this story/adventure, so I made a flowchart to document my journey through it, and to make sure I reached every ending. You can use it as a checklist, or to find a particular ending that you're looking for, or just to see the connections. Posting as a link rather than an upload because it's huge! (Image size, not file size.)

Fun trivia: Longest path is 22 sections long, but there are some significantly different paths at 18 and 19.