Really don't want to do this...

[horrorfan]

So I spent a couple years as a CNA while I went through my associates degree. It took me a while to get over my diaper fetish at work, but eventually I got to the point to where I could do my job without interference from my AB/DL side (and I hoped that nobody caught on, so the best I could do was play oblivious). Now that I'm done with my degree it's been insanely hard to get an interview, but I am getting all sorts of employers contacting me for CNA positions and I'm not sure I'm up for any of it. I've already quite my last job, but the CNA gigs are the only offers that I'm getting. Talk about irony...

[Wannatripbaby]

Maybe it won't be as bad as your last one? Maybe this next place will be great and all your fellow employees will be nice and your boss will love you and the old people/patients never get past endearingly crotchety and you'll meet a hot nurse who's completely smitten by you and you'll get married and you'll have a hundred babies and you'll never die! It'll be perfect! ♡♡♡♡♡

In all seriousness, a friendly work environment can make all the difference. One job in one place can be completely different from the same job across town. Plus since you're going into it expecting the worst, it'll make it that much better if it doesn't turn out to be a complete hell!

[horrorfan]

The people aren't usually the problem, it's more or less the fact that every day would feel like punishment.

[Wannatripbaby]

Well, let's examine that: what was it about your old job that you hated so much? I think you might've addressed this in another thread but I can't remember so I'm asking again.

[horrorfan]

I should think it self-explanatory why an AB with an affinity for diapers would not want to change diapers for a living...

[Wannatripbaby]

18 minutes ago, horrorfan said:

I should think it self-explanatory why an AB with an affinity for diapers would not want to change diapers for a living...

No. It really isn't. We as human beings have the ability to compartmentalize things in our minds. You changing diapers for a living is no different than an ABDL having an actual baby. Do you thing DL parents get some kind of sexual gratification out of diapering their infant? No! They don't! 

[horrorfan]

Heh, neither of us can know that for sure, granted I'd hope so. I'd actually read about a little who snapped in the thick of it and left his wife and kids to live out his fantasy (years ago). It took me a long time to compartmentalize what I was doing and I'm wary of having to do so again. It's one thing to read about an experience and another altogether to find yourself in those shoes.

[Wannatripbaby]

58 minutes ago, horrorfan said:

I'd actually read about a little who snapped in the thick of it and left his wife and kids to live out his fantasy (years ago).

I promise you, that had nothing to do with him being a Little. If he hadn't left to persue his ABDL desires it would've been for something else because he obviously should've never been married in the first place!

I understand your hesitation, but I believe I can help you. It's all a matter of perspective. Why don't you explain to me an exact articulation of what ABDL means in your life?

Also if you'd feel more comfortable doing this is a PM I'm happy to do that instead.

[horrorfan]

It's more or less a disgusting aspect of my life I generally keep to myself. I understand that that opinion is arguable, but I tend to evaluate all relevant opinions and facts before coming up with my own. Me doing any aspect of this in a professional setting feels wrong on so many levels. Guess I'm just venting as I debate whether or not to bite the bullet on this.

[Wannatripbaby]

Everyone has their own methods of coping with the stresses of life. Some people drink themselves into a stupor. Others destroy their bodies with drugs. YOU just so happen to like to wear diapers and/or act like a baby. And when you stack that up against booze and drugs, diapers don't seem so bad, do they?

These are the words that I tell people here when they're crippled by shame. Because it's the truth. We're all sick, perverted creatures. Everyone on the planet! That's the nature of being human. But we can't let that stop us from living. Or in your case, Making a living.

[horrorfan]

I'm not really crippled by shame so much as I don't think nursing is the correct career path for me. I've come to accept this side of me, but I also acknowledge that not everyone needs or wants to know, so my best bet of keeping this away from others is to distance myself from it, which is hard to do in a CNA role.

AB/DL can actually destroy people if not managed correctly. Continual use of diapers is bad for skin, sucking on pacifiers/thumbs is bad for teeth, and the duality of switching back and forth between adulting and a childish mindset wears at one's sanity after a while. Sure it's give and take, but the more one takes, the more difficult it becomes to figure out where to draw the line. Settling for a "lesser evil" than substance abuse still doesn't make one a functional person.

[Wannatripbaby]

Well anything can be bad for you if done in excess! But some things are easier to overdo than others and some things--like drugs--are inherently bad. But we're getting off-topic.

Might I ask what you do want to do with your knowledge and experience?

[Newbee]

Hi horror fan,

I understand everything you are going through, I have felt and still feel the same way but you have to be true to yourself. I have had to start wear pull ups at work while mine is because I have too it is still hard for me to deal with but please trust me on this wannatripbaby will give you some great advice.

[Wannatripbaby]

Thanks, Newbee. 

[horrorfan]

Don't misunderstand, I don't hate myself for it, I just try to rationalize as I go. Having been exposed to healthcare for a while, I recognize that I won't last forever and the things I do now will affect my health in the future. Since wearing diapers is one of my addictions and not a need (and not admitting it as such is only denial), that is something I have to moderate, even though I wouldn't mind staying in them.

I've gone to school for IT, but since I relocated to be closer to relatives I've discovered the cold, harsh truth that the competition is fiercer than a simple associates degree. Long story short, I need a job very soon, but the only places who want me to work for them are in the healthcare industry, working a job which I am more than hesitant to get back into.

[Newbee]

Could you go into health care and still look for IT jobs.

[Wannatripbaby]

1 hour ago, horrorfan said:

Since wearing diapers is one of my addictions and not a need (and not admitting it as such is only denial), that is something I have to moderate, even though I wouldn't mind staying in them.

Why do you call your affinity for diapers an addiction? There's a big difference between an addiction and a dependency. A Dependency, if managed well, is actually a good thing! And believe me, we're all Dependent on a LOT more than we'd like to admit. Whereas an Addiction, for simplicity's sake, could be described as an ill-managed Dependency.

[horrorfan]

@Newbee, I'd still have to get certified to practice healthcare in my location, which would require me to take and pass a state exam, which, while employers may cover that expense, do so with the understanding that the employee will work there for a minimum period of time (which I believe is a year).

@Wannatripbaby, I am fully continent with no real need to wear diapers, however, when I go for periods of time without wearing, I get cravings to do so, which is characteristic of addictions. 

[Wannatripbaby]

41 minutes ago, horrorfan said:

@Wannatripbaby, I am fully continent with no real need to wear diapers, however, when I go for periods of time without wearing, I get cravings to do so, which is characteristic of addictions

No, it isn't. That's characteristic of Dependency. Again, subtle difference, but VERY important!

[horrorfan]

What's the source for your definition of dependency? I assure you, the need to wear a diaper for recreational use is an addiction.

[Wannatripbaby]

11 minutes ago, horrorfan said:

What's the source for your definition of dependency?

No source. Language is a tricky thing and I think it works best that to just explain what I mean rather than hope we have the same definition.

A Dependency, as I've defined it, is something we do because we feel like we need to or that we've established as routine; Your morning cup of coffee, your regular meal times, your bedtime routine, these are all Dependencies. And as I said, Dependencies aren't bad things. They help us establish Order in our lives. Without them, we're vagabonds drifting in the wind.

An Addiction, however, is a Dependency that is inherently harmful to you. Usually because you've lost all control of it. You claim that you have, in the past, been able to suppress your need to wear for periods of time. This shows that you DO have control over your Dependency and therefore it is not an Addiction.

[horrorfan]

I appreciate the encouragement, but addiction, according to American Society of Addictive Medicine, in a nutshell (I'm paraphrasing, and you can look it up on their website if you want clarification) is characterized by the inability to constantly abstain from certain activities or substances, among other symptoms, such as cravings, dysfunctionality, and so on. Essentially according to modern medicine, my inability to go cold turkey on wearing diapers means that it is an addiction. 

[warpiper]

Hey horrorfan, I'm an ER nurse and have been so for over a decade. If you want to avoid diapers as a nurse, I can offer about 50 alternatives in the field which will keep you from dealing with diapers. I see diapers on the regular where I work, but honestly I take them off immediately and don't put them back on because our hospital doesn't think they are good for the skin if you are laying on bed with them (pro tip, they are not good for the skin when laying in bed). Hit me up if you want on messenger here and I'll help you out. You can almost double your salary as a nurse, and the state board test is easy if you take a prep course.

Cheers, 

-warpiper

[Wannatripbaby]

40 minutes ago, horrorfan said:

I appreciate the encouragement, but addiction, according to American Society of Addictive Medicine, in a nutshell (I'm paraphrasing, and you can look it up on their website if you want clarification) is characterized by the inability to constantly abstain from certain activities or substances, among other symptoms, such as cravings, dysfunctionality, and so on. Essentially according to modern medicine, my inability to go cold turkey on wearing diapers means that it is an addiction. 

If that's the recognized definition for addiction, then I don't think it can even be used as a term anymore. Everybody has 100 things they'd struggle to give up. But that doesn't mean they interfere with living a healthy life.

[horrorfan]

If you want to look up Adult Baby Syndrome, I think that can shed some further light on what I'm talking about as far as diaper wearing being an addiction. I am one of the individuals who has this, so I know the experience firsthand, but researchers also study this lifestyle and compile data on it. It never hurts to see what the medical community has to say.