Funeral Experience

[dlsafrica]

A quick recap of the last 11 days... on 2 August I was walking to the shop when I hit the top of my head against a low hanging branch. I was not able to successfully stop the bleeding... well, it did for a while but then I needed to medicate myself intravenously and couldn't. So I went to the hospital and had stitches and they insisted on a CAT Scan. I got home just after midnight but had to be back for a regular checkup eight hours later anyway. That's background -- now it starts rolling... 

I got home on Friday at lunch time and my brother showed up at my door and said my mom had had a stroke and was in hospital. Two days later he phoned me and said she had died. The nurses couldn't believe it because they had checked her vital signs two minutes before.

The funeral was yesterday. The only time I felt any emotion or anything was about ten minutes into the reception when people were talking to me about how they had known my mom. 

[Newbee]

I recently attended a funeral and my husbands friend said the same thing I think it's because before the funeral you are so busy trying to organise everything that you really don't have time to process that you have just lost a loved one. Take it one day at a time and if you find yourself all of a sudden crying well that's ok. Take care of yourself .

[beallucanb]

Someday you will be sitting quietly or driving by yourself when it all hits you, or you might show no emotion at all.

If you sort of was expecting it, then you were emotionally ready long before she died.

I didn't show any emotion because I was ready, I took care of her for the last 10 years of her life, I knew someday it was going to happen, deep inside I was ready for it.

I just didn't know it.

[baby-dandan]

  When my brother was killed in 2015 I had a hard time let my emotions show. Perhaps I was just trying to stay strong for my mom though. I remember at his funeral I was standing in a line to thank and greet everyone that came. I told my sisters I felt so guilty because I couldn’t cry, I was hurting very deeply but the tears just weren’t coming. When they finally closed the casket I rested my head on it and cried my heart out! Now, the simplest thing will come up and spark a memory I have of him. When I hear a new song or I see a good movie I’ll think “I’ve gotta go tell Dave, he’ll love this!” Then the reality sets in and I remember I can’t! 

                  P.S.  I am very sorry to hear about your mom! I wish you all the best my friend!?

 

[horrorfan]

I'm sorry for your loss.

[vvp39]

I lost my wife of 53 years to cancer, bit by bit over a period of six months, so I had plenty of time to get used to the idea. We each have our own way of handling situations like this - don't worry if yours seems different.

[Craisler]

I think you’re in shock or disbelief just after the death of a loved one.  Then there are a lot of things to be done and no real time for grief.  Sometime later, though, when things are quiet it will hit you.  A familiar situation or, in my case, I saw a funny movie that I knew she’d find hilarious.  She and I had similar senses of humor.  I wanted to tell her about it and realized I couldn’t anymore. That’s when the grief comes. I still occasionally have thoughts or come across situations like that and my mother died over 25 years ago. 

With my father, it was different.  He'd been living with me for the last 25 years and I'd been his caregiver for the last few years.  When he died, it was more of a relief for both of us.  He hadn't been active at all near the end; spending most of his time in bed asleep.  I carried a large load of anxiety in addition to caring for him.  As the end approached, I could tell I was gradually losing him.  So, when he died, I felt some obvious grief at the time, but also a lot of relief from the pressure of caring for him.

As mentioned above, everyone reacts to the loss of their parents or loved ones in their own way depending on the situation.

[Bettypooh]

We each deal with grief differently. I have experienced the sudden and unexpected loss of my best friend, which tore me to pieces. Later my best friend made the decision to get back into drugs which he knew would kill him. I saw this coming and the grief was equal, but dealt with over a longer time. I was recently alone with my Mom when she took her last breath in the hospital. Somehow I'm still lacking a full release of grief there, but I know that someday it will happen.

Life is full of grief and loss, and in time you get better dealing with it but it will always be there. It is supposed to be there, for you cared deeply about them and they were an important and unique part of your life that is absent now. We go on, for it is not the end of our book, but only the closing of one chapter and the beginning of another one. Keep their memories precious in your heart and take strength from what they gave you, for that too is how it is supposed to be. 

Bettypooh